What do you expect? Of course, I didn’t sleep. I kept thinking about him. My eyes were like Seungri’s eyes. Panda eyes are what I meant. I just stared at my phone for a day but I never got a call from him. What’s up with him? Making a girl go crazy and then ignoring her!

            “Ahhh. I can’t take this anymore. Choi Seung Hyun, you better explain things completely!”

            I immediately dressed myself. It was 8pm then so it’s a bit of an awkward time to go to their dorm so I somehow called Soo Jin to ask first.

            ”Annyeong Haseyo!” said Soo Jin.

            “Soo Jin-ah, it’s me.”

            “Oh, Cho Hee-ya! I miss you but I’m jelly. Why do you always go out with oppa? I wanna go out with you too but I’m staying here at the province. I wanna be there for you.”

            “Don’t worry. We’ll go out soon but I’m gonna ask you first of something, okay?”

            “What is it?”

            “Hmmm. Is oppa, telling you something about me?”

            “He told me what happened between you and Jung Su.”

            “Is that all?”

            “He told me that he’ll be taking good care of you for me because I can’t be there for you. Mianhae, Cho Hee!”

            “Ahhh. Arasou, it’s okay Soo Jin, enjoy your stay there, okay? I’ll see you soon!”

            My heart felt a sudden pain when I heard Soo Jin’s words. Is he really taking care of me just because of Soo Jin? Then why did he kiss me? He wouldn’t just kiss a girl like that, riht? My mind again was filled with confusion. So I decided to go to him for a confirmation.

            It was dark in the streets but I have to go and see him. I won’t calm down a bit if I don’t go there. I was in front of their dorm when I saw a familiar face.

            “Annyeong Cho Hee-ya!”

            T was Jiyong-shii also known as G-Dragon. He is the leader of Big Bang. I really admire him for being such a good writer though we’re not really close but he’s very friendly to me.

            “Annyeaong Jiyong-shhi!”

            “Jiyong-shi? You should call me Jiyong-oppa!”

            “Ahhh. Okay, jiyong oppa!” then I smiled.

            “You really look pretty when you smile.” He smirked after saying that.

            He’s really a lady killer I know so it might be normal for him to say that so I just smiled again at him and said thanks. I’m not a girl who gets all hype up when someone tells me good things. I actually don’t trust easily.

            “Are you visiting Seung Hyun hyung?”

            “Yes. Hmm… Gonna ask him some things.”

            The conversation ended there. We arrived at their doorstep. Seung Hyun oppa wasn’t around but all the other boys were there. They were very accommodating as usual. Taeyang is eagerly watching TV with daesung. Seungri is sleeping in the sofa while Jiyong oppa is busy with writing some things in the dinner table. It must be their next song. It’s almost 10pm and he isn’t around. I wondered where he has been.

            “He must be really busy with his new drama. He’ll be back soon. Don’t worry!” said Taeyang. He must really be thinking that I’m worried. He’s really ood in reading eople.

            “You’re right but I can’t wait for him anymore. It’s late, need to go home.”

            “I’ll send you home then.” Said Jiyong.

            “No. I’m fine!”

            “You’re still a girl, don’t worry it’s not a problem” Another smirk came from him.

            I just agreed because I really need it. I said goodbye to the other members and they did the same. I can see smiles from their faces but I just don’t feel right, my heart tells me something I can’t understand. I’m worried about him. So worried.

            We rode the elevator and reached the round floor. I was even thinking of seeing him there. You can’t blame me, I want to tell him, what I feel and ask him if he’s serious. But plainly, I wanted too see him and I miss him. The door of the elevator opened, he wasn’t there. I gave up. We walked to the parking area.

            I was walking with my blank mind. I suddenly heard something or someone. A familiar voice. Chills went through my body. I know this person. Suddenly, I saw him. He was there right in front of me. I should be happy calling him right? But he was with another girl.

            “Seung Hyun-ah, I thought you won’t be seeing me again. You were always with that little girl.”

            Those words were enough to make my heart shatter into pieces. I didn’t move a bit, I just look at them while they walk together. I can’t seem to see his expression but yes, he’s definitely drunk and he’s with another girl. What was I expecting? I always thought I’m weak but now I think that I’m dumb. Dumb for making myself believe that a person like TOP of Big Bang would be serious with just a simple girl like me.

            “Cho Hee, are you alright?” Jiyong asked me while feeling puzzled.

            I can’t utter a word. I was just looking in one direction. Jiyong saw it.

            “Seung Hyun hyung?!” he said not really wanting his hyung to hear him but he’s kinda puzzled if he really is him.

            Seung Hyun oppa saw us. The look on his face. I saw that when he saved me by that motorcycle which almost hit me. But why, why is he looking at me that way when he just broke my heart? Before he can say a word I ran… I ran as fast as I can, I didn’t know what to do but someone chased me and stopped me.

            “Cho Hee-ya, it’s not what you think! I got drunk and …”

            “and …”

            “Okay. I admit it, I brought her here but that’s just because I’m drunk but she has nothing to do – “

            “Stop it!” I told him. I spoke with my weak voice.

            “Seung Hyun-oppa, you don’t have to explain to me. I’m not your girlfriend and … we don’t have anything for each other. I’m sorry if I ran, I was just shocked. That’s all so please don’t worry about me. I’m fine!” and looked at him then smiled, a tear fell from my eye but I looked down and hid it.

            “I’ll go now. Please don’t follow me!” and ran as fast as I can. He still followed but I hid and he didn’t see me.

            That smile was the most painful smile I had in my life and that was the worst lie I did. I won’t cry. I won’t be crying I told myself. But in fact, tears crept down my cheeks. I feel my heart crying out loud. It’s so painful. What was that kiss then? Is it just an illusion? I’m so crazy to think that everything’s real. I’m dumb. I’m stupid. I’m a fool…