Chp.35| Mr. Unpredictable a.k.a PingPongBoy


“Jung Sang is swimming,”Na-Na said, unable to look at me in the face.

After school, I came straight to Jung Sang’s house hoping to find him to discuss the current situation. I was angry with myself for choosing to go after a guy that walked out on me without a single glance. I had to remind myself that Park Jung Sang was different and that he must have his reasons for walking out. My cousin had said the same thing.

“He seems to handle everything differently. Go after him and find out why he did what he did.”

“Why should I go after a guy who did that to me?”

“He’s your boyfriend. Maybe he has his reasons?”

“You’re sounding rational, Yoon Tae. That’s not a good thing.”

“Hell, I’d be pissed off too if my own best friend slept with the girl I like.”

“How can you be sure Kim Tae Woo didn’t say that just to piss off Jung Sang?”

“That’s why you need to find out.”

For once Yoon Tae was actually sounding reasonable. I took his advice and decided to search for my boyfriend. What a good girlfriend I am. Now here's my little advice. Girls, if you ever stumble upon a guy such as this one, dump his . I always have a problem following my own advices, that's why I prefer to follow others. They're always more helpful.

Truthfully, I couldn’t go on hurting myself because Jung Sang couldn’t make up his mind in whom he likes more. I was determined to discover the truth one way or another, even if it meant putting our relationship on the line. Come to think of it, our relationship was in fact hanging by a thread.

Na-Na wasn’t too happy either when she saw me. Jung Sang had probably fabricated some lie to get his niece to side with him.

“To be honest, Ji Won. Jung Sang doesn’t want to see anybody right now,” Na-Na stated apprehensively.

I lowered myself to her level, understanding her protectiveness over her uncle. Brushing back the hair that covered her eyes, I said, “Na-Na, sweety. Whatever Jung Sang told you, it’s probably a lie. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Jung Sang never lies,” she argued, crossing her arms sternly in front of her. “He wouldn’t lie. He’s an honest person. And if he does lie, it’s probably for a good reason anyway.”

“What did he tell you?”

“He said nothing. Only that he doesn’t want to see anyone at the moment.”

“Then how come you’re acting like you’re mad at me too?”

“Because you look guilty.”

“Na-Na, listen---"

“If you’ve done nothing wrong, why are you trying to explain yourself, Ji Won?”

Damn, the kid was smart. I sighed in exasperation, knowing that I wasn’t going to win over her. “I am not trying to explain myself. I just want you to understand.“

She grabbed my arm, and dragged me along with her. “Come. Let’s go find out what’s really wrong with him.”

When we got to the pool area, Park Jung Sang still had on his school uniform. However, he wasn’t swimming. He was floating face down, unmoving.

“Jung Sang?” I called.

He paid no heed.

Without further ado, I threw my bag down and jumped into the pool. When I hit the cold water, I swam towards him, flipping him over. He choked and spewed out a mouthful of water in my face.

Then he opened his eyes and looked at me in surprise. The expression was quickly replaced with his usual irritated expression.

“Yah! Are you trying to kill yourself?!” I screamed at him.

He gritted his teeth and said, “Yah! Can’t you see that I’m floating?!”

“Who the hell floats like that, huh?” I asked, smacking his shoulder.

“I was meditating in the water.”

“You scared the sh*t out of me.”

He swam awayto the edge of the pool. “How did you get in here?”

I turned to Na-Na as I answered, “Na-Na let me in. She---" I stopped when I realized that Na-Na was no longer standing there. The kid was fast and sneaky.

I swam towards him and watched as he pulled himself out of the water. He stood there, dripping wet, staring down at me, his face contorted in anger. I couldn’t help but catch my breath. Despite the raccoon eye, Jung Sang looked even hotter than before. Perhaps the water did something to his enhance his appearance. Or maybe I was just growing accustom to his handsome angry face. “You shouldn’t be here right now.”

Just when I least expected it, he offered his hand out to me.

That single gesture made my heart race a thousand miles. I started to question myself. Could I really risk the relationship over my doubts for him? I reached out and he pulled me up. We stood inches apart and stared into each other’s eyes. I could tell just by looking in those eyes that he was lost and perhaps confused of his feelings.

“You’ve been crying again, haven’t you?” he questioned with his eyes searching my face.

I nodded.

“It’s because of me.”

I nodded again, feeling the bile rising from my throat. I realized that if Jung Sang felt he did wrong, he would explain himself. I wouldn't have to question him.

He placed a tentative hand against my left cheek. “I won’t make you cry again, Ji Won. I promise I won’t. From this day onward, it won’t happen again.”

I couldn’t find my tongue to say anything back to him. Instead, I was trying to decipher what he meant with what he just stated. His words could be misleading.

Just when I wanted to place my hand overtop of his, he withdrew immediately, turning his back on me. “It’s not working out. All of this. We should stop.”

I expected to hear that line when I came here. However, I wanted to hear it from my own mouth, not his. “What do you mean by that?”

He spun around angrily. “What do you think I mean? I want us to break up.”

Rather than crying, I found myself laughing as if I found it to be stupid. “You’re not serious, are you?”

