[yoseob.YANG]

Eight months after RUHA the idol debuted, the public was excited to see her. The fans requested to have more fanmeetings although the company had explained the reason of limited events.

People were so difficult to satisfy but it's understandable, Ruha told me once. The public appearance was too restricted and the fans just refused to buy the reason.

The company was a small one so, obviously, they didn't have enough budget to hold event by event nonstop. Ruha agreed that holding a simple fansigning event would not need a large sum of money from the company.

For her, it's unreasonable to only have a few activities when a new idol needed was gaining interests as much as possible.

"Should I just tell them?" Ruha murmured, tapping her fingers on the wooden table. "Maybe it's all a mistake for me to do it..."

I was in the recording studio, accompanying her for RUHA's second digital single preparation. Ruha composed the song and I helped her writing the lyrics. At that time, she even had prepared for the third digital single.

A song that ended up never reached her fans.

"It's not a mistake," I assured her, putting a smile to comfort her. It wasn't the first time she started to doubt her decision and, somehow, I secretly asked myself the same question.

Was it a mistake for me to agree with the debut? Was I too careless by letting months passed by just like this? Was it too late for us to retreat now?

Ruha closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. None of us said a word for seconds. I clenched my fists under the table, still forcing a smile on my lips.

I shouldn't waver. If I showed even just a slightest hint of uncertainty, she would feel insecure and start to think about putting a final stop of everything.

"Are you going to have dinner with us tonight?" Ruha suddenly asked a question. She had opened her eyes again, looking at me.

Never once she changed ever since we met and never once I thought our relationship would change. Ruha might not have the brightest smile but she certainly had a sincere heart.

The sincerity that I failed to understand.

It was four months before RUHA the soloist disappeared from entertainment world.

Four months before our lives hit the turning point.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I take a day off from my part-time job on the cold Saturday. Wearing my winter coat, I head to my destination with a cab in the morning.

My mind is wandering, watching the buildings pass by as the car takes turn by turn carefully. In twenty minutes, I have stepped out from the cab, holding the bouquet I ordered since last week. I just picked it up before hailing the cab.

I let out a sigh when I see the familiar gate that I have passed for almost a dozen times already. Yet by each time, the grief still hasn't gone.

"Oh," I stop my step when I feel something cold on the tip of my nose. I look up and see more snowflakes falling down to the Earth. "The first snow..."

Continuing my steps to the building, I walk pass several visitors who also bring flowers with them. At least half of them are crying and it makes my heart twists -- it reminds me so much of two months ago.

My senses return completely when I see who stands near the entrance door. Wrapped in her favorite black long coat, she is holding a bouquet of white lilies in her left hand.

I freeze on my spot, hesitating whether I should greet her or not. She will avoid me again, I know that very well.

Especially when we're here.

Before I can think of anything, she has turned around and walked down the staircase. Apparently she decides not to walk inside and, like what I expected, she stops when her eyes find me standing only metres away from her.

"Ruha," I call out her name, putting a small smile. "I didn't know you would come here today."

"Me neither," she retorts shortly. I notice that she is looking at the flowers I'm holding on.

I lift the bouquet up a little, forcing a laughter that ends up sounded so awkward, "White Chrysanthemums. It's also the flower of this month."

Ruha knows. She knows it without me telling her. After all, her third single -- which would never be released -- is titled "Snow Chrysanthemums".

"It's the first day of snow today," I extend my left hand, feeling the snowflake that touches my hand. It's cold but the close distance between me and Ruha is even colder. "Just like our first meeting."

That moment is so vivid in my memories even after years. Just by closing my eyes, I can remember the melodies I still admire, the smile I still treasure, and the love I still want to keep.

"If...," Ruha drops her gaze to the snowy ground. "If only I didn't play the piano that day, it wouldn't lead us to this moment, would it?"

Regret. Sorrow. Guilt. I can sense them in Ruha's words.

"Stop blaming yourself, Ruha," I take a step forward, praying so loud in my mind that she will not draw farther distance from me. "We all knew that-"

"That the time would come?" she cuts my sentence without any mercy. "I was stupid to agree with the plan. I didn't think-"

I couldn't hear another word of self-blaming from her. I rush to her and pull her close, hugging her tightly. Ruha struggles from my grip but stops when I don't even move for an inch.

The flowers we bring hit the ground and none of us bothers to pick them. The other visitors just throw quick glances at us, because it's so common to see people comforting others with hugs here.

They hug to tell the others that they're not alone. They embrace them because they understand each other's feelings. They hold the beloved ones closely because the reality is too cruel to face.

And I hug Ruha because I know none of us wants to be here.

Because both of us failed to remember that time waits for no one.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Oh, the directions...," I blink, remembering the apartment building we're heading to. "Are you going to visit Sunggyu today?"

"He has no class on Saturday. Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Ruha throws a question back at me.

I look at her but she still avoids my eyes.

Ruha cried. She cried as I hugged her. It's the first time she let me hugged her after that night, the last night of summer this year.

"Does he know yet? Or-" I pause, cursing myself mentally. I shouldn't be asking that now. I change my question as the cab takes the final turn to Sunggyu's apartment. "Ah, right, I will visit him again tomorrow. Are you going to be there?"

Ruha doesn't give me an answer until the car stops. It's her way not to keep a conversation with me. She answers it while she opens the door, "I'm going to do some composings tomorrow at my own place."

I watch her walking in the building, disappearing from my sight. I heave a sigh, unsure whether I managed to fix our broken relationship even just for a little.

"Sir, where are we heading now?" the driver asks me politely, giving me a questioning look from the rear-view mirror.

I watch the snowflakes land on the car window, feeling empty even though I am supposed to be grateful that Ruha still wants to talk with me.

"Can you drive me back to the previous place?"

 __________
 
 
Author's Note:
 
Last updated 6 November 2013.
It's been a long two years since my last update.

I am so sorry for not updating this story but I will never abandon any of my stories!

Feel free to drop your comments below or mention me at Twitter @AFFkyuri91.
Hope you enjoy the new chapter! :)