"Jinnie-ya, it's just one day!"

Why couldn't I give you that one day? No, why didn't I give you that one day?

"I said no. I have a very important meeting today. The meeting that could define my whole career! The meeting that could determine whether I earn more money… money for us. So that we can finally go away from this oppressive society and live where we can be accepted."

A slight pause, I could see that the words got to him as he bit on his lower lip in realization. But he was adamant. "But all I ask is just one day, Jinnie. Don't you even know what today is? Just because we've been together for four years, do you really insist on treating me like this?"

I could still see the tears glistening at the edges of his eyes, his teary, intense stare threatening to drown me. But I couldn't give in. In my stubborn nature, I couldn't give in.

And to this day I regret not giving in. Not merely regret, but I feel as though I could kill myself for not giving in.

How could I not even remember what that day was?

Did I really think that, even at that moment, work was more important than Andy?

Andy, the one person I swore to give my whole heart and devote my whole life to?

"This is not a matter to be discussed, Andy. I'm late." And with that, no matter how heavy my legs felt as my heart held them back, my will was stronger than my heart as I found myself storming out the room, slamming the door behind me for emphasis.

For just a slight moment, I want to turn back, go back in and apologize and assure him that I would stay, even just for one day. But I couldn't. Not with the promotion in my very grasp, at the very edge of my fingertips, waiting for me to give that one last push before I can finally reach it. The very thing I have worked five years for.

With a burdened heart but a determined mind, I set foot towards the direction of the office, putting the argument aside.

I was foolish to think that it could be solved later that night.

That night never came.

I could hear the vibration of my phone on the nearby table as I did my presentation. I glanced at it briefly, and saw the ever familiar name. Something in me kept telling me to stop droning on statistics mindlessly, to pick up the call, to hear my beloved's voice ring through cheerfully. But I, being the big ing idiot that I was, completely ignored it. I raised my voice even more, until I heard the vibration stop.

They were applauding me, congratulating me. All the higher-ups had their resident smiles plastered on, looking like they were completely satisfied with my presentation. I could smell my promotion getting finalized, the smell getting stronger as I shook hands with more of them high-ranking idiots.

All I could think of was getting the promotion. I never stopped to think about the one it was for.

My phone rang again. As everyone filed out of the meeting room, I finally grabbed my phone, and answered in as cheerful of a voice as possible. I knew that sounding cute always worked towards Andy- and perhaps the way he always forgave me easily when I made him laugh was what made me treat him so badly. Because I knew that I was going to be forgiven anyway, I just did whatever I wanted. I was a horrible lover, a horrible person.

My attempts to be cute were interrupted by a frantic voice, a voice I knew all too well did not belong to him.

"Hello? Hello?! Is this Jun Jin? Please come immediately! The owner of this phone was involved in an accident!"

I felt my whole world shatter at that moment. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to react. I didn't know where to go. Like a puppy separated from its master, I was lost. I stayed glued in place, sliding down to my knees as I felt hot tears escape from my eyes.

Nothing mattered anymore. My bosses, my colleagues, my work, everything I've strived for for those five years- nothing mattered at that moment. Nothing, except getting to Andy. Suddenly, I got up and ran out of the office as fast as my feet could carry me, not caring that it was still working hours, not caring about my image, not caring about who I bumped into or who saw me. I couldn't hear anything, anyone, except the pounding of my own footsteps upon concrete, the wild beating of my heart, and the frantic prayer I was screaming in my mind with every step I took.

After I ran a few blocks, there it was. A police blockade, several ambulances. The sirens were deafening, like a warning of impending doom. I pushed past the crowd, past the police and the medical personnel, shoving them hardly aside as they tried to stop me. And there he was.

Andy. My sweet, loving, kind Andy. The patient Andy that would spend sleepless nights waiting for me to come home from overtime. The understanding Andy that would just smile and not say a word whenever he saw I was working. The Andy that never asked for anything, not riches nor material things, but only to be together with me for one day… so we could celebrate the most important day in his life, his birthday. That same Andy, lying in the middle of the road, his eyes blank, his body unmoving, his breathing no more.

