For a moment, Kyungsoo opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out. His eyes darted wildly as they settled on Charles’ body, the crimson covering her chest staining the white floor. Her lips were pale, and her eyes were still open, a haunting expression of horror still etched on her face. One of her arms was pointing sickenly in the wrong direction. Kyungsoo’s bottom lip trembled as Kai stepped forward hesitantly.

“Sehun, what happened?” The voice was steady and quiet, but Kyungsoo knew that Kai was far from being calm. He looked away, trying not to look at the distorted corpse. Angry tears welled up in his eyes and he wiped them away desperately.

Why her? Kyungsoo thought bitterly, shaking his head in attempt to clear his mind. He immediately thought of his sister. Did she die like this too, in the ruthless hands of the killer?

“I-I don’t know–“ Sehun whispered, still trying his best to comfort a crying Luhan. “You guys took a long time to return, and Luhan and I went out to look for you, but when we came back–“

“T-Tao!” Luhan interrupted, prying himself free from Sehun’s chest. “Where is he? He should be here–“

He pushed Sehun away, dragging himself onto his feet and sprinting towards Tao’s room. The others followed closely behind, holding their breaths anxiously. Kyungsoo could feel his heart about to burst through his chest as Luhan yanked open the door to Tao’s room, gasping for air.

To his relief, Tao was there on the floor, beaten up badly and his hands tied together with tape covering his mouth. He was muffling and struggling, his eyes widening in alarm as soon as he saw them. Kyungsoo walked forward cautiously, noticing the changed atmosphere. A single metal ball rolled towards his feet, and it was a second too late before Kyungsoo realized what it was.

“Everybody, get out of here NOW!” He shouted, running for Tao. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as Kai tried to reach out for him, shouting his name and Sehun pulled Luhan behind him.

Then the room exploded.

Bits and pieces of wood and glass filled Kyungsoo’s mouth as he was thrown backwards, hitting his back against the wall. He slumped onto the floor, barely conscious as tears stung his eyes and smoke rose up into the air.

“K-Kai...” He coughed weakly, waving uselessly at the cloud of dust before him. With an exhausted sigh, everything went black.

~+~

When he came to, the first thing he saw was Kai sleeping soundly next to him on a bed. He sighed in relief; the younger boy seemed okay. Then he bolted upright as he thought of Tao, anxiety paralyzing his whole body. To his surprise, he wasn’t in the hideout anymore, but a whole difference place, a small cozy cabin.

Kai stirred a little, blinking and then widening his eyes as he saw Kyungsoo. He was instantly awake, grabbing him by the shoulders.

“Kyungsoo! Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?”

Normally in this situation Kyungsoo would just have merely rolled his eyes. But seeing the younger’s desperation and worry made him smile, and he nodded once. Kai sighed and laughed shakily.

“I thought we were all goners. Thank god the grenade wasn’t that powerful.”

Kyungsoo tried to speak. “T-Tao–“he croaked, “is he–?”

“He’s fine. A few injuries and a cut on the head, but he’ll live.” A grim silence followed his reply, and Kyungsoo was afraid to speak more.

“She....” Kyungsoo voice quivered. “Charles–“

Kai made an angry noise in his throat and stood up, walking around the room. Kyungsoo tracked his movