Five.
The First Collage ~ Another Me ~
[yoseob.YANG]
A month after the solo artist RUHA debuted, I visit the girl who decorated the latest magazine covers at her house. She looked really happy yet shy about how popular she was.
"The talented and beautiful RUHA gained the attention because of her angelic voice," I read one of the articles to her. "Not only that, she is also praised for her flawless beauty from head to toe."
She chuckled softly and I swore I really loved her expression when she did it. She really looked like an angel for me.
For the world, she was the definition of perfect beauty, someone who was so lucky to have everything a girl could ask for.
For me, she was just being herself. Innocent, sweet, and everything I wanted to treasure in life.
That's all I want to do for the rest of my life. Loving her with all my heart.
"Do you think I did good, Yoseob? Ah, I'm really nervous with the cameras and all. I think I lost weight again lately," she pouted, pinching her own cheeks. "What do you-"
Before she could worry more about her look, I held both of her hands and leaned closer to give a peck on her lips, "You're perfect. Don't you worry."
She blushed, murmuring the 'thank you' word softly. I could feel my heart beating faster just by holding her hands in silence like this.
Even after five months, we're still so shy towards each other when we're alone. It's always me who tried to pull the bold action because I knew she didn't know whether it's alright if a girl took an action first.
I still remembered when I confessed to her, asking her to let me cherished her for the rest of her life.
She cried that night during my visit to United States back then, saying that she didn't deserve my love. She said I was too good for her and she didn't want to hold me back.
She didn't understand. Maybe she would never understand but she should know that she deserved to be loved. She deserved to be happy.
"Is it hard?" I asked, embracing her hand gently as if she was made from porcelain. "You can just stop if you feel so. We have agreed about it before, don't we?"
"I'm fine," she gave me a smile, looking slightly tired. "I'll be just fine for time being. Don't worry too much."
I brought her hands closer to my lips so I could kiss them, feeling the warmth that I wish could last forever in my memories, "I love you... I really do."
"Me too," she whispered softly. She looked at me with her beautiful eyes, "I always do, Yoseob, and always will."
That was not the last time I heard those words from her but I could never forget that moment.
Because, when I noticed her tear, which she explained as a tear of happiness, I should have realized it.
That it's an early warning for me.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
"I'll come again next Sunday," I wear my jacket, tucking my hands inside of the pockets. "You're doing perfectly good. Let's discuss about some details later."
After an hour, I have noted down that Sunggyu is talented in playing piano. He is also capable of writing lyrics. His voice is also extra ordinary, especially for ballad songs.
For my surprise, he actually told me he also has interest in rock music and he's learning how to play guitar from Ruha lately since his girlfriend is just talented for almost all musical instruments.
Even though I tried to push aside the questions about how Ruha and Sunggyu could be together, I must admit I feel sad that Ruha didn't tell me about this.
Everytime she avoided me after I tried to bring up the topic she didn't want to talk about, everytime she said she wanted to go somewhere when I started to persuade her again. All that times, she came here.
"Sunggyu, I'm sorry if I'm being rude but do you mind if I walk Ruha back?" I ask him politely when he's going to wear his shoes before accompanying Ruha to her place.
"Eh?" he looks confused. "W-Why? I can-"
"Just friendly talk," I reason out, glancing at Ruha who doesn't even want to look at me. "We're friends since high school so... I really hope you don't mind for this once."
He nods with understanding, bidding Ruha goodbye as we walk away from his apartment.
"He is a good guy," I break the silence between us when both of us have entered the elevator. "You should have introduced him to me before, Ruha."
"I don't want to," she retorts coldly. "Why should you know everyone I care about?"
I can't help but to feel sad when I know how she wants to escape this situation, being alone with me, "Ruha, I know how you feel. You're still gr-"
"No," she gives me a sharp gaze right when the elevator is opened. "You don't know how I feel so don't you dare to say you understand me. You don't, Yoseob."
Ruha fastens her pace, leaving me with all her might.
It hurts to hear those words from her but I know she is right. No matter how many times I said I know how she feels, I would never understand it perfectly.
When I have stepped out from the building, I look up to where Sunggyu's floor is. I wonder if Ruha has told him about everything.
About the reason why she debuted. About the reason why she stepped back from the entertainment world. About the reason why she keeps avoiding me.
I don't know why Ruha agreed to be his girlfriend, not that I think Sunggyu is not compatible with her or else, but to think that Ruha agreed to be someone's girlfriend...
Or is it just me who can't understand her?
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
It's the day after New Year. It's her birthday. She celebrated it with a bright smile when I gave her a personal birthday cake, her favorite strawberry shortcake.
"What did you wish for?" I asked her when she had finished making her birthday wish. "Is it about me?"
She stuck out her tongue, "I'm not telling you!"
I laughed, pinching her cheek playfully, "Why so mean? Come on. Who knows if I can make it come true?"
"Of course you can," she laughed, cutting the cake carefully. "It's always about you anyway."
"Hmm?" I tilted my head slightly, studying her expression. "What is it?"
She heaved a sigh, closing her eyes, "It's been six months since the debut and I... I never felt this alive before. All the love, all the spotlight, all the cheers..."
"I'm so happy, Yoseob," she opened her eyes again, putting a smile on her face. "I thought that I could just end this life without any regret after this but..."
A tear rolled down on her cheek but she quickly wiped it away, "But... It actually made me afraid. I don't want to let all of this go. I don't want... I just..."
I pulled her into a hug, burying my face in her hair. I embraced her tight but made sure that I won't suffocate her, "It's alright. Don't you think like that. I'm here, okay?"
"Tell me, Yoseob...," she clenched on my shirt, "...what should I do if that day comes?"
What should you do? What would I do? What could we do?
I didn't know.
I just could hug her until she stopped crying. Because words couldn't make her feel better. Because beautiful promises would never convince her.
Because, both of us knew perfectly, that day would come no matter how hard we hated it.
__________
Author's Note:
Last updated 15 June 2013 and now is 4 August 2013.
I know. I'm a baddd author. * flips myself *
But, just like my other titles, while I was in hiatus, I was thinking about how this story should go so...
...wait patiently soon?
Feel free to drop your comments below or mention me at Twitter @AFFkyuri91.
Hope you enjoy the new chapter!
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