----

The day was going great. The maknae’s words earlier left me feeling lighter than I have been in months. I no longer felt troubled. Even the bunny seemed to be in a better mood. At this moment, life was good.

            But I know it won’t last. He wants to know and I’ll have to tell him.

“Oh, God,” AJ groans as he’s leaning over a trashcan.

“I told you not to eat so much, hyung,” Dongho says as he rubs small circles over the older rapper’s back.

“Well you should have told me that you wanted to ride the roller coaster right after lunch! Then maybe I wouldn’t have had so much to eat,” AJ grumbles, fighting his nausea.

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about AJ,” Eli joins the conversation. “I ate just as much as you did and I feel fine!”

I glance over at Kevin and Kiseop. The two were a little ways off from the rest of us; the ulzzang is still trembling from his frightening experience on the roller coaster.

“I’m so sorry, Kiseoppie!” Kevin apologizes. “I shouldn’t have dragged you onto that thing!”

“It’s okay, Kev,” Kiseop accepts the apology. “It honestly didn’t look that bad from the ground. I thought it would be okay to ride. . .”

“I’m still sorry,” Kevin apologized again, hugging the dancer.

“Do you guys want to go ride the Ferris wheel?” Hoon asks.

“No! No more heights! Please!” Kiseop instantly disagrees.

“Uhg, I don’t think my stomach can handle any rides right now,” Jaeseop grumbles from the trashcan.

“Maybe we should just play some of the prize games and head home,” I say.

“Aw, okay. . .” Hoon reluctantly agrees.

“All because the ‘Seop brothers couldn’t handle a few rides,” Eli says rolling his eyes in mock irritation.

“Well I’m sorry that American food from a Korean amusement park disagrees with the twisting turns of a roller coaster,” Jaeseop murmurs stepping away from the trash.

I shake my head and smile amused at Jaeseop’s comment.

“So, what do you guys want to play first?” I ask as I lead them towards the area full of game stands.

“Let’s try the darts,” Eli says.

“No! I wanna try the one where you have to knock down the bottles!” Kevin complains.

“Well, you’ll have to decide through rock, paper, scissors,” I say knowing very well that Kevin would disagree.

“No, hyung! I always lose!” Kevin whines.

“C’mon, Kev, give it a shot,” Eli encourages knowing very well that the dongsaeng would lose.

“Fine,” Kevin sighs.

We stop for their showdown as Kevin and Eli prepare to settle the argument.

“Okay, best two out of three,” the referee Dongho speaks. “Ready?”

Eli and Kevin hold out their fists as the rest of us circle around them. The two rivals glare at each other, uncertainty tainting Kevin’s gaze while confidence glittered in Eli’s eyes.

“Alright,” Dongho prepares the count off. “Let’s go!”

All together we chant, “One! Two! Three! Shoot!”

“What!?” Eli shouts in shock.

Kevin is holding out scissors, Eli chose paper.

“I won?” Kevin asks in surprise.

“No way. . .” Dongho gasps.

“It was a fluke!” Eli growls. “Let’s keep going!”

“Okay. Ready?” Dongho starts off again as Kevin and Eli get set for the second round.

The entire group was still trying to register Kevin’s win against Eli but counted off nonetheless.

“One! Two! Three! Shoot!”

Kevin’s eyes were shut tightly, Eli’s jaw drops. The dongsaeng held out rock, the rapper had scissors.

“H-how. . .” Eli breathes in dismay and shock.

“How is that possible?” Kiseop wonders out loud what we were all thinking.

Kevin quickly opens his eyes and looks at he and Eli’s hands. Of all of us Kevin definitely looks the most surprised.

“Kevin hyung wins!” Dongho declares holding up Kevin’s left arm in victory.

Jaeseop goes to Eli’s side and pats the pigeon’s shoulder,

“Well,” AJ begins. “You lost to Kevin. I don’t think you’ll ever live this down. . .”

“You broke your curse, Kevin!” Hoon cheers with Kevin, Dongho and Kiseop.

“Finally!” Kevin cries in triumph then sticks his tongue out at the dismayed pigeon.

