I am cursed with the ability of seeing people’s lifetimes.

Even worse, I can’t do anything about it once their time’s up.

You see where this is going, right?

The minute I open my eyes, this curse activates. I don’t call it power, because it’s not really a power. Powers are supposed to grant you abilities that you can do something with- but this… this ‘power’, as some might refer to it? It’s a curse. Because you can’t do anything with it. It just exists, and its existence serves to torture me. To make me realize, over and over and over again, that life is short and it’s futile to resist or even delay death. That, yes, I will see my loved ones die in front of me over and over again… but I can’t do anything to stop it.

So what do you do once you see that the only person you love and have ever loved… is going to be taken away from you soon?

You would have thought I would go hysterical, ballistic. That I would cry my eyes out in a corner and mope about the uselessness of this ability. That I would go kill myself so that I don’t have to see my one and only die.

No, I’m not that weak. What will I do? Of course I’ll stomach it. I can’t have his last day with me to be full of angst and regrets and tears and whatnot. I don’t want him to remember me in paradise that way. Oh, one more little quirk about this curse I forgot to tell you about- I can’t tell the person that their time is almost up. Once I do, their remaining days will be ‘null and void’ and they’ll drop dead of a heart attack right in front of me. How do I know? Don’t ask.

One day.

That’s all I have left.

And I’m not about to waste it.

I can feel my tears soaking the pillow as I quietly cry, staring at the peaceful, sleeping form of the one I love beside me. It seemed like only yesterday that I met this man, this perfect being. But as they say, good things must come to an end. I just didn’t know it would be this soon. Okay, so I knew. But I never really paid attention nor looked at how much time he, we had left carefully, because I wanted to give myself the illusion that he was going to be here with me forever. Or at least, that we’d die together. But I should have realized nothing could ever work so marvelously that way.

I his cheek gently, my fingers ghosting over his features, my eyes tracing every part of his face and embedding his angelic image in my mind. I would be lying if I said I was prepared for this day. I’m not. And now that it’s finally here, I’m at a loss of what I’m going to do after he’s gone. I don’t have anything to do except to make him happy. To love him. My purpose in life will literally be gone the minute he leaves this world.

I see his eyes flutter open, blinking a few times to get used to the light. I quickly turned around before he could notice my tears and wipe them off. I’m not too keen on showing him my grief-stricken face so early in the morning, but I am keen on making sure this was going to be the best day he’d ever spent in his life. I put on my smile that he loves so much, sit up from the bed, and then bend down to plant a soft kiss on his lips.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

“Jinnie! Good morning.” I love the way his face lights up every time he sees me, as if he can’t believe that I’m actually real and not his dream. I love the way he sweetly calls my name, as if it was the most precious word that ever came out of his mouth.

In a few hours, these will all be gone and I will be back to the shell of a human being I was before I met him. I shove that thought to the back of my mind, though. I’ll deal with myself later. All I want to do is to focus on Andy and make his last day alive the best day in his entire lifetime.

I wordlessly pull him into a tight hug, burying my face into his shoulders as I savor the close contact, possibly the last that I’ll ever experience. He yelped a little at the sudden (somewhat violent, I admit) affection, but relaxed soon enough as he wrapped his arms around my waist and returned the hug. He must be confused about what was going on, and I’m sure that he’ll be confused for the rest of the day. But I want to show him just how much I love him. I want to show him just how perfect and amazing he is, and how thankful I am that he’s mine and mine alone to passionately love.

“Jinnie?” Came his gentle, questioning voice. “What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.” I reply, pulling back a little to look straight at him, but not letting go entirely. “I love you. You know that, right?”

He gave me one of his cute smiles that I adore so much, as he my cheek and caught my eyes. “Of course I do. I love you too.”

“Then… let’s just have fun for today.” I whisper. I don’t know why I whisper, but to me, that moment seemed so precious and… sacred, in a sense. “Just… spend today with me. The whole day. Okay?”

