It was quiet that morning. The birds weren't singing outside my window. The cats weren't fighting to see who could get first dibs on breakfast. I even slept dreamlessly, waking up before my alarm. Did the entire world know that it was my last day at his side? I really began to wonder after my classmates all of a sudden became more or less dismissive of my existence. I had become old news; last week's hot topic. The thought alone gave me a sinking feeling in my chest that it was really over, all gone up in smoke.

 

  I scrambled to fish my couple phone out of my bag, needing the reassurance that this wasn't just one long dream. That I wasn't crazy.

 

  At the flip of my finger, the phone's screen was alive with light, my wallpaper of Yongguk and I during our first meeting nearly bringing tears to my eyes. It seemed like it was just yesterday he came to me, scratching his neck awkwardly as he brought me a bouquet of flowers.....not six days ago. My sighs throughout the day made me feel even worse, each adding a weight to my shoulders as I puffed. When Nana and I met up after my classes were were done she and I couldn't be any more opposite: her lecturer canceled class while mine kept us in overtime, my outfit was black and white contrasting her bright, lively colors and in the midst of my and groaning about the end of my trial relationship with Bang, she was spouting the most optimistic words of encouragement I'd ever heard in my life. I chalked it up to her having attended her speech and debate class that day.

 

     But how was I supposed to be cool and happy like she was advising when it felt like my heart was shriveling up inside me? This wasn't just any guy with any personality; this was Bang Yongguk: Appa Bang, gummy smile leader. Nobody is perfect but he was damn near to it.

 

   "If you sigh one more time, I'm gonna hit you with something."

 

     My eyes snapped up to Nana who had slammed her banana smoothie on the table. "What? I didn't sigh...."

 

   "Yes, you did. Every time I even hint at a certain someone, you heave like he got hit by a train or something."

 

     I frowned. Was I really? Honestly, I had stopped listening to her inspirational lecture ages ago to wade through my own thoughts instead.

 

   "You have one more confirmed day with him," she went on. "One more day to hug him and hold his hand and spend time with him. What do the rest of us have, Minnie? We see him every now and then on TV. If the luck of the Irish is on our sides, we may see him at a fan sign, but what are the chances of that, huh?" Her pink glossed lips rounded into a disappointed pout. "You have had the chance that other girls would sell their left hand for and it pisses me off every time you whine and complain like you're so unfortunate!"

 

     I blinked at her outburst, seeing a bit of color rise into her face as a result of her releasing her pent up frustration. She had a good point...points I've made to myself but could never hold on to because of what I knew was doubt and fear. I mean, its not like people were stalking me or leaving dead birds on my doorstep; I was having it pretty easy in comparison to some of the stories I'd heard, but that was mainly because no one thought me a threat and were confident that we would never last....something I tended to let fester in my mind and breed more of its negative influence.

 

  Nan sipped on her smoothie, cooling her nerves as I stewed. "Do you really like him?"

 

   "Yes." There was no need to think; the answer was clear.

 

   "So fight for him," she declared. "If you really want him, you'll have to fight for your place at his side. Its not going to be all sunshine and rainbows with ramen and samgyopsal raining from the heavens on the path to your happy ending, but if its in your heart then go for it. Stop being to damn fickle." Her voice lowered to an even, almost sad tone. "You weren't always like this."

 

  Needless to say, our entire exchange buzzed around him my head for quite some time, her words and my consequential agreement tussling with the mentality I had already. I was about to talk it all out with Nan when my phone jingled in my bag, my eyes widening comically. Brown eyes shot me a look over the blue striped plastic cup and said in no uncertain terms that I had better not screw up.

 

  I my suddenly dry lips before accepting the call. "Yoboseyo?"

 

    I tried to keep my hand steady at my ear....

 

   "Minhee-ah."

 

     .....but it ended up trembling the second he opened his mouth.

 

   "Ne...." I swallowed and tugged at the straw in my own cup.

 

   "How were your classes? Are they all finished?"

 

   Stupidly, I nodded although he obviously couldn't see me. "My classes were alright, thanks for asking. And I am done for the day. I was just sitting with Nana.”

 

  His hum of acknowledgement slid down my ear and over my skin teasingly. I sipped my berry smoothie, needing to rehydrate my somehow dry mouth.

 

   "And you? Where are you? Are you still working?"

 

   I got a grunt of confirmation this time. "I'm waiting for my turn for an interview. We're seeing the reporter one by one so until then, I was just listening to some music..." ...and thought of you.

 

  I knew that I had properly translated the way his sentence hung in the silence of our pause. I resisted the urge to let a goofy, Joker smile spread across my lips, settling for a small “lady-like” one instead.

 

   “Have you eaten yet?”

 

   “No.” His answer came out soft and somewhat contrite; I suppose he was expecting me to be upset with him for it.

 

   I merely smiled into my cup. “I do hope that you'll eat something. I know that you're busy but I don't want anything to happen to you. Eat something, OK? For me?”

 

   I don't know how, but I sensed his gummy smile in the tone of his voice. “Ne. For you.” He didn't give my blush time to go away before he went on. “I'll call you before I come for you later this evening."

 

   I nodded. “How should I dress? Where are we going?”

 

   Another silent smile. “Just....look nice. Casual and nice. Don't worry about anything else.”

 

  I didn't want to roll my eyes at him, but it happened. I didn't really like words like “nice” as guidelines for my attire. Leave it to fashion passive guys like him to give you a good description of what to wear. In spite of myself, I giggled and let him know that I understood before he said his goodbyes.

 

   “I'll see you later, Minhee-ah.”

 

   “Ne, oppa.” I grinned over at Nan who was all thumbs. “Until then...”

 

 

   “'Just look nice'? Yah!” Nan flopped on my bed. “Is he being serious? I cannot with him.”

 

   “He's one of those boys who don't care very much about flashy things,” I explained, pulling on my red shoes with the low two inch heels--which sort of made me long for my red Converse sneakers--over my black pantyhose covered feet. “What I'm more concerned about is where we're going. I get the sense that I should look smart casual, but he couldn't be any more cryptic if he tried.”

 

   Nan scoffed. “This is Bang Yongguk we're talking about,” she reminded me. “He could do worse than this.”

 

   Thinking about it again, I saw her point. Sometimes it was hard to understand Bang and his philosophical side, but I would try. I had a feeling it would be an interesting challenge.

 

  With another look in my full length mirror, I check that my pants fell properly ¾ of the way to my knees, flaring out then tapering to a slim hem and that my hair flowed in its natural waves down to my shoulders. My white blouse was very loose fit and left the curve of my shoulders out but I trusted that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable about that; my style was my style after all. Aside from that, the shirt didn't cling to me at all other than the seam that pulled some form into the material, tapering in under my s to save the cloth from just looking like a shapeless bag tucked into my waistband. I had the little diamond studs my mom had bought me for my last birthday bringing some shine to my eyes. My red hand bag matched with both my flats and my lip balm that made my lips look a bit more pink than usual. I was personally satisfied with my outfit, you know....it took me 2 hours to get here, but I was thoroughly happy with the results.

 

  I didn't want to tell Nan the exact reason for me insisting on this ensemble, but deep down inside I think she knew why I had avoided the image of my boyfriend's ideal girl. White shirt and jeans, he had said at almost every chance he got. I didn't want to cop out by conforming; I wanted him to see my style and appreciate it for what it was. I sighed looking at my reflection when Nan held up my phone that had chimed with a message alarm.

 

  He's here.

 

  My heart began to pound a little harder in my chest. Somehow I made it out to the front door without tripping over my feet. Nan squeezed my hands in silent assurance and gave me a soft 'fighting' before grinning like Cheshire Cat himself. My chest expanded and depressed with another calming breath before my shaking hand opened the door and I stepping into the cool late afternoon. My feet took me to the railing; our eyes met almost the moment I looked out. The only thing that came to mind was the balcony scene in 'Romeo and Juliet'. I couldn't stop my legs from carrying me to him even if I wanted. Once I made it down to the sidewalk, his gaze washed over me and properly and we each took in the attire of the other.

 

Yongguk was dressed simply but neatly, a soft white long sleeved shirt with a V neck that looked almost like a sweater with a stylish faux gun holder/vest secured over it like he was a cop. I liked how it pulled his otherwise loose shirt in at his stomach to show his lean form. His black slacks gave way to boots that I would drool over had I seen them in the shoe store. I was so busy eyeing him that I didn't notice the way his own eyes widened as his gaze slid over me in amazement. But just because I didn't see him, that doesn't mean couldn't feel the delicious shiver than ran down my spine in response to his warm attention.

