I couldn't control it
I yearned for you so much
Didn't want anything else
Except your gentle touch

I kept my mouth shut
Trying to deny it to myself
Pretending I didn't have those feelings
Lying to myself

This love is starting to hurt
Pretending it's not real
Trying to put it in the past
Refusing to reveal

~Christina Gomes

If Ryeowook could be honest, he would say that he is not happy about his engagement.

It’s not like Yesung isn’t nice. It’s just that Ryeowook doesn’t love him. You can’t blame him, he tried. He was always sincere to Yesung’s nice, gentle acts. He would always say thank you when the latter give him gifts. He would always say yes to their date, because he was engaged to Yesung by force, so he need to know his future husband. He would always talk with Yesung, trying to learn something new about the latter, but this doesn’t help. He couldn’t find even the slight part in his heart that he could give Yesung or call this love. He was grateful that Yesung was nice, good man, but he couldn’t find the love that their parents seeks for. They could simply become best friend but nothing more. Luckily from both parts, Yesung too, doesn’t love Ryeowook, but they couldn’t say a word to their parents to stop this engagement. Their parents own one of the richest company in their country and  wanted to unite them together. Sadly none of them had daughter to marry the other man, so they forced their sons. They know that both of them were gays, so they thought, they will be fine with each other. How wrong they were. 

They couldn’t persuade their parents. Even yelling , argues that they don’t love each other didn’t help, as their parents simply said that love will come.

