Her hair was in a chignon, tendrils dangling around her face. Her lips, red. Mascara over her eyelashes, while eyeshadow made her eyes come out, as it was designed to do so. Her nails were perfectly manicured; her shoes were to die for. And her dress, her dress was nothing but perfect.

 

"You look so beautiful, Darling!" Summer's own mother told her.

 

"Absolutely wonderful!" said her soon to be mother-in-law.

 

Everyone was surrounding her, admiring the way she looked as she stood before a full-length mirror; they commented on every detail of her being, today, down to the last  hairpin on that pretty little head of hers as was expected of the bride's entourage. 

 

"Dongwoon is such a lucky guy!" A cousin of hers, who was to be a bridesmaid today, exclaimed.

 

"You really think so?" Her sister answered, teasingly.

 

"Why not? They look so perfect together!" Another bridesmaid said.

 

"Well who do you think has to deal with her everyday of her life, then?" Dawn replied, earning a glare from Summer as she turned to look at her sister.

 

"Shut up, Dawn. I think he's quite lucky to be marrying me." She said, finally admiring herself in the mirror without the side comments of anybody.

 

"I am amazing, after all." Summer said a bit cockily and tilted her head to the side, admiring the intricate beadwork on her wedding dress as she ran a hand over the splendid design.

 

"And that you are." said her mother who finally stood beside her in the mirror, resting her hands on her daughter's shoulders. Her mother fixed the veil on her head so that it fell down in beautiful waves. The bridesmaids fixed the trail of her wedding gown, and there was a moment of silence as they all finally let the realization of today sink in on all of them.

 

"You're getting married," her mom let out a whisper, and when Summer looked at her, she was crying.

 

"Oh, mommy." She said and turned to hug her mother. Her mother who got her into this predicament in the first place. Her mother who was always too firm with her, who always controlled her life, who made her cry because she felt like the worst daughter in the world. But all of that seemed so far away because now, all she saw was a mother who cared about her and loved her, but just didn't know in what manner to show it.

 

They talked some nights ago, and her mother apologized for all her shortcomings. Because that was how she was raised by her own mother, this was how she raised her own children, said her mom to her. And Summer understood. "But when you become a mother, Summer, nothing else will matter except what you think is best for your children. I just hope that you raise them better than I raised you, and your siblings." It wasn't easy for the older Mrs. Park to say this, but she did.

 

And now, Summer was inside a room waiting with the ladies for their queue. "Awws" were heard from the women in the room, whilst her sister just stood there, slightly smiling.

 

As everyone finished gawking at the pretty young bride, they all left her in the room, save for Mrs. Park and Dawn. And as the women left, a knock was heard on the door. In came The Mr. Park, and Eli; followed by Dawn's husband and their twin children.

 

"We have your bouquet," her father said, holding out long-stemmed white lilies in his hands.

 

"They're beautiful," Summer said, accepting the flowers with a smile on her face. She moved from her spot in front of the mirror and moved closer to her family.

 

"Just like you, little sis." Eli commented. She was about to give a snide remark when she saw the look on her brother's face and instead gave a laugh.

 

"Are you crying??" She asked him.

 

"What?! No I'm not! I just have something in my eye!" He said and moved over to her, about to rough it out. She of course would never back down to her brother. But then again, she was in heels, and a pretty tight fitted dress; and the moment he attacked, she was pretty sure she felt a weight on the train of her dress.

 

"Mom!!" She yelled when she was sure Eli stepped on her gown. And in response, everyone came to her defense. Today must be lucky, she thought.

 

"No touching the bride!" They all yelled at him. Even Summer's brother-in-law, who rarely said anything, spoke and moved to take Eli away.

 

"No fair!" He whined and moved to sit on the couch.

 

The Twins, now able to walk, found their way to Summer and tried to hug her legs as they always would when they saw her.

 

"Oh, my babies!" She said, putting on a pouty face that always made the two little ones laugh as she bent to carry them--

 

"No, no! Don't you even dare." Her mother said, and Summer sighed.

 

"Fine; then can we get this wedding over with so I can carry my beautiful babies already?" She said, and made cooing faces at the twins as she spoke.

 

"Please, just take them away." The twins' dad remarked, splaying an exhausted look on his face, being that he's been on twin-watch for the past few days. Dawn just scoffed.

 

"Do you have everything ready?" Dawn asked her.

 

"Yes!" Summer exclaimed.

 

"Show me, then. Something old," Her sister said, and Summer pointed at the clip that was holding her veil in place.

 

"Something new," Summer lifted her dress a bit to show off the new pair of heels that she bought for today.

 

"Something borrowed," and then Summer pointed at the necklace around her neck.

 

"Something blue," Her sister said, and raised an eyebrow up at her Summer. 

