it all leads to the final question

"Who?"

"Your best friend." Kim Jongin. My tongue feels like it's been stuffed with wool. I just feel dry. You look so sickened and grossed out that I had the urge to get down on my knees and ask for your understanding. I'm too hurt for that. But so are you. You take a step back and shake your head in disbelief, as if doing that would erase the history of my sins. We both know that it won't. Nothing can atone for what I've done. I'm sorry I think but that's all that is; a thought. Those words would never escape from my lips and morph into a comprehensive sentence. 

"What did you do, Luhan?" You ask and I suddenly want to close the gap between us because there's nothing as sweet as the sound of my name from your mouth.

"Slept with him, Sehun." Even to my own ears, it sounds so wrong. Tears grace the edge of your eyes and I want to beg you to stop asking. We're both drunk and under the influence of the alcohol. We both know that you're at your most vulnerable moment and that I'm honest when I'm drunk. Stop asking, I want to plead but I can't. They're stuck in my throat. 

"How?" Your voice cracked and I know you're one step away from crying. Just so you know, it hurts too.

"In every way." Missionary, with me on top or vice versa. quietly. noisily. in a hurry. sometimes we take our time. Jongin likes to do it rough. I don't think of you except on those intervals between breathing, I'd suddenly think of you but guilt won't gnaw my insides and reach out to my conscience. It felt right with him.

"Where?" 

"Everywhere." In the back of my car. in your kitchen. during those times that you think I'm in bed alone. Right before we were supposed to go out for dates. Almost everytime that you weren't there for me. I don't want to be one of those pathetic beings that turn to others for affection but with your lack of attention and time on me and Jongin's presence, it just happened. 

By this time, you were in tears and you start to hit my shoulders and chest and I had to stay firm and accept each blow. You know what? I think that your cries pierced through me deeper than the punches and curse words that you tried to choke out. Sobs racked your body and you tried to yell out cheater, liar, er, get away from me. I could barely hear them amidst your cries. My shirt got soaked and I realized that I was crying, too. 

You stopped and turned to leave, hands vainly wiping off tears from your cheeks. You slammed the door shut. It affected me more than your vile words. You left me with a heart as heavy as a hollowblock and just as empty. 

You never did ask why.

♠ ♠ ♠

This one is dedicated to my precious bbys lynnar and meiiiii~ mei bc she ships selukai and lynn bc she thinks i'm macho. again, pic credit goes to hyunsoos in tumblr [x]