I had no intention of writing, but I came across of those two previous letters I wrote about you, and it pains me – to realize once again how much you mean to me as someone I badly admire and wished I knew.

Do you want to know the truth? I want to stop thinking about you. I want to stop looking at you. I want to stop listening to your voice. I want to stop being so happy whenever I see your face. I just want to move on. I just want to face the life I originally had when I was still not aware of your existence. I want to go back. I want to start another world – without you as a part of my life.

All about you – whether it's good or bad – I have learned to accept them, and to understand that you are never perfect. There are things that I know I won't like about you, but because I love you more, so I can let it pass. You lifting a middle finger. You possibly dating a noona. You using that e-cigar. They are all against what I believe in. They are all things I would never wish you to do, but because it was you, so fine. They all hurt but I'm still here – loving you with all my heart.

I know, in your heart, there was a change. You were still like before, but something really change, but I would like to take it possitively – thinking you changed because you grew out your childishness and some foolishness in you. You're 23. It's obvious that you need to be a 'man' and not just the happy-go-lucky-guy. I just hope you're happy about that change – and you do that because you like to, and not because someone's pushing you to do that.

What do you think about my feelings? Do you think it's too much? Do you think I should stop? Do you think I should just find myself something else to do than look at your pictures and watch you nonstop? Believe me. I, myself, want to do that so badly – but I don't know where to start – nor will I know if I can start doing that.

Truthfully, I hate you for always making me eat what I say. I have constantly been hating on you, but I always end up just loving you more. And when I insist that Jonghyun's starting to fill the first spot in my heart, you suddenly appear out of nowhere completely defending your place. It was funny – coz this fantasy I have can never be real – but I felt like subconsciously, you were doing something to me – that's unexplainable – but nevermind.

For the record Lee Jinki. I want you to know you're the only guy who has made me cry for more than three times. I hate you. I hate you so much... damn. no. I love you. But I really hate you. See? You confuse me.

Aish ~ molla. It's almost 2 am here and I should sleep. Can you please make me stop thinking about you so I can sleep?

You know what? I think other fangirls will start thinking of me weirdly... but I hope they understand that this is not my fault, but yours.