Taeyeon let out a sigh and gave up.  She didn’t want to tell Tiffany out of nowhere and so soon, but she wanted Tiffany to know how much she cared for her.

I want to tell you, and I don’t want to tell you…

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s not, nothing.  I know you.  There’s something on your mind.”

“You wouldn’t get it.”

“Why not?”

Taeyeon stopped.  She felt something…  It was unusual.  She was talking to Tiffany and somehow… She felt a spark of anger.

“Because.”  She paused.  “If you seriously can’t tell what’s on my mind, then you obviously don’t know me.  Explaining to you would be pointless.”

Tiffany wore a shocked expression.  Taeyeon never talked to her in this way before that was almost degrading.  She held back from yelling and controlled her temper.

“Are you frustrated… with me?”

“Yes!  I’ve been torn between frustrated, hopeless, and happy.”

“… Because of me?”

“Yes, Tiffany.  It’s because of you.  I’m tired of it.”

“…”

“You do whatever you please and just drag me along with it!  Have you ever looked at me for a second when you say things without thinking?  Sometimes, the things you say affect me so deeply in negative ways!  And you never notice it.  You never think of the possibility that maybe you’re the one who causes me all this pain.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?!  I’m your best friend!  You should be able to tell me anything!  It doesn’t matter who it involves or how personal it is!  You should be comfortable with trusting me with your life!  But I guess that’s not the case is it?  You don’t trust me!”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you.  I’ve come to trust you too much.  Too much, where I let you hurt me and I can’t stop it because I fear that I’ll hurt you too.  Now I realize that it was a mistake.  Why did you find me?”

“What are you talking about?”

“That night you found me on the park bench, crying.  Why did you find me?  It’s not like you knew me well at all.  If you never found me, I would have lived a normal life.  I would have run away from the troublesome and tiring life of being a singer.  I would have time for my mom and dad!  I would have time for my little sister, who looks up to me.  But because of you, I don’t have time for her because I have to help you!  You are my group mate and it’s always been my responsibility to look after you closer than anyone else because you tend to have the most trouble with everything!  Why did you find me?”

At this point, tears were streaming down both Tiffany’s and Taeyeon’s faces; Taeyeon, out of anger, and Tiffany out of being hurt so badly.

“It’s because I felt bad for you!  Do you think I cared about you?  What would you do if you found a little girl you know, crying on a park bench, late at night?  You wouldn’t just leave her there!  You would go and help her.  You would try to comfort her!  But you wouldn’t care for her.  You would just feel bad if she spent the rest of her life regretting the day she gave up her dreams because you know that you could’ve done something to prevent that.  You could’ve made a new friend when you, too, desperately needed one!  I didn’t care about you!  I felt bad about you!  I just didn’t think that I would eventually need her shoulder to lean on from time to time and that she would eventually get tired of having to support me.  I didn’t leave you that night at the park.  But now, I guess you aren’t going to return the favour.”

Taeyeon’s eyes turned from showing anger to sorrow.  As frustrated as she was with Tiffany, the sight of her crying was always heartbreaking.  Before Taeyeon could react, Tiffany said with her soft, trembling voice.

“I didn’t know you would regret meeting me, so much.”

“Wait-”

Tiffany ran to the bedroom with her hands on her face.  She slammed the door and buried her face into her pillow to cry.  Taeyeon sat alone in the living room as she let her tears fall.  She had made the worst mistake and she knew it.

_________________________

Tiffany woke up and found a blue blanket on top of her.  Seohyun was beside her bed and continued to shake Tiffany’s arm.

“Unnie… Wake up, unnie!”

“Seohyun, what time is it?”

“It’s 1pm.”

“What?!”

“Don’t worry.  You don’t have a schedule today anyways.  But it’s not good to sleep too long!”

“Thanks for waking me up, and uhm… the blanket.”

“I don’t mind waking you up.  You react well to being woken up.  But the blanket wasn’t me.  It was already here when I came in at 3am.”

“Then who put it here?”

“I don’t know.  I suggest you go clean up though.  Relax for the day.  You look tired.”

Tiffany remembered everything what had happened the night before.  It felt like there was a hole in her chest where something amazing used to be.  Now it was gone.  She felt like she was missing half of her heart.

“I guess I’ll go clean up.  I must look like a mess.”

“Yeah… You and Taeyeon, both.”

Tiffany put on her pink slippers and made her way to the bathroom.  Upon entering the living room, she passed by Taeyeon and made awkward eye contact.  At the same time, she felt a wave of sadness rush over her.  When she reached the bathroom door, a thought popped into her head.  Quickly, she turned around and stared in surprise.

