“Wha- what happened here?” Myungsoo was more like talking to himself rather than really asking people about his confusion of his neighbours currently surrounding his house. He didn’t know why his legs suddenly felt so weak, so heavy. He closed his car door and practically dragged his jelly felt like legs closer to the crowds. He didn’t know what happened yet but he could feel it was something bad.

The clenching fear had been curling in his belly reared up, infecting his body like a parasite, claiming each individual part of him into one giant nerve of terror.  If anything happens to Sungjong…

If anything happens to Sungjong..

But Myungsoo couldn’t finish the thought.  He couldn’t even begin to plan for a world where Sungjong wouldn’t be okay.

He walked closer. He heard his neighbours were murmured something like,

“Aigoo, poor this family. I can’t believe he did that horrible thing!”

“I heard they were arguing this morning.”

“They are good people, my heart pains for them.”

“He’s pregnant, isn’t he? I heard with twins. I hope he and the babies are going to be okay.”

“Whatever happen, I’ll pray the best for the family. I like the couple so much. Their daughter is such a sweetheart.”

Were they discussing the new drama plays on tv? But..

Why they were talking in front of his house, not like they couldn’t discuss whatever they were discussing in their own houses. By any chance..

Myungsoo noticed. They were all wearing a deep grief face, pity mixing with disappointment and disbelief and.. was that anger he saw?

He left the house this morning with so much conflicted emotions, and welcoming back with this kind of situation was not what he ever thought of.

“Myungsoo! Hey, Myungsoo, look to your left!” Sungyeol shouted, pointing aggressively to the direction and of course Myungsoo didn’t hear him at all. He couldn't. “They are going to take Sungjong away! Dude, come on!” Sungyeol groaned in frustration.

There was an annoying sound, so loud and clear, nearly made Myungsoo deaf. The ambulance siren wailed and Myungsoo looked at it just to see a glimpse of lifeless Sungjong in the ambulance through the window.

“Sung.. Sungjong.. Sungjong? Sungjong! Sungjong!” Myungsoo ran and tried to catch the ambulance while chanting Sungjong’s name.

“That’s the husband, right?”

“I wonder where he have been?”

“So, they did really fought this morning, then..”

“Dear God, this is so heart breaking. I can’t see this.”

Some of them were already in tears while some were comforting each other.

“Well, if you look to your left a little earlier, you might be able to catch him,” Sungyeol shrugged. “It’s a bad and a good thing, Myungsoo. I can’t see his spirit anywhere. That means he’s still alive. He’s freaking alive and he’ll be good. He’ll be okay, I promise you,” Sungyeol promised, even though he didn’t have any business promising anything. And there was a naïve hope in his voice that made himself flinch.

“Myungsoo hyung!” Lim Sunggyu, the new neighbour called out and stopped Myungsoo from catching the ambulance. Sungyeol stumbled a bit when Sunggyu walked through him. “Well, that’s.. I’ll never get used to it.”

“Sungjong-ah!” Myungsoo cried, calling for Sungjong, face wet with tears, hand tried to reach for him. Sunggyu hugged Myungsoo tightly, comfortingly. “Get hold on yourself, hyung.”

“Sungjong-ah,” Myungsoo called desperately while hugging Sunggyu back. He was even hiccupping. Myungsoo sobbed uncontrollably into Sunggyu’s shoulder. “Why- what happened?” he managed to ask after a while. Sunggyu released Myungsoo from the hug as his tears dried up, holding Myungsoo’s upper arm gently and the guy looked straight into his eyes.

“I don’t really know what happened, too, hyung but the paramedic who took Sungjong hyung said Sungjong hyung cut himself- I don’t want to believe that- My wife said she did see the blood everywhere but I don't believe that-”

“My God, Sungjong! You stupid, you!” Sungyeol screamed. His chest felt tight. 

Myungsoo’s vision went black and he found himself gasping for breath. He felt like his whole body was in fire. It lasted for maybe less than a minute before Myungsoo was left with a sinking feeling in his stomach. “No.. Yes, he won’t do that. Sungjong won’t do that. He’s better than that, I know-”

“Come, hyung. I drive you to the hospital.”

“Babies.. My children.. How..” Myungsoo opened his mouth, but the words caught in his throat. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say. His brain was too taxed by crushing despair and overwhelming confusion.

“I’m sorry,” Myungsoo whispered and collapsed into a tortured mess of despair.

When Myungsoo got home, he hit the shower first. Long, warm shower was all he needed right now to loosen his tensed muscles. And he actually cried under the running water but he pretended he didn’t and those weren’t his tears, it was the water running down his cheeks.

Myungsoo loved his mother-in-law as much as he loved his own but this one time he couldn’t run from having a fight, disagreeing, with her.

“Say Myungsoo, by any chance, do you don’t love Sungjong anymore? Say it honestly to me.”

“Eomeoni, you must be joking.”

“Why I’m not laughing?”

“Eomeoni, why would you ask that? That’s impossible. Sungjong is my children’s mother, of course I love him-”

“Why I don’t believe you?” Eun Joo snapped.