 

  This date was beginning too hot for my tastes.

 

   “Wow...” he said breathlessly, seeming to forget all his usual formalities and politeness.

 

   I blinked and met his eyes suddenly, blushing. “Hey,” I replied matching his English expression.

 

   He swallowed and regained his cool, a small smile creasing his lips. “You look really nice.”

 

   I smiled right back. “Well then I suppose I followed your instructions to the T then.”

 

  His eyes lit up and he ushered me into the car; I suppose he realized that we had been standing there just looking at each other for quite a while. I settled in the familiar seat and gave my regards to Manager-oppa as I scooted over to give Guk more space to slide in beside me.

 

   “How was your day?”

 

   I tried not to laugh at the cliché question. “It went well. How was your interview? Did you and the others expression yourselves how you wanted?”

 

   “Ne,” he said with a nod. “I think it came out well. We didn't fumble over our words. I guess you can say we're getting a little better at talking.”

 

  His hopeful tone made me smile and agree wholeheartedly. I didn't dare say that he wasn't better at speaking given how much he had begun to open up to me within the days that had passed. We chatted idly for a while, simple things like how the other members and Nana were doing and little stories about our day. I didn't notice that we were pulling up to a restaurant until I followed Bang's glance out the window.

 

  It was a quaint little place: lots of paintings and instruments and records were hanging on the walls, some signed by the artists themselves, soft couches on one side of the room reminding me of a recording studio and a mix board on the opposite wall creating a margin for the small dark wood tables with intricately designed bases and comfortable looking metal chairs with fun colored cushions. Soft R&B music played overhead. It was indeed somewhere that I could see Yongguk regularly coming to and feeling completely at home. He showed me to our table and even pulled my chair out for me. I let him and lowered my embarrassed smile to the floor as I took my seat. He was seated soon after and our menus were brought in.

 

  I watched him sneakily over the top of my own newspaper styled menu, gazing on as his blond brows furrowed slightly in thought beneath the fringe of his hair that looked deliciously wind blown and finger combed. There were no impressions of a hat on his locks and for that I was thankful. Cleaned up like he was, Yongguk looked good enough to eat, to be quite honest. It took a lot to focus during the ride there and not just stare holes into him in admiration.

 

   Just then his eyes flicked up to meet mine and I jumped a little in surprise. “Do you know what you want to order?”

 

   I returned my eyes to my menu, lifting it a bit more than necessary to hide my burning face. “Um, yes, I do.”

 

  He didn't comment on what he had caught me doing and we ordered quickly. Over drinks there was even more shallow conversation. It appeared that I wasn't the only one having a hard time facing the elephant in the room but his smiles and attentive gaze were so warm that they chased the chills of my concern away. But it wasn't exactly something we could ignore forever.

 

   I swallowed a piece of shrimp that I had picked out of my pasta and wiped some of the garlic cream sauce from the corner of my mouth. “Have you enjoyed this last week?”

 

   A smile immediately formed on his face. “Yes, I have. Have you?”

 

   I nodded, reflecting his smile. “Yes. This has been a very lovely week in my otherwise boring sophomore life. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't expecting you to have the time. I wasn't....” ...expecting you to like me...

 

  I stopped myself before those dreaded words could make it of my mouth by sinking my teeth into my traitorous lip before they could escape. But knowing Yongguk and the mental bond that had fostered between us over the past few days I knew he heard me from the way he tilted his head.

 

   “I had a lot of fun,” I assured him softly, eating my last piece of shrimp.

 

   “I'm glad.” He nodded and wiped his mouth. “The members really liked you too.”

 

   So you like me along with them? “So you really enjoyed yourself,” I asked instead.

 

  He nodded once again, this time smiling. I looked away from his affectionate gaze. In search of something else to focus on my brain registered the tune overhead as the intro to Clazziquai's “Love Recipe”.

 

   “Do you know this song?” The inquiry was an idle one merely for the sake of getting this stiff feeling over my chest.

 

  Yongguk raised his eyebrow and cocked his head to the side to catch the words of the first verse. I had begun to sway side to side in my chair, humming softly until the chorus came along.

