Empathy [AU]
Love Hurts
I love you, Sunho.
I say it to him every single waking moment of my life as I his face gently and look into his eyes, a bright smile plastered on my face, conveying the love I feel for him.
And yet, like yesterday (and the day before that, and the day before even that; ever since that day 5 years ago), he still stares up at me blankly, before blinking in confusion.
And again he would say, That must be nice, thank you.
And again, it would break my heart into pieces, but I go on pretending that it's all right, and that his nonchalant words that are not really his words don't hurt me.
The heart is a strange, little thing. It's been broken and hit in the same exact spot by the same exact person's exact, same words, countless times; and yet, it still beats with unchanged love. Like a puppy that's been kicked multiple times by its annoyed owner yet getting back up with an excited yelp hoping that this time its owner would finally reciprocate its affections, my heart continues to endure the suffering and chooses to keep beating for the same person.
The same person that can no longer feel; not sadness, not happiness, not hurt, not love.
A cruel accident took him away from me five years ago. He was driving home from a late shift at work, when suddenly a truck swerved and hit his car, sending him crashing through the railing and tumbling over a cliff. He was in critical condition and in a coma for nine days; I thought I was going to die if he didn't wake up as I held his hand tightly, willing for him to open his eyes. The doctor had warned me beforehand that, even though the surgery went well and he emerges from the coma, there might be some things that would never be the same; I wholeheartedly agreed and accepted that fact as I mentally prepared myself, continually promising that I'll love Sunho even if he becomes a vegetable or any of the sort.
And when he opened his eyes on the tenth day and shifted his head to look at me with a blank gaze, nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. I kissed him as a lone tear dropped from my eye, thanking God that he brought Sunho back to me; but when I pulled away and looked into his eyes, I saw the same, exact, blank gaze, as if nothing had happened. I asked him if he knew who I am, and he said yes; I asked him if he felt anything, and he said no. And I asked him if he loved me, and he said, I don't know.
The doctor said that the accident caused blunt trauma in the part of his brain that controls emotions, thereby shutting it off, possibly forever. There were rare cases where the emotions came back as the healing process went on, but he could not guarantee it would be the same for me.
And yet even knowing all that, my heart still said, I don't care. I took him home with me to take care of him, just thankful that he is alive, at least.
No matter how futile everyone says it is, I still choose to believe that somewhere in there is the Lee Sunho I fell in love with, the Lee Sunho who loved me as much as I love him. I choose to believe that his heart still beats for me; yet his brain merely cannot make the correct combinations and connections to make him express that love in a way that I can understand.
I choose to believe that someday, my Lee Sunho will come back to me, and that he will take me in his arms and tell me he missed me, and that he loves me.
I wake up beside him the next morning, like always. I look at him and he looks back at me with those same, exact blank orbs; I take my chance, like I always do, and reach over to carress his cheek, and whisper, I love you.
But as he stares back at me with that same, exact blank look, and mouths the same words, That must be nice, thank you, I know that this is still not the day.
Maybe tomorrow.
------
A/N: Yep. I wanted to try my hand at writing something heartwrenching without one or both of them dying, and I came up with this short (but bitter) scenario. Hope you guys enjoy! (Or don't enjoy; I don't really know how to describe what you're supposed to feel xD)
Comments