Title: Sometimes it is not enough.

Pairing: broken!!krishun (i warned you), krisoo

Genre:  angst, romance

Rating: PG

Music:  Oasis- Stop Crying Your Heart Out & Frightened Rabbit- Poke

•

Yifan rummages through his bedside drawer, shoving everything on the floor without caring about the mess he’s creating. He can worry about that later, now his main priority is to find this damned passport and not be late on his flight to Canada to spend Christmas there, with family and Kyungsoo by his side. Yifan’s main goal to take Kyungsoo overseas was at first to propose to that amazing man, but he’ll see about it. It’s not he isn’t sure—he loves Kyungsoo and the day when he splashed freshly brewed coffee on his shirt was probably the biggest and the best surprise of his life, however Yifan is not sure if he’ll find the courage to ask him to grow old together with ten dogs happily running in the backyards of their little house.

 It’s then, when something glimmers in the rays of the December sun flashing through half unrolled blinds, catching his attention.

Sehun’s dog tag lays on the scraps of unused paper and something clutches in his heart as fingers flinch out of the touch with the strip of a metal. His hands are trembling, but just a little, eyes focused on the Chinese symbols engraved on its silver surface.

你是我最初和最後的天堂。*

His lips curl in a smile, the flashes of their last moments as the pair outburst in his mind. Suddenly the time which slips through fingertips to leave Seoul stopped to matter, he lets it sway with the minute of the reminiscence, after all these long 4 years.

Yifan felt nothing as Sehun conveyed the things which also had been visiting his mind, twisting, nagging, not tending to let go through the passing years of their love life. It had to happen one day, but Yifan hadn’t known when that one day was going to approach. It seemed it did a little bit too early.

Sehun’s face like always was blank, Yifan didn’t delude himself it could express emotions as his eyes did. Maybe something in his voice pointed at the sadness, suffering and misery of his heart, but only the ones who had the actual chance to  get to know the real Oh Sehun, might have caught it. 

“Hyung…can you promise me one thing?” Yifan bit his trembling, lower lip and nodded, not even trying to blink away the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

“When you meet the person you’d want to spend whole life with, when you fall in love…”    What are you saying, baobei? You’re the person I love and want to spend the future with!— he had it in the tip of his tongue, but it didn’t slide past his throat, the sudden lump forcing him not to.

“Just give him this.” Sehun unfolds the dog tag which had always been on his neck, the gift from his grandmother on the 18^th birthday. The most precious thing was being offered to him- Yifan, his current lover, soon the past one.

“It’ll mean you came to love him as much as I do.”

Their life was too twisted, too tangled together to unknot it and form something real and stable. Too many things had happened, or the lack of them ruined it all. The long conversations lasting all night as they were sprawled on the bed, sheets covering their tired frames, changed into silence broken by the ticking of the annoying clock hung in the kitchen.

Sehun’s later and later returns to apartment after clubbing with his university friends were stifled by the sound of the TV, Yifan’s taking supplementary shifts in hospital on purpose left nothing but terrifying emptiness.

The words spoken to each other sounded foreign, bitter, once  soaking with affection and happiness.

That needed to happen, though it hurt, hurt so much Yifan sometimes couldn’t take a proper inhale, lungs refusing, screaming Sehun was his air, love was his air, they could fix it all. But there was nothing to fix. Everything was fine, yet there were invisible scratches on the surface without instructions how to cover them.

“Yifan. I think we need to let go.”

He was envious of Sehun. It was Yifan, the older one, always recognized as the serious and fearless one while Sehun as a bubbly, a little too childish young university student.

And it was that bubbly young man who managed to say it, to finish their 5 year old journey spent together, arms linked while facing the upcoming days. Yifan, the brave soon-to-be surgeon, who were supposed to be brave couldn’t find the courage to end it.

Sometimes love isn’t enough, someone may say. It’s best to get rid of all cherished moments and move forward on own path to find a new light, a small spark igniting the world to bloom once again with colors of glee. Some people may disagree, effort does miracle with strong feelings rooted to each other.

But what if there wasn’t any effort?  

“Let’s start a new life...” 

Yifan squeezes the dog tag, other hand clutching the handle of his suitcase, (where he stuffed his passport as he suddenly remembered) and walks out of his apartment.

Yeah, he started a new life, albeit four years later.

•

Sehun shuffles through the crowds of people, frozen hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. It’s been only four days since he had landed in Vancouver to sign the contract with the local company to design the uniforms for the workers and he hadn’t got the chance to buy a proper winter attire. After all, they don’t need it in California and the leather jacket has been his favorite one since the days of his teenage rebel. Sehun didn’t have a heart to replace it with another one. It had a long history.

Snow was sprinkling resembling the sugar powder falling from the sky It was a bit annoying, nevertheless Sehun thinks Christmas without snow isn’t Christmas at all, so lets it slide, busying his mind with people rushing home with presents stuffed between their arms. Guess he’s not the only one who had left the errand to find gifts for the closest to his heart for the Christmas Eve.

“Fannie! Please, the last shop, I swear. I still haven’t found anything for my mother!”  Yifan chuckles at the pout and gifts him with the small kiss on the forehead.

“Okay, sweetheart but I’m not going in.”

“I’ll be back in a few!” Kyungsoo gave him that heartwarming smile and disappears behind the doors.

Yifan still had no idea how this petite man with owl-eyes and button nose reached his heart so deeply. Maybe it’s because he’s similar in some aspects to Se…— no, Kyungsoo is an amazing guy with too many good points, he’s  Kyungsoo.

As Yifan stands, legs stomping on sides in this nice but freezing day, he takes a look at the surroundings to see and hear nothing but rush and the din. A sigh escapes his lips.  Vancouver just like Seoul or Beijing always lives in a hurry.

Then, Yifan sees him in that ocean of strangers.

He still wears that leather jacket, his favorite one. Tall figure still looks as if was screaming to be fed, hair in a soft hue of blonde shines in the glitter of winter rays. 

Oh Sehun passes him by, doesn’t stop, the corners of his eyes, catching his soft glance. He makes few steps and turns around, giving him the most beautiful smile Yifan used to love with his whole heart and mind.

There’s a warm and happiness in his cameras, dancing, Yifan is sure Sehun catches the same things in his own reflection.  

Kyungsoo walks out of the shop, his hand finding Yifan’s and grasping it in a hold, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

The smile reaches his eyes as he sees that small silhouette next to Yifan. Sehun then turns around to walk on his own, separate path.

“Who was that?” Kyungsoo asks, tilting his head on side to take a proper look at the disappearing in the glow of winter sun man.

“No one important.” Says Yifan’s mind,

Once love of my life, tells Yifan’s heart.

•

Maybe somewhere in a parallel world they hadn’t ended up like this, hadn’t given up and worked it out. Maybe in a different world it’s Sehun who’s screaming,  ‘yes, yes,yes!’ with the tears of joy at Yifan’s  proposal, their families’ cheering laugh blended with Christmas’ carols in the background.

“Yifan?”

“Sehun?”

“Let’s not give up on us.”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

*(You are my first and last paradise.)

 A/N: because Addy tried to write angst. Good point—tried.