"The Vice President will be returning by tomorrow," announced the Financial Advisor. The Vice President of the Student Council was a standing example of the blatant corruption this educational institution indulged in. The son of one of the trustee, he had not attended even a single day of school since his admission to the third year batch and one fine day, the principal announced that the Vice President was residing overseas. That’s it. Just broadcasted news. No elections or working his off for trustee’s son.

“Since he is an upperclassman, I would expect the senior members to take care of his comfort and make him familiar with the rules and regulations,” I ordered like a pre-recorded message, “And then tell him to meet me at the Council Café in the afternoon.”

I did not hear a cheer or see a nod of approval and realised I had hit another speed bump-Age or position? On one hand, he was older to me so it was expected of me to go and meet him and on the other hand, I was his sunbae in terms of the position I enjoyed so he had to be subservient to me. If I took a wrong decision now, it would result in a ‘talk’ with the principal, which would invariably escalate into a full-blown argument.

“Don’t worry,” Sehun said lazily as he woke up from his mid-noon slumber, “He’ll come to the café.” Such was the convenient life of Oh Sehun who slept through all council discussions and woke up only to give the final judgement. He would have been duly rewarded with a sound knock on his head but the silent acceptance of his announcement forced me to refrain from taking any action.

“That’s it for today,” I announced wrapping up the weekly meeting, “see you next week with the budget for the school festival.” With a bow, the members began to collect their belongings and disperse like molecules.

With the room relatively empty, Sehun crept beside me and giving his best shot at acting cute, requested, “Fix me a date with Jieun!”

I was not one of those elder sisters who would cook up some excuse to avoid interaction between her imaginary lover and younger sister. Instead, every time he had requested I had gone and pleaded his case with Jieun but she adamantly refused his offer. I did not know why she did that. I knew she liked him, not love, but definitely liked him. I had read about the denial stages in romance novels but the heroines did finally accept the hero’s love but Jieun didn’t even mention his name!

“Go and ask her yourself,” I groaned feeling tired all of a sudden, “I am out of luring techniques or just accept the fact that she doesn’t like you.”

Something of a mischievous smile graced his face but only for a second and he was back on his poker face mode. “She likes me that I am sure of.”

And I like you but obviously you are oblivious to that.

“I’ll be having guests over tonight,” I sighed resignedly, “I can’t do it today. Man up and ask her the next time you meet her.”

He did not respond. I mentally congratulated myself on shutting up the caustic motor mouth when the y voice spoke again.

“May I ask you a question?” he asked, his face scrunched up in curiousity.

I slung my bag across my shoulder, ready to call it a day and said, “Sure!”

“Why are so eager to pair me with your sister? I know you do not see me in high regards and I also know you are possessive of your sister then why the urgency?”

The bag, which until now felt like air, now felt like leaden weights. I had never thought about this. Why was I eager to pair him up with my sister? Had it never crossed my mind that I would be wilting away both physically and mentally, if I ever saw them together as a couple? Was I that masochistic? I loved my sister but then I was selfish when I needed to be then why? I knew Sehun could never be mine but did I also have the maturity to let him be someone else’s?

“Oh Sehun! You have never had a girlfriend!” I hollered, shocked at the sudden revelation. And that is why I was so eager to pair him up with my sister. Because I didn’t know what insecurity meant, I didn’t know what it felt like to see your love in the arms of another.

He blushed in response and scratched the back of his head.“Well I did say, I love your sister.”

Was this the time to back off? I mean look at this strapping young lad, generously endowed with testosterone -- Which girl would not want be his girlfriend but for nine freaking years, he had waited to get the hand of my sister. I could not deny that for all my realism, there was a part of me, a very, very, tiny microscopic part of me that had a fading glimmer of hope that maybe someday Sehun would look beyond my face, see, and appreciate a dynamic personality and unmatched intelligence. But looking at him now, the glimmer of hope was extinguished.

“I’ll talk to her today,” I murmured. I had to let go off him someday.

“Really!” exclaimed a child-like Sehun as he encased me in his lanky arms and squeezed the air out of my lungs, “I love you so friggin' much!”

Letting go was not as easy as I had made it sound to be. His hug made me latch on to a final strand of hope.

Jieun always head for home before me since she usually did not have any club activities or council meetings and instead of taking the car, she preferred walking. Of course, that was a secret between her, the driver and I because if mother came to know about her escapades Jieun would be grounded. Mother always believed that her Jieun was a poor sheep who if kept alone would fall prey to hungry, salivating wolves. She was true about the wolves; men bore their eyes into Jieun, however she was incorrect in undermining her younger daughter’s potential in warding off nonsense. Jieun could easily crack some balls but that was also kept a secret from mother, otherwise she would fly in a frenzy that her lady-like doll was being turned into a savage beast.

As I relaxed against the leather back of the car, I looked out the window, which painted a beautiful night scene in its glass canvas. I never looked forward to going home. No, it was not a horrible coven where I was held captive, bound down by chains however, it was not the warm place the books described it to be. There was a detachment among the members on a deeper layer, so deep that even we failed to notice it. Father was a supportive figure who satisfied all our financial needs and wants but he never indulged in any emotional relationship. He was just a stoic figure in the background who looked at things objectively. Mother was the life of the family keeping it cheerful and happy all the time. Her constant chatter, her fidgeting with things, her delicious foods always made the structure of brick into a warm haven. However, all the warmth which emanated from her was concentrated upon Jieun . When I turned 13 and questioned her partial treatment, she had told to me in clear terms that she preferred Jieun to me. It was difficult for me to handle that raw blow but I did. I cried, I fought and then I accepted. You cannot force a person, even if she was your mother, to love a person she was incapable of loving.

