You raise me up… to more than…I can be.            

         Luhan and Baekhyun finish singing the last verse of the song; their eyes still shut tightly as if they were still feeling the song. Lay claps enthusiastically while nudging the cold silent Kris. Kris admits that the duo was impressive, but not as wonderful as his baby brother. The emotionless older brother harbors a soft spot for his adorable and squishy younger brother. Feeling Yixing’s menacing glare, Kris starts to clap. The younger male is giving off an aura stating you-better-clap-or-else-I’ll-skin-your-!

       Sehun jumps from his seat and embraces Luhan causing the latter to jolt in shock from the sudden contact.“You were amazing! I didn’t know you could sing, Lulu!” Sehun grabs Luhan by the shoulders and shakes him with a slight force. “Oh… you don’t mind me calling you Lulu right,” adds Sehun.

       “! You unhand my baby! And don’t you dare call him Lulu, only I can do that. Who do you think you are,” snaps Baekhyun pulling Luhan away from Sehun and closer to him.

       “ByunBaek! Don’t curse at other people, especially our friends!” Luhan scolds Baekhyun for his rude manners. Turning to Sehun he says, “And Sehun! Baekkie also sang with me, he should also be praised. Don’t ignore others!” Sehun, in addition to Baekhyun , was scolded by the small blonde. The two clashing boys glare at each other before receiving a smack on the head by the annoyed Kris.

       “Just stop it would you two! Oh Shisus! I don’t even know how Xing deals with you two.” Kris sends them a warning using his eyes, leaving Sehun and Baekhyun whimpering and trembling in fear. The two of the mutter a soft apology and sits down quietly. The petite blonde is left in awe, admiring the power of the emotionless man.

       “Kris Wu! Don’t you dare hit my dancers and threaten them!” Lay pushes away his gigantic husband. “Why can’t you be nice to them? That’s why everyone is deathly frightened of you!” Lay crosses his arms and pouts at his husband’s rude and nasty behavior. The two whimpering males were still sitting quietly with their head facing the floor, afraid to look up.

        “I am nice,” came Kris’ response, short and terse. Kris rubs his lover’s back lovingly hoping to pacify Lay’s anger.

         “Nice? You call that nice? Why can’t you treat my colleagues nicely? Just pretend they’re Kyungsoo!” Lay explodes and starts to hit Kris on the chest. At the name of his lover, Kai snaps out of his memories. What had just happened and why is the tension in the room so high? Kai had been too busy reminiscing his high school experiences to notice his surroundings.

        “Don’t bring up my baby brother! He’s family, so of course I’ll treat him nicely.” Kris tries to reason with his unreasonable husband. In Kris’ mind, he didn’t do anything wrong.

        “HAVE I MENTIONED THAT YOU HAVE A FUDGING BROTHER COMPLEX!!!” Lay huffs and puffs while his face continues to turn a darker shade of red. “Your logic , Kris!” Lay brings his hands up to his face and starts to cry into them. Kris automatically hugs his shaking husband whispering nothing but sweet fluffy words into his ears as Lay breaks down. Luhan does a double take; it is painfully obvious who had more power in the relationship. The crying pale dancer has Kris around his finger. Kris is a whipped man.

         “W-w-will you… b-be…n-nicer?” Lay hiccups out the words and looks up at his lover longingly with glassy red eyes. Kris could still see fat drops of tears threatening to fall and the way Lay’s lower lip trembled, there is no way Kris could say no to that face. With a face like that, Yixing could probably get away committing murder, fire, or .

        “Fine…” mutters Kris and Lay’s face lights up like a Christmas tree.

        “YES! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE!” Lay wipes away his tears and hugs Kris back. Kris gladly snuggles into the embrace. The way the smaller male’s body molds into the taller one’s is just perfect. Luhan’s mouth hangs open catching flies. Now he was certain who held the throne in the relationship and it definitely wasn’t the giant blonde.

        Kai remains somewhat indifferent. This isn’t the first time Lay has pulled a trick like this. Back in high school, Lay would pretend to cry or act hurt to get     something he wanted and like a reflex, Kris would cave in. Kai looks at the loving couple and feels a tingle, a tingle of jealousy. They look so happy together in each other’s arms, while Kai misses the simple touches and kisses of his own lover. Was this how Lay felt when he saw Kyungsoo and Kai together? Realization hits him hard. Those innocent kisses that Kai shared with Kyungsoo in the studio, did they hurt Lay unintentionally? Guilt plagues Kai and he wonders if this is punishment from the heavens.

          “Are you okay, Kai?” Luhan looks at the tan dancer worriedly. The color drained out from tan skin, leaving Kai looking spooked and pale. Kai nods fiercely and fakes a smile as he stands up.

           “I got to go, I don’t feel too well. By the way, your singing is awesome!” Kai quickly walks out of the room feeling suffocated. He needs fresh air and he needs it ASAP. Rushing outside of the karaoke place, Kai sinks to the ground and feels the splash of wind dancing across his face. The harsh cold wind of the night acts as a slap to the face only deepening the pain etched in Kai’s heart, the pain from guilt, loneliness, and heartache.

