She woke up, surrounded by unfamiliar scent. Her eyes were shut closed tightly, but she was awake. She was slightly afraid to wake up and open her eyes to reality. She was afraid of it – reality – she feels like running away once again to the land far-far away – the land which she has been living happily in, together with the man of her life – Fantasy. She was prepared. Indeed, she has prepared herself for the worse. She knew this is bound to happen sooner or later, it was destined to happen. Yet she wasn’t ready. In the end, she was broken. Now that she found herself surrounded by the unfamiliar aura, it scared her even more. What will she do if she wakes up without him by her side? The thoughts scared her even more.

She failed to recall anything from last night, or even yesterday. She could only remember the scene, of where she caught Kai off guard, together with his new girlfriend. It keeps replaying itself in her head, leaving pains and scars for her own to handle. She shudders, her petite body was shaking at the thought of everything was over. She could not prolong her own sufferings. She has had enough, yet how she wished he would once again worked his magic on her. Maybe, turning to a fool was much better.

There were a few things, maybe two or three, which greeted her mind and bothered her strands of thoughts once she regained her consciousness. One, she could not recall anything from yesterday incidents. Second, how she found herself surrounded in unfamiliar aura. Third was how his name greeted her. Kai, it was the first thing that greeted her tired soul and mind. She failed to greet the beautiful morning cheerfully. Jongin, his name hurt her even more.

She could feel another person presence, with an unfamiliar scent in the room, together with her. She could hear his careful footsteps, afraid that he might wake her up. It wasn’t him though; the person she wished was still there with her. He wasn’t anywhere near her. She couldn’t sense the slightest presence of him. She would have known if he is around. She knows everything about him. She remembered his scent, his presence, his warmth, his everything that she has grown to long for. It has only been a day, yet she has longed for him.

Will her world grow darker after leaving him? Have they broken up yet? She has been living in darkness over years, letting herself sunk beneath it, and at times letting her drunken illusion to spoil herself – to at least ease her pain. She was able to hold on, despite the constant doubt and questioning, thanks to him. He managed to enlighten her, although at times he darkens her. What will her world turns out to be without him? She would be living without any clear goal or purposes. She would lost all of her will and wishes. By then, she would be living as the death. Those who could no longer feel, she will no longer be alive without him.

She needed those, the confrontations despite her trying to hold it back. She told herself she does not need those confrontations, rather she needed to know why. Yet she still needed those confrontations, which answers are already clear to her. She knew all of it, the answers to her confrontations, to her questioned. It will hurt her even more, but maybe he could worked his magic on her, and she would turn to the fool she used to be. By then, wouldn’t things be a lot better? She wondered. A lot are to be clarified indeed.

The sounds of friction cut her strands of thoughts in an annoying way and the beaming light shocked her. Despite her having both eyes closed, she could still see the lights through the darkness. It brought back those memories of last night nightmares, through her tired body and soul. She was tired, despite the fact that it is morning, last night nightmares were too much for her. She was worn out. Last night nightmares that brings back painful memories and now… she was alone to hold on without him by her side.

She abruptly opened her eyes, with angered dwelling inside her. Yet her attempt to yell at the unfamiliar presence failed as the pain shot through her body. Did she drink last night? Was she drunk? The pain was clear, something which was caused by drinking. She, too, realized how she reeks of alcohol so badly. She scrunched her nose; her scent wasn’t something she was fond of. How much did she drink last night? How drunk was she? She was about to yell at the blurry figure, when she found herself failing at the attempt to do so. She was too weak, as the pain spread wider.

“Close the curtains! Can’t you see I was sleeping?!” She yelled, before coughing and groaned in pain. She quickly let her body fall back to the bed, failing to put herself in a seated position.

She hated it, the lights. Somehow, she has grown to hate the light. After all, she have been living in darkness and light wasn’t a friendly friend to the dark. She represents it quite well though, her pale skin has told it all, she rarely exposed herself to the sun. Rather than giving her hopes like how lights should have – enlighten one’s path – it has caused her pain that lives inside her for years and remained as unhealed scars. It jabbed her deep.