Wait… She’s still wearing the necklace…

Quickly, she shook the thought from her head and continued to the sink.  No matter how bad she felt about Taeyeon, she didn’t want to give in and be the one to apologize.  She was tired of always being sorry.

Meanwhile, Taeyeon sat down on the stool in the kitchen and stared straight ahead.

“Uhm… Taeyeon?”

“…”

Taeyeon’s eyes slowly shifted to Seohyun who was just leaving the bedroom.

“Are you alright?  You look…”

“Like a mess?  I know.  I just woke up.”

“What’s wrong with you two?”

“Two?”

“Tiffany’s the same today.  Haha, you match.”

At the sound of her name, Taeyeon’s eyes watered as she did her best to hold back tears.

“Unnie, are you okay?”

“What?”

“You look so sad…”

“Yeah…”

“…”  Seohyun left as she thought Taeyeon needed time alone to sort things out.

As Taeyeon cried by herself in the kitchen, Hyoyeon passed by the washroom in the hallway and stopped to walk backwards a few steps.

“Tiffany?  Is that you?”

“Oh- Huh? Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, why?”

“I thought you were crying.”

“N-no!  I’m fine!”  Tiffany continued to wash her face.

“… Alright then…”

Hyoyeon quickly ran to the bedroom, where she found Jessica, who was putting on a pair of socks.

“Jessica, have you noticed anything today?”

“Other than incredibly depressed Taeyeon and Tiffany?  No, not really.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know…  But for Taeyeon to be THIS depressed…”

“Fight?”

“Exactly.”

“Yeah… but usually…  It’s gone the next day.  Or they make up five minutes after the fight ends.”

“Something serious huh?”

“We should fix it by the end of today.”

“Why today?”

“The sooner, the better.  We can’t have them acting like this and performing.”

“I guess that’s true… Okay.  You go find Sooyoung and talk to Taeyeon with her.  I’ll find Seohyun and talk to Tiffany.”

“Alright, we’ll take Taeyeon out to a restaurant or something.  You can stay here.  Tiffany’s more comfortable at home and hotels.”

Quickly, Hyoyeon ran out of the bedroom and conveniently, smashed right into Sooyoung.

“Ahh! Hyoyeon!”

“Oooh… Sorry…”

“You made me spill my noodles!”

“Ok, whatever, I’ll clean it up in a second.  Right now I have to talk to you about a problem.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.  Let’s go get Taeyeon.”

The pair grabbed Taeyeon’s coat, forced Taeyeon to put it on, and literally carried her out the door.

“Yah! Guys, I’m not even hungry!”

“You have to eat, Taeyeon!  Me and Hyoyeon aren’t going to let you go until we get to the restaurant.”

Jessica waited until the voices faded and she went on her lazy search for the Maknae.

“Seohyun!!!”

“Talk to Tiffany?”  The young girl popped her head in the doorway.

“Yes.  Let’s go.”

The two walked to the bathroom and waited outside.

_______________________________

“Taeyeon tell us what happened.”  Sooyoung looked at Taeyeon with concern.

“What are you talking about?”  Taeyeon played with the fork on the table while the three waited for their meals to arrive.

“Please, don’t hide this.  We can tell that you’re seriously hurting.  We want to help.”

“I don’t want to burden you.”

“Guys, it’s really hot in here.  I think I’ll go outside for a second.  Don’t wait for me if the meal comes.”  Hyoyeon quickly left the restaurant which closely resembled a sauna.

“Taeyeon, it will burden me even more if you just let me watch you go through this.”

“I’m sorry…  I just need time to sort things out.”

“It’s Tiffany isn’t it?”

“How did you know?”

“I’ve never seen you so down before…”

“We had a fight last night.”

“You guys have fights all the time.  But they’re usually gone pretty quickly…  Is there a serious problem?”

Taeyeon took a deep breath.

“This time, yes, there is.  I really regret everything I did last night.”

“What happened?”

“Tiffany kept asking me about my thoughts.  She wanted to understand everything.  I couldn’t tell her everything but she wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“Isn’t that normal?  Tiffany’s usually quite persistent.”

“I don’t know.  This time, I felt something burn up inside me.”

“I guess you reached your limit.”

“I think so too.  But I belted out everything at her.”

“Everything?”

“I said it all in frustration.  She’s really been bothering me the past few months and I snapped.  But, looking back the things I said, I feel really sorry for them.”

“Then go apologize.”

