Second day of recollection. All students are in the covered court for there’s an activity to do. I am wearing a fury coat with black plaid ribbon around the waist which is a gift from my dad. I miss him so much.  The activity starts and the teacher tells us to draw a thing that symbolizes our personality or ourselves.

We went to our designated place (with my team mates.) We will explain why did we draw the thing. Almost everyone has shared their story behind the drawing. It is Mami’s turn. She says that she’s like a vase. She is weak and anytime, she can break down. There was an incident with his ex involved. That was the reason why she transferred to another school. I think it’s outside the country.  Her family left her behind and she went back to Seoul to find that guy but she never mentioned the details about the incident or her plans about her ex. She continues. “He knew I was fragile, but he dropped me anyway.” A big drop of tear came out of her eyes as Juniel pats her shoulder. It’s Luhan’s turn. He is kinda teary-eyed. Well, everyone is teary-eyed because of Mami’s story except Kai and Kris. It’s Luhan’s turn. He drew a wrecking ball. “I am very strong. I am the person you can look up to. You can always depend on me, but I am also a wrecker. I wreck someone’s life whenever I feel like it.” He sounds very obnoxious. “I am very sorry if I am going to ruin your life, I just can’t help it or I just don’t have a choice.”

“You’re a V wrecker.” Kai teases.

“ you, bro.”

And now, my turn. “I’m not really good with drawing so...” I say as I show them my drawing. “As you can see, it’s a mask. You know, geez. Hmm, I am really good with hiding my true feelings. I am hurt and when someone asks me what’s wrong,  I automatically say ‘nothing’ and smile like nothing happened. It’s because I don’t want to bother people with my own ed up feelings. Also, I don’t want to show them my true personality because I don’t want to look so pitiful. I want to stand tall and be optimistic. My mom told me that I should look on the bright side of life.” I stop talking because if I say a word, I know I’ll cry.

Everyone shared their own stories, experiences and even dull moments. We cried, we laughed out loud. I am starting to realize that this recollection is really worth it. For the last part, teachers ask us to make a letter to anyone. To anyone we want to apologize, or just give them a letter if we want to. It’s like a way o shouting out our thoughts and they say that they will keep it.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know I am not a perfect daughter but I really am trying to be a good girl. I don’t use drugs or get drunk. I want to be the daughter you can be proud of. To dad, I just want to say that I miss you so much and please stay longer. I want to have a bonding with you.  I am sorry if I am clumsy and I make a lot of mistakes but I promise that I can do better and I won’t stop aiming for my dreams. I love you both.

Love, Seo Joo-Hyun.

I sealed it in an envelope. I think of people and Luhan popped out of my mind.

Dear Lu Han,

Hey cockroach. I don’t  know what to say but I am really thankful that I met you. You know, I used to be a man-hater... more like Luhan-hater. You were such a douchey person and I think you’re obnoxious even though you’re that so-called Casanova or the kingka of our school. You make a lot of mistake. You’re not really good with academics and you’re so full of yourself but that’s what I like about you. Even though you’re like that, I can see that you’re trying. You’re trying your best. I love the way you tease me when I am bored or staring outside, day dreaming. There may be a time when I am so pissed off because you’re making fun of me but I can see your soft side when you’re apologizing. I can’t even understand myself anymore because you’re sadistic and you have your flaws but at the same time you’re so perfect that I want to kiss you. Wait... what? I am upset because our ‘tutorial thing’ has ended and I am going to miss you because after this recollection, after the Christmas break, after the New Year’s eve, I know you’re going to stay away from me. You say I’m a nerd and I know that you don’t even like me, not a pinch. I don’t want to over think about it! So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Love, Nerd.

 I put it inside the envelope, write my name outside the envelope. My name only  and hands it to our leader, Yonghwa. I am teary-eyed, my face feels so warm. Yonghwa has a knot on his forehead. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, I am okay. Thank you.”  

Ma’am ask Yonghwa to go to her office, he got some errands to do, I guess? Ma’am ask Luhan to take care of our letters. Luhan sighs as if it’s a big deal. Ma’am says that they’re going to keep the letters and will not send them out which is good since I don’t want Luhan to know that I have feelings for him. Or am I just afraid that he doesn’t feel the same way? 

Later that night, the exam results were posted on the bulletin board. Most of us passed the test and guess what, Luhan's included. I am so happy and proud at the same time. I did get a high score which is not new to me, not bragging though. I can now say that I didn't disappoint my parents and so as Ms. Insgram who asked me to  tutor him or else I'll get a minus and that's not gonna happen because we passed! 

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A/N: Here's a picture of Mami :>