Every other average teenage girl would have a girl best friend. But for me, my best friend is a guy. We met when I transferred to his school during the first year of junior high. We became much closer when we realized that we live in the same area. Having a guy best friend is absolutely amazing. He listens to me nag about almost everything and gave me advises; sometimes from a girl’s perspective and a guy’s perspective. He’s not gay, I can assure you that. He’s really gorgeous and by the time we entered high school, girls chased after him. But I always wondered why he turns down every girl that came to him.

“That girl is really pretty. Why did you reject her offer to go on a movie?” I asked.

He just shook his head. “I am not interested. It’s better to be direct than to hurt her feelings later on.”

“But you are so handsome, dude.” I playfully punched his arm. “You should get a life and a girlfriend.”

“Nah, I am already living a life with you right now. That’s all I need.” He winked. “Besides, I don’t need a girlfriend, I have you.”

“Aw, don’t joke around.” You laughed. “Prom is coming next week. Don’t you have a date?”

“Uhmmm nope.” He replied. “I don’t have anyone to go with. How about you?”

I pouted at him. “No guy asked me. I am so pathetic.”

He grabbed my chin and made me faced him. “Hey Lee Haejin, want to go to prom with me? I can be your partner.”

“Me?” My eyes widened. “You could ask anyone else. You don’t have to go with me just because I don’t have a partner.”

“But I don’t want to go with anyone else.” He mumbled. “I want to go with you.”

His words held different meaning but I was too dense to realize it. I nodded. “Okay, since I am such a great best friend, we will go to prom together.”

He smiled that amazing smile of his. “Thanks, babygirl.”

“You are welcome, babyboy.” I smiled at his nickname.

We went to prom together. Everyone envied us and said that we are the best looking couple that night. I tried denying, since both of us are best friends. But the compliments overloaded and he told me to just play along. That night, we are crowned as the ‘sweetest couple’. I wouldn’t deny it since he was being extra sweet to me. At that moment, I felt as if I was his girlfriend instead of his best friend. How lucky would his girlfriend be, I thought.

==========

We went to the same university but major under different courses. Although both of us were busy with our assignments and catching up with datelines, we managed to meet each other and hang out. It was where I began my first relationship with a guy. His name is Hoya and he major in the same course as my best friend.

“Are you seriously going out with Hoya?” he asked me one day when he came over my house.

I nodded. “Yeah, we made it officially a few days ago. I really like him, bestie. I really do. I think he’s the one for me.”

“How would you know that he’s the one for you?” he sneered.

I looked at him and tilted my head in confusion over his tone of voice. “Why? What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. I said it on impulse.” He sighed and ran his hand through his now blonde hair. “I am sorry. I just don’t want you to be so sure about this relationship. I am afraid that if it fails, you will not be able to take it.”

I smiled at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you so much, babyboy. I know that you care for me and I appreciate that. But I am fine. I know that Hoya is the one for me.”

“But…” he protested. I placed a finger on his lips. “Shh, it’s going to be okay, trust me. And if it doesn’t, you can help me beat Hoya up.”

And with that he grinned. “Yeah, absolutely.”

From that day onwards, Hoya would sometimes hang out with us. Time passed and we are graduating in a few months. Things are getting more hectic and our meet-ups are getting less frequently. We were busy completing our final year project. And I rarely get to see my boyfriend and best friend. There was no time to joke and play around. All of us are serious about graduating and wanted to finish all the assignments on time.

“Haejin-ah, I have something to tell you.” Hoya said one evening. The two of us were having dinner in a restaurant near our place.

I looked up at him curiously. “What is it? Actually, I too have to say something.”

“You go first.” He urged. “Ladies first.”

“It’s okay,” I hesitated. “Since you bought it up first, you tell first.”

“Well…” he wiped his lips with the napkin. “I think we need a break from each other.”

I froze. *Is he talking about our relationship?*

“I am not asking for a break up, Haejin…” he continued. “I just need time away from you.”

“I understand…” I whispered. *I was thinking about the same thing too.*

“I love you, Haejin.” Hoya expressed. “I really do. It’s just that it’s been a frustrating month since we are all finishing up the final year project and we don’t have time to spend with one another. I don’t want you to think that I am neglecting you. So it’s better to have some time off between us and concentrate on our studies.”

“I agree.” I spoke. “Hoya, I was about to say the same thing too. I am glad that you have the same thinking as me.”

He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Thank you for understanding, Haejin.”

“You’re welcome.” I smiled. “We will resume our relationship once we graduate, okay?”

“Okay, deal. Now to seal the deal,” he leaned over and kissed my lips.

=========

We graduated from university flawlessly. That evening, Hoya went to celebrate with his family and I went to his house. The two of us hang out as usual.

“I can’t believe that we have graduated.” I sipped on my glass of milk. “It seems that yesterday was my first day in uni.”

He laughed. “Yeah, me too. Time sure passed fast. We are growing up each day.”

“As we grow older, I am glad that you are still by my side.” I hugged his arms. “Promise me that we will grow old together?”

You showed your pinky to him. “Pinky promise me.”

“You can’t run away from me, babygirl.” He laced his pinky with mine. “We are meant to be together.”

