Walking down the school corridor, I felt the familiar air of dread surround me. The slight hush in scattered groups of students, the fear in their eyes, and the quick turning away of their eyes if they accidently met mine made me feel powerful, immensely powerful. And why shouldn’t I feel so? I worked day in and day out to make sure I was at the top of the academic list, I volunteered for things I would have never otherwise just to justify my acquiring of power. Everything I had achieved was purely merit based and I had rightfully acquired the power to flaunt it.

Needless to say, I had lost a lot in the process not that I had any to begin with but let’s say I had lost a lot of opportunities like making new friends, learning to accept failure and learning how to smile without a reason.

Who am I kidding?

I never lost these opportunities, I never had them and because I did not, I decided to throw myself in making sure that none of the people out there were worthy of my company. And none were. Not one of those people standing at the corridor and quivering in fear could possibly have even a minute of intellectual conversation with me.

“Hail the icy queen of arrogance!” mocked a deep voice from the corner, the eyes of the owner of the voice sparkling playfully. It had been nine years since I had first met him, nine years of forcing myself to loathe him (I knew the meaning now), nine years of seeing him grow up into the seductive creature he was now. Nine years of incessant heart fluttering, nine years of suffering from an unrequited love and nine years of trying to fix him up with my sister. It had been a tough journey and I brushed it off every time as a part of growing up.

“I am not in the mood Sehun,” I answered icily trying to make my way to the council room. I had narrated the incident at the sandpit to my father when I had returned home that day and I remembered him frowning and warning me to stay away from him. Not satisfied with his reaction, I had gone and narrated to my mother the same incident. She asked me how he looked and after listening to my answer, she had caressed my cheek and said with a forlorn look that I was better off not thinking about him. I thought they were warning me to stay away from him because he was potential danger but years later I understood, that my parents knew I was falling in love and that the love would most probably go unanswered.

“You are never in the mood, Cold Wave,” Sehun pouted clearly annoyed at my lack of appreciation for his sarcastic humour. After the sandpit, I had seen him at a family function a month later. My obvious excitement over seeing him again caught the attention of both my parents and his, and surprisingly, they got along like a house on fire. I still remember how happy I was at meeting my prince with marble skin again, I had never been so happy. But the happiness was only one sided. Sehun did not spare as much as a glance at me and just like the first time, had brushed past my shoulder and made his way to Jieun. That night even Jieun looked a little dazed by his beauty so much so that she answered all his questions and allowed him to caress her hair.

I just stood there smiling at him, carefully tutoring myself that this was the distance I had to maintain from him, that his eyes only sought Jieun and that my place was at the dark corner of the room. Situating myself in that corner, I had stared at the duo the entire night watching a flustered side of my sister who kept on blushing every time Sehun held her hand and guided her to a place or introduced her to his friends. From that night onwards began my muffled cries of self-pity. I did not know what was killing me more- the fear that I was a nobody or the fear that I would always be a nobody.

After a few meetings, Sehun had started talking to me albeit in a cold manner but still he talked and I felt like a flummoxed idiot. I knew he had not come to me of his own accord, that Jieun must have urged him to do so but I still revelled in the newfound attention. I came off as a nerd as I went on and on about the books I loved and hated and he was bored beyond imagination, yawning now and then. When he left me without saying goodbye, I still kept on talking forcing myself to believe that he was still by my side, he found me interesting but when the tears started gathering at the rim of my eyes, I snapped back from my madness.

“You have grown silent over the years,” Sehun commented gravely as he matched my pace and walked towards the council. Sehun, you have no idea how hard I have had to work to achieve that. It took me my early formative years to not act like a clown in his presence and to permit Jieun to accept his persuasions. You see Jieun was a smart kid, not brilliant, but a keen and an intelligent girl. She had noticed my partiality to Sehun’s indifference and more than once, offered to pretty me up and present a ‘reformed’ me in front of him in a bid to attract his attention. But that is where I drew my line. I may be foolishly in love with a person I had no future with but I had no intention of dressing myself and made to turn into a showpiece. If perfection meant demeaning my identity and my body, I might as well fight it out.

Mighty words- but I suited their usage to my need. I would resist reformation but at the same time, I considered my intelligence as a means to cover up for my lack of beauty and street smartness. Some people call it intellectual flexibility, I call it hypocrisy.

At this juncture of my life, Sehun considered himself to be one of my good friends and I allowed him the liberty to fantasize because it was my sadistic way of taking revenge, by making a mockery of him, by making a mockery out of this friendship.

A musical chime of laughter flooded the corridors and both Sehun and I stopped on our tracks, Sehun stared at the auburn haired beauty while I stared at Sehun. His eyes dilated and then relaxed into half crescents while his lips curved in to a slow, innocent smile. I did not need to feel his pulse to know that his heart was racing.

Jieun was only fourteen but she looked much older than her age. Puberty had been kind to her and she had shot up like a bamboo with unblemished skin. Despite her goddess like beauty, she did not enjoy any unnecessary pride in it and people came buzzing around her like workers to Queen Bee.

“Sehun, she is still a kid,” I warned as I resumed my walk. It took some time for Sehun to register and then came his late reply, “I am not a e! I cannot help it if your sister is so breathtakingly beautiful.”

When I didn’t respond Sehun added, “And kind.”

I avoided making a response.

“And polite.”

I maintained my silence.

“And humble, and friendly, and smart, and beautiful, and per-“

“Shut up, Oh Sehun!” I shouted, my shrill voice ringing in my own ears.

A hearty laugh followed my shrill shriek. Ruffling my hair, he said, “I have to make such an effort to elicit one humanly reaction from you.”

“But they are so priceless that it’s worth all the work!” he added cheekily before skipping off to the council room to dispense his duties as the Secretary of the Student Council.

I, the Student Council President, stood there paralysed with my head hung low, the feeling of his callused hand ruffling my coarse hair still fresh in my mind. I did not wish to move in the fear that it may displace one of the lucky caressed strands or I would lose the sensation altogether. 

And this was why I had continued loving this guy for the past nine years.