“I’m more serious than I’ve ever been,” he replied with a stern expression.

Every single syllable pierced right through me, like cold icicles, crippling every inch of my body. “Tell me something then. You’ve been using me all along, right?”

He lowered his eyes for a brief second and lifted them to face me again. “No.”

“Give me a better reason. Find a better reason for our breakup,” I said, raising my voice, not understanding his true intentions.

“I don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t want my enemies to go after you. I’m afraid what might happen if you continue to hang around me. I’ve been thinking about it. This time, it went too far. Na-Na was involved and so was Shin Hye Min.”

“You said yourself that this was you. I made a choice that day, knowing what I was up against. I made a choice to be with you in spite of what might happened. Why are you doing this to me now? Are you going to let all of this stop you now?”

“You don’t understand!” he burst.

“What don’t I understand? Tell me?”

“Because I don’t like you enough. I feel that it’s unfair on your part. You do all of this. Don’t you see? You came after me even if I walked out on you. Why do this? Do you know how that makes me feel, Ji Won? I feel like a coward. I feel ashamed. If I was such a loving boyfriend, I wouldn’t have done that to you in front of everyone. So that makes me a fool.”

Naturally my tears would have flowed out of my eyes by now, but nothing came out. I was out of tears. I was numbed from head to toe. The only thing I could feel was the aching in my heart.

“All my life, I played just about every single sport because I wanted a sense of accomplishment. Do you know why? Because of one girl. One girl once told me that I couldn’t do it. That I couldn’t play anything. She said that I was useless. She said that I was an ugly useless boy. Do you know how that made me feel, Ji Won? At that age, having a girl telling me that I was useless and ugly---I felt helpless and worthless. Because of her, I did all of that because I wanted to impress her.”

I could barely hear myself speaking, but I felt my heart being squeezing together. “That girl is Shin Hye Min, right?”

He swallowed as if he was afraid to answer me. Finally he said, “Yes.”

“I see.”

“It’s not what you think, Ji Won.”

I shook my head slightly, turning my back on him. The weight in my legs held me down. I wanted to collapse in front of him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything further.”

“You said for me to give you a good reason. I am giving you a good reason right now, Ji Won. Hear me out first!”

He was right. I should hear him out. But the more I hear him out, the more I was going to hurt myself. I feared what I might hear because I didn't want to experience the pain.

“It was some time when she started to accept me as a person. She no longer called me ugly or tell me that I was useless. We became really good friends. I started to realize that I could do anything for this girl because I liked her that much. So I gave her whatever I could. It was until Kim Tae Woo came into the picture, she changed. She didn’t look at me the same anymore. I was angry with myself because I realized that she never liked me more than that. I was just a friend to her, and nothing more. I felt like a failure. I often wonder what Tae Woo had besides his looks. He didn’t play any sports. He didn’t try to get close to Hye Min and she liked him for that. I wasted my time, Ji Won. I wasted my time on Shin Hye Min. She walked out on me, so don’t think that I don’t know how you’re feeling like this very moment. You have every reason to be upset with me.”

I could hear his footsteps behind me. I felt his hand on my shoulder, turning me around to face him. I refused to look up into his face because he might just see how much I was hurting. “Look at me,” he said.

I raised my eyes to look at him because I couldn’t help myself.

A trace of a smile appeared on his lips. “You’re not crying. I don’t know if that’s a good thing.” He sighed and then said, “I broke our promise, Ji Won. I promised to be a good boyfriend, but I know I’m not. I disappointed myself and you mostly.”

He was speaking of the time when we sealed our promise to become a couple. That promise has been broken.

“Hye Min was the one that text messaged me and told me that she was afraid Tae Woo might have taken advantage of her last night. I was afraid. Because I had chosen to let her go, I was afraid that I failed her again. If I fail to protect her, how will I ever protect anyone else? That made me think about my ping-pong game with those people. I thought about how I endangered not only you, but two other people I still care about.”

What was there to understand about the entire situation? Park Jung Sang was afraid of failure, and he was afraid of making the same mistake over again. He even downright admitted that he didn’t like me as much as I liked him. Was this supposed to be apart of a real relationship? Park Jung Sang never liked me as much as I thought as he did. I thought all relationships were meant to be equal---or rather the guy likes the girl more than she likes him? But this one. My first relationship with Mr. Upredictable turns out to well…to put it in a simpler term, unpredictable.

“We’re two different people, Jung Sang. Don’t you see, I’m standing right in front you? What are you really afraid of? Are you afraid that you can’t protect me?”

“No. I’m afraid that I can’t make you happy. I always told you never to doubt me because I doubt myself all the time,” he paused, “you’re different. I was never used to having someone care for me the way you do. I wanted to understand that part of a relationship.” He smiled. “You made me really happy when I thought I couldn’t be.”

“Don’t speak in past tense, Jung Sang. It’s not over yet.”

“I’m a lucky bastard, aren’t I? I have a girl that likes me so much that she doesn’t want to let me go even when I tell her that I want to break up with her. I’m not good enough for you, Ji Won. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Don’t act this way!” I yelled, sick and frustrated of his persistent behavior.