 

Love nae gyeoten ontong neoppuniya (Love by my side, it’s only you)
Love bissorimajeo nuni busyeo (Love even the rain sound is dazzling)
Love nae pyojeongkkaji neoreul darmaga (Love even my face resembles yours)

jamdeuneun siganmajeo akkawo (Time is too precious to even sleep)

Love jogeum deo moksoril deullyeojwo (Love let me hear your voice a little more)

Love jogeum deo ganjikhal su itge (Love so I can cherish it a bit more)
Love niga inneun i sesangi joha (Love I like the world that you’re in)
O, ijeya neoreul balgyeonhaesseuni (Oh because now I finally discovered you)

 

Somewhere between here and there, my mood was restored and I was getting up to dance in the free space away from the tables. “Come on,” I enticed with a smile.

 

  He didn't stand immediately; he watched me twirl and sway as I sang before eventually rising from his seat, bobbing his head in beat to the song. I held out my hands to him and a grin creased his lips as he took them and swayed as I danced with his arms like a child. Taking me by surprise he lead me into a turn. I giggled and chose to surprise him in return, placing my hands on his shoulders when I was facing him again. His eyes widened a bit, his rhythm faltering for a second but his smile returned and his hands held my side, not even my waist. I giggled again at this but kept the beat, a little bounce in my step that he followed obediently, though he didn't do much more than sway in time. I didn't need him to do anything else, honestly; just this was more than I had ever expected.

 

  And then it splashed over my like a pail of cold water once again that this was our last day. My smile faded a little and I shuffled closer to him, so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. I felt him stiffen up under my hands but he didn't move, moving with me even as the song changed.

 

  I assumed that the owners liked Clazziquai; this time “Romeo and Juliet” was filling the air with the sounds of the steady, charming beat. Bang's hands, which had relocated to my back, seemed to cradle me as the melancholy thoughts came back to haunt my heart. I couldn't even fully enjoy one of my favourite songs due to the disturbance. However, there he stood: the only one who could chase them away, gazing down protectively at the oblivious me as his hold on my small form tightened a little. I didn't notice that our plates were taken away until I stopped moving causing Yongguk to stop as well.

 

   I looked up at him with a smile that didn't reach my eyes. “Thank you for the dance. Its not along the same lines as 'No Mercy' or 'Warrior' but you seemed very comfortable, Bang Yongguk-shi.”

 

  Slowly I untangled myself from him, my hands sliding down the front of his shirt a ways and retreating instantly the moment I heard his sharp intake of breath. When I met his eyes with another plastered smile, they seemed to have been clouded over with a sort of odd bemusement that I couldn't quite stand to be caught under. I moved away a few steps and curtsied comically before heading back to our table.

 

   “Are you ready to go now?”

 

   His question made my heart gain another 10 pounds. “Ne. Let me grab my things.'

 

  Somehow I managed not to stammer. Pleased with myself, I unhooked my purse from the back of my chair and led the way out when he motioned for me to go ahead of him. I thanked our server for such a great meal and got into the van that had been waiting for us right outside. Yongguk climbed in after me and told Manager-oppa where to go. I had gotten goosebumps from the chill in the air; smoothly, a jacket that smelled of Yongguk was draped over my chest, hanging onto my shoulders.

 

  After that ensued the most awkward 20 seconds of my life.

 

  I couldn't look at him. I knew that he was already conscious of my mask, so I couldn't risk him getting a good look at what had festered behind it. The pain in my chest threatened me with the release of tears if I did. So I stared at the wrist of the jacket warming my body instead, tracing the flow of the fabric with my eyes. I could sense everything in Yongguk in that moment: his confusion, his reluctance to say something that could possibly upset me but his burning urge to check if I was alright.

 

   “Did you enjoy dinner?” he asked.

 

  Shallow questions. I could do that.

 

   “Ne. It was very good. I have to remember that place.” I even threw a smile in there. “The shrimp was yummy.”

 

   “They have really good service. I went there a few times with friends back in school,” he revealed.

 

  I nodded and that train of conversation stopped there. Sure, it was horrible of me to do that to him when he was offering me a look into his past, but I couldn't help it. I just couldn't do that and fight the prickling behind my eyes at the same time.

 

  The jacket was beginning to bore me so I eyed the hem of my pants instead. The location he had instructed us to go to was one of a bus; I was familiar with it because I often have to catch said bus. He was intending to drop me off and leave, as the staff had commanded, to give time for us to make the decision of whether or not we chose to exchange numbers in a place where they could easily follow with cameras. I couldn't decide if I hated them or if I hated what they were doing. But with one peek out the window I knew my window of time with my bias was coming to an end and the prickling became so intense that I had to close my eyes against it.

