Days have passed since our first performance and almost everybody ships Luhan and Mami. You know what’s sad? It’s when he ignores you like nothing happened . And I can’t do anything about it because there’s no such thing called ‘US’ .

Examination day is coming. For me, today is the saddest day because this is the last tutorial with him. It hurts knowing that he ignores me and he turned cold. It’s like he is there when he needs me but when he doesn’t have a favor, he’ll ignore me but I still love him. I didn’t plan to fall in love with him. My heart chose him. My heart did. And I will love him unconditionally.

I didn’t notice that tears run down my face. Someone handed me a handkerchief. I look up, and it was Juniel, smiling at me.

“Stop crying” she said.

“Ugh, you saw me crying. I feel so pathetic.” I replied.

“Why are you crying?” she asked while she sits beside me. We are sitting on a bench outside the building.  Not minding the coldness. I just want to be alone with my thoughts.

“I feel so much pain.” I said. I can’t stop crying. My eyes won’t listen to me. I feel stupid.

“Huh? What happened?”

“I don’t know. My chest aches and I remember that I wasn’t suppose to care at all.  I can’t handle the pain.. It’s too much to handle. It hurts knowing I gave him the best of me and watch him choose someone else. Why is that? Everything has changed since Mami came. Even him.”

“Who’s ‘he’?”

“He is... Luhan.” I said covering my face because of shameless confession.

“I see. You must be in love with him.” She grimaced.

“Why do you said so?”

“It’s love when you can’t explain what you feel. You get jealous easily even though you can’t because there’s no such thing called commitment. When you crave him. When you enjoy his existence. But you know what’s sadder? It’s  when you’re hurting and you can’t handle the pain and you burst into tears and all you gotta do is let him go and be happy for his decision.”

“Oh my gosh, you are so right. You sound so mature. Did you experience all of this?”

“I did.” She replied. I was going to say something when the bell rung. Lunch time is over. She bade good bye and went back to her classroom.

I went back to the classroom.  Luhan’s with Kai and Kris. He looks kinda sad yet dashing.

Our teacher taught us the last chapter of our lesson and she also reminded me about the deal.  Luhan should pass the test or I’ll get a minus. I don’t want to disappoint my parents and so as my teacher.

--

Library

I gave the lectures, notes and the test to Luhan.  Tomorrow is the rest day and the day after tomorrow is the examination.

I watch him as he answer the test. I can’t help but smile. I can’t believe that I am with him. I am now enjoying his existence.

“Your eyes are teary.. why?” He asked. His eyes on the test paper.

I didn’t notice for the second time. I am crying. Crying because of happiness and also because of sadness. It’s like, love and hate collide.

 “Because of the contact lens heheh” I faked a smile. He didn’t respond to that though.

If you only knew how much I love you..

“Are you going to the recollection?” he asked but this time, he is looking at me.

“Hmmm,yas. How about you? Hmm, lemme guess. No.” I laughed.

“Stop bullying me. Hehe, I am expecting you to come.” He said as he pull off a sweet smile.

. Im screwed.

The session is over and he got a score of 92. Good for him and I am so proud.

I picked up my cell phone in my pocket and texted him.

“Good luck Luhan. x”

Exam day is over!!!

It is finally over. It is not that hard and when you look at that cockroach’s smile, you can see that he answered it correctly. I am so proud and the happiness is overflowing. Exam results will be out on the recollection day. I am so excited for HIS score.

After the exam, Kai invited us to go to their house. His and Juniel’s house. Yonghwa didn’t go with us. He said he’s tired. He looks frustrated these days..

We had fun. And for the first time, I saw Juniel laugh! She is so pretty. She is like a flower.  She is so fragile. She is full of thoughts and she has a colourful personality. I can’t wait for the recollection.