“It’s over.”

I shook my head. “No. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to push me away for some reason you can’t tell me.”

He closed his eyes momentarily. “I just need time.”

“For what? So you can mope around and dwell in your past? You’re a selfish inconsiderate bastard, you know that?”

"I don't want another failed relationship, Ji Won!" he exploded. "It hurts. And I'm stopping it before it cuts me any deeper."

"We can try---"

He cut me off. “Don’t make this harder than it already is, I beg you. And don’t take this the wrong way. I am breaking up with you, Lee Ji Won, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t like you. I still like you a whole lot. I just think we need to spend time apart from each other. I’m not doing this because of Shin Hye Min. I am breaking up with you---" he paused, as if he was afraid to let something slip. “I am breaking up with you, but on one condition.”

“What?”

“The condition is…that you don’t see anyone else while we’re apart.”

“What?” My lines were becoming redundant.

“After our breakup, you can’t see any other guys. You can’t go out with any other guy. And I’ll do the same. I won’t go see any other girl or date any other girl.”

“I don’t understand you. If we break up, what right do you have on me?”

“A breakup promise.”

“No. If I break up with you, then I’ll go see any guy I want to. You have no say in this matter!”

“I do now. We’re not broken up yet.”

“You’re really confusing me, Jung Sang.”

“You’re confusing yourself. And with you being slow doesn’t make it any better.”

He still had the nerve to insult me? Pray to God that it wasn’t another one of his tests.

He crossed his arms the way Na-Na had done. “As of right now, I have the right to speak to you as your boyfriend and offer you a condition that you will have to agree to. And that is not to see any guy once the breakup is over.”

“I don’t have to agree to that. That just means we won’t break up if I don’t agree to it.” Gosh, I hate myself for being so damn stubborn. I was angry because I should be telling him all these things, not vice versa.

“We could end this in a good way, or we could end it in the bad way.”

“What’s the bad way?”

“We’ll still break up, but it will be official. We’ll just go our separate ways and never see each other again. I’ll just run back to Shin Hye Min and---"

I interrupted him at the mention of Shin Hye Min’s name. “Don’t you dare go to her! You go to her and I’ll go searching for Lee Ji Hoon!”

"Lee Ji Hoon is a lot better than me."

"Maybe...he is."

"And maybe he's gay too?"

"Shut up. You know nothing about him."

"And you don't either."

"Well. I know that I'm a lot better than Shin Hye Min because---because I'm selfless. But mainly because I like you for you and I don't give a damn about any other guy and because I refuse to walk away."

He lowered his eyes again. "You're right. Hye Min can't compare to someone like you."

That was probably the best compliment Jung Sang ever gave me. I didn't know how to react to that.

“So what then? Will you agree to the breakup promise?”

“And what exactly are we getting out of this?”

He reached out to pat my head as if I was some kind of dog. “Something new perhaps. A better understanding of our relationship.”

I slapped his hand away. “Don’t touch me. I’m still angry at you.”

“People break up all the time. It’s normal.”

I was fuming at this point. “People don’t break up like this, you ! At least---not the way we do!”

He was smirking. “Then, we’ll be the first.”

He was too damn calm about it. I looked at him suspiciously. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Aren’t you even going to consider our relationship and what we’ve been through?”

“If I didn’t consider it, I wouldn’t being doing this right now.”

Like I said countless times before, there was still much to learn about PingPongBoy.

I really couldn’t understand why it was happening but it was happening and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wanted to cry and react irrationally. I wanted to do everything a normal girl would do when she got dumped. I couldn’t find myself doing any of that because this was all too surreal.

Staring at him now, I wanted to laugh in his face. I tried to force back the memories we first shared together as a couple. “It’s over, isn’t it?”

“Yes. For now it is.”

“You don’t look upset.”

“You don’t either.”

“I’m all cried out.”

“This isn’t the end, Ji Won.”

He was playing cold; I might as well join him. “Maybe for you it isn’t. And please don’t say my name like that.”

“It’s not over yet.”

“No, not yet. I have something to say to you first.”

“What is it?”

“I hate you for doing this.”

“You’ll thank me later.”

I didn’t want to know what he meant by that. “People will talk.”

“Let them.”

“I want them to know that I dumped you, Jung Sang---not the other way around.”

“Then tell them yourself, if you care so much about what they think of you.”

“I could kick you right now.”

He stuck his arm out. “You could always bite me instead.”

“It’s not the same anymore.”

He withdrew his arm, forgetting his place. “You’re right.”

“There’s more.”

“Go on.”

“You’re a jerk. A d*ckhead like all them guys. I hate you! I hate you so much right now that it’s killing me!”

I turned back around and strode over to pick up my bag. Ten feet away from me stood Ahn Na-Na, looking extremely upset with tears in her eyes. She probably heard everything we discussed. From there on out, I knew everything was going downhill. “Na-Na?”

She pouted her lips and fled the scene before I could stop her.

I turned to see that Jung Sang had already hurried after her.

Damn. This wasn’t going well at all.