It never comes.

~~~~~~~~~~

Two months later they get married. None of them, happy about it, yet they needed to do it.

One year later, Yesung brings his boyfriend to his and Ryeowook’s house to make them finally meet. Ryeowook doesn’t expect it that day. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy for his best friend or worried about their marriage. He get use to living with Yesung, acting like a couple. They would stop their act as soon as they step inside their house, so no one will see them, yet that day Ryeowook feels uneasy. What will happen to them when their parents find out that Yesung have someone? Will they divorce?

Ryeowook doesn’t know, but he wanted to.

Ryeowook agreed beforehand, before even knowing the man that will live with them. Yesung begged him and, as his best friend, he agreed. They told their parents that this man is living with them, because they want to help a poor college student. They lied to them, just slightly, because Kyuhyun indeed was still in college. Their parents agreed without any suspicious. And this makes them happy. It’s makes Ryeowook happy that he could help his best friend.

If he just knew that he will fall in love with this man, he would never agreed. If he knew that he will need to act all the time after this, he would object.

His eyes gazed at the man next to Yesung. His eyes searching for something that the latter have, that makes Yesung fall in love with him. And he found it as soon as this man smiled friendly at him. That moment was his downfall. That one single smile crushed all friendship and somehow happy marriage into pieces, because Ryeowook knows why Yesung fall in love with the man. Cause that one single smile was the moment that he too, fall in love. That moment Kim Ryeowook fall in love with his best friend boyfriend, Cho Kyuhyun.

Ryeowook greeted Kyuhyun friendly, despite the sudden, unreasonable stuttering. He makes sure that Kyuhyun is comfortable in their house (now his, too). He quickly become Kyuhyun friend and to an utter surprise, Kyuhyun was delighted to have Ryeowook as a friend. They chatted lightly, laughed loudly and grew their friendship bond stronger. Yesung was happy that his boyfriend and husband become good friends, despite the fact, how weird that sound. He was glad that none of them argue or doesn’t like the other. It makes him happy that they created the family, twisted one, yet family.

Ryeowook and Kyuhyun would always cook together, even if Kyuhyun was just helping. That time and in many other ones, they would talk and laugh, tease each other and argue childish. This makes Ryeowook feel the sweet poison spreading on his veins and heart. The sweet poison that makes Ryeowook almost delusional, yet still conscious that Kyuhyun isn’t his, but Yesung’s. So Ryeowook hided his feeling. Acted like he don’t love Kyuhyun and like him just like friend.

And how wrong he was that this pretending play will work forever. How foolish he was, to even think that this sweet happiness will last.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was late autumn that time. Yesung  was on the other country because of his work, so the house was occupied by just Kyuhyun and Ryeowook.

Ryeowook was avoiding Kyuhyun that time, fearing that, with Yesung, his feelings guardian, departure, he will do something stupid. How foolish he was, to think that he will be safe, if he avoid the other one.

That day was rainy and gloomy. Ryeowook was watching something on tv, when Kyuhyun suddenly appeared from nowhere, scaring the other man. Kyuhyun immediately apologize, but Ryeowook doesn’t believe him, as he saw the smirk on the latter’s face. So, with the scoff, Ryeowook turned from Kyuhyun, who huffed annoyed, at his now best friend. Then, he jumped at Ryeowook, and with a whines and cute ‘I’m sorry’, hugged Ryeowook on the couch. Ryeowook was taken aback by this. His heart beats fast as sweet poison melted his heart, making him almost crushed, exposed to his hided feelings.

Kyuhyun shifted, facing Ryeowook and smiled sweetly at him.

Kyuhyun apologize. Their faces dangerous close to each other, position ambiguous as they stare into each other eyes. Ryeowook felt that he will die soon. His heart almost escaping his chest, as he drowns himself in this mesmerizing, chocolate orbs of Kyuhyun. He stare at him hypnotized, without knowing what Kyuhyun will do, what he feels at this moment or what he thinks.

They soon snapped to reality and withdraw from each other, as embarrassed pink colored their cheeks. They quickly excuse themselves and went to their rooms.

That day was their family downfall. Like the one Ryeowook had when he met Kyuhyun.

When Yesung finally come back, he immediately noticed the difference in atmosphere in their house. They greet him normally, but something was off. He noticed the small pain in Ryeowook’s eyes when Kyuhyun leaned and kissed him on the lips. And was utterly surprised when this pain suddenly vanish, replaced by happiness. He never saw something like that in Ryeowook’s eyes and was shocked, to see this. He wonder if he saw things, because Ryeowook was all friendly and lovely like always, yet something in the air, between this two, makes Yesung wonder if something happen. He fears that this something will not makes him happy, but sad.

At dinner Kyuhyun was spacing out a lot, eyes focused at Ryeowook. Yesung noticed this immediately and frowned. Something is not right, yet he fear to ask. Kyuhyun wasn’t paying attention to Yesung at all and it makes Yesung think about possibilities that he doesn’t wanted to think of.

When the night come, they went to their rooms. Yesung noticed Ryeowook’s pained eyes second time that day, when Kyuhyun and him went inside their bedroom. He could swear that he saw tears in the latter’s eyes, when he was closing the door behind Kyuhyun and him.

That night Yesung couldn’t sleep, as he think of possibilities that he feared to voice.

What he doesn’t know was that in the other bedroom, Ryeowook was crying his heart out.

Next day Ryeowook exits his room with a slight fear because he heard Yesung and Kyuhyun arguing. He enter the living room and saw the lovers quarreling about something he couldn’t catch up, because they were talking like in some code.

The sudden fear of them, breaking up, rushed to his heart and he started to panic. He doesn’t want it. He wanted them to be together, happy. He doesn’t want to see them separate, to ever argue. It was first time, Ryeowook saw them like that and it scared him.

