"Wait, wait, wait...wait a minute." My sister yelled out at me across the table. "You mean to tell me that for the past month and a half the man of your dreams has been helping you at the shop and texting you daily about No Name and you told him NOT to fall in love with you?" 

"Yes, MiRae. Top. Choi Seunghyun. He has some how become my friend and been bothering me for over a month now." 

"And you told him not to fall in love with you?"  MiRae said, looking at me as if she thought I was insane.

"Yah." 

"What the hell!? Ashley, I know you can't be this stupid." She said flicking my forehead. 

"Unnie, I am not stupid, I just don't want him to love me. He's Choi Seunghyun, he doesn't date fans or common people like me. And even if he did, he can't date me. I won't let him fall for me."

"But you told me he said he wanted to be your boyfriend."

"Yah so?"

"So....Have you lost your damn mind? Sis, when the man of you dreams says he wants to be your boyfriend, you say yes. You don't say, 'Don't fall in love with me." MiRae said in a mocking tone. 

"MiRae, you know it's not that simple. I can't allow myself to open my heart to anyone..ever...again."

"Ash, it's been a year and a half since JungHwa died. I know you loved him and you blamed yourself for his death, but the accident was not your fault." MiRae said taking my hand in hers. "You have a great guy that to me seems insanely smitten and you are pushing him away."

"It's not just about JungHwa unnie. It's about dad too. The two men that meant the most to me in my life both died within days of each other. I feel like it's my fault because it was just too...."

"It was a coincidence Ash, nothing more. It's time for you to break down the walls and allow someone in who can love you and be there for you."

"And you think that should be Top?" I said, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms.

"Well yah. Ashley, no man comes to a pet store EVERY day because the dog he bought misses the owner. No man takes mental notes of simple things like hot chocolate and favorite foods. He's smitten, he obviously cares for you. I mean, how blind are you, do you need my have your eyes checked?"

"No, unnie, I'm fine. I just...it's freaking Choi Seunghyun. Top, BigBang's rapper...how the hell would he fall for me?"

"Oh I don't know sis, maybe because you are beautiful and amazing. Any man should fall for you."

"Pfffftttt. Please. Unnie...give me a break. Even if he did....I just, I can't allow myself to fall for someone. As perfect, and tall and oh so handsome as he is...I just can't fall for him."

"Sounds like you already have fallen." My sister smirked and then giggled. 

"I have not." I yelled back.

"Really...because when you talk about him, you have stars in your eyes. And not like "O.m.g. he's my idol" type of stars. No, stars like, "I am so in love with this man." Those types of stars. 

"Even so, he's a national idol. He's known by everyone, could you imagine him falling for the pet store owner? Ha, what a story that would be. 'Local heartthrob TOP made millions of girls die a little tonight when he announced his love for Ashley Walden, a local pet shop owner.' How lame is that?"

"Lame, that isn't lame, that's precious. It proves that you can find love anywhere. Look at me sis, I am dating a national idol and no one is making a big deal out of it."

"True, but you had to change your name to MiRae. How is Junsu anyways?" 

"I didn't have to change my name, I chose too. I wanted to embrace this culture and these people. And he's good! He and the rest of JYJ should be back from Japan next week."

"But if I end up with Top, don't you think I'd have to change my name."

"There's no law saying you have to. Though, personally I think you should be Hye Su...it fits you to a tee."

"And that means what exactly?" 

"Grace and beautiful. Thats you sis."

"Thanks. But back to being with Top. I don't know, i mean, maybe I like him a little..."

"Omg, please!" MiRae interrupted. "A little? Are kidding me. When we moved here all you could talk about was BigBang and Top. Now you have an amazing opportunity to be with him, the man that you idolized and dreamt of being with. You know him as Choi Seunghyun and you are acting like it's a terrible thing. Ash, you can't help who you fall in love with. Sometimes everything aligns just right and someone you least expected comes in and bam...its meant to be. Don't push him away over dad or JungHwa. That is the past."

"But...unnie...i'm scared. I mean, I was engaged to JungHwa...part of me thinks its just wrong to love another man."

"Would Jungie want you to be alone all your life?" MiRae asked matter-of-factly. 

"No, of course not. I just, I mean, I come with a lot of baggage and I am not some super important person. I am afraid I could never live up to Choi Seunghyun's standards."