His words make me melt on the inside and i dismissed it as an idea of a best friend’s kind words. I nodded and placed my head against his shoulder. I heard him sigh and then it was silence.

“You know…” he said suddenly breaking the silence. “I think we do have to be apart.”

“What do you mean?” I asked against his shoulder.

“I am going to Australia to further my studies.” He revealed. “It will take up to three years.”

“WHAT?” I pulled my head away from his shoulder. “Three years? That’s way too long. I am going to miss you so much. How come you didn’t discuss with me earlier?”

He chuckled. “We still can contact each other through Skype, Facebook and Twitter. And I am sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier. My parents just told me about it the day before graduation.”

“Then you are really going?” I asked sadly. I really didn’t want him to leave me.

“Yup, I am going there to study, Haejin. Not to have fun.” He reminded. “I am sure that three years will pass fast.”

“But we wouldn’t be together.” I pointed out. “You would be in Australia and I would be in Japan.”

“It’s okay Haejin.” He leaned in and whispered. “As long as we have each other in our hearts, nothing else matter.”

==========

I had just ended work and Hoya was waiting at the lobby to fetch me  home.

“Hey babe.” He lowered his head and kissed my cheeks. “How was work?”

“It was okay, as usual.” I replied. “But things are getting busier. I am getting more customers to sign up for spa packages.”

“That’s good to know.” He smiled. “Since the holiday season is coming, I am sure many would want to take a rest and be pampered in a spa.”

It has been two years since i graduated from university. I had taken up a job offer in Japan recommended by my mum’s friends at one of the local popular spa. On the other hand, Hoya continued his major as a dancer in Korea. Now that he’s a professional dancer, he has taken the offer to work in Japan. Talking with Hoya made me think about my best friend.

“It’s been two years since you last saw him, right?” Hoya asked. I nodded.

When he first moved to Australia, the two of us would frequently contact with each other. But as months passed, we became busy and the contacting became less frequent.

“Should we go and visit him during the holidays?” I suggested. “We will give him a surprise.”

“Err, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Hoya looked nervous.

“Why?” I tilted my head at him curiously.

Hoya didn’t reply and pretended that he didn’t hear me. “Babe, let’s go to this new restaurant near my place. I heard it serves great Western dishes.

=========

Present time…

I was holding onto a photo frame with a picture of him in it.

Jang Dongwoo, he was my everything. Why am I so stupid and not able to realize his feelings for me? My best friend is in love with me and I was too dense to acknowledge it. Hoya told me that Dongwoo had mentioned his feelings towards me to him before. But Dongwoo didn’t want me to find out; therefore he pleaded Hoya to keep it a secret. Everything is too late now; he’s gone, from this world. He’s not with me anymore.

“Remember those times you spent with him in high school?” Hoya made me recalled. “Have you ever wondered why he rejected every girl that asked him out?”

“Is it because of me?” I whispered, more to myself.

Hoya nodded solemnly. “Yes, the girl that he’s in love with is none other than his best friend, Haejin. He’s in love with you all these while.”

“Remember that he was against our relationship initially?” Hoya continued. “How can he stand and watch the love of his life be with another guy?”

I bite my lips, preventing myself from crying out loud.

“I am sorry that it took such a long time for me to tell you this.” Hoya said. “I was not supposed to tell you but since he’s gone, I think that I should do the right thing and not keep you in the dark.”

“He’s my best friend, Hoya. My everything.” I croaked out. “But now, he’s not by my side. And I truly regretted it that I didn’t realize his feelings sooner.”

“It’s not your fault.” Hoya pointed out. “He’s good at keeping it a secret. I didn’t know that he likes you until he told me so.”

When Dongwoo told me that he was going to study overseas, he was actually receiving medical attention in Australia. He was diagnosed with stomach cancer during the early days of university. No wonder he had not been eating well those days and had complained about stomach pains. I was such a bad friend; I just waved it away saying that maybe he caught up with stomach flu. If only I had showed more concern, he would still be here.

Hoya gave me a letter, saying that it was from Dongwoo. He wrote it during his last days in the hospital.

 

My Haejin,

I am sure that Hoya has told you the truth about you, my feelings for you and my condition. I am sorry that I did not tell you about my condition. I didn’t want to worry you, trust me. You have more things to worry about than me. I thought that my illness was a minor one, but it wasn’t. The doctor told me to be prepared as I will leave the world anytime soon. So I have decided to come clean of my feelings for you. At that point of time, I was about to confess my feelings and was about to made a trip to Japan to see you, but I was surprised to see Hoya come to see me. He mentioned that you missed me a lot and would like the three of us to meet up and catch up with one another. But I couldn’t travel as my illness worsens. Hoya was there when I vomited blood. I had no choice but to tell him the truth.

He was shocked that the revelations about my feelings. I told him not to tell u until I am ready. By the time this letter reached you, you must be clearly aware of my feelings for you.

I am sorry, Haejin. I may not be able to be by your side anymore. I am sorry that I am not able to keep my promise to be with you forever. But don’t worry, you have Hoya and he will replace me as your protector and lover. He’s a great guy and I am sure that you two will be a perfect couple that lasts forever.

I treasured our friendship and every memory that we had together. Goodbye, Lee Haejin.

I am sorry but I love you.

Your Dongwoo