She could feel the unfamiliar presence closing their distant, slowly walking up to her. His figure was blurry; she was still a bit drunk after last night’s event despite her being completely oblivious to the event. He was quite tall, at least he was taller than her. Yet his figure was different from his, he was lovely, while he was manly. Should she put it that way? She had no idea who he was, or did she even care. She needed a break from everything.

She could feel an arm wrapped around her shoulder, trying to help her to get up and leaned her back against the wall. Yet the stranger kindness scared her. What if this is another lie? Kindness was something she has always been scared of. It sounded fake, too sweet to be real. She quickly slapped his hand away, refusing to receive any acts of kindness. She mouthed a soundless “get-away-from-me” as the stranger withdraw himself.

“Drink your medicine. It might help,” He said. She found his voice unfamiliar, yet something about it seems to be in her reach. She needed to dug deeper, to identify this blurry figure. He handed her his medicine and a cup of water, as she gulped in down swiftly.

The pain soon drifted away, in a very slow and torturing manner that she couldn’t help but to constantly groan each time she tried to move around. Giving up, she let her tired body to rest and her pained soul to calm itself down. Still, despite her insecurity being with a stranger, she couldn’t help but to sink herself deeper in her sadness of losing him. What was their relationship status? No one knows. She, too, didn’t want to know at all. The answer to it will be painful.

His blurry figure slowly turned clearer and his figure surprised her, he earned a gasped. Her eyes widen at the sight of him. He was the last man on earth she would see at times like this. If she could, she would like to avoid him. Unable to hide her shocked expression and loud gasped, she quickly shot him a glare in a menacing manner. She let his name slips her tongue lifelessly, coldly.

“Luhan…”

“Feeling better?” He was standing at the corner, right beside the door. He tried to keep their distant and Jieun was silently thankful for it. She would like the distant to be kept, she was afraid to let anyone in, and the distant was something she could be thankful of.

She nods, softens at the sight of his pair of eyes. It were beautiful – she had to admit – beautiful pair of lovely brown orbs, tender, and gentle. But Kai’s, his was different. His pair was charming and beautiful – that she had fallen for it – it was beast-like, darker, and manlier. It hurt her, remembering him. Yet erasing him would be even harder. Moving on may takes year, or maybe she will never be able to.

“I’ll… go and make breakfast,” he tried to break the awkward and tense atmosphere, “porridge, is that okay?” she nods. “You… stay here and rest. You collapse earlier this morning. I found you… on the couch… pale.” He quickly exited the door, leaving her all alone.

She hugged her knee, once again leaving her thoughts up in the clouds. Why does the sun shine so brightly upon a sad day? When does the sky turn so blue, when a heart is so broken? When does the bird chirps so beautifully, when a soul is broken? Kai, her thoughts keep on drifting back to him. Hey, Jongin, tell me. Why did you break me?

***

His place was more than clean, it was tidy and everything was clean. It was an opposite of hers, which was dirty, reeks of alcohol, and a complete mess. She was broken after all and those are the results of her being broken. They were both sitting, facing each other at the dining table. He cooked her breakfast, porridge, the easiest thing he could make early in the morning, and it is something good for her after yesterday’s event.

It was quiet; the thrilling silence filled the air. It was the two of them, inside the medium-sized cottage. His porridge – much to her delight – was better than expected. It may not be that good, but it was edible. It was warm, a nice one to start a cold day. Yet she lost her appetite long ago, she simply sat there, lifelessly stirring her spoon. She bet she could even swallow a spoon of it well. She was there, with her mind constantly drifting off to him.

“Is…” he hesitated, “is it that bad?”

