misskalia16; When Two Worlds Collide

Title [3/5]: Honestly, I’ve seen many similar titles to this. Trust me, if you search it up, you WILL get a ton of stories with the exact same title.

Foreword/Description [6/10]: I liked the description and the foreword but I thought that they could have been switched around. You know, the foreword becomes the description and the description becomes the foreword. E grammar in the description was fine but in the foreword… there were major mistakes that will probably lead to misinterpretation so, I would like you to correct them.

Mistakes:

The Chinese Prince was born and raised to hate the Korean Nation. When it was time he would become a foreign exchange student and live in Korea. This was war between his father and the King of Korea. What happens when he leaves for his mission and accidently falls in love with the Korean Princess ? What will happen when these two worlds collide ? How will he follow through with his father’s wishes ? Who will rise and who will fall ?

Correction:

The Chinese Prince was raised to hate the Korean Nation. The time has come for him to become a foreign exchange student and live in Korea. There was war between his father and the King of Korea. What happens when he leaves for his mission and accidentally falls in love with the Princess of Korea? What will happen when these two worlds collide? Will he be able to fulfill his father’s wishes? Who will rise and who will fall?

As you can see, I’ve corrected some of your words and sentences. I honestly think that you should correct them to avoid confusion and misinterpretation.

Appearance [3/5]: The poster only has one colour- blue. I would personally think that this story would be quite cold since blue usually represents coolness. Since it’s a romance story, I thought it could have had more colours in it so it wouldn’t be so boring.

Plot [9/15]: The plot was a little confusing, especially the last few chapters. The characters’ dialogue just switched back and forth so much, that I got confused.

Spelling/Grammar [8/20]: I could tell from the start that your grammar isn’t very strong. Since it would basically take me forever to point out your mistakes and correct them, I would like you to use Microsoft Word’s Grammar Check to check your mistakes. If you have problems, you can come look for me. I would be able to help you to proofread. As for your spelling, it will be pointed out as you check your grammar. The check will find your mistakes together. You spelled a few hangul words wrongly for example, ‘eomma’ you spelled as ‘oemma’. I see that you use a lot of hangul in your story but I’m not sure if they are correct but I would suggest that you not use them in case you spell it wrongly, you would most likely, anger the Korean readers. Just saying. Another word that you spelled wrongly was ‘Gomawo’. You spelled it as ‘Gwumowo’. Also, ‘bùkénéng’ is three words. Not two words.                    

Flow [5/10]: I think the first half of the story was quite okay but between chapter 26 to the last chapter the chapters started getting faster and the ending of the last chapter was just very… abrupt. Since this story is already completed, I cant tell you to slow it down but, I just think it’s very abrupt.

Characters [7/10]: I think you described your characters quite well. You described Luhan as ‘Multilanguage’, it’s correct but writers usually describe characters who can speak different languages as ‘bilingual’. It’s just my personal opinion, but I honestly think it sounds better.

Overall Enjoyment [5/10]: Okay, I didn’t really enjoy this story a lot, mainly because of the grammar and the misspelled Korean words, the strange twists here and there, and because of the way your sentences were structured. The way some of your sentences were wrote was just strange and confusing. There really were some that I couldn’t understand very well.

Score: 46/100

You got a D. Nice Job though!

reviewed by iluvboyfriend; ordinary review shop

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Love, Hana (kris-wifey)