“Alright, Kevin won so let’s go to his game first,” I order.

“Yay! I won!” Kevin continues to cheer as he follows close behind me.

I glance back to make sure everyone is following. I smile at the look on Eli’s face. He clearly doesn’t understand what had just happened.

As we approach Kevin’s chosen game he and the maknae run ahead excitedly. As we got closer we could hear the two talking to each other urgently.

“Hyung!” Dongho calls. “Help us win the giant moose!” he begs pointing at a large brown moose plushie.

“Alright,” I answer letting the maknae drag me the rest of the way to the stand.

“Well, she says to win it we have to get three wins,” Kevin says as the rest of us reach the stand

Jaeseop, Kiseop, Hoon and Eli start talking amongst each other while Kevin, Dongho and I focus on the game.

“So how much is it for one game?” I ask the worker.

“One dollar for two shots to knock down the three bottles,” she replies.

“We can take turns throwing the balls,” Dongho suggests.

“Good idea,” I reply. I turn to the worker and hand her the money needed. I turn she hands us the balls.

“Alright, aim for the bottom two,” I say working out the best plan to win the giant toy. “So who wants to go first?”

“Me!” Dongho answers instantly.

I give a ball to the maknae. Using an expert arm he throws the ball. All three bottles fall.

“Yeah!” Dongho cheers.

“My turn~!” Kevin says.

The worker sets the bottles up again and Kevin pays for the next game.

“C’mon, hyung! You can do it!” Dongho encourages.

Kevin throws the ball but only knocks down the top bottle. A disappointed sound escapes the dongsaeng’s lips.

“Your turn, Soohyun hyung,” Dongho says.

I go to stand where Kevin was. I toss the ball in my hand a couple times to get the feel of how much force I’d need to knock down the bottles. With a strong arm I throw the ball. Both bottles fall.

“Alright!” I cheer triumphantly.

Dongho, Kevin and I exchange high-fives.

“Yah! Can I try?” Hoon asks coming to stand next to me.

“Sure,” I reply with a smile. I give the worker more money. I had one ball to Hoon.

The bunny looks at the bottles intently. After a few seconds he prepares and throws the ball. It barely grazes the top bottle causing it to shift but not fall.

“Damn,” Hoon curses.

“Good try, though,” I say to the bunny as I pet his hair. “Dongho, your turn,” I toss the remaining ball to the maknae.

“Don’t worry, Hoon hyung. I’ll knock them down!” Dongho says.

True to his word he knocks them down with a strong throw.

“Yes!” Dongho and Kevin cheer.

The worker takes the giant moose off of its display hook and gives it to the excited maknae. Kevin grabs one of the moose’s front legs while Dongho grabs the other.

“We have a moose~!” the two cheer as they dance with their prize.

“Alright, Eli,” I call over the singing boys. “Let’s go to your game next.”

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

“I’m exhausted!” AJ sighs as we enter the dorm.

We remove our shoes at the doorway. Kevin and Dongho enter the living room with their moose. AJ and Eli won some crazy Mohawk wigs at the darts game, Hoon and Kiseop won some pet goldfish at another game. I was holding bags full of Chinese take-out that we picked up on our way back. The others set their prizes on the love seat while Hoon and Kiseop placed the fish next to the TV. Quickly, Kiseop and I set the table while the others rushed to wash their hands.

After washing up we all sit at the low table. On the wider side next to the couch I sit to Kiseop’s right. Across from me were Kevin and Eli to his right. Dongho sat to Eli’s right. AJ and Hoon sit at the short ends of the table, Hoon at Dongho’s end and AJ to my right.

We all start to take food from the trays with our chopsticks. I catch Dongho and Hoon fighting over the same piece of chicken. I can’t help but chuckle a bit.

“Hey, Eli,” Kiseop says after swallowing a mouthful of noodles.

Eli replied with a muffled “hm?” as he takes some noodles into his mouth.

“Are you and AJ really going to wear those ridiculous wigs?” Kiseop asks taking a piece of orange chicken into his mouth.

“Of course we are!” AJ answers for Eli.

“Maybe we can ask our manager to let us use them for one of our videos!” Eli says finally swallowing the noodles.

“I’d love to see that,” Kevin says with a laugh.

“It’s going to be awesome, you just wait for it, Kev,” Eli replies.

“AH!” Dongho shouts. “Spicy! SPICY!” the maknae squeaks as he quickly gets up and sprints to the kitchen.

The rest of the group breaks into laughter at the maknae’s reaction.

“Silly maknae,” Eli laughs.

We continue eating as we hear the sink running in the kitchen. I snatch a glance at Hoon. I feel relief as I see the bunny finally eating comfortably. Lately he hasn’t been eating well and it was good to see him acting like his old self. That’s when I notice that he seems to be forcing himself to eat. . .

            He was forcing himself to eat during lunch, too. . .

I heave a sigh.

            He’ll stay like this until I tell him the truth. . . I have to tell him about Kibum. . . There is no use in hiding it anymore. . . if he hates me after I tell him, then. . . Hoon was never truly my friend. . .

Pain pierces through my heart like a thorn at the thought of losing the bunny because of my secret.

            If he doesn’t hate me, then maybe he really does care. . . and maybe he won’t be like Kibum. . .

I know I shouldn’t be thinking that. I shouldn’t compare Hoon to Kibum, it isn’t fair to the bunny. I really want to be with him, but I don’t know how I can take this chance. So many things can go wrong. . .

“Kevin hyung,” Dongho says returning to the table. “You can have this,” he finishes as he reaches the table handing his plate to the dongsaeng.

Kevin takes the plate and pushes the spicy food onto his own plate.

“Dongho, you have a weak tongue,” Kevin comments returning the maknae’s plate.

“Well, I just don’t love spicy food like you do, hyung,” Dongho mumbles as he refills his plate with a not-so spicy food.

“Man, I don’t want to start working again,” Eli complains.

“Come on, Eli. We just got back from our Japanese tour,” I say. “We need to give Korea more music now that we’re back.”

“I know,” Eli sighs. “But it’s nice to have some time off, y’know?”

“We’re lucky to have even gotten this weekend off,” AJ comments.

“That’s true,” Kiseop agrees.

“When are we recording anyway?” Hoon asks.

“I think next Tuesday,” Kevin replies.

“Yeah, and then we’ll have that Wednesday off and on Thursday we’re recording the MV,” I add.

“What do we have scheduled for tomorrow?” Kevin wonders.

“Manager hyung told Soohyun hyung and I that we all have vocal training,” Dongho answers.

“At least it’s not another day of choreography,” Eli grumbles.

I glance around the group after taking my last bite of food. The rest of them were just about done eating, too.

“Hoon, are you done eating?” Kiseop asks.

“Yeah,” replies the bunny.

“Let’s go get the new fish bowl ready,” says the ulzzang.

“Alright, let’s go!” Hoon answers excitedly.

The pair get up, Hoon grabs a bag from the love seat and follows Kiseop into the kitchen.

“Alright, guys, let’s clean up the table,” I order the remaining members once they all finished eating.

Quickly and somewhat quietly we close the trays of leftover food and pick up the plates and chopsticks. AJ and I take the trays of leftovers to the kitchen while Kevin, Eli and Dongho clean off the table. Once in the kitchen, Jaeseop and I store the leftovers in the refrigerator.

After storing the food we go over to Hoon and Kiseop who have just finished decorating the fish bowl. Colorful pebbles littered the bottom of the half-filled bowl, and a small sunken ship rested in the center on the pebbles.

“I’ll get the fish,” Kiseop says heading back into the living room.

“Man, those fish are going to have one hell of a time in there,” AJ says.

“What if they’re colorblind?” I ask.

“That’s a good question,” Hoon replies.

“Hey, look!” Kiseop calls entering the kitchen again.

He stops in front of us holding up the bag which contained a small pale orange and white fish.

“What is it?” Hoon asks.

“Look at him,” Kiseop answers. “It looks just like Dongho!”

“It kinda does,” Hoon agrees taking the bag from the ulzzang.

“No, way,” AJ says. “Let me see it,” he looks over the bunny’s shoulder to get a better look at the gold and white fish.

I look over too and I see the little fish in the bag. Its cheeks were puffed up and its eyes seemed to look blankly forward.

“It kinda reminds me of Dongho when he’s eating. . .” AJ puts in.

“I’m calling it Dongho, then,” Kiseop states taking the fish from Hoon and opening the bag.

Kiseop filters out some water from the bag into the sink all the while being careful not to let the small fish slip through. He then pours the remaining water and the fish into the half-filled bowl. Hoon picks up his fish, a bright orange and red fish, and does the same as Kiseop. The little fish swim around seemingly excited at the extended space.

“Well, Fish Dongho is much more active than Human Dongho,” Hoon laughs picking up the bowl.

We all follow Hoon out of the kitchen and back to the living room. The bunny sets the bowl on the now clean table. Eli, Kevin and Dongho were sitting in their spots watching television.

“Hey, Dongho,” Jaeseop says sitting on the large couch. “You’re a fish now.”

“What?” Dongho says confused.

“Yeah, the little orange and white fish looks like you!” Kiseop replies sitting on the recliner next to the maknae’s.

“I don’t look like a fish!”

“Pabo, I didn’t say you did. I said that the fish looks like you,” Kiseop retorts.

As Kiseop and Dongho argue I notice the absence of Hoon. I take a last glance around the room then turn around and head for the hall. Just as I turn the corner I see Hoon coming my direction to the living room.

“Where did you sneak off to?” I ask curiously.

“I-uh, I wasn’t sneaking. . . I just. . . went to the bathroom, yeah, the bathroom!” he stutters stopping in front of me.

“You are a terrible liar, little bunny,” I say patting Hoon on the head, amused.

“I’ve been told,” Hoon answers looking away embarrassed. “Well, I’m gonna go out real quick. Dongho said earlier that he wanted ice cream so I told him I’d go down to the store with him.”

            Only Dongho would want ice cream in this weather. . .

“Oh, alright,” I reply. “Be careful, though. Watch out for ice.”

“I will,” he answers as he walks past me into the living room.

I continue down the hall towards my room. The thoughts of Hoon flooding my mind once more.

            I need to relax and just forget about this. . .

I open the door to my room and enter, being sure to shut the door behind me. I stand pressing my back to the door, a sigh escapes my lips. After a few more moments I take a few more steps into my room, the wall turning away on my left, opening up to Kiseop’s bed and my own.

            What’s that?

Something on my bed catches my eye. I walk over slowly. There, in front of my pillow is a little plush bunny. Standing at my bedside I glance around the room thinking perhaps there was someone still here watching and waiting for my reaction. The room is empty. I sit down at the edge of my bed, the little plush not leaving my sight.

            It’s. . . cute. . .

The bunny’s small vest and bowtie are the perfect touch, complimenting the toy’s soft looking fur.

            How did you get here anyway?

I pick it up, it’s fur soft and soothing. I it’s fluffy white cheeks and straighten its bowtie. I glance back down to where it had been resting and I notice a folded piece of paper, something was scribbled on it.

            ‘Now you will always have a bunny with you.’

            Hoon?

I open the folded paper, more was written inside.

            ‘Soohyun, I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t want us to grow apart like this. I want to fix all of the problems between us. I’ll understand if you don’t have feelings for me, we can stay friends, but please. . . Don’t ever think I’ll be like him. . .I would never do something that I know would hurt you, especially not what he did to you. I really don’t know if you have feelings for me, but I won’t press you to tell me, I’ll take your silence as a no. I want to know what exactly occurred between you and Kibum, what more happened other than the hitting and shouting? I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but I want to know so I can understand how you feel, and why this hurts you so much. I want to understand you, I want to get to know you even better than I already do, you’re a really great person, a really great friend, and I only hope you and I can be more. . . I can only hope that you feel the same for me as I feel for you. . .

            -Hoon’

“Oh, Hoon,” I breathe.

He’s going through all of this trouble, getting me items, writing, and trying to talk to me. He wants to make me happy, I can tell. Why can’t I just trust him? I hate hurting him like this.