 

Summer smiled a cheeky smile. "I can't show you that," she said being that she was referring to her undergarments. Her sister rolled her eyes, as she tried her best not to laugh since that was what she did when she got married, too.

 

"I guess you're ready," Dawn said, and picked up one of the twins as her brother-in-law picked the other one up. Dawn kissed her sister on the cheek and turned to leave, not wanting to show that she was tearing up.  Her brother-in-law congratulated her as well, and left. Followed by her mom and dad, who spoke a few encouraging words and gave her hugs before they went to check on the guests outside.

 

 

Summer sat sat down on a chair by the table in the room. She could still see her reflection in the mirror.

 

She tried smiling, but somehow the smile seemed misplaced on her face, like it didn't belong there. Everything was perfect, but something was off at the same time. This was the perfect wedding, she knew. Dongwoon was a great guy, everyone put so much effort into today, she was all dolled up, but this wasn't the wedding she fantasized about in her head right before she went to bed. Everything was great, but she wasn't after great; despite everything, she was still…simply after the one thing she wanted the most: happiness. If it wasn't a wedding out of love, [since to her that equated to happiness and her own decisions of who to marry,]  then it would never be her dream wedding.

 

 

Eli sat cross legged on the couch looking at his own sister.

 

"They say a woman's wedding day is the happiest day of her life. So why am I not as happy?" She expects no answer.

 

But then her brother replies. "It'll get better, you'll see."

 

"Really?" She asks.

 

Her brother stands up to move beside her, and as he reaches her he says "I don't know. But someone as good as you is bound to be happy. So just you wait, okay?" And she nods.

 

"I have to go down now, and I'll tell you when you can get down yourself. I'll see you in a bit." He says and kisses the top of her head.

 

He walks to the door and opens it. He steps out. Before he closes the door, he turns. "Smile, Summer. You're getting married, after all." He gives her his famous hundred-watt-smile, and shuts the door.

 

 

Now that she is alone, she puls out a folded envelope inside her purse and does the one thing that she hasn't done. After days of postponing, she now reads the letter, the last thing that Jiyong ever gives her and she tries hard not to tear up at the thought.

 

She could tell that the letter was already opened, and she wondered what Jiyong had in mind when he gave her an already read letter. The flap of the envelope was torn open, and the front of it, in familiar handwriting, it said:

 

"Read this only when you feel there's nothing to come back to.

Then, find your way back home."

 

 

 

Summer took out the paper in the envelope quickly, wondering if what she thought was indeed correct. It was a poem of some sort, and it read, in her own tiny yet round calligraphy:

 

love her as you always have.

love her as you have loved others.
love her from afar -
love her smile,
her laugh.
let her joy be your joy.
let her gaze fall to you
and if she smiles,
smile back. 
(and if she looks at you with empty eyes,
look away.)

love her as the moon to the sun.

where her light is radiant at best
(and where you reflect her light.)
where on the gloomiest of days
she shines through the clouds
and hours later,
in the dark of night,
you glow
- only with the help of the stars.
(but you do not always reflect her light -
you hide behind the shadows of space
and the stars shine in your stead.) 

she is the water to your earth,
the curious white spots
when your eyes close;
the sensation of warmth that spreads
from your heart to your fingertips-
(they are fleeting feelings,
sensations that swell and recede like tides.)

never forget
that she hurt you - 
that her call for space
and her indifference 
afflicted you with the greatest pain.
(but never forget
that she loved you -
held your hand,
and interlaced your fingers;
let your footsteps fall together
let your lips fall on hers -
that you mattered to her,
and that she mattered to you.) 

love her.
love her as you will,
but do not tell her -
that your resolve is weak,
that you cannot escape
the sigh that falls from your lips,
that she holds the strings that make you dance -
that you still love her.
(whisper it -
to the air as you lay awake,
between shaky breaths and dried tears,
to god and to heaven,
to the pillows and bedsheets -
and it will seep into her dreams somehow
and she will remember
that you love her.) 

 

 

It was a poem for two lovers, she recalled, when everything was going wrong; to make them remember that there was still something worth fighting for. It was for them, she thought to herself. So that they'd always find their way back to each other. And she remembered. How could she forget? She wrote it for him, so he'd never give up on her no matter how bad things were. It was to be saved for a situation like this, that she gave it to him. She was surprised he kept this all along.

 

She let out a shaky breath as she put the letter back inside the envelope. She willed herself not to cry, and she was very thankful she's had years of practicing how to do so. Despite the fact that she wanted very much to leave, she knew she couldn't. He was gone.

 

----

 

Two giant doors leading to the entrance of the church slowly opened, revealing the bride behind them. She smiled as she began her march, and the pianist started playing.

 

She was beautiful, he thought as he looked at her with adoration, walking effortlessly and gracefully down the aisle. But if one knew him as well as she did, one could see the sadness in his eyes. It was slightly visible, but nevertheless, it was there. Dongwoon was glad for today, because afterwards, all the torture and the pain would be over. And she would be happy.

 

She finally reached the steps of the altar, her arms in the crook of her father's. Dongwoon shook hands with Summer's father, and then he reached his hand out for her, which she happily accepted after kissing her father's cheek. Then they made their way to the altar.

 

A ceremony was prepared for this supposedly joyous occasion, with the celebrant talking about love and marriage and being one family. Where the man is supposed to move away from his home so he may make his own, with a wife that he must cherish forever.

 

Forever's a long time, he thought to himself. And it certainly was. He snuck glances at Summer who was beside him; she was taking in deep breaths the whole time. Before he knew it, they were to say "I Do" already.

 

After a few moments, he felt a tug on his hand, and he saw Summer awkwardly staring at him. "What?" He asked her.

 

"Say something," she whispered, expectantly. When he gave her a questioning look, the celebrant repeated. "Do you, Son Dongwoon, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" 

 

But the priest was silenced as Summer took over and spoke the words herself. "To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. To love and to cherish, from this day forward, till death do us part?"

 

There was a longer silence, and this time it was uncomfortable. Summer was waiting for his response, looking at him confused. The crowd started murmuring. Even the priest began calling his name. But he didn't mind them. He looked only at her, as he always did, and saw what a wonderful wife she would be, and what a perfect bride she was.

 

But she just wasn't his bride.

 

"I don't," he said.

 

And as he spoke, the whole place was buzzing with noise. Murmurs in one corner, gasps in another. Everyone was shocked, most especially Summer whose eyes were wide, mouth agape.

 

"What??" She asked. Dongwoon turned his attention to everyone in the room. His voice was loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

He looked to his parents and said, "I can't marry her,"

 

"Dongwoon!" His father bellowed, his mother was speechless. But before his father could continue, Dongwoon spoke again.

 

"But please do not let this affect the arranged business propositions that we've made. As CEO, I still want to push through with our plans, but please separate our personal lives, and work affairs." He said.

 

"I want to get married on my own terms, in my own time. Not like this. Please accept my decision." He told his parents, then turned to Summer's mother and father.

 

He bowed a perfect 90-degree bow, before rising to face them. "I hope you can forgive me for the trouble that I have caused you." Mrs. Park was clearly in shock, but Summer's father only gave a slight but knowing smile, and tilted his head forward in acknowledgement. Eli's eyes were huge, but Dawn just shook her head amusedly, as if she knew this was going to happen. He bowed in their direction too.

 

Then he turned to Summer.

 

"You look beautiful," he began, and she was slightly shaking her head in disbelief.

 

"But I'm sorry; you're just not the one for me." Her eyes narrowed as if she meant to ask what that was supposed to mean.

 

"...And I know, I'm not the one for you either." He said and gave her a wink only she was able to see, being that he was facing her sideways, profile view from the on-lookers. Again, a look of confusion found its way on her face.

 

"What are you doing?" She asked, loud enough for only the both of them to hear.

 

He moved closer to her, and held both of her hands. Then he bent and whispered into her ear, "Making you happy."

 

She took a sharp intake of breath, and before she knew it, she was crying. "Oh God," she kept on repeating.

 

She could hear the cockiness and pride in his voice when he talked to her now, and back was the mischievous boy she met that one fateful night. Again, he spoke. "On the count of three, I want you to push me as hard as you can when I move to hug you. Then run to the bridal car that's waiting for you outside."

 

"Dongwoon," she started to speak but he only shook his head and spoke so she would keep quiet. Because if she stayed any longer, he wasn't sure he'd be able to let her go then.

 

"One… Two…" He began. She tried to interject his countdown, but to no avail.  "And before I forget: I love you…" He said quickly, in between counts. She looked right into his eyes when she thought she heard what he said, but wasn't able to confirm it any longer because at that moment he chose to say "…Three."

 

And he moved to put his arms around her; to make himself look like the biggest , asking for a hug when he ruined a wedding. But before he was even able to do so, she shoved him hard, and ran down the aisle, still in tears as she made her way past the door.

 

The guests sitting on the pews all stood up as Summer left the church, looking like a bride put to shame and hurt.

 

But the supposed couple knew that wasn't true. Dongwoon smiled a ghost of a smile; it may hurt now, but he knew it was all for the best.

 

She left Dongwoon staring after her in her wake as she made her way to the wonderful new life he knew she would have ahead of her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a/n

Credits to NaPoWriMo (thenotredamewindows.tumblr.com) for the poem. I just found it on her account. ALL HER POEMS ARE AMAZING. I know she doesn't know that I used it here, and I'm asking for forgiveness, but I thought it was perfect.

 

 

 

 

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