Everything was a blur. I remember screaming at him to wake up, I remember thrashing around as I was being held back by several people as Andy's lifeless body was transported to the ambulance, I remember being assisted to the ambulance when I calmed down in order to go with them to the hospital, I remember drowning myself in sorrow as everyone prepared for the funeral, I remember being cursed out by his family for defiling their child, I remember screaming and crying and blaming myself and being an absolute mess. Anything else that didn't seem relevant to my brain or heart, I shut it out. I don't remember. I don't want to remember.

I just want him back.

That was three years ago, but I still want him back. If only I was given the chance to turn back time, no matter the consequence, no matter if I have to give up my life, I would do it. I would do anything to hear his laugh again, to see his smile again, to feel his warm hugs again, to smell his cooking again, to touch his soft cheeks again. Even for just one day, I would do anything… anything just to have him back.

These are the thoughts I always have, right before I go to bed, because they help me with the fact that I have to sleep alone, that no matter what I do, the space next to me on our bed will always be empty. But if I could delude myself with the fact that I could maybe do something, offer something in return in exchange for righting my wrongs, then I could finally sleep… and face yet another day without him by my side. I don't know why I still bother to continue living on, when the very man I'm living for is not here anymore.

Morning comes once again. The loud shrill of the alarm clock reverberated throughout the room. I groaned and groggily sat up on the bed, reaching over and turning off the source of the offending sound. I could feel the sun coming in through my slightly open curtains. It was a clear, bright, sunny day… But no day could ever be happy and bright for me ever again.

"Good morning, Park Choongjae-ssi. I see you've woken up in a bad mood again this morning."

I was so taken by surprise that when I jumped, I fell off the bed and straight on met the floor with my face. As I sat up groaning, trying to discern where the mysterious, familiar voice could have come from, the source itself materialized in front of my still-blurry vision. It was laughing in that pleasant baritone that I knew all too well, and as my vision cleared, I sat up in a flash, my heart beating wildly in disbelief.

What is this? Was I finally seeing apparitions? Has my intense longing for him finally rendered itself in the form of illusions? Was something slipped into my drink last night?

But his gentle touch on my cheek felt real, all too real. He was still smiling, unabashed and not at all wondering why I was acting this way.

"Still half-asleep, Jinnie? Did you have a nightmare last night or something? You look like you've seen a ghost. Come, breakfast is ready as usual."

"What the… Who… How could this happen…?" Was all that came out of my mouth as I watched his retreating figure. He turned back to face me, one eyebrow raised in question, as he rolled his eyes in amusement.

"Did you suddenly get amnesia when you face planted earlier or something? It's me, the 'only love of your life', Andy. Unless you're seeing someone behind my back, then I won't be an 'only'." This he said still in an amused tone, thinking as if everything I was doing right now were all just my usual antics.

Still standing there stupidly, I guess Andy couldn't take me anymore as he took my hand and pulled me to the kitchen. His touch felt real. Everything felt too real. As I walked into the kitchen, I could see food on the dining table, just as it always was every morning. Our pictures on the fridge door. And as I glanced at the calendar, it was January 21, 2010.

I was finally given the chance! After all that wishing, all those nights spent crying myself to sleep, all those mornings dragging myself out of bed going to work without eating breakfast… I was finally given the chance to be together with him again, to right my wrongs.

I know full well I have an important presentation today, but nothing comes first before Andy.

"Jinnie-ya, I--" He started in a low voice as he stood over the counter and reached into the rice pan to scoop some rice into a bowl. I could hear the hesitation in his voice as he spoke, and made me realize just how much I've been putting him aside that he'd even hesitate to ask me to take a day off from work just so he can spend his birthday with me. I was stupid for being blind to such a thing before. But I didn't even give him a chance to speak this time; I want to show him so much more that I love him. I want to change the painful past and give him a memory he wouldn't ever forget, today on his special day. 

"Of course I'll spend the day with you. Happy Birthday." I hugged him from behind, pulling him closer towards me, wanting him to be as close to me as was physically possible. I am never going to let him go again. The sudden gesture must have surprised him as I had not been this affectionate for about a year until this time, since he cranked his head around to look up at me, his eyes filled with question.

"Wha--? I thought you would never agree. You have that important presentation today, don't you?"

"How could I even think of that when it's your birthday? This day is the day that you were born into this world. This calls for a celebration! Where else would I be if you weren't born and I didn't meet a wonderful person like you? That promotion can wait, but we can only celebrate your day once a year." I said all this as I turned him around and pulled him into a proper hug. "Come, get dressed and tell me where you want to go and what you want to do, okay?"