The heart broken boy picks himself up and walks home with a heavy heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

             Luhan watches as Kai disappears from his vision of sight. The caramel blonde sighs. He wonders why Kai tries to keep everything to himself.  There was something wrong, Luhan felt it in his gut, but Kai locked it up. Couldn’t Kai trust him? This only made Luhan more determined to break through Kai’s defenses and into his heart. He walks back into the dark karaoke room. 

             “Hey, where did Kai go,” asks Sehun now that Kris has gotten off his high horse, he is no longer that whimpering scared kid. Lay looks around the dark room and notices that it is one body less. Kris stiffens. Kyungsoo had told him to keep an eye out for Kai just in case he does anything foolish. Great, now the poor kid is missing, the pressure of being a role model brother! Kris rubs his temples while formulating a plan of some sort.

             “Kai just left. He said he didn’t feel well,” answers Luhan softly. Luhan feels guilty for not having stopped Kai. Despite not knowing much, Luhan’s gut feeling tells him something is off. Kris mutters a few curses and stands up.

             “That boy!” His deep voice booms in the same area. “Always hiding his feelings and running away! I’m going to look for him!” Kris bends down and gives Lay a peck on his lips and exits. The remaining people in the room are tense and worried.

             “Do you think Kai will do something stupid?” It was Baekhyun who spoke first, voice laced with worry. Although he didn’t know Kai very well, he still cared about his friends. Sehun pales at his question. He has been friends with the boy for long enough to know that Kai is reckless.

             “Don’t say that,” scolds Lay. “Kai will be okay. He’s not dumb enough to hurt himself. Let’s not worry too much. Fear is a weakness and insecurity.” Lay reassures the dancers, but silently hopes to himself that the reckless boy will be safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

             Kai’s mind drifts off to all the happy moments of his life as he walks slowly and mindlessly through the park on his way home. A tight knot embezzles in his throat and his stomach churns violently. He doesn’t know what to feel at the moment. His head clouded with a mixture of emotions, ranging from guilt to joy. He had been so selfish in his relationship with Kyungsoo and Lay. Never had he thought about their feelings; everything was always just him.

             A rush of emotions plagues Kai and out of frustration, he lets his fist ram into a nearby tree. Slumping down to the ground, he finally cries. Kai lets out his deepest feelings as he cries in the park. His inner most feelings and insecurities finally bubbles to the surface. He had hidden them so well, why did they return. Kai slams his bloody hand onto the grass, smudging red blood onto the grass and soil. The shaking boy allows his insecurities and fears engulf him whole.

             Maybe this is why his father abandoned him.

             This is why no one is allowed to touch his heart.

             This is why he is alone.

             This is why without Kyungsoo, he is nothing.

             Will Kyungsoo abandon him too?

             And this is why he fears being alone.

Flashback:

             “YOU ARE THE MOST USELESS SON I EVER HAD!”

             Jongin cowers feeble from his screaming father who was growing bigger each passing second. Tears and sweat stream down his tan skin as he shakes and apologizes to his father.

             “My biggest regret in life was having an ungrateful son like you. I wish your mother didn’t have to give birth to a worthless piece of junk like you! She’s probably unable to rest peacefully in heaven because of you!”

             His father continues to grow larger and Jongin just wants himself to disperse into bubbles and disappear. He flinches at the harsh words thrown in his way. Each word felt like a slap in the face.

             “And the fact that you’re gay… how can your mother rest in peace knowing that she gave birth to a ? You should be happy that I’ll allow you to continue seeing that little ! How dare he seduce my son into following his ways? You were such a good boy, when did you become a rebellious , huh?”

             By now, Jongin’s father towers over him like a bridge over a river. Jongin sobs as he receives each and every blow of the bitter and venomous words. He shrinks into his corner and hugs himself in a fetal position.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

             “Jongin! Jongin!” A panicked voice resonates in his ears. It continues to chant his name like a prayer. Jongin felt warm hands cupping his face and shaking him. He opens one of his eyes to see his angel hovering over him with a face scrunched up in worry. The angel’s beauty stops his breathing and heartbeat as if time has stopped.

             “Jongin are you okay? You were crying in your sleep while muttering sorry over and over. You made me so worried.” Kyungsoo hands were still on his face, caressing him gently. Suddenly Jongin remembers his dream. He vividly visualizes and hears his father screaming at him. The tan boy’s fingers start to shake violently and he digs himself into his bed sheets as a form of protection. These actions startle the flawless angel.