As soon as he ender the living room, Yesung’s eyes shifted to him.

“Finally, you are here.” Yesung said unfriendly. Ryeowook filched when he saw the anger in the latter’s eyes.

“Me?” Ryeowook stutter, making Kyuhyun turn and look at him. Ryeowook frowned when his eyes meets Kyuhyun’s. The latter eyes were blurred with fear and pain. And Ryeowook read them as the fear of breaking up with Yesung and pain from their arguing. If he was right or not, he doesn’t know, but he wanted to believe it.

“Yes you faker!” Yesung yelled. Kyuhyun rushed to his and pleaded him to stop, but Yesung was talking more. “I have enough of this. All this stupid act. I had enough. I can’t stop not noticing. I can’t stop seeing what you two doing!” Yesung said as he harshly pushed Kyuhyun’s hand away from his arm. Then went to Ryeowook, and when he grabbed the latter by his collar, he said, with full of venom voice. “Because you wasn’t the only one pretending.”

This words makes Ryeowook wide his eyes in horrified. He was exposed. Everything is now like a new born child. He can’t escape and can’t hide. Yesung knows everything and Ryeowook immediately fears or their marriage and friendship that he doesn’t want to lose. He can’t lose it, yet he needed to stop acting. He can’t escape now, so he will stop pretending and face everything bravely. He will not pretend anymore and will voice his feelings. This one thought makes him feel alive once again.

The sweetness of this poison will rush in his veins till eternity, but he doesn’t mind, despite the fear he have. Cause, the first and the last poison is the sweetest.

Before Ryeowook would say anything Yesung turned to Kyuhyun.

“You better make it work.” Then he leaves them alone. Ryeowook looked shocked by Yesung departure, but was even more when Kyuhyun called him.

“Ryeowook.” The stern voice makes Ryeowook turn around and face Kyuhyun. Ryeowook went, and stood across from Kyuhyun who had troubled expression.

“Y-Yes?” Ryeowook stuttered, despite the braveness that he had a minute ago.

“I’m sorry.” Those words makes Ryeowook shocked. He was clueless why Kyuhyun is apologizing, because he was the one who should apologize.

“Wha-“

“I’m sorry.” Kyuhyun cuts Ryeowook’s words, as he finally looked at him. His eyes, Ryeowook never saw this expression in the latter’s eyes. “I’m sorry to pretend, to act like that. I’m the most horrible person on earth.” Kyuhyun said making Ryeowook speechless. “I acted all this. I pretend everything.”

“What?” Ryeowook screamed as tears fell from his eyes. So all this nice, good things they done was just an act but why? And Yesung what about Yesung? Ryeowook wonders bitterly.

“I mean.” Kyuhyun quickly added, when he was Ryeowook expression. “Don’t take it wrong, not this. Nothing that I done with you was pretending.” Kyuhyun said, trying to voice his feelings.

“What about Yesung?” Ryeowook asked shocked. He felt like punching Kyuhyun for all this. He was speechless and confused, yet angry at unknown thing. He doesn’t know about what Kyuhyun is talking about.

“Let me explain from the very beginning.” Kyuhyun ran his hand over his head with frustration, if he could act normal and not started this. He looked Ryeowook into eyes and started talking.

“I’m not Yesung boyfriend. I just pretended this with him. He agreed after hearing my story and helped me. He become my fake boyfriend and took me to this home to you.” Ryeowook looked at the latter with open mouth. Shock and confusion still in his eyes, so Kyuhyun reveled more. “I fell in love with you at first sight at Yesung’s company.” Kyuhyun said, making Ryeowook gasp at this sudden confession. He felt like crying, but he doesn’t know if from happiness or pain.

“I fell in love with you, but soon after this I found out you are Yesung’s husband. Yes, I work for Yesung on summers and it was when I saw you. I couldn’t believe that Yesung, my boss and somehow new friend, had you as husband. I was devastated to hear this from him, but he quickly told me that you two are not in love with each other. That one information, makes me tell him about my feelings. He agreed to help me, if I find a plan to make you fall in love with me. I don’t know how, but I suddenly thought about the stupidest thing in the word, but Yesung agreed to this. So we planned, that the two of us will act as a couple. I moved here and I was still acting, but all this sweet gestures, all this acts towards you were sincere. The only pretending this was that Yesung aren’t actually my boyfriend.”

Ryeowook looked at Kyuhyun without a word for good five minutes. He searched for something in Kyuhyun’s eyes and found it. Realized that he finally found out the truth he asked.

“Then Yesung don’t have anyone? All this talking about his cute boyfriend was act?” Ryeowook asked. Despite the overwhelming happiness that was slowly spreading in this body, he was still worried about Yesung.

“Him? I think he was just angry about that plan that I still drag it and him with this. Don’t worry Yesung really have a lover, maybe that’s why, he was angry at me when I told him that I need more time? Maybe he wanted to finally show his lover to you and others?” Kyuhyun said and Ryeowook sighed with relieve.

“I’m sorry?” Kyuhyun suddenly said, as he stepped closed to Ryeowook, who looked at him.

“Don’t be. As Yesung said, you weren’t only one pretending. I too.” Ryeowook said, as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s waist.

“What do you mean?” Kyuhyun asked, wrapping his own hand around the latter’s neck. The warm comfort of their bodies makes them more alive, more free and relaxed.

“I mean that I too, was pretending all this time. When I saw you smiling for the first time, when we met, I fell in love with you and this feeling grew stronger, day by day. I couldn’t stop it, yet I couldn’t show it, because I didn’t want to hurt you both. So I acted all this.” This words, makes Kyuhyun smile wide and Ryowook smiled back.

“So, this mean that we two are good actors.” Kyuhyun chuckled as he leaned closer.

“Yeah really good one, but this love is not pretending, it’s real.” Ryeowook whisper, then went silent, when Kyuhyun capture his lips with his one.

After this, all acts and pretending stopped. Yesung and Ryeowook confronted their fears and divorced, despite their families protest. They wasn’t happy in their small world full of lies and pretending, so they destroyed it and created a new ones, with their loved ones. Cause, love is pure and clear. There is nothing to pretend in love and nothing to act.