“So, Tae.  What was it like?”

“What was what like?”

“How miserable were your two weeks without me?”  Tiffany winked.

“Almost as miserable as yours.  I had bed hair, bad breath, stained clothes, and I brought the mood down everywhere I went.”

“Yah!  I did not have bed hair!”

“Yes, yes you did, hahaha!”

Tiffany frowned.

“Alright, alright.  I’ll be honest then.”

-------------------------------------

The two weeks I had without you?  I would say that they were easy weeks since I didn’t have to care for you.  …  But I would be lying if I said that.  Every day dragged on to what felt like 48 hours instead of 24.  They weren’t enjoyable hours either.  Whenever you’re gone, my heart hurts.

“Taeyeon you look sad.”

“Do I?  Sorry.”

“Taeyeon, are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Tae, you don’t look so good.”

“I’m alright.”

“Unnie, you look like you’re about to cry.”

“I’m fine, really.”

I lied so many times.  The truth is, my heart was breaking and tearing apart.  It was bad enough that we weren’t talking to each other.  To make things worse, you had busy schedules and I had empty ones.  I couldn’t even see you and didn’t have anything to take my mind off you.

“Ow!”

“Ahh, sorry.”

“Yah, Taeyeon, what’s up with you today?  You keep getting the dance steps wrong.”

“Sorry…”

“Are you distracted?”

“Sorry…”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Sorry…”

“Maybe you should take a break.  You don’t look so good.”

Every night, I would think back to everything you said to me and everything that I said back.  I had the deepest regrets.

“Aish, what have I done?  Stupid, Taeyeon.  You pushed away the most important thing in the world to you.  Why would you do that?  She’s the one that keeps you going.  Why did you react so weirdly?  You should be giving her flowers, not throwing them at her.  You should be giving her a kiss on the cheek, not using your lips to spit bitter words.

…

Why did I act so coldly to the one who I’m madly in love with?”

I don’t know.  I can’t think when anything involves you.  You make my heart race faster than anything.  You make me forget how to breathe.  You make me feel like passing out every time I think about you.

“Ah! It’s Tiffany!  Hello!!!”  Taeyeon called out using her ahjumma voice even though she was being filmed.  After all, the girls were on vacation and she wanted to let loose a little.  Luckily, for Taeyeon, her inner emotions can’t be caught on tape.

A camera cannot film these things.  A camera cannot film my heart rate.  A camera cannot film my breath being taken away.  A camera cannot film the rush that I feel every time I see you.  However, a camera can film the way I look at you.  A camera can film the way I care for you.  A camera can film the way I’ve fallen in love with you.

“What would you like for your birthday?”  The PD asked Taeyeon.

“Uhm…  Tiffany’s love is enough for me.”  Taeyeon looked at the eye smiling girl standing next to her.

“Oooh, Taeyeon’s love is enough for me too!”  Tiffany laughed cheerfully.

Did you catch it?  Were you able to catch my eyes?  Our shippers certainly saw the way I looked at you in a “loving way”.  Sometimes I laugh at how even though a quarter of the world knows that I’m falling for you, I still don’t have the courage to confess.  It also hurts to realize that even though a quarter of the world knows that I’m falling for you, you still have no clue that I am.  Sometimes it feels like no matter how many times I try to show it, you never see it.

I’ve found that I’ve developed a habit that whenever I talk to anyone, I stare at either their mouth or elsewhere in the room.  Whenever I talk to you, I always look at your eyes.  I guess it isn’t as strange as it seems.  I believe that the eyes speak emotions louder than words.  And lately, I have been very curious about your emotions.  I wish I could tell.  I can read you like a book in any other situation but I can’t figure you out this one time.

“Tae, when are we leaving for practice tomorrow?”

“…”

“Tae?”

“…”

“Tae, wake up.”

“Eh?!”

“Pay attention, dork.  We can’t be late… again!”  Tiffany laughed.

There was always a problem with that…  Every time I look into your eyes, I get lost.  The way your eyes smile, differ.  Around me, they seem different than at a photo-shoot or at when it’s part of choreography.  Around me, the smile tends to be more relaxed and natural, rather than forced.  Haha, I’m only deluding myself.  But you look prettier around me.  Why is that?  You tell me…

“Hey, Taeyeon, I was thinking about wearing this dress for the event today.  How do I look?”

“…”

“Come on, I need your help with this!”  Tiffany turned around.

“…”

“What are you…?”  Tiffany traced Taeyeon’s line of sight… straight to her …

“…”

“Byuntaeyeon, you have all the time in the world to enjoy the view later.  Right now, I really need your opinion on this!”  Tiffany lightly punched Taeyeon in the arm.

“You look great.  You always do.”  Taeyeon said with a small, half-grin on her face.

“Yah.  Eyes up!”  Tiffany laughed and tipped Taeyeon’s chin up.

“Sorry…”  Taeyeon stared straight into her eyes and felt her face growing hot.

“You ert!”  Tiffany giggled and stepped back.  “Are you sure it looks nice?”

“Don’t you trust my eyes?”

“Not really.  They’re like the south pole of a magnet.  And my is the north.”

“Don’t blame me that you were born y.”  Taeyeon jokingly winked.

“So… is this a good dress?  Or…?”

“Fany, really.  You look great in anything; from jeans and a T-shirt to a dress and high heels.”

“Awww, really?”

