Chp.36| Strangers

Because I don’t like you enough.

I burped and slumped down on the bench exhaustingly. The same words replayed over and over in my head. I felt tired, heartbroken and so very drunk.

I’ve always seen it happen in the books or read it in the novels that when a person gets depressed over love, they either get drunk or become suicidal.

Drinking is safer than the latter so I’ll take my chances.

You could even say that I was very lost at the moment and yet somehow I managed to get to the subway station, seated at the same spot where Jung Sang had first impressed me with his fighting skills.

I don’t recall how long I’ve been sitting there. I think two trains passed me already. I couldn’t get up to leave because I didn’t want to. I really couldn’t go home in my drunken state and have my parents lecture me either. I didn’t even have my cell phone on me so I couldn’t call for Yoon Tae’s help.

I sat there gazing into nothingness, allowing my mind to conjure up the memories of the times I had spent with Jung Sang. Every time I thought about him, I felt the hole in my heart, like something missing. There was emptiness, a void, and a reminder that I was no longer with him.

I pounded on my chest. “Yah! Lee Ji Won…stop it.” Shaking my head vigorously, I added, “Don’t…think about him.”

The next thing I knew, I had fallen off the bench, lying face flat against the ground. Lord knows how many times I have done that already. “Aish! Couldn’t you be more…careful, huh?” I slurred, trying to push myself to sit up. When I succeeded, I sat against the bench instead, belching loudly like a man who had just finished downing a jug of beer.

“Are you okay?” a male’s voice asked from behind me.

I tried to look around, but I couldn’t see anyone. Tapping my temple I said, “You must be really drunk, Ji Won. You’re starting to hear voices in your head.”

“I’m standing directly behind you. Do you need me to help you up on the bench?” the voice asked again.

I turned my head fully to see the figure standing directly behind me there. The guy resembled a shadow. He was dark. I couldn’t describe him. He just looked very dark. I couldn’t even see his face because he was cloaked in his jacket and the hood hid his face.

“Oh…I thought I was…just---hearing things.“

“Do you need me to help you get home safely?”

What kind of question was that? I don’t think I heard him properly. “Well…no. You’re just a stranger to me. How do I know…you’re not gonna try and hurt me, huh? Why would I put my life in a stranger’s hand?” I asked, realizing that my voice was getting louder.

Gosh, Ji Won. Why are you even speaking to a stranger? “It’s okay. I’m okay. You can leave. Go,” I said, waving him off as if I had the control over him.

“You must be heartbroken,” he stated boldly.

Who does this guy thinks he is? “How would you know?”

I could tell that he was getting closer. It appeared as if he was almost gliding towards me. Aigoo! What if he was a ghost? My heart started to race in nervousness. I was suddenly scared.

“A pretty girl like you, drinking at your age? Yeah, you must be heartbroken,” he confirmed.

I found myself smiling at his compliment. “Thank you. But…you can mind your own business.”

He came around to sit on the bench beside me. I tried to look up at him, but my neck started to hurt so I just sat there unmoving. “I’m heartbroken too,” he said.

I pointed to myself, nearly poking my own eyes out. “Why…are you telling me this?”

“Maybe we can relate?”

“Why would I want to relate with you? You’re a stranger.”

“Stranger I may be, but when it comes down to it, only a stranger can help you when you’re in need.”

He had a good point. That made me wonder how he was going to help me. “What’s your problem? Wanna hear my problem first?”

“Uh---“

I didn’t wait for him to answer. “I just…I just broke up with my stupid retarded boyfriend who says…who says…that…who says…” I tried to remember his exact words and end up coming up with nothing, “anyway, he’s just really inconsiderate.”

“Did he cheat on you?”

I shook my head.

“Then why?”

“Apparently, he says that…says that he doesn’t like me that much.”

“And that’s why he broke up with you?”

“Yes.”

“What a bastard. Did you kill him?”

I shook my head again. “No. I’m not a killer. You crazy? But---but maybe I did picture it inside my head. I pictured myself…” I paused, moving my hands up to give him a visual. “Twisting his handsome head like this…you know…like how you would twist a cap off a bottle. That’s how,” I explained, ending it off with a smile on my face.

I couldn’t tell what the stranger was thinking beneath the jacket of his because I could barely see his face, but I figured he understood since he nodded. “What about you? What did your girlfriend do?”

“My girlfriend? Well, she was just too good for my taste. I don’t deserve her. She fits the preference of the type of girl I’ve always wanted to be with. But I broke up with her because she made me feel inferior.”

“Wah…then she must be really heartbroken to hear you say that you want to break up with her because she’s too good…”

“Yeah, and besides, she once called me ugly. No, wait. She called me ugly more than once.”

“That’s not really nice,” I said, trying to make him feel better.

“No, but I guess I could understand why she called me ugly...” he trailed off.

I turned to look at him puzzlingly. “So…you’re really ugly then? Is that why you’re hiding under the hood?”

He slid over on the bench, thinking I was going to attack him and draw his hood back. “Yeah, I think I am.”

I was curious at this point. I wanted to see his face clearer, but being drunk didn’t help. “You think, but you don’t know?”

“Let’s not…talk about my face.”

I agreed, bobbing my head in response. “Why do some people have stupid reasons for breakups? To be honest…I…I don’t even know the real reason why he broke up with me.”

“Maybe he’s afraid of this commitment he has with you?”

“Why would he be?”

“Maybe because he’s been hurt before?”

I thought about what Jung Sang said, so I answered, “Yes. He has been.”

“Ah, I see.”

I looked around ignorantly. “See what? She what, huh?”

“I meant, I understand.”

“Oh.”

“He’s afraid of hurting again. And he probably doesn’t want to hurt you either so he decides that he wants to break up with you. That’s pretty reasonable.”

“Yah! Are you siding with him?”

“No.”

“Don’t side with that loser!” I warned.

“I’m not. I’m just trying to place myself in his shoes.”

“Oh.”

“So what do you think of him? Do you think he makes a good boyfriend?”

I thought about Jung Sang’s smiling face. “Yes. Yes, he does to me. I mean---when we first started to like each other---he’s the worst person on the planet. He was rude, obnoxious, arrogant and very average looking. I mean---he’s super-handsome but somehow he was really good at hiding himself.” I laughed. “I used to call him an ugly horse because he had a personality of a horse. He was very stubborn, but not so much anymore after we dated. He has so many flaws. I really don’t know why I like him. And then this other time---”

“Sorry to interrupt but I have a question. Was he worth it? I mean, seeing that you two have broken up, was he worth the time?”

Park Jung Sang was in every way worth it. “Yes,” I answered honestly.

“So you broke up with a good person.”

He made it sound more like question. “No. You got this all wrong. That bastard broke up with me. I’m the good person here!”

“So two good people broke up with each other?”

I was slightly confused. “Huh? Don’t confuse me.”

“Sorry.”

“Speaking of confusion…he was always confusing me with his words. I never know what to believe. It’s kind of hard to be around him sometimes.”

“If you could change time and go back to that breakup point, what would you have told him?”

“I would have…I would have told him that what he was trying to do didn’t matter…that…that I love him and I don’t care if he feels the same way---wait I do care…but all I want is for him to return the same kind of affection…at least…” I paused, feeling the tears sprouting from my eyes, “I’m crying. My gosh, I’m crying!”

“You don’t care. Does that mean that if he had asked whether or not you wanted this breakup, you would have told him no, right?”

“Ah ha.”

“What else would you have told him?”

“I would have told him that he needs to learn how to move on and take chances. He needs to accept our relationship for what it is and deal with it. He just needs to tell me that he likes me more than I like him. That’s all I wanted to hear. When he told me he didn’t like me enough, I knew that he was lying. He probably lied because he wanted to push me away. His niece, Na-Na who is the cutest little girl in the world, told me that Jung Sang would lie, but he would lie only for a good reason. So I think he was lying when he said that.”

“I agree. I bet he likes you a whole lot. I bet he’s hurting more than you are right now. I bet he even broke down and cried after you left him.”

“You think?” I shook my head in disagreement. “Nah, I don’t think Park Jung Sang is capable of crying. He was just so normal about it.”

“Every person with a heart cries.”

“Yeah, I guess.” It felt better knowing that Jung Sang might be crying his eyes out right now. He was probably off somewhere drunk, confiding in some stranger too.

“Park Jung Sang, huh?”

“Yes. That’s his name.”

“He plays ping-pong, right?”

“Yeah, he’s a pro.”

“He’s pretty popular.”

“Yeah, even if he doesn’t want to be.”

Silence fell between us. My curiosity for this stranger was starting to bug me. He knew more about me than I knew about him. “What about you? Do you regret breaking up with your girlfriend?”

“I realized now that what I did was wrong. Perhaps I’m just like Park Jung Sang. I’m afraid that I’ll end up hurting my girlfriend and myself. She really loved me and I ended up breaking her heart. She’s worth everything to me and maybe more.” He shook his head through the hood. “Damn, I’m a bastard, aren’t I?”

I reached out to pat his thigh. “It’s okay. You…could always go back to her and confess your undying love for her and tell her that you made a huge mistake. Tell her that…that you ran into some stranger on the street and after having a talk with…with that person, you realized what a foolish mistake you made. There’s always room for forgiveness. And I’m pretty sure she believes in second chances, because…because I do.”

He placed his hand gently over mind and then squeezed it in reassurance. “Thanks for chatting with me. I feel much better.”

“No. I have to thank you.”

He pulled his hand away and stood up. “So, shall I walk you home or do you want me to get on the train with you?”

“Well…what I really want is…”

“What do you want?”

“To be honest, I don’t know what I’m doing here. You could carry me to my home on your back. Just don’t bring me to a motel.”

“Alright.”

He offered his hand to help me up. I took it gladly and went to stand behind him as he boosted me up onto his back. “You okay?” he asked.

“I feel really tall right now,” I replied, feeling slightly relieved that this stranger was willing to help me even when I don’t know who he was. “You wanna know something else? I once got into a car with a stranger and nearly got myself in big trouble. Now I’m putting my life in another stranger’s hands. I’m really stupid sometimes. I don’t know why I trust people so easily.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t kill you. I’m a different kind of stranger. One that gives you a piggyback ride home.”

“Thank you.”

He started to walk. “What would your boyfriend say if he sees you like this?”

“He wouldn’t say anything…not until after he beats you up first.”

The stranger chuckled. “He’s that tough?”

“Sometimes, he is. Sometimes, he isn’t.”

“I think most guys are like that.”

“Hey. I got a question for you?”

“Yes?”

“Do you love your girlfriend more than she likes you?”

“Yes, I do.”

I smacked him on the shoulder. “Now, that’s what she wants to hear!”

He murmured, “Yes.”

“I got another question for you.”

“Yes?”

“Are you really ugly?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe as in, I might be.”

“Oh,” I said, staring at his hood. It would only take small tug to find out.

As if reading my mind, he said, “Don’t even think about it, or I’ll drop you.”

“Whoa, I never knew you could sound so not nice. You remind me of someone.”

“Who? Your boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

I don’t recall what else I said to the stranger that night. All I remember was feeling really comfortable with him.