"We all come with baggage and sis. That's life. And who the hell cares if you are famous or not? Clearly he doesn't and also, you must live up to his standards if the man has fallen for you."

"I...I...I don't know. And really it doesn't matter...he hasn't texted in a week...he told me he'd text to check on No Name every day." I slouched in my chair and sulked.

"Ha, sis, you're funny. I don't think you are upset he hasn't texted about No Name. I think you are upset because he hasn't texted you in a week and you are used to his presence. And you say you don't love him. Please." MiRae rolled her eyes as we walked out of the cafe.

"Unnie, you're right." I began...

"Yah tell me something I don't know." She interrupted.

"Maybe I should go with it. Allow him to be a part of my life. I...I...I don't know. You know what. I will meet you at home, I am gonna go run an errand ok?" I said, needing a little time to process through the conversation with my sister. 

"Want me to come with you sis?" She said, grabbing my arm lightly.

"No, this is something I need to do on my own. I'll be home in an hour or so. Love you unnie." I said, hugging her and walking off towards my car. 

-----------

I hadn't visited him in months. It was always just too much for me to handle, coming here to this cemetery and looking at his name carved into a lovely little headstone. I missed my papa so much, but today, today I needed him. Today I needed to talk to him and hear from him or at least feel like he was listening to me. Taking in a deep breath I put my car in park turning it off and looking at the window. I spotted the headstone easily, the little ceramic dog I had placed there months ago still guarding it, as if it was a watch dog. It took all the strength I could muster to allow myself to get out of the car and walk the few feet to his head stone. It'd been a year since papa had died from the cancer that had riddled his body and yet, it still left like it if was only yesterday I watched and held his hand as he took his final breath. Just as I had done with JungHwa five months prior to my papa's passing. 

"Papa....oh papa, I wish you were here right now. I am so confused." I said, falling to my knees as I held a hand out on his name. "I really need your advice papa, you were always the best at giving me advice and now when I need it most, you aren't here to tell me what to do." Tears began to stream down my face as I began to pour my heart out to my papa. 

"Papa, I met someone. Someone who could really be amazing and who loves me for who I am. You aren't going to believe who it is. I can't hardly believe who it is. You wanna know? Ha, of course you do. It's Top, from BigBang, you know, the band that I am obsessed with? Yah, the rapper, he loves me, I think...well I mean, I hope so. I mean...I don't know. See, he keeps coming in the store, for two weeks he came in every day, he helped me with anything and everything, he'd buy me food, help me study, surprised me with hot cocoa. He's been there for me, pursuing me, getting to know me. And now, now he's on vacation and I am watching his dog. He bought a dog from me, he calls the dog No Name, because he can't find the perfect name."

I took a deep breath in and let it out. 

"Papa, he loves me. I can feel it. He even admitted he wanted to be my boyfriend. And you know what I did, I told him not to fall in love with me. How dumb am  I?" I ran my fingers through my hair, almost imagining my papa telling me that I was anything but dumb.

"I just, papa, I just don't know if I can allow him that permission. I don't know if I can break down the walls I built after JungHwa passed away. You know Jungie was everything to me and I was going to marry him. Do you think, do you think he'd be ok with me finding someone else and moving on? Oh Papa I wish you could actually talk to me and give me an answer. I am so confused right now and I am so scared of my feelings."

I sat a bit, just staring at his headstone, hoping for an obvious sign or answer. After what seemed like hours, but was only 15 minutes I began to get up from my spot on the ground and leave. "Papa, I wish you could give me an answer here. I wish I knew what to do, what was right! Papa, I love you. Thanks for listening." I said, kissing my hand and then rubbing it on the headstone. I slowly turned and headed back to my car, as I did my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to see Seunghyun's name on the caller ID and a missed text from him. I pushed the appropriate button and opened the text, as I did my heart skipped a beat and I read some of the most precious words I'd ever read. 

Hey Ash! I've at texting you, huh? We were on a cruise and out of range of any cell service, my apologies. I wanted to let you know we will be in town again in two days. I'll pick up Mike then. The perfect name for the dog we both love... Mike...fitting right? 

And like that, the sign I had wanted hit me square in the face. The guy who obviously loved me, wanted me, whom I realized I loved and wanted, had done the sweetest thing and named his dog Mike....the perfect name!