I twisted the doorknob open. The woman standing by the bed looked at me, she looked like Yoonmi. Her eyes were swollen, probably from crying. She introduced herself as Yoonmi’s mother. I bowed and said my name. She walked to me, and led me further in the room.

I froze in my steps, my face was drained of color, and my heart dropped to my feet. She laid on the hospital bed, tubes attached to her. She was asleep. Her face was pale, she looked so weak. I took small, slow steps towards her bed. I couldn’t believe the sight in front of me. This girl couldn’t be the same Yoonmi that I knew. I stopped right beside her. My hand was shaking as I reached out for her hers.

Let it snow, Let it snow. I come to you, I hold your hands again.

She stirred. Her eyes opened, and they met mine. The eyes that were once bright and filled with life were now hollow and empty. A single tear rolled down her cheek. I’m sorry. Her voice was barely a whisper. I shook my head. I refused to cry. Whatever was going on, I wanted to be strong for her. I held her hand tight. She forced on a smile and motioned her head towards the couch. The giant teddy bear sat there. I named him Snow. She told me. I nodded.

She must have felt that I was still confused about everything that was going on, and she was right. She explained to me that she was diagnosed with leukemia, and that the doctors had found out too late. Medicines could only do so much. She refused treatment. I couldn’t control it any longer. Tears welled in my eyes and I dropped on my knees. I started crying. It’s not fair. She was so young. Why her? She was perfect. She is perfect.

She squeezed my hand with whatever strength she could muster. Don’t cry, Mister Jang Hyunseung. She was smiling, but her voice was shaky. She cupped my face with her hand, and I put mine over hers. She wiped my tears with her thumb, but they continued to fall.

I refused to accept everything that was happening. I was waiting to wake up, and to find out that it was all just a bad dream. She my cheek, and told me to be strong for her. I told her to fight it, she could, with enough treatment and medication. There was still a chance. She shook her head and gave a sad smile. She told me that she had already accepted it, and that I should too.

A doctor came in, asked some questions, and did some tests. Yoonmi asked him if she could have one day to go out. He told her she couldn’t. It would be too risky, her body might not be able to handle being out for too long. When the doctor left, she pouted. She told me she wanted hot chocolate. With lots of marshmallows, of course.

I stayed with her that night, on a chair right beside her bed. My hand never let go of her.

I woke up the next morning to see her looking at me with a smile on her face. She greeted me with a cheerful Good morning, but her face remained weak. I smiled at her. She said she was still craving for hot chocolate. I told her I would buy her some, and that I would be right back. She nodded. Lots of marshmallows.

I told her I wouldn’t take long. I kissed her forehead, down her nose, kissed both her cheeks, then her lips. She closed her eyes. I love you, I said in between kisses. She pinched my cheeks and asked me to hug her. And I did.

I left to buy her hot chocolate. There was a sinking feeling in my gut that I couldn’t shake off.

Let it snow, Let it snow. I start to shake again, I go back to those times.

The walk from the elevator to her ward’s door was treacherous. My breath was caught in my chest and there was a lump on my throat. Why was I so afraid?

Slowly, I opened the door. I could hear sobs. No. It can’t be. I stepped inside.

My mind out, my vision blurred, I couldn’t hear anything. I dropped the hot chocolate on the floor, spilling it everywhere. I felt numb.

She was gone.