She did not answered, she let the sounds of the ticking clock filled the atmosphere as the tension doubled. A few minutes later, she spoke after the long silence. “Luhan-ssi,” she didn’t drop off the formality. “Tell me this is all a dream. Tell me this is a nightmare. Tell me everything is going to be okay. Tell me he loves me. Tell me that I’ll wake up early in the morning to find him by my side, pressing his lips against mine for a good morning kiss. Tell me… this… isn’t real.” Her voice was cracking.

He did not answer, instead he continued to stare at her. She was tearing up, tears threatening to fall. She looked up, to find the man remaining firm and quiet. She did not find any sympathy or pity, which she has to be thankful of. She almost pleaded for him to say this isn’t real, but she managed to keep her pride high.

“I… can’t…” He spoke, after another long silence.

“He does say he loves me! Why can’t it be real? Why can’t this be a nightmare?” She was angry, yet her voice showed her weaknesses.

He does say he loves her. It keeps ringing in her ear, not in a sweet and beautiful way, but in a cold and lifeless tone. She has always been faithful and loyal toward him. She would foolishly fall for his lies, his fantasy, his magic. But why can’t she? Something about his eyes, the way he looked at her, has caused her to lose her foolish trust upon him. It was honest, yet she couldn’t believe in him any longer. She wanted to, but she simply can’t. It hurt her, the fact that his magic doesn’t work anymore. And this time, if this man in front of her would once again lies as she asked him, maybe she would return to Jongin’s side. People would call her a fool, but she wouldn’t care.

Lies are tempting.

***

“How is she? Where is she? Where were you last night?” the three questioned was asked by three people almost at the same time, with panic clearly reflected from their expression. He was bombarded with questions as soon as they found him at the doorstep this afternoon.

“She’s… not fine I guess,” he found it clear how she wasn’t fine at all, and this three friends of his must have known it. They shot him an annoyed glare. “Let me sit and breath for a moment,” he spoke in Chinese which they couldn’t understand.

He was tired; sleeping in the couch was new to him. He was used to having his bed all to his own, yet last night he gave his right to her and let her sleep well and comfortably. His back hurt so much that he wondered if he had just broke his back earlier. He groaned, as he lay down on his comfortable bed, despite the three pair of eyes which continued to stare at him.

He tried to search for his presence, only to find none. His door was locked, the members told him. He refused to go out and they are acting cold on him. He hasn’t had his meal, simply locking himself up. Truthfully, Luhan was going to beat him up as soon as he saw him. But it seems, he was hurt too, he was mourning after losing her away.

“She’s… not fine,” he said it again to the curious three pairs of eyes, “I took her to my place last night. She was drunk and upset. She is a mess right now; she keeps on thinking about him, wondering if this is real. She still wants to get back with him, but it seems she couldn’t believe in him anymore.” Luhan explained, before cursing out, “that jerk.”

“I drove her back to her apartment. She said she called Jiyeon to accompany her, since I refused to leave her alone.” He continued, “You should visit her since you’re a friend and I’m nothing but stranger,” he looked at Baekhyun.

The door abruptly swung opened, without a knock or even a noticed, it was something that Luhan hated the most. He would like to have a room which privacy and respect could be kept. Knocked is a must. The four pair of eyes all widen in shocked to find the messy figure standing at the door. “Kai,” they all called out in unison, in which dwells angered inside them. But Luhan was the first to cause the abrupt movement.

“How is she?” Kai asked. He, too, was a mess. His hair was messy, his beards grows, and his eyes was covered in black circles. He looked thinner and somehow sick.

“You jerk!” He yelled, swinging his fist against his face, enough to break the younger nose.

Dear Readers,

As always, I'll have to greet you with a hello. Since today is Christmas, I'd like to wish you all a merry christmas! There are a few things which I'd like to say today. How long has it been since I last updated? was it one or two months ago? It was long ago and I'm very sorry for the lack of update. So, on this Christmas day, although it's late already (an hour before midnight here), I'd like to give you all an updates after a long time as a Christmas present! Although this maybe lacking (I barely write), hopefully you can enjoy this chapter! Once again, have a merry Christmas!