 

   “Uljima.” It was not a request; it was a command.

 

   A little irritated by his imperial tone, I glared up at him. “I'm not crying.”

 

   Before I knew what had happened, I vaguely noticed I was in the trap that was his gaze. “Uljimayo,” he said again.

 

  But this time his tone was so soft and tender that it eroded resistance—the prickling became more insistent, forcing me to narrow my eyes. Bang sighed softly, turning to face me with kind eyes.

 

   Don't cry, Minhee-ah

 

   Babo-ah, I'm not crying.

 

   He smiled a little. I'm sad, too, but don't cry. His hand that was hidden from the camera covered my hand that was shadowed under his jacket.

 

  His touch seemed to have sent a clear message to my brain; tears were running down my cheeks as if the flood gates had opened and I found myself powerless to stop them.

 

   I am not crying. My brows furrowed into a stubborn line to match my weak insistence.

 

   Regret showed in the depth of his brown gaze. “Minhee-ah....”

 

   I shook my head. Don't call me like that....don't say my name...

 

  I was too caught up to care that I had begun to hiccup. I lowered my eyes in an attempt to make my mind shake free from his apparent hold, but it was futile. Wasn't it always with him? I lost my confidence, lost my sense, near lost my mind....all because I..I...I was incredibly and stupidly in love with a man I knew I couldn't have.

 

  Suddenly, Yongguk grabbed the arm of his jacket and lifted it like a shield against the eyes watching us through the cameras. Only when his warm palm cupped my cheek did I meet his eyes again. His dark, deep chocolate like eyes...that were glittering with apprehension. My lips parted as I stared and his thumb swiped over it slowly.

 

   “Don't cry over me, Minhee-ah.”

 

  With that, he leaned in until his breath was washing in nervous waves over my mouth.

 

   My eyes widened. Yongguk....

 

   I'm here, Min. Always.

 

  Plump lips pressed against my open ones, capturing me in a tense kiss that shocked my hiccups right out of me. He pulled back a little to look at me as if for confirmation.

 

   Was that OK?

 

  I nodded dumbly and leaned in first this time. As I had been dreaming since the day I first saw him on my television screen, I his pink bottom lip into my mouth gently. He reciprocated with a soundless moan than caused him to exhale a sigh through his nose.

 

  We both pulled away at the same time, his hand easing his jacket back down as he settled against the seat once more. I wiped my face but couldn't tear my eyes away from his. I felt weightless in that moment; there was nothing that existed outside of the van. Nothing.....

 

  ...Until it pulled to a stop and reality slammed my brain firmly back in place. I blinked as if regaining my sight, looking around the vehicle and clutching my bag for stability. My gaze drifted back to Bang whose face looked impassive. He hopped out first and helped me out of the van, tossing his jacket into the next row of seats.

 

  My eyes drank up the sight of him for what felt like the last time and Yongguk wasn't hiding the fact that he was doing the exact same thing to me.

 

   “I've got to go....” I hardly heard him when he spoke.

 

   “I know.” My voice came out equally soft.

 

  Even so, we stood there staring for a while longer, thirsty for the other's image to be burned into our retinas.

 

   “Yongguk-ah.”

 

  Manager-oppa broke the spell. We both blinked at each other. Yongguk offered me a gummy smile full of something that made the butterflies in my stomach go ballistic. I offered him a genuine smile, my last one of the night, in response. I watched him climb back into the van. I watched the van drive away. I watched him watch me as he got farther and farther away. I could feel our connection thinning and thinning until it snapped and I could no longer feel him.

  All of a sudden I was overtaken my the cold of the air and my hands rose to rub some warmth back into my limbs. I didn't want them to shake as I took out my couple phone and looked at his name in my contacts. I didn't want my fingers to tremble as I typed him a text that took longer than it needed to because of the truckload of mistakes my clumsy thumbs made. I didn't even want to the prickling to return as I pressed the 'send' button.

 

  But I suffered it all and sighed.

 

  And that night I sat on the bus bench alone and watched the stars as “Romeo and Juliette” looped on repeat from my iPod.

 

---

 

The only thing left is the Epilogue. Look out for that you guys ^^

 

Love you <3