I will amend my mistakes. All this time, I have worked only for the goal of giving Andy a better life… but I neglected him. What use would a good life be, if he didn't love me anymore? I don't know why I didn't realize this at that time. I don't know why it took him dying first and me wishing in despair for three years before I finally realized this. But it didn't matter- I am going to make everything right. I am going to show him exactly how much I love him.

The whole day was spent with us laughing together, going to places we've always wanted to go to but couldn't because I never had time. I didn't realize until now just how many places Andy wanted to go to together with me, just how many things he wanted to share with me. I didn't know that he'd always wanted to bring me to the amusement park and pull me along to the rides like a little kid, how he'd always wanted to buy cotton candy and shove it whole into my "big mouth" just to see if it will all dissolve at once, how he'd always wanted to go the Han riverside and ride a couple bike along the trail and have a picnic afterwards, how he'd always wanted to go to just a simple restaurant and carry on a loud conversation and share a drink with me and not to the fancy, expensive ones that I've always just assumed he liked. I got to know Andy like never before, and I got to realize so many things I didn't know about the one I loved the most. I felt… I felt human again, not just some mindless machine quoting statistics and giving fantastic presentations in front of the robots I call my bosses.

As we were walking home along the bustling streets of Seoul still filled with life even well into the night, I suddenly took Andy's hand and intertwined it with mine. He frantically tried to get away, gesturing at the weird looks people around were giving us, but I don't care; I clutched his hand tighter. Let them stare, let them be disgusted- I'm done hiding my love for Andy from the world. If I could stand on a pedestal from where the whole world can hear me, I would do so right now and declare my love for him. No one else besides him matters to me.

"I love you, Andy. I always have, and I always will. I'm sorry I never get to say or show it often… but I'll be good to you from now on."

Andy shook his head with a serene smile on his face as he looked straight at me. "Jinnie… You don't need to be good to me 'from now on'… You've been always more than good to me. You work long hours and practically sweep the way for those bosses of yours just so you can provide for me. I love you too… thank you for giving me this wonderful day. I'll take this memory with me forever."

Without saying anything, I pulled Andy towards me, planting a short but unexpected kiss on his lips. He twitched slightly, uncomfortable that we were showing such affection in public. Let them stare, let them look, let them be disgusted. I don't care. I am with the man I love, and no amount of criticism from others can change that.

As I pulled away, Andy whispered in a serious voice. "Jinnie, promise me one thing…"

"Yeah?"

"Even if I'm not by your side… stay strong. Alright? Don't give up on life. I want to see you continue living on without me. Even if you don't see me or feel me, I'm always with you. Remember that."

And at that moment, it struck me as to what this whole thing was. I finally understood. Of course, everything was too good to be true.

I clenched my fists at my sides, biting my lip as to stop the tears from coming, from falling. I don't want his last, eternal memory of me be one of me crying. I nodded, forcing a little bit of smile as I looked at him, not trusting myself not to break down the moment I open my mouth.

"I love you, Park Choongjae."

The loud shrill of the alarm clock once again notoriously rang throughout the room, but it was not what woke me up. I opened my eyes, the sides of my pillow wet from the tears, as I sat up and reached for the offending item that seemingly mocked me and turned it off.

As always, the sun was once again peeking from behind the curtains, as if to greet me and tell me what a bright day it is outside.

I got up from the bed and walked slowly towards the window, pulling the curtains back to let the sunshine in. I just realized, as the light and warmth flooded the room, that I had not opened the curtains for three years now.

But that was about to change. I will live on, I will stay strong, I will get through each day with the hope that I'll soon be able to see Andy again.

After all, I promised him I would.

Even if it hurts.

_________________________

A/N: Oooookay! I somehow really like this chapter, no matter how sappy it may be at some parts (forgive me for that lol). This really rekindled my writing passion and creativity that I thought I'd lost because of too much formal school writing T_T Anyways, I hope you guys like it. And the plot may seem familiar to some, and that's because this is inspired by JYJ's In Heaven. The song came up on my playlist and it got my creative juices flowing, so I looked up the lyrics and the MV and thus this fic was born. I don't know what's wrong with me though, writing only angst. xD; I promise I'll get to work on my other fics as soon as I get back from the Philippines! :D