Andy raised an eyebrow. “Spend the whole day having fun, Jinnie? As much as I like that idea, it’s Monday. Or are you forgetting we both have--”

I put a finger to his lips to silence him, a sense of urgency present in my shaky voice. “Doesn’t matter. Just. Take this day off, okay? Let’s go on a date.”

He shrugged with a small smile, thankfully not getting the hint of desperation and plea that I was sure was present in my voice at that moment (or maybe he was pretending he didn’t get it; I never know with that man). “Sure thing, then.” I give him another kiss, more like a ‘thank you’ kiss, as I shuffle out of bed and go down to prepare breakfast. As I fry the eggs and pop the toast into the oven, it occurred to me that this is the last time I will ever get to cook breakfast for him. I regret not doing it more, but it was no use moping, as I can’t exactly turn back time.

I calm myself as I feel the emptiness threatening to come out and loom over me again. Breathe in, breathe out. I hate that I have to go through this every time. I hate that I always have to say goodbye in the most subtle of ways to the people I love. I hate myself. I hate my power. I hate that I was born with this useless ability that only serves to taunt me so cruelly. And I hate that this time, the only person that ever gave my life meaning, happiness, was about to be taken away from me and I could do nothing but stand here and watch.

They always die in front of me. It’s cruel enough that I know when they’re going to be wrenched away from me; do the gods (or whoever the hell they are that gave me this power) really just have so much fun watching me suffer as I have to watch them die, too? Is my misery just that amusing in their eyes?

I felt arms snake sweetly around my waist as I didn’t even notice Andy sneak up behind me and pull me into a hug. I must have been in very deep thought. I could feel worry emanating from him, as I inwardly tried to calm my nerves and appear as if everything was all right.

“Jinnie? Are you sure you’re okay? You seem… burdened this morning.” He always could read me like an open book. He led me to the living room and we sat on the couch facing each other. Even until now, I could never get tired of seeing his radiant face, and could only feel lucky that he's the first person I see whenever I open my eyes in the morning.

“I’m fine, just some things with work.” How could I be fine when you’re about to be taken away from me? “But I don’t want to deal with that today. I just want to focus on you.”

“That’s flattering.” He replied cheekily, giving me one of his sly smiles. “I expect to be spoiled to the fullest today, then.”

For a moment, I forget my problems and worries. Looking at him beaming like that tends to do that to me. “In what way do you want to be spoiled? In a luxurious, extravagant kind of way, or in a nature-loving, adventurous kind of way?”

“Psh, you know my choice. Classy restaurants were always too stuffy and boring for me anyway.”

“Then let’s go. But first, sample some fine dining in the form of toast and eggs.”

I could see him roll his eyes blatantly. I couldn’t help but give a little laugh. “You mean burnt toast and eggs, but okay.”

I planned what we were going to do in my head as we ate breakfast in relative silence. I wanted this day to be special, this date different and memorable. I want it to be worthy of sending him into the afterlife. But soon, my mind trailed towards possible ways he was going to die.

A heart attack? A sudden collapse? Falling down the stairs? Some construction beam falling on his head? A car running him over? Would his death be violent or peaceful? Would he fade in my arms, or would I turn around one moment, and find him dead the next? Would he writhe in pain, or would he die painless?

“All right then, where to?” Before I even noticed, he was already done eating. I looked at him, turned off my panicked brain, and prattled on before I could even stop to think.

“First, we’re going to take a long drive. Then we’ll stop somewhere in the midst of nature where we can have a picnic. Then, we’ll find some woods and walk and walk and walk, our arms linked together and just basking in each other’s presence. Then we’ll go to the beachside and watch the sunset. Then… we’ll get married, under the stars.”

We suddenly looked at each other, equally surprised, as I heard myself saying the last words. We had never thought of marriage. It was an unspoken rule between us. Even though we live in our ideal world, it was understood that we had to keep one foot rooted in reality. People like us could never get married nor have a normal life, even though our love is no different from what other couples, normal couples, have.