And in all this façade, Jieun played a pivotal role. There were times when I saw her feel suffocated by mother’s love and frustrated at father’s indifference but she never voiced it. That was a major difference in us since birth. I voiced my distaste for people loud and clear but when it came to expressing my appreciation, I was tongue-tied and Jieun rolled off appreciation of her tongue with practised ease but when it came to voicing her anger, she shut up.

The car stopped at the majestic gates of the bungalow I had lived in for the past 17 years and it looked as grand as ever. As indifferent as ever. Walking in through the gates, I felt a burden on my shoulders. I did not want to visit the façade. I did not want to see anyone suffering. If need be so, we should just break apart.

“How was your day at school?” father asked cheerfully at the dinner table as I fiddled with the piece of chicken on my plate.

“Nothing new except that the corrupt son of the corrupt father is coming back as the VP,” I said nonchalantly as after minutes of debating, I finally stuffed the chicken in my mouth. Father choked on his food and mother coughed vehemently and I sat there perplexed wondering what was the cause of the confusion of the epiglottis.

“You shouldn’t talk about your seniors like that,” mother chastised as she drank water to calm her coughs. Jieun and I rolled our eyes and catching our synchronised actions fell into a bundle of giggles.

“You shouldn’t talk like that,” father reiterated. When father supports mother, it was time for both kids to perk their ears up.

“You shouldn’t talk like that,” he repeated wiping his mouth with the cloth napkin, “He is your upperclassman. Show him some respect. He will be able to guide you with his knowledge and experience. Moreover, just because the father is corrupt does not mean the son is the same. You are just being narrow-minded and presumptuous.”

“Just in case you missed this tiny piece of information,” I retaliated feeling the anger surge through my veins, “I am the president, I am the top student, I worked my off while this unknown person who you seem to be supporting unnecessarily enjoyed his life overseas. He is a VP only because he needs a position of power and that was gifted to him!”

Saying that I got off the table abrasively and stomped off to my room. People may call it rude and uncultured but such things got to me easy. How do I explain it? It’s just. . . it’s just . . .It’s just as if somebody is forcibly snatching your prized possession. All my life I had nothing to be proud about, I always felt inferior to my sister in the public sphere and the only thing, which kept my head in the sky, was my academic excellence. That was my only badge of honour and here was dad, asking me to share the badge with someone who had not even worked for it!

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” sang Jieun from outside the door of my room. Here comes the angel complete with the halo and wings to cool my temper and soothe my hurt ego. Talking to her never made me feel better but at least she tried unlike some other people in my family.

“If you are here without dessert which I in my moment of fury, skipped, you better retrace your steps to your room,” I warned while opening the door. And there she stood in her pajamas holding a bowl of chocolate mousse.

“Smart girl,” I complimented taking the bowl from her and shoving the delicacy in my mouth. “Just a bit of chocolate and look at your anger melting away,” she grumbled while propping herself on my bed, “Don’t get mad that easily. You know you are awesome and no random VP could beat you at that!”

I did not respond to her encouragement because one, I knew my so-called awesomeness was forced and two, the new kid beating me at my own game was my latest fear. Not wanting her to say more, I brought up Sehun’s case.

“Jieun, go on a date with that guy,” I pleaded, “He sincerely loves you.” In a flash of a second her serene smile was replaced by a sour scowl, “He loves so sincerely that even now he has to use you to deliver his messages,” she scoffed.

She did have a point there.

“And before you go on elaborating how absolutely perfect he is for me,” she continued,” let me tell you that I am sincerely not interested in him. He is good looking and kind but he is just not the one I am looking for!”

I never quite understood how perfect people viewed the world but it was definitely not through the same eyes as mine. Here was a boy, irrevocably in love with her and she was saying she was unsatisfied by it? May be I was judging her unnecessarily, after all I did not know what it takes to be in relationship; I never had an ideal type, I just had Sehun.

“Okay,” I muttered focussing on my mousse. I felt her shifting positions and coming close to me

“Unnie,” she began, “I know you love him then why force him upon me?”

The mousse no longer felt soft and sweet in my mouth. From melting chocolate, it had turned into a block of ice.

“I do not love him Jieun,” I answered as sternly as possible, “I may have fancied him at some point of time but I do not love him.”

She retreated to her previous place on the bed and I tilted my head to catch her expression. She looked confused and slightly frustrated. “Fancy and love, what difference does it make?” she exclaimed to no one in particular.

“Just as much difference as dislike and loathe make,” I answered and that shut her up for the night. Bidding me goodnight she retired to her room and I was left alone with my thoughts and feelings.

If it was so obvious that I loved him, then why couldn’t Sehun see it? On thinking further a new trajectory of thought hit me. What if Sehun knew I loved him and all these years I had only been a source of entertainment for him? What if he mocked me when he was with his friends, talking about an ugly nerd who was besotted by him for nine years? What if he was taking a sadistic revenge?

Fear gripped at my heart. I could bear being not loved but I couldn’t bear being humiliated. Pulling the blanket over me, I shut my eyes and huddled myself in a fetal position trying to block away any sort of ill thoughts about Sehun.