Mister Jang Hyunseung.

Is it snowing today as you read this? It was snowing the night we met, do you remember?

That day we met started horrible for me. It was that day that I found out I had Leukemia. That day I found out I only had months to live. I ran out of the hospital. I just wanted to run, and run. It didn’t even matter where. I just wanted to be away. And as if by some twist of fate, I ended up a few steps behind you. You were walking, and you looked so sad. You were looking down at your shoes, I still don’t understand why. They weren’t even nice shoes.

I threw a snowball at you. Something in me just made me feel like I had to. I never apologized about that, it must’ve hurt. I wanted to make you smile. I wanted you to smile at me because I made you happy, not because you pitied me that I was sick.

Did I talk too much that night? I guess I just wanted to forget everything. I knew I couldn’t escape my sickness, and all I could do was pretend it was nothing.

When I’m with you, nothing else mattered.

I’ve never said it to you, but the way you look at me always gives my butterflies in my stomach. My heart races every time you hold my hand.  My biggest regret is never telling you personally the way I feel for you.

I only have this letter.

Whenever I try to gain the courage to tell you how I feel I get scared, or sometimes I feel like I'll feel stupid Every time you talked about your feelings to me, or tell me you love me, all I did was to pinch your cheek, or hug you. It's just my way of showing I really do feel the same way.

Let me say it as simple as I can. I love you. More than you think I do.

Every time I'm around you I feel happy, I sometimes can't think and my mind is filled with only you. Thinking of you drives me crazy at times, only because all I want to do is be with you. My feelings for you have grown so much. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with them, and I don't want to lose these feelings that I have for you. The way you make me feel is really new. I've never felt so strong for someone, nor have I ever wanted to see someone so badly everyday, or even just hear their voice, or just want to be in their arms.

I never intended to fall in love with you, because I knew I would eventually have to leave you.  You have done nothing but make me happy, and it breaks my heart that I had to be the one to hurt you. For that, I am really sorry.

I guess now would be as good as a time as any to explain to you why I kept refusing to be your girlfriend. It was not because I didn’t feel the same way for you, I hope I’ve made it clear that I do love you very much. I didn’t want to be your girlfriend because I knew I would eventually be your ex-girlfriend. And I don’t ever want to be anything “ex” in your life.

It’s alright to miss me, but please don’t be sad for too long. You will find someone, and you will make her very happy.

It will always be you.

Do me a favor, will you, Mister Hyunseung? Always add extra marshmallows when you order hot chocolate.

Yours, for always,

Song Yoonmi

At this place where the snow falls,

I wait for you to come, because I think that you are going to come back to me with a smile.

Even if you say that you won’t return, I will be here.

Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow.

fin.