            I’m so sorry, Hoon. . .

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

I splash cold water on my face. Once Hoon returns I’m going to tell him everything. About Kibum, about me pushing him away. . . and about how I feel about the bunny. . .

            I hope my secret doesn’t push him away. . .

I really hate thinking about that day, I hate talking about it even more, but I have to tell Hoon. If we’re going to be together, he deserves to know.

I feel my heart skip at the thought of being with the bunny. When he and I first met, he seemed so shy; he looked adorable when he blushed as he was greeted by a hug from Kevin. I shook his hand, his fingers trembled and he didn’t look at me, he introduced himself to me in a quiet voice. That voice was much different from his strong and confident singing voice.

At first I thought he was going to have a hard time fitting in since he had been a solo ballad singer. I was wrong, he fit into the group perfectly. . .

            Thud

I hear the front door close.

            He’s back.

I grab a towel and dry my face, my hands trembled.

            Calm down, Soohyun. . . It’ll be okay. . . he’ll understand. . . he won’t hate you. . .

I feel doubt prick at my heart. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can hear the others in the living room. I open my eyes and look at my reflection in the mirror. I don’t see a man there, I see a scared little boy. . .

I shake my head and leave the bathroom.

Heading down the hall I hear the voices in my head telling me to keep the secret away from Hoon. My body itched to turn around, to keep everything hidden. My hands continue shaking, but I know I have to tell Hoon the truth.

I enter the living room, the group greets me, they invite me to join their rock, paper, scissors tournament.

“No, thanks, guys,” I answer. “Uh, Hoon?” I continue as I look over at the bunny who was sitting next to Jaeseop.

“Yeah?” He asks looking up at me curiously.

“Can I talk to you?” I ask. “Alone.”

A surprised look crosses the bunny’s face.

“Sure. . .” He replies getting up from his spot on the couch.

The others continue their tournament as I lead Hoon to my room. We enter, I close the door after the bunny. I go to my bed, sitting with my right shoulder to the wall nearest the hall and my back up against the headboard, I grab my pillow hugging it. I pat the bed next to me signaling to Hoon to sit. Timidly, he sits down next to me.

“So. . . What’s wrong?” He asks, I feel his gaze on me as I look down at my shaking hands.

“It’s about time I tell you about. . . Kibum. . .” I answer.

“Soohyun, you don’t have to tell me.”

“Yes I do.”

Hoon falls silent.

“You already know that he beat me, but there is more to that. The day I got tired of it, he and I were alone. I told him that I didn’t want to deal with it anymore, I broke up with him,” I stop and take a breath. “At first, I thought he understood, he said nothing and left to his room. I went to mine, I decided to read a book, but somewhere along the line I fell asleep. When I woke up. . . He was standing right over there,” I point to the foot of my bed. “Watching me. I asked him what he was doing, but he doesn’t answer. . . He jumps on me. . . saying that there is no way he is going to let me go, that he loves me. . .” my voice falters.

“He you didn’t he?” Hoon asks rather bluntly.

“Yes. . . I tried to stop him, but nothing worked!” I say through clenched teeth as tears escape my eyes.

I’m ready for Hoon to be disgusted, to leave me for letting myself get into that mess. Instead I feel him grasp my left hand, he twines my fingers with his own.

“Is that why you were pushing me away?” He asks. “Did you think I’d do that to you?”

I nod.

“Soohyun, I’d never make you do something that you didn’t want to do,” Hoon says. “I respect you too much to even think of treating you that way. I will never hurt you like that. . . never. . .” his hand lightly grasps my chin and he turns my head so that I’m looking into his chocolate brown eyes. “I promise I won’t hurt you,” he says wiping away a tear from my face. “I love you, Soohyun.”

With those words I feel his soft lips press against my own. I close my eyes and kiss him back, his words echoing in my head. I hold his hand tighter never wanting to let go of him.

After what seemed like hours, he pulls away, I open my eyes and look into his warm gaze.

“Hoon. . .” I begin. “I love you, too. . .”