Day 4
Scandal
I knew the moment the boys left the airport. Throwing aside my feelings of not wanting to deal with rabid fangirls, I took to my Twitter. I had tons of new followers, though I can't even begin to tell you how much I didn't care . My mentions were going through the roof as well with snide comments and insults I only saw in passing.
On Twitter I had one of THOSE friends. You know: those friends who follow their biases until they could practically tell you what they wore for the week from memory; not quite sasaeng, but still pretty odd. Thankfully, she was useful in times like this. She had been updating ever since she joined the others who were seeing the boys off at the airport. She posted pictures of what they were wearing and even a couple short fancams.I didn't feel like a creeper this time. Usually, I was embarrassed to watch airport footage because I always thought, "They're just going through security checkpoints--where's the interest in that? This is their chance to be normal people." However, all those feelings went out the window as I watched the video of them first coming in. I sincerely wanted to make sure my boyfriend went off safely.
They looked comfortable but stylish as always, all sunglasses and caps on their way to the toward the front desk. I secretly wished that I had called him earlier that morning, but as I sat in the corner of the library I shook my head. He'd have been too busy to really talk so I didn't call. Although now I regretted it. I had no idea what his schedule was like; how would be able to know when would be a good time? It was up to Shy Boy to make a move first.
I groaned and let my head fall on the keyboard of my laptop.
"Missing him already?" Nan asked idly.
"Not missing him," I protested. "Just.....hoping he has fun."
Her nose wrinkled. "That was a dud of a lie. Why don't you just call him? If its his couple phone, I'm sure he'd answer."
Unfortunately, I didn't have that much faith. "They're probably going to a press conference and then practice. I don't want to disturb him."
Nan rolled her eyes and slammed her book shut. "That there was the very same problem you had the last time he was performing. He was actually waiting on you that time. Why do you think this is any different?" She folded her arms. "And you need to be more honest about your feelings toward him. He IS your boyfriend after all and you want him to open to you. He's the quiet type so you need to make him comfortable. Don't forget that you only have 3 days left!"
I leaned back him my chair looking across our table at Professor Nana who was just having a field day lecturing me. I couldn't say that she didn't have a point though. I was making things a bit more difficult for myself by being so iffy. I remembered the way he looked at me when we were back at Nan's house. What could've happened always taunted me so I had to remind myself that he would have regretted having our first kiss in front of an audience. It was just our friends, so normally I wouldn't have cared, but I was still a fan at heart and couldn't deny the feelings of apprehension I got while around BAP. It wasn't even about the cameras anymore; it was about me still seeing him as a celebrity, as some above average person. And while Bang Yongguk was, indeed, a special brand of man, he was still human. It was going to take me a while to get rid of that mentality but just as Nana didn't hesitate to remind me, this was day 4 of 7. Not to mention that the boys wouldn't be back in the country until day 6.
I sighed, thinking about it. "Nan." My finger tapped the table. "This is going to sound ridiculous, but do you think that I could really be Yongguk's girlfriend?"
"Tangyonaji! (of course!)" she exclaimed. "What the hell kind of question is that? I saw you two yesterday, all cuddly."
I fought a blush. "Stop thinking so short term. I mean, do you think we would be able to have something lasting more than a year?"
She leaned back in her chair looking at my face intensely. I stared right back, sensing that she was being serious now. Her brows furrowed the longer she looked. What was she seeing?
"You need more confidence." Nan replied finally averting her eyes. "Its not like you don't have likeable qualities or like you two don't get along, but this situation made you lose all your bite. The Min I know deals with guys very well. She doesn't get flustered easily and she definitely doesn't get nervous if other girls have their eyes on her boyfriend." Her eyes lazily met mine again. "I have no clue who you are now."
Those words stuck with me all day. She had a good point. I wasn't letting the race issue bother me anymore but even without that, his fans were enough of a hand full. I laid off in bed that night simply staring out my window at the sky. Maybe I HAD lost my bite. Maybe I was just letting this society's expectations mold me. Sure, I started to let go yesterday, but now I needed to let it all go. I needed to go all out. I wanted to meet my dream Bang again; I did tell him that I was coming back to him and I felt too much love for him to let him down.
When I finally caught my train of thought, I chuckled wryly. Here I was, trying to keep a promise I technically made to myself about someone who probably didn't even think of me when I wasn't in front of him.
That's not being confident, I heard Nana scold in my head.
But it may have been the truth. I was glad that the cameras had been leaving me alone since he left. It would be boring to film just me after all. I was happy that every time I began to really question myself they weren't around.
I went to take a calming bath, soaking in the water until I was a prune. It was then that my couple phone decided to ring.
I scrambled around like mad trying to put on clothes although I knew that he wouldn't be about to see me. I almost fell on my face trying to pull up my shorts as I practically ran to answer my phone.
"Yoboseyo?" I was huffing and puffing a little.
"Yoboseyo? Minhee-ah?"
"Of course its me. I wouldn't let anyone get their paws on this."
"Ah, guraeyo (ah, is that so)?" was all he replied.
So we're back to chundemal*, I observed, just a little disappointed.
Before things could get awkward, I went on, "How was your flight? Where are you now?"
"The ride over was OK. We saw a lot of fans at the airport both when we were leaving and when we arrived here."
"Ah," I scratched my head. "I'm really sorry I couldn't see you off."
