I wonder how it's like to be dead?

This is the one question that have always plagued humans for as long as we have lived, and so far no one has found out the answer while they were alive.

But I know. I know how it's like to be dead.

I have been dead for years now. Six years to be exact.

And how is it like to be dead, you ask?

Your soul separates from your body, forever void of a physical presence. And this soul is guided into paradise where they will live forever, free of suffering, free of pain, and full of happiness.

At least, that's what it's ideally like.

But I chose a different path.

I chose to be with you and stay by your side.

Even though it means an eternity of suffering.

I meant it when I said I'd spend eternity with you. Even in death, I will be with you.

And I've always been.

For the past six years you thought that I'd forever left your side. You thought that I've left you in darkness. You've grown sullen, depressed, far from the cheerful and energetic Jun Jin that you always were.

I've watched you trudge through life as if it lost all meaning; I've watched you ponder upon ways you could kill yourself and join me, and then apologize to me profusely, over and over, every time you tried and found that you couldn't do it. You called yourself a coward, an idiot who didn't love me enough because if you did, you would be able to drive that knife through your heart as if it was by instinct.

And it pained me that I could do nothing but watch you, could do nothing but silently sit here and reach out as you cried yourself dry until no more tears could come out.

I wanted to reassure you that I've always been here, that I've always been your star, guiding you through the darkness. That you've never been alone. And that you shouldn't feel that way, because the only thing you have done is be loyal to our love, and that alone is enough for me.

I had never wanted you to kill yourself, and you're not a coward for not being able to do so. I so wanted to tell you all these things, but I know that all my shouts, all my pleading, fall on deaf ears.

That was part of the deal I had made. To forever stay by your side, yet not be able to interfere in your life in any way.

To watch by the sidelines, until Death himself comes to claim you, and then we can be together again.

And then… she came along.

I know I've told myself (and whispered to you in your sleep, even though you could never hear me) that I wanted you to move on, to find a new joy in life, to find another reason to continue living, and to find something, someone, that could bring back your radiant smile and boundless energy.

But it still pains me to see you, with her, even as I am here by your side.

I will admit, sometimes I've felt betrayed to the point that I almost regret staying with you. I felt stupid, because I knew clearly that this was bound to happen sooner or later, and that by choosing to stay with you instead of heading into paradise, I would be subjecting myself to a pain that will never be healed by time, a pain that will be a constant reminder of what I have lost and what I could never get back.

But as soon as I hear your laugh, see your smile, feel your energy coming back bit by bit… As soon as I feel the life pumping through your veins again, giving you a reason to smile at the sunrise every time a new day comes… that feeling quickly dissipates as if I have never felt it all all.

Even as I know that you will never feel my touch, my presence… Even as I know that I am not the only one in your heart anymore… I am still happy.

I'm glad I chose this path.

For heaven is hell without you there.

Thank you for loving me.

And thank you for moving on.

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A/N: I'm really on an angst roll here. All these oneshots entering my head, compelling me to write them. This is inspired by, well, by the last chapter. xD I just thought it would be appropriate to connect these chapters because I've wanted to do a fic like this for so long and finally found the chance to do so. I'm actually pretty happy with this chapter. I feel as though I'm finally getting back my creative writing skills that I've unfortunately lost since I started college. -.- Anyways, expect another update soon. I really do hope I get inspiration for my other fics too, because I really need to start writing them. ._.