Your P.O.V

“Hwayoung, it’s time to face the truth. I know that you know, I don’t have much time…” My eyes grew about the half of the original size and my jaw dropped. I didn't know what to say. I didn't think I would be even able to say something, because I was too frightened. After a long silence I finally managed it, at least, to stutter something. “Eom-ma...”I had to swallow the lump in my throat down. “What- What do you talk about?” Of course I knew straight away what she was talking about, but I didn't know something. 'How did she know? Was I that obvious? I wanted her to enjoy the last two days. Why? Why were my plans ruined again? Why can't we just live like we want without all of these problems? Could it be that one of the doctors told her?' And then it made “click” in my brain and I remembered what Meekyong eonnie said to me earlier.

*Flashback*

“Your mother is alive.” “Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?!?!” I yelled at her even I didn't want to but it just came out like this. “Hwayoung. You need to know something first.” I stopped abruptly and turned to face her again. “What do I need to know?” I asked her apprehensively. “Your mother. She's ill.” “I know that she –” And then all made sense. “But she said that the doctor assured her everything would be okay. “ Either the doctor made something wrong or she didn't want you to know. Anyway your mother is seriously ill. And I’m sorry to say this but –” “You can’t help her anymore?” I finished her sentence.

*End of flashback*

'The doctor, she would always go to, told her. But that means she knew it all the time and I didn't realized that there was something wrong with her. She would always hide it. Even when I noticed, she's hurt and I would ask her what's wrong, she would always say, she has a headache or something like this and I, as stupid as I am, believed her. I'm such an Idiot! How couldn't I see how hurt she really was? I don't deserve it to be her daughter. She always took care of me and I didn't even notice she's in pain. I’m not a daughter, I'm an egoistic monster.' I slapped myself in my mind for being that stupid. “Hwayoung. You know very well what I'm talking about. You can't deny the fact. It's my fate and you can't change anything about it.” I laid my head down on my palms and started to cry, while she talked. “Ani! You had a chance! We wouldn't be talking about it now if you had told me! Meekyong eonnie said it could be possible to deal with it, if it wasn't too late! You had to say it to me, then we could handle it together!” I screamed at her and that was when she started to cry too. “So why?” I asked her but she didn't answer and I freaked out again. “WHY?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!” My tears poured incessantly out of my eyes. I didn't see everything clearly but it looked like she shook her head slowly. “I didn't knew it would end like this” I heard her say. Even though it was almost a whisper I heard it. That's when I really wanted to kill myself, because of the guilt, which accumulated inside me. I hadn't the right to blame her for what happened and for she didn't know would happen. It was only my fault, I didn't noticed earlier. “Eomma. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. It just slipped out. Of course it isn't your fault. It's just... If would have noticed it earlier... Maybe-” “Stop it.” my mother said with a serious face. “Don't blame yourself. It isn't right.”  “But-” “Ani. I have to tell you a lot of things, including your father and your future.” “My- My father?” I asked baffled. “Ye. There are lots of things you don't know.” I wiped away my tears and listened to every word, which came out of carefully.
“Your father-” she swallowed. It was obvious, that it was difficult for her to talk about it, but she continued though. “Your father felt in love me, even though it wasn't right, because he was the total opposite of me. He was rich and so was his whole family. He was well-known, had a higher education and was the best-looking and nicest person I ever met. I didn't even dream of such luck. Of course I was young and wanted a rich husband, children and no problems. But I knew it was almost impossible to have such luck. I lived in a little town with my best friend after we left our parents. There I met him. He stopped me and asked how he can get to some place. I explained it to him, he thanked and left. I knew it was like love at first sight, when I saw him, but I thought it was an unrequited love.  Then we would meet now and then accidental. He would invite me to some cafe or just go for a walk. We talked a lot and got closer. And even though we met each other for 4 months or so I always would be shy and blush when he made me a compliment. One day he suggested going on a walk through the park in the evening. And there he confessed to me. Then we met each other more often and you maybe know what happened next. After a couple of months I was ready for it. We were happy together and I even thought it would be like that forever, but I was stupid. After 2 months or so he asked me to meet him. I knew something bad happened, because I had this strange feeling since that morning and when we talked I could hear his voice was emotionless not like usually. After he picked me up we drove to a cafe we would always go to. The whole ride was silent. It wasn't nice but awkward. Then we arrived at the cafe and sat at a table far away from the others. I looked around just to avoid his emotionless look. And then he said we would have to break up. I didn't know what happened and why he would this. I neither did know what to say nor did I know what to do. All I did was to stare at where he was, even after he left. I couldn't move. I couldn't say a word. I just felt like crying because of the pain of my broken heart.

I didn't hear anything about him for a half year. Then I read in the newspaper he married some rich lady. And then it hurt again but I couldn't let him hurt me again, because by then I had you. You were 8 months and I knew that if I would let him hurt me it would affect you as well, if not even worse. So I tried to forget and go on with life. That's why I moved to this place. He didn't know anything about me being pregnant. I didn't have the chance to tell him. So please don't think he left me even though he knew I was pregnant, because he didn't.” I was baffled. “B- But. Why didn't you tell me earlier?” “I'm sorry for that but it was just too painful to remember this.” she cried again. “Eomma you shouldn't be sorry for that.” I said sobbing. “Hwayoung. I have saved some money for the case if something happens. In my desk there is a drawer and at the end of it there is a little keyhole. The key for it sticks under the desk. There isn't much but if you sell our house it'll be enough for the first time.-” “What? What are you talking about? Why should I sell our house?” I asked confused. “Because you do know very well, that you won't be happy, if you'll stay here. So you have to move to Seoul. There you can go to a better school and after that you can go to a university. Maybe to the Korean National University. Even if it does cost much, but with your father's help you'll be able to handle this.” And as she said it, I couldn't believe my ears. “Did you just say with my father's help?” “Ye. You heard right.”, she said. “But how can I find him. And what is way more important why should he even help me? If he left you, why do you think he wouldn't do the same to me?” I asked completely irritated. “He will help you.” was all she said. “Why?” I asked again. “Because you're his daughter. And if he wants you to prove it then show him the necklace, which is where the money is.” “Necklace?” Now I was curious. "Ye. That's a gift from him to me. You see we wanted to get married, but instead of a ring he first gave me this necklace.” she said wiping away the tears which formed in her eyes. 'So he really loved my mother. That's why my mother is sure he will help me. But why did he leave her and married another woman?' This question didn't want to leave my head. I thought about it all the time. “So Hwayoung, do you know what you have to do now?” she asked me with a serious expression. “But eomma I can't-” I was being interrupted by my mother. “No buts, Hwayoung. You will do what I say you to do. You can't live here any longer.” her voice was harsh and that was new and scary. “You'll go to Seoul!”