“I’m scared that she won’t accept my apology this time…”

“What did you say to her?”

“…”

“Tae?”

“I told her that I regret meeting her.”

“… Do you?”

“Of course not.  But I can’t bring myself to apologize.  I don’t want her to reject me and hurt herself further than I’ve done already.”

“It’s funny how you don’t even think about how it would affect how you feel.”

“Because I only care for her.  I love her.”

“Then go after her.”

“Like I said; I’m afraid that she’s going to feel hurt if she rejects me.”

“Don’t you mean YOU’RE the one who’s afraid of getting hurt?”

“I can’t possibly hurt more than I am now.  I just don’t want her to worsen her pain to match mine.”

“Taeyeon, if you truly care for her… You would go solve this problem between you two.  Remember what our manager said?  He said that if Girls’ Generation disbanded before your contract ended, he would resign with Tiffany and make you two a duo group.  Don’t you know why?”

“It’s because we’re two of the vocalists of the group, yes, I know.”

“No.  It’s not that.  He said it was because you two have amazing chemistry that he’s never seen between people, before.  He said that you bring out the best in her and she does the same for you.”

“Well, I guess that’s not happening now, is it.”

Sooyoung looked at Taeyeon with a shocked expression.

“Look, Taeyeon.  I understand if you don’t want anyone to get hurt anymore because you know how it feels to be heartbroken so much.  But you’re a smart leader and you always tell everyone to follow their heart.  Why won’t you follow your own?”

“I’ve been going against my heart for so long.  My heart tells me to pull her closer and show her how much I love her.  My thoughts and everyone around me tell me to keep it away from her so I don’t hurt her.  I’m going against myself because I know that I could put her dreams at risk if I told her how I felt.  If we became a couple and the paparazzi found out, it could be disastrous for her.  I don’t want to ruin her life.”

“How could you not realize this?!”

“Realize what?”

At this point, Sooyoung’s hand formed a fist and she stood up.

“You and Tiffany work together better than any pair there is.  Do you really think the paparazzi can break you two?  If they found out, sure, they would publish it everywhere.  But half of our fans support you two, anyways!  Even people who AREN’T fans support you!  Even our anti-fans support you.  People will only cheer you on, not push you down.”  Her voice softened.  “You said you always dream to be with Tiffany and that it’s all you ever wanted.  You’re afraid that you’ll be stopped in your attempts to get closer to her.  However, the only person who can stop you from reaching your dream is yourself.”

“I’m not strong enough to push through my doubts on my own.”

“Clearly, you aren’t.  Especially if you don’t realize that there are eight sisters behind your back ready to catch you when you fall.”

Sooyoung walked to the entrance of the restaurant and gave the waitress the money for the bill.  She left as Hyoyeon returned.

“Yah, Taeyeon.  What happened?”

“I’m not hungry, Hyoyeon.  Can I please just go for a walk or something?”

“Oh, sure, sure!  Would you like me to come with you, or do you need time to yourself?”

“I need time to myself.  I have lots of things to sort out right now.  I appreciate your help though.  Really.”

Taeyeon left the restaurant as millions of thoughts were still colliding within her head.

Eight sisters?

__________________________________

After an hour of waiting, finally, Tiffany came out and tripped over Seohyun’s foot.

“Ahh!  Unnie, I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t worry.  I’m not hurt.”

“… Yes you are.”  Jessica bluntly pointed out.

“What?”  Tiffany was in a whirl of confusion as Jessica dragged her to the bedroom with Seohyun.  As soon as Tiffany was thrown on the bed, Jessica shot questions at her.

“What’s wrong Tiffany?  Are you sad?  Are you alright?”

“Whoa, what?”

“Jessica, I think you should slow down.  Tiffany, what happened last night?”

“You mean…”

“Between you and Taeyeon, yes.”

“We got into a fight last night…  And this time, it got a lot worse than usual.”

“Yeah, we noticed.”

“I just… I can’t believe she said all those things to me.”  Tiffany’s eyes watered.

“Well, do you know why she said them?”

“I’m always scared that one day, I’ll bother her too much and she’d just grow tired of me.  I guess… I guess that day was yesterday.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I just have so many regrets.  I’m mad at her for yelling at me.  But I feel sorry for pushing her to the point where she would snap.”

“Everyone has a breaking point, Fany.  Even our soft hearted, Taeyeon.  I just don’t understand one thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“She snapped at you.  It’s so unlikely.  I don’t think she did it because she was frustrated with you being too needy.”

“Then what do you think happened?”

“I…  I don’t know.”