“Eomeoni-”

“How could you left him alone then? He carried your children and the least you could do is always staying beside him! That’s a fair point, don’t you think? But what you did instead? Embracing your endless ego!” Eun Joo said, exasperated.

“I’m so sorry-”

“Save your sorry because it doesn’t change anything now!” her disgust and disapproval dripped from every syllable.

“If being lie to and getting hurt by it what you called ego, then I’ve nothing to offer but my deepest apologies,” Myungsoo felt some emotion clawing at him from the edges of his mind. It was more personal than pain, and sharper than loss. A mixture of anger and hurt and defensive dislike.

“I’m his mother, Myungsoo. His pain is my pain. He is one child that didn’t go around and tell all his worries to his mother but I still could feel it. I know. He would lie for you if he must, though. That’s how much he loves you.”

“He would lie for me but why did he lie to me?” Myungsoo could hear how dead his voice sounded.

“Keeping secrets and lying are two different things,” her tone was even.

“Not telling me the truth is lying!” Myungsoo did hope she noticed the double-edged disgust that threatened to overwhelm him.

“I’m not siding Sungjong here but judging on how much you hate on Sunggyu, it’s understandable for Sungjong to keep the fact that he and Woohyun are friends away from you. But I need to say this, Sungjong is keeping in touch with Woohyun, not Sunggyu.”

“That’s not so much different.”

“It is, Myungsoo. It is. If you able to see with a clearer heart. Woohyun is not Sunggyu. Woohyun is my grandnephews’ mother. If you happened to make mistake, is it really fair for people to hate your family? No, right? That applies to Woohyun and Namgyu and Namgyu’s newborn brother. I don’t know if this would make you hate me too but I do care about those three.”

“Eomeoni, I don’t hate Sungjong, I love him, I just.. was mad at him. That’s all. I can’t- I can’t figure it out about what I feel for Sunggyu’s family yet.”

Myungsoo ran an agitated hand through his hair. “I just- I don’t understand why you don’t hate Sunggyu. He your son! Your only son! My wife-”

“That was before Sungjong married to you-”

“It’s still the same person! My wife!” Myungsoo frowned, and Eun Joo could hear the hurt in his voice. But she would not relent.

“That was in the past, Myungsoo-”

“Oh, give me a break! I’m sick of people saying I have to let go of the past! To move on! Do you realized this is one thing that one cannot easily let go? How could you possibly do that? I know he is your nephew but-”

Myungsoo stopped. He scoffed, realizing something.

“Wow, you can forgive your nephew after he done the worst thing ever but I get all the anger in the world because I was protecting, defending, loving your son? This is pure unbelievable!”

“Well at least, Sunggyu didn’t make Sungjong tried to committed suicide! At least, Sunggyu didn’t make Sungjong to leave us! Not like you, Myungsoo!” she pointed spitefully, her frustration obvious despite her breathlessness.

Myungsoo grimaced. “So, you’re saying Sunggyu made a mistake in a right way while I made a good thing in the wrong way? So, that means, I’m the only one is wrong? I’m here to blame then, right? Of course I’m the bad guy here. Of course. Why don’t you go to Sunggyu and pat his back for his good job?” Myungsoo retorted sarcastically.

He then reminded himself to take a few deep breaths, to calm because now he was angry and he really didn’t want to say anything that would make he regrets about it later.

“Eomeoni, with  all due respect, kind of please stop with all the bull, it’s so ridiculous and I don’t think I can have it anymore. You’re angry with me and I mostly angry with myself- none is working right now.”

Myungsoo’s chest squeezed, his eyes beginning to sting with tears. He bit his lip, worried it between his teeth because he wasn’t going to cry in front of his in-laws. He wasn’t.

“Eun Joo, yeobo, that’s enough. Myungsoo’s already feel bad enough, don’t add it,” Hyung Jun spoke. Looking down at Soojong who sound asleep in his arms, small arms wrapped loosely around his neck, Hyung Jun rocked her gently. She seemed disturbed with her father and grandma’s quarrelling. It was a rough day for everyone including her.

Myungsoo reached out his hand and patted Soojong’s crown. She should be sleeping comfortably in her bed, in her room, with her mother beside her. Well, not for tonight.

If it wasn’t for his need to stay put for Soojong’s sake in every way possible, Myungsoo would be screaming in frustration, hating each fiber of his own being for possibly ruining everything just because he failed to handle his problem wisely.

Myungsoo nodded his head as a signal that he wanted to take Soojong from Hyung Jun and the father-in-law was a bit reluctant to give his granddaughter to her father. With a quick dip of his left arm, Myungsoo grabbed the back of Soojong’s knees and pulled her into a cradle.

“It’s all our fault, Myungsoo,” Hyung Jun said after a while. “We believed in Sunggyu once but he betrayed us. Sungjong loved him but he loves you, too, now. We just cannot afford another betrayal. Please understand us.”

Myungsoo took a shuddering breath and shook his head. “I didn’t know Sungjong would do su