"Aniya, aniya, I wasn't really expecting you. I figured you had school anyway."
I nibbled on my lip a little. "But you're doing alright? Everyone's doing good?"
"Well, yeah. Nothing happened. We just got some pizza." He paused just for a moment. "Did something happen?"
Although he didn't ask specifically, I had a feeling he thought I had another headache. I smiled a little at his slightly worried tone.
"I had to race out of the shower to answer this call," I stated. "I didn't even get to wash my hair."
Of course, I had no intentions of doing so at this hour, but I just wanted to see what he'd say. And, true to form, he was apologetic in his silence. I smiled at his quiet "uh" that trailed off into even more silence. Poor boy didn't know what to say.
"Oppa, I washed my hair this morning." My laughter threatened to burst out. "I'm sorry. I guess I can't joke with you like that."
His scoff almost sounded like a reprimand until an honest chuckle followed. "Cute."
A grin creased my lips, but then it fell to give way to serious thoughts. I laid on my stomach on my bed, pulling my pillow under my head.
"Oppa."
"Mmm?"
"I want to ask you something. There are no cameras here. There aren't any on your end either, are there?"
He was quiet for a while before he replied. "...No..."
I knew how freaked out he probably was at this point, but I was not going to punk out. So I finally spat it out.
"When there are no cameras around to remind you of the show, when your couple phone is tucked out of sight...." My courage shook a bit. "When you're just sitting by yourself, do you...think about me?"
There was an unnerving silence. It was much too late to be shy after I dared to ask such a thing. And I knew that I had taken him off guard. He may have been a guy who had thousands of girls all over the globe swooning over him with just a smile, but my situation was special. Wasn't it?
Yes, it is, I reassured myself. I have the right to ask.
"You mean, if I really consider myself to be in a relationship with you, Minhee-ah?"
Were you always so blunt Bang Yongguk?
"Yes," I replied. "Well, its not like I expect you to fall head over heels in love with me after just a few meetings. I don't expect much of anything, to be honest, but I was curious about you and how you felt about the entire thing. I'm pretty much the envy of every Baby everywhere, but you're a busy man with an ambitious heart toward your work so I don't think that you'd ever sign up for something like this for lack of anything better to do. And that's not even in consideration of the fact that you're hot--" I face palmed once my train of thought came to an embarrassing halt. "And I'm rambling......sorry."
My face was burning up. How did I let myself talk to so much?
Stupid mouth, I hit myself on the lips. Stupid mouth. He must think I'm a weirdo. He must think I'm just another excitable fangirl.
"Don't be sorry."
Those three words had my head lift from my pillow as I pushed myself onto my elbows.
"It doesn't hurt to ask questions like that when you're dating someone, right? They help us to not misunderstand each other."
"R-right."
I could almost hear him smiling. "...Honestly...I did wonder what you were doing on the flight over here."
"So, only today?"
"....And the kids couldn't stop talking about you yesterday, so you were on my mind when I went home."
"Uh-huh?" I said cheekily. "And what about the first time we met?"
I couldn't see his expression, but a warm feeling washed over me as he considered how to verbalize his thoughts. While he took his merry slow time, I tried to get a handle on my fluttering heart.
"The first time we met.....I was wondering if you would think that giving you flowers was too cheesy so I didn't do it right away."
I recalled the way his eyes kept dashing to the front seat of the van that night. "I still have them in my living room. If you walk in, its the first thing you see."
"I'm glad that you liked them. I didn't buy them myself though."
"Arayo (I know)." I smiled. "But you've been good to me, Yongguk-oppa."
"What kind of man would I be if I'm not good to my girlfriend? Especially when she can cook so well."
I wanted to bury my face into my pillow and scream out my excitement. "Aren't we talkative today?"
He laughed. "You make me want to talk. I want my thoughts to be clear to you."
"I want mine to be clear, too. I have feelings for you, oppa, not as a fan to an artist but as a woman to a man. I wish I could take all your worries away but at least when you're around me I want you to be able to just relax. That's what I want more than anything so that even if we don't maintain a romantic relationship, you can see me as a person that you can lean on."
"Ah...." A cute pause. "I see."
Assa*, Minnie! I cheered in my head. Five points for growing some balls.
I could sense Yongguk smiling. I bet that he was happy I couldn't see him blushing--because I could almost guarantee that he was. I was blushing even.
The conversation pretty much ended there. We advised each other to be safe and said our good nights. I laid off in my bed grinning like an idiot at my progress. You would swear I passed some sort of test how ready I was to celebrate. Still in "cute girlfriend" mode, I snapped a picture of myself laying on my back, making a 'V' with my fingers. I sent it the selca to him with the caption, "Victory! BAP, fighting!"
Like a love struck schoolgirl, I waited for a reply, cradling my phone to my chest. When it finally chimed, I was surprised to see that he replied with a selca of his own. He was laying on his arm, looking quite upset with the camera. The caption read: "Sorry if this comes out bad. I'm a little tired. Dont be like me: go to bed!"
I giggled crazily and sent up a soft prayer that he would sleep well (whenever he got around to doing so) before my fanfgirl feelings ushered me into a happy sleep.
NOTE: -chundemal is literally polite speech. You use this way when you're talking to a stranger, a superior or someone you are not very close to or familiar with.
-"Assa!" is an expression similar to "Yay!"
Comments