“You’re beautiful!  You’re beautiful, it’s true!”  Taeyeon sang a song that Tiffany told her about a few months ago.

“You’re such a dork, Taengoo.”

When other people call me names, it doesn’t affect me.  When you call me names, it makes me feel happy.  Even if the names aren’t particularly great, I still love the fact that you take time to make me nicknames.  I just don’t make many for you because I love your name.  It’s pretty and I’m used to saying it.

“Taeng!  Taengoo!  Byuntaeyeon!  Tae Tae!  Shortaeng!”

“Yes?”

“I’m just calling you names.”

“You’re a bully, Tiffany.”

“I’m sorry…  I thought you didn’t mind.”  Tiffany’s puppy eyes automatically appeared.

“I’m just kidding.  I love the nicknames you give me!”  Taeyeon nudged her friend lightly.

Loving you isn’t always perfect.  Nothing is.  You have the power to make me feel incredible for one second, and then on the edge of crying, the next.

“Tae Tae!!! Help me!”  Tiffany was sitting on the floor of the dorm.  It was 9am but she hadn’t gotten much sleep.  Obeying her wifey, Taeyeon reached out her hands and pulled her up.

“You’re very lazy, you know that?”

“Hehehe, I love you!!!”  Tiffany smiled widely.

“Tippani!!!”  Nicole’s voice called from the doorway.  Some of Kara’s members were visiting today, and Nicole always seemed happy to see Tiffany.

“Nicole!!”  Tiffany ran towards her for a hug.

I know I have no reason to be jealous… but sometimes I can’t help it.  I’ve never felt jealousy before… at least… not until I realized my love for you…  It’s funny how even on my best nights; you can make me want to cry afterwards.

“Tae!!! Come this way!”

“But I’m supposed to leave the stage that way.”  Taeyeon pointed to the left of the stage.

“Please?”  Tiffany held Taeyeon’s hand and guided her to the right.

“Where are we going?”

“Just follow me and trust me.”

The two left the backstage area and went to a quiet external dressing room.

“What are we doing here?”

“I don’t know.  Let’s just stay here for a while.  It’s hot in there.”

The two stayed in the room for an hour.  All of the other members had finished changing and they had another full hour before the cars came.

“Tiffany, our car is going to be parked in the back.  Maybe you should go change and wait inside.  You have a busy schedule tomorrow too and I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to arrive at your bed, late.”  Yoona waved for Tiffany to hurry.

“Alright, I’ll get going.”  Tiffany left and hurried to change.

Not a single hug or goodbye wave…  We had a great and flawless performance.  I felt great, leaving the stage.  As soon as I stepped foot outside the building, I could feel tears waiting to pour out.  Just like that, you were able to turn my night upside down.

You’ve also gotten me into trouble before.  I’m always happy to take the fall for you, but can’t you please think about how it would cause trouble for me too?

“Tae tae…”

“Fany, it’s really late.  What do you need?”  Taeyeon texted back with her weak fingers.

“Are you still at the store?”

“I was… about five minutes ago.  Why?”

“I’m hungry…”

“Tiffany, can’t you just cook something?  We have instant noodles.”

“But, I don’t want noodles… I want chips…”

“ Fine.  I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.”

Taeyeon turned around and walked back to the store.  She purchased a large bag of chips and continued walking home.  She tried to rush but still arrived late.  All members were expected to return by 2am.  It was already 2:30 and Taeyeon was still ten minutes away from home.  After a long while of exhausting, uphill walking, Taeyeon finally opened the door.  In front of her was her manager.

“Yah, why are you out so late?”

“I needed to buy something.”

“I don’t think chips are that important.  You already have food here.  You’re on a tight schedule and you have to rest for tomorrow.  There’s not time for luxuries like chips.”

“Sorry…  I won’t do it again.”  Taeyeon bowed apologetically and walked to the bedroom.  Tiffany was sitting on the bed while staring at the floor.

“Tae!  What did you get?”

“Your favourite flavour.”

“Yay!!!! Thanks!”  Tiffany kissed Taeyeon on the cheek and the TV.

I do these things because I love you.  Even if it causes trouble for me, I’d go out of my way to do anything for you.

Loving you is like a roller coaster.  You can make me incredibly happy at certain moments, and incredibly depressed at others.  I don’t know if I should call it good or bad.  During the weeks that I didn’t talk to you, I felt free but absolutely miserable.  I missed you.  I missed being able to show my love for you.  I missed being around you.  Missed the rush I got every time I saw you.  I would want to say that I missed you loving me back.

But I guess you can’t exactly miss what you never had…

-----------------------------------------------

“So?”

“It felt empty.  I’m just glad to have you back, Fany.”

“I forgot to say…”

“Hm?”

“Thank you for the flowers.  You really know which ones I like!”

“Did you like the way it was wrapped?”

“Yes!  I’ve never seen any bouquet as neatly and beautifully put together until I saw those.”

“I’m glad you like my work.”

“You put it together yourself?”

“It’s more meaningful that way.”

“I still have to read the tag on it.”

“Here, read it now.”  Taeyeon plucked the tag from the flowers and handed it to Tiffany.

“I can’t begin to describe how deeply sorry I feel.  The weeks without you felt like years that would repeat themselves.  Please accept my apology.”  Tiffany smiled.

“Do you?”

“Of course I do.  How could I not?  You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met, Taeyeon.  You’re also the most important person in the world to me!”

Please… promise me that it will stay that way too.