             “Jongin, answer me? You’re really worrying me.” Kyungsoo grabs his lover into a hug and runs his hands through his brown locks. “You haven’t been eating or sleeping well ever since you left your father’s house. I’m really worried. Pull yourself together!” Kyungsoo feels a slight dampness on his neck. Jongin was silently crying; the younger boy holds his boyfriend closer. Kyungsoo has no choice but to let Jongin cry out his feelings. He didn’t want to force the younger to say anything until he feels ready, so Kyungsoo lets his lover cry on his chest.

             A few minutes later, a sobs stopped. Jongin peels himself off his angel with swollen and red bloodshot eyes. He feels ready to tell Kyungsoo his inner feelings; no he wants to tell him. Jongin wants to rely and trust Kyungsoo with all of his heart.

             “Kyung? I dreamt of my dad.” Jongin motions for the older boy to come closer. “Remember that day that I went to tell my dad my dreams, he disowned me.” Kyungsoo snuggles into the crook of Jongin’s neck and wraps his hand around Jongin’s. Right at that moment, Jongin decided that he will live his life for dancing and Kyungsoo, his beautiful and kind Kyungsoo, his wall of strength.

             “In my dream, my dad told me I was useless and that’s why he doesn’t want me. I don’t meet his expectations…” Jongin trails off; his eyes begin to water again.

             “You! Are! Not! Useless!” Kyungsoo entangles their fingers together. Now they were both lying on the bed, fingers tangled together and Kyungsoo’d head was resting on Jongin’s chest, a steady heartbeat rhythm strongly in the older boy’s ears.  “You are my everything.”

             “In my dream, dad told me he regret having me. My mom would also regret giving birth to me. Am I a burden to him? Is that why he abandoned me?” The heartbeat begins to beat erratically. “Dad said Mom can’t rest in peace because of me. It’s all my fault.”

             “Baby,” Kyungsoo starts with a honey dripped voice and tone. Jongin is extremely sensitive at this time and he didn’t want to hurt him anymore. “You are not a burden to your dad. If this is how he viewed you as, he doesn’t deserve to be your dad. It’s a dream, baby. It’s not real, it’s an illusion.” The older boy kisses Jongin’s hand and continues. “Illusions aren’t real. You don’t know how your mom feels. I’m sure she’s proud of you. Her son is a killer dancing machine. She’ll be very proud.”

             “Really?” Jongin squeaks. “Do you think she’s proud of me?”

             “I’m sure she is extremely proud of her son. Do you have anything else to say? Don’t let your insecurities get to you. In my eyes, you are perfect.”

             “I’m nowhere near perfect, but you my angel are. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” Jongin heart swells with love. Even if his father has abandoned him, he still had Kyungsoo. Jongin feels as if he was given the strength to move on. If he had Kyungsoo, any obstacles or challenges thrown his way weren’t stand a chance. Together and united, they were strong and undefeatable.

             “Jongin? What are you thinking about?”

             “I was just thinking about us. If I have you next to me, I could overcome anything! Rain, sleet, snow, or even hell! Only if I have you by my side.” Jongin rubs his boyfriend’s short jet black hair in a loving matter.

             “Well…I guess I’ll make you sick of being so powerful because I’ll always be with you. Forever to the infinity and the unknown corners of the universe!” Jongin laughs at his lover’s cuteness, but feels the warmth and reassurance of his words. “Will you let me replace your father’s place in your heart?” In response, Jongin eats up those plump pink lips. Kyungsoo takes that as a yes and eagerly returns the kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(A few days after Jongin’s meltdown)

             “I want to change my name.” Kyungsoo looks at his boyfriend confused and somewhat surprised. Why did Jongin want to change his name? Kim Jongin isn’t a bad name.

             “Don’t look at me like that, BabySoo.” Jongin covers his face with his palm feeling somewhat embarrassed. “I heard that changing my name can change my luck and turn over a new leaf. I want a new start. A beginning with just the two of us, no one else, and you are my life now. I only have you, Kyung. So promise me something. Promise me you will never leave me.”

             “I won’t ever leave you Kim Jongin. I love you with all my cells and organelles.” Kyungsoo tiptoes and places an innocent kiss on Jongin’s lips to seal the promise.

             “Don’t you mean, Kim Kai?” Kai smirks as he snakes his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. “Kim Kai, that’s my new name. Do you like it?”

             “I like anything that involves you.” Kyungsoo reaches up for another kiss. In between kisses, Kai asks a question.

             “What about Sehun? Do you like him too because we are ‘involved.’ We’re best friends you know? So do you like him too?” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and mushes their lips together, trying to shut up the younger.

             “Shut up and kiss me, you fool!” Kai gladly complied.

  A/N: I'm really sorry that I didn't update last week. My friend and I got into an agruement, which killed for writing mood for the week. I'm so sorry *bows and goes on knees* I'm a horrible author. T^T

Thank you all for supporting and for reading my horrible fanfic. I'll try my best to update in the next few days and hopefully improve my writing too. :O 

I would appreciate if you guise left me a comment or two ;-; 

If you are confused or anything, please feel free to ask me. :D I don't bite....

Note: Unrevised. There might be mistakes.