“…  Seohyun, you’re truly the worst liar.  You know what’s going on, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry, unnie.  But I can’t interfere with what I know of Taeyeon.”

“But you’re interfering by talking to me.”

“I’m not giving anyone information.  You’re telling me at your own will.”  Seohyun smiled brightly.

“Jessica?  Do you know anything?”  Tiffany desperately looked at the girl who had been zoning out in the corner of the room since Seohyun began talking.

“…”

“Forget it…”  Tiffany’s gaze turned to the floor

“Tiffany, you have to fix this.”

“Why?  She said she regret meeting me.  Maybe it’s best that I never talk to her again.”

“That’s not true!”

“How would you know?”

“I’ve seen the bond between you two.  She doesn’t mean it.”

“But she said it.”

“We all say things we don’t mean sometimes...  Especially when we’re confused, scared, and frustrated.  Taeyeon had been all of those things lately.  Haven’t you noticed?”

“I’ve noticed that she’s been daydreaming a lot.”

“She’s not daydreaming.  She’s sorting out her thoughts because of everything she’s going through.  She would feel a lot better if you were there beside her.”

“She has seven other than me to pick from.  I’m not a candidate because I was eliminated last night.”

“I guess it makes sense that you don’t notice this, but you’re closer to Taeyeon than any of us.  The reason she’s so distant right now is because you mean so much to her.  She doesn’t want to hurt you more than she already has.”

“It’s not like it will affect her if I cry more.”

“You don’t’ know that, Fany.  When you feel pain… So does Taeyeon…”

“I really want to fix everything.  I just don’t know how.”

“These things should happen the way they were meant to.  Just talk to Taeyeon and based on how you feel, try to solve the problem.”

“I can’t even look her in the eyes right now.”

“Just think about a moment where you were so happy to have her around.”

“… Every day of my life…”  Tiffany paused.  “Since I met her.”

“Then think about the favourite moments you had with her.  Don’t you miss all that?  You’d want more, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m just scared that Taeyeon doesn’t want to be near me anymore.  She sounded like she needed space.”

“You’ve never seen Taeyeon in bed before, have you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Since you don’t share a room with her and since you don’t wake her up in the morning, I’m guessing you don’t know what she does at night.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She goes to bed with her phone on her chest and checks every five minutes until she falls asleep.”

“Why?”

“When I asked her, she replied with ‘Just in case.’ And I didn’t understand either.  Then one day, she told me to text our manager and when I the screen, I saw the conversation box between you and Taeyeon.  She sent you a message at 3am.  You didn’t reply…”

“Oh, I fell asleep that night.  Before, my eyes were wide open and I couldn’t relax.  I was nervous.  She found a way to calm me down.  I got rest that night but I remember in the morning, she looked very tired.”

“I was rooming with her that night and I remember seeing a light at the corner of my eye every five minutes.  Then, she would sigh and hold the phone to her chest.  I heard her mutter something.”

“Did you hear what she said?”

“I think I heard ‘안녕히 주무세요, Tiffany.’”

“She used honorifics?”

“I was surprised too.  But that just shows you how important you are to her.”

“I want to give her time alone for now.  I don’t want to talk to her just yet.”

“Why not?”

“I feel like she’s still figuring things out.  If I talk to her now, it will only be a bother.  We’ll end up fighting again.”

“You seem like you’re also sorting your thoughts out.”

“I… I have a lot to think about, Seohyun.”

“I understand if you want to keep this to yourself and Taeyeon.  Please, just make sure that your thoughts are clear before you do anything.”

“I think I’ll go take a walk in the park.”

_________________________

As Taeyeon left the restaurant, she put on the hood of her grey jacket and turned away from the direction of the dorm.  She had plenty of thinking to do and her favourite place to do it was the park.

No matter how much she bothers me, I always come back to square one

Falling head over heels for her

Maybe that’s a sign

Maybe I shouldn’t give up on us

What do I have to lose?

Just tell her

How hard can it be?

Taeyeon sighed.

Very hard…

Suddenly, she stopped.  Off in the distance, she saw a thin figure wearing a pink sweater and black jeans.  Quickly, Taeyeon hid herself behind a tree as the thin figure neared her position.  She heard a faint voice radiating from the direction of the familiar person.

“What… do?

I can’t …this… anymore.

Why has she been acting so weirdly?

I don’t care.  I miss her words.

Where is she?

This is where she always comes to think.

Even if I can’t be friends with her again…

I just want to hear her voice,

Feel her embrace

Make her laugh

See her smile

…

Be with her…

One last time…”