It's Okay Even If It Hurts

Love light by CN Blue suddenly went off somewhere in the auditorium filled with empty chairs.  I glanced up and saw them, the guys from the first day of school, all 12 of them. 

I think they called themselves Exo; it's pretty lame.  Who goes around telling people they go by 'Exo?' I don't know much about them other than they're all wealthy and probably really ignorant.  I can't believe Joomyun's part of the group, he's so smart, he could totally do better.  And there's another guy, from my homeroom, Lu Han, I think.  Annoying as hell. I don't know what's wrong with him, but he's so flirty, I swear one day, when I have the courage, I'm just going to slap him across his cheek.

I locked eyes with one of them.  He looked familiar but I shrugged the thought away.  They all looked at me, frightened, a bit before they rushed out.

I moved my attention away from them and began playing again, forgetting everything that just happened. 

My mind was on this nasty disease.  I’m only 18…I just turned 18.  I haven’t lived my life yet.  I’m not married, I will never marry.  Did I do something wrong to deserve this?

I don’t know.

I don’t even know what to do anymore.  I just know that I have to live my life without anyone in it.

No friends. No guys.  No love.  I need to push people away from me, everyone. Sounds cruel, right? Not really.  Just think about.  Who’ll have the harder time coping when I’m gone?  Friends and family. 

I need to push everyone away, even if I come off as a bad person.  I can deal with being the cruel, unfriendly girl that everyone hates.  I can do that.  But when I know that people will cry to see me go; I won’t be able to take it.

It’s just better to not get close to anyone.

I suddenly straightened up.  I heard footsteps behind the curtains, but I kept playing, hoping it was just my crazy imagination.  I glanced at it when it all of a suddenly moved.

A guy came out from behind it, coughing.

I cocked my head to the side, you look familiar…

I looked at him intensely before he glanced up and caught my gaze.

His lips curled into a smile.  “Hi…?”  His soft voice…the guy from the competition.

I stayed silent and moved my full attention back to my piano piece.

“Or not…” I heard him mutter.

“So, I have a question.”  …And I doubt I’ll answer it.

“Why did you drop out of the competition…Miyoung?”

At the sound of my name, I messed up.  One of the few times I’ll ever do that.  I cursed.

I looked up at him, my eyes suddenly changing.  He rubbed his neck and gave an awkward smile.  “I—uhh, I’m Sehun…”

Do I look like I care?

I loudly moved the piano chair back, hoping to send him the signal of my anger and annoyance before I stood up.  I fixed my skirt and rolled my uniform shirt sleeves back down before I made my way around the piano.

“Soo…?”

I scoffed and walked right past him.

“Park Miyoung, do you know who I am?”

I kept walking, such a cliché line.

“What’s with your attitude?” He blurted. 

I lost it.  You don’t even know who I am.  What right do you have to say that?

I turned around to meet his eyes.  I glared at him before taking small steps towards him. 

“Look. I don’t know you.  I don’t want to know you.  Stop messing with me.  I’m not here for friends…I’m a cold, cruel person who hates everyone.  Don’t show up around me anymore.”  I spat before I my heels and walked out of the auditorium.

Once I was behind the curtains, I ran up to the rooftop.

I needed air.  I needed to breathe.  I needed to calm down because I am not going to faint and return to the damn hospital again.

I ran over to the ledge and leaned over.  I let my hair fall down the side of my face as I leaned over the ledge.

I need to be free.

I thought back at the guy…that Sehun guy.  Yeah, I know it was harsh, but it was for his own good.  Plus, I don’t even know who he is so why tell him about myself.  It makes no sense. 

People…do not talk to strangers.

I pushed myself off from the ledge and slouched down against the wall.  I could still feel my heart tightening.  My throat itched and I let out a cough. 

I let myself fall to the ground, clutching onto my chest.  Short breathes and whimpers escaped my mouth.  I shut my eyes tightly as the tightening pain suddenly swept me. 

I felt like screaming.

My breathing quickly turned into wheezing and I became light headed.  Everything felt like it was spinning and I felt really dizzy.  I took a deep breath of air before I coughed leading to a chain reaction of coughs.

I moaned again before my mind drifted away.

I opened my eyes slowly.  I have no clue how long I’ve been lying here.  I just woke up to the cement flooring of the rooftop.  I gently pushed myself up from the ground and rubbed my eyes.

.

It was getting dark.  I stood up; the sun wasn’t completely gone yet, but it was getting there…maybe close to 5 or 6?  I felt my pockets for my phone, but couldn’t find it.  I began to panic, where the hell did I leave it?

My head was still aching, but I was still able to move around.

Ahh, damn.  I remember.  I left my phone in my bag, in the auditorium…lying on the ground.

I hurried and ran to the door before finding it stuck…or locked.  I’m not sure, but I’m going to say stuck cause stuck sounds better than locked.

I freaked.

Stop stressing! …you’re just going to die sooner.

I ran over to the ledge, “There has to be people here still….”  I muttered as I leaned over the ledge.

4 stories tall. Could someone even hear me if I shouted?

I don’t even know.

There wasn’t anyone in the back.  I ran over to another ledge before I spotted a group of guys.

Should I call for them?

Ugh, that’s so embarrassing though.

I hate myself. 

“Cho-chogiyo~” Damn it, louder!

“Chogiyo~!!”

I saw some guys turn their heads but they didn’t look up.

I began to get frustrated.  I hate this. I am so stupid and dumb, I might as well stay locked up here then I can die without anyone knowing…no, that was a dumb comment.

I sighed again. ‘Don’t do anything that will stress you, whether it be arguing, shouting—’

The doctor’s words came to me just before I was about to shout.

I sighed and backed away from the ledge.  I took a few breaths to calm myself more before I walked back over.  The group of guys had gotten smaller.  There were only 3 now…what the heck?

I pushed the words from the doctor away. 

“YAH!!”

My cheeks flushed red in embarrassment.  I didn’t think that took a lot of energy, but I guess my body did cause I started breathing hard again.

The guys looked up before one of them started running towards the building.

I sighed in relief before slouching against the wall again and trying to bring my breathing back to normal as the chest began to ache.

Wow, that was harsh.  She has a lot of attitude.  What kind of girl proudly blurts something like that?  And how can she not know who I am.

Park Miyoung, you’re surely different.  I smirked, this’ll be interesting. I always love a good challenge.

I walked down the stair before I notice her bag.  She’ll come back to get it.

I walked up the aisle of the auditorium before opening the doors and exiting into the halls.

I met up with Exo later.  We hung out in the gym, shooting hoops and what not.

It was rather boring.  My mind couldn’t stay focused in the game and was always wandering around the Miyoung girl.  She’s not even my type.  She’s annoying, not quiet nor is she nice.  I’ll have to admit that she has beauty but her personality is a pain.  I don’t even know why she won’t leave my mind.  It’s like I’ve been hypnotized by her music or something.

Oh! That’s probably it.  She’s bewitching me.

…no, that’s not it. I don’t know what I was—“YAH! SEHUN!”

I turned my head just as the basketball flew passed me.

Lu Han and the other guys ran over to me.  “What the hell?” Lu Han shouted.

“Yah! Oh Sehun, where is your mind right now?”  Kyungsoo retorted.  Jongin chuckled, “Good thing I called your name…if I didn’t you’d be on the ground right now.”

I didn’t even know what was going on.

“Yah, Sehun?”  Tao punched my arm before I shot him a glare.  “Ohh…he’s back.”  Tao remarked before he ran for the ball.

Lu Han placed a hand on my shoulder, “Just go sit…you seem a bit out of it.”

I slowly nodded before making my way to the bleachers to sit.

We left the gym to the dance studio and practice dance.  We all major in choreography and music.  We practiced and fooled around in the dance room until 5 then we left.

We stood out by the gates of the school.  We’re always the last to leave, unless you’re really devoted you’ll stay here until late.  Minseok and Jongdae were the first to leave, followed by Tao, Kris and Joonmyun. 

It was weird.  We heard a faint call somewhere in the distance, but didn’t see anyone.  “Maybe there really is a ghost here.”  Jongin muttered.  Kyungsoo quickly slapped his arm, “Shut up.”

Three more cars pulled up, Kyungsoo’s, Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s.

What the hell is taking him so long?

I sighed before I called my chauffeur again.

“YAH!!”

We all turned our heads.  There was a girl on the roof.  What kind of person would go on the roof, doesn’t everyone know that the roof locks from the outside.

Yixing took off running towards the building before Jongin followed.

“Young Sir, I’m sorry, I will be there as soon as possible.”

That was all I needed before I hung up the phone and took off after them.

I was out of breath by the time I reached the rooftop.  I opened the door and Yixing was holding the girl by her shoulders whispering something in her ear.  Their backs were towards me but I could tell who the girl was, Park Miyoung.

I walked over to Jongin, “What the hell is he doing?”

Jongin shrugged, “I don’t know…soothing her. We came up here and her breathing was way off.” 

So you’d let him hug you?  You just told me to back off, what the hell is this?

I looked at her as Yixing walked by with her under his arms.  Her eyes were glassy just like the first time I saw her, 3-4 months ago.  

…I don’t even know why I remember her… to be honest.  Maybe it was what state she was in when I first saw her, those glassy, brown eyes that shined in the light, or her trembling lips.  Maybe her peachy skin or the way her hair fell perfec—what the heck Sehun.  Stop it.

Jongin pulled on my sleeve, “Come on…what’s wrong with you today?”

I pulled away from the group and ran into the auditorium to grab her bag.

Hey, I'm just being a gentlemen.

I got outside and walked up to her.  I stuck my hand out with her bag, "Here, don't leave this..." 

She quickly grabbed it away from me.  What the heck? I just gave it to you.  You seem so afraid of me, am I that intimidating? 

I waited a bit before I walked next to Jongin, Damn, not even going to get a 'thank you.'

I glared at Yixing the whole time we were waiting for our chauffeurs.  I looked at Miyoung.  Her breathing seemed pretty normal now, so why won’t she get away from him.

A car rolled up in front of us, Finally.

I stepped forward before looking at Yixing and Miyoung.  “I can take her home.”

Yixing was quiet for a while before he shook his head.  Jongin and Yixing’s car pulled up before mine, “It’s okay, I got her.”  Yixing said in a gentle voice before walking her to his car.

Okay…what the hell just happened?

[Yixing]

I ran up the stairs leading to the rooftop and opened the door with force although none was needed.  She was there, leaning against the wall.  Her eyes were glassy and she was clutching onto her chest.  As I got closer I saw streaks on her cheeks left by tears.

What was her name again?  Damn it, I hate myself.  Why am I so forgetful?

I cupped her face with my hands.  I could feel her hesitation as I lifted her head so that our eyes met.

Miyoung…that was her name.

“I won’t hurt you.  I just want to help you.”  I spoke softly before I grabbed her and helped her up.

I heard her soft whimpers.  Was she hurt somewhere?

“Miyoung-ah, kwenchanayo?”  She quickly nodded but her eyes were still in pain.  She bit down on her bottom lip.  She’s obviously not fine.  I pulled her into a hug not caring about what she thought.

There was something about her that draws me towards her.  When I first saw her in the office the first day of school she looked so innocent.  I thought she was just going to be just like every other girl, but when I saw her again from then to now, 4 months, she really is different.  The way she plays the piano, everything was so soothing and it flowed so well.  There was just a sudden feeling to be with her.

She pulled away and I came out of my thoughts.  Her eyes were no longer soft and innocent, but they weren’t glaring or cold too.  She thanked me in a voice only I could hear.  “I’ll take you home.”  I whispered before we turned around. 

Jongin just stared blankly at me before I darted my eyes at Sehun.  His eyes were cold and piercing.  Jealous?  No…I don’t think he is. 

We waited for our chauffeurs to come pick us up.  Sehun’s came first. 

“I can take her home.”  He stated as he looked at me.  I was slow to answer, debating on whether or not to give her up.  It’s better that she gets home as soon as possible, but then again, I didn’t want to leave her.

I was about to give in when my car pulled up behind his.  I shook my head, “It’s okay, I got her.”  I stated before I walked her to my car.

She was quiet in the car.  She didn’t even glance at me…or anywhere else.  Her gaze was fixed in front of her.  I asked for her address and she told me to drop her off at a convenient store because she had to get something.  I offered her a ride home after she got whatever she needed, but she refused.

I didn’t want to keep bothering her so I left. 

I returned home.  My mother greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.  She told me to come eat since I missed dinner, but I told her that I was tired and I needed to sleep.  She gave me a warm smile before sending me off.

I walked up the stair case to my bedroom.  I threw everything on the ground before sitting in my desk.

She appeared in my mind.

I regretted leaving her alone.

[Miyoung]

I wanted to jump off the building.  He saw me in that stated.  I hated it.  Hopefully, he won’t come talk to me.  That’s the last thing I want.

He dropped me off at the convenient store a couple blocks from where I live.  After he left, I started walking home.  I cursed at myself.  How could I be so stupid and dumb?  I hate people seeing me all weak.

I opened the door and saw my parents stand up, worried obviously since my mother’s eyes were red.  “Miyoung~” She choked out as I closed the door behind me.  Her hand rested on my shoulders before I shrugged them off and walked up the stairs into my room.

Yeah, that was mean, but it’s for their own good.  If I’m cruel and mean to them now, it’ll be easier for them to forget me later.

Comment on your thoughts?! :))

Thank you for reading this story; you don't know how happy I am although it is kinda off.

The updates will always start with Miyoung's pov unless stated, but it starts when Baekhyun's phone rings from the previous chapter.  Sehun comes and she gets annoyed so she says those harsh words to him before leaving to the rooftop where she has another one of those attacks.  She knocks out and wakes up hours later.  She sees the guy group, Exo, and calls out to them.  Her heart can't take it so she gets some pain again when Yixing comes to 'save' her. [sehun] He's just being cocky and what not, but he can't get Miyoung out of his mind.  [yxing] His part is pretty straight forward.

Have a lovely day!

--Miyoung:))