But I wanted to marry him now, more than ever. Call it a sense of urgency, an act of desperation, if you will. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I just wanted to make him officially mine. I want him to remember, even in the afterlife, that he belongs to me and I, to him.

“Choongjae.” He never calls me by my real name. He only does so when he’s serious or angry with me. But I still won’t have it any other way.

“Look, it doesn’t have to be official. Let’s just exchange vows. No rings even. Just--”

“We can’t. And you know that very well.”

“Why? Why can’t we, Sunho? Is it really so wrong for me to love you so much that you’re the one that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with?”

“Yes. You know very well that our love is wrong.” He gave me one of his sad, pensive smiles as he held my hand. “Let’s just… let’s just leave it like this.”

“No, Sunho.” I gripped his hand tightly. I see him flinch, but he doesn’t say anything. I might be holding him too tight, but I know that no matter how tight I hold on to him, he’s going to be taken away anyway. “Just… please. Grant this one wish for me, and I won’t ask anything of you. I love you. I want you. I need you. I just… I need you to do this. Okay? Just… just exchange vows. No rings, no papers, no formalities. No one needs to know, if that’s what you’re worried about. Please? Just please do this for me.”

“Choongjae…” But before he could speak, I move and envelope him in a tight hug.

“I don’t want to fight about this on--” I almost said ‘your last day’, but I caught myself. “I just don’t want to fight about this. Not today. Just please do it for me. Okay?”

He sighed as he stay rooted in my arms, his fingers gripping at my back as if I was the only solid thing in the room. He must have sensed the urgency in my voice. “Alright, then. I won’t ask any questions. We’ll have fun, and then we’ll get married. Now that I think about it… it sounds like a good plan to me.”

I managed a smile, a pulse of relief crashing through me as I let go of the hug. “Let’s go, then.”

We got changed and were on the road after an hour. Andy, being the good cook he is, managed to whip up a decent lunch for us to eat on the picnic. I drove aimlessly, not really knowing where to go, but I knew that I wanted to take him somewhere far away, somewhere pretty, somewhere not tainted by the ugly grey of civilization. I want his last memories to be of flowers and towering trees and the overall wonder and beauty of nature.

Nothing that happened on that date was really eventful. I really wish it was more different or extravagant, but seeing Andy so happy and fulfilled by my side was all I really needed. I would rather do a simple thing that I know he likes, rather than go all out for something he doesn’t really care for, because I know that that alone is enough for this to be the best day of his life. And as I look down and his radiant face beams lovingly up at me, constantly raving about how much he’s enjoying everything, I feel a wave of bittersweet happiness wash upon me. I’m glad that I’m giving him the time of his life, yet already feeling heartbroken and empty. I know that by this time tomorrow, I won’t have this anymore. I will be alone once more, as the sun of my life is due to set today and it shall never rise again.

After spending the day walking and laughing and getting to know each other like we never had before, we now find ourselves sitting on the beach shore as we stared at the sunset, his head laid upon my shoulder, our hands intertwined. We stayed like that in silence, until nightfall came and he suddenly stood up, offering a hand to me. I naturally took it as he pulled me up and dusted me off. He was stalling, but I don’t know why. I didn’t say anything about it, though.

Finally, after what seemed like a few minutes of just dusting the sand off my pants, he straightened himself and peered up at me. “Jinnie… Are you sure you want to do this? Though this is unofficial… I expect this to be official in our hearts. So if you have any part of you, even an iota… doubting that you want to be with me, then walk away from me now and we can go back to the way we used to be.”

We can never go back to the way we used to be. But I know there was never an inkling of a doubt in any part of me. I want him to be mine, even if it means that we’ll be together only in the afterlife. I look straight at him, willing to bore my gaze into his piercing ones. “You’ve always been the one for me, Lee Sunho. And that won’t change. There never was any part of me that ever, ever doubted that I shouldn’t be with you. Society may think of us as disgusting, wrong, subhuman… but I don’t care. You’ll always be the one I love, and for that reason, I want to be with you and only you. I want you to be mine. And I want you to declare me yours.”

He took his eyes away from mine and buried his hand deep in his pocket, before pulling out two small boxes. Rings? My eyes widened in question as he handed one to me. “Then put this on me and I’ll be yours alone, Park Choongjae.” What the... So he’d been preparing for this day all along, and was waiting for me to bring it up. Now I could only wish I brought it up sooner.

“Gladly.” I opened the box, and in it resided a simple silver ring. Nothing too fancy; Andy never really liked gaudy, showy things. I gingerly took his hand and slipped the ring on its rightful place; he did the same with me. He intertwined our hands once more.

“Then… let’s go home.” I could have sworn I detected a sort of sadness in his voice, but before I could ask, he pulled me along to the car. I made no move to untangle our hands, though. I want to be holding his hand until the end. He looked up at me, his face full of seriousness. “I love you. I want you to remember that.”

“I love you too. And you don’t know how much.”

We drove in silence, though a different kind of silence that I’m used to. It wasn’t an uncomfortable ‘oh what did I just do’ kind of silence. It was just… silence. Eerie, unnatural silence. I managed to steal a glance over at Andy.

He’s crying. Tears streaming down his face, quietly, as he looked forward and tried hard not to make me notice. I made a move to stop the car and attend to him, but his shaky, yet determined, commanding voice startled me so much that I did as he said. “Don’t stop. Keep driving. Let’s just get this over with.”

I was genuinely confused. “Get what over with?” But before I could ponder or ask, it hit.

The next thing I knew, we were being thrown around violently inside the vehicle as the car spun and lost control, before hitting the railing. I vaguely remember lights shining onto my face as I realized before I lost consciousness that we collided with another car. I could feel a tugging feeling at my arm, and instantly, my eyes shot open.

Despite the pain, I craned my neck to the side to check whether Andy was okay. The tugging that I felt came from him, as I realized that we had not let go of each other’s hands. He moved his head so that he was looking at me, and then smiled as he coughed.

“It… is done.” He said simply. Sensing the confusion on my face, he attempted to explain slowly as briefly as possible in words that I would understand. “I know your curse, Jinnie. I had it too. You know the car that just hit us? That car… was supposed to hit your side. You were supposed to die today. But I couldn’t allow that.”

“But how… how did this happen?!” I screamed, wanting to move and fling myself at him, to give him a good punch for doing something so stupid, but I couldn’t. Why did he save me? Why did he have to be the one to die, when it could have been me? Why couldn’t I do the same thing he did? What did he even to so that this became possible?

“I gave up that ability so I could save you, after I found out when you were due to die. I know that you’ll be able to go on when I’m gone. It would just be a waste if I were left alive without you. I know you’ll be able to live on without me, but I can’t do the same without you.”

“How could you decide this by yourself?! Did you really think that lowly of me? Did you really think I didn’t love you enough that you were so sure that I’d go on living?!”

“No… but because I know you love me enough that you’ll live on if I ask you to.” He squeezed my hand, weakly, as his eyes started to flutter close. “Thank you, Park Choongjae.”

I laughed mirthlessly as my tears flowed freely. “You’re cruel. You’re a cruel being, Lee Sunho. But I love you anyway.”

“And I, you.” It was the last thing he whispered as he faded away and his hand went limp in my grasp. Lee Sunho, the sole love of my life, was no more.

I closed my eyes and willed death to come upon me and embrace me as well. But the wailing sirens and frantic footsteps and muffled, indistinct voices were enough to tell me that I was going to live another day.

Another day without the sun in my life.

_____________

A/N: I am way too proud of this, more than I should be lol. But I haven't written serious angst in a somewhat long time aside from my short drabbles, so I really went all out with this. I know it's kind of cheesy and melodramatic; but mixed with angst, it's what I do best. xD Hope you enjoy this, guys! I think this is my favorite chapter so far. I was supposed to put this up with the bulk update I was planning, but I just wanted to give you guys a little tear-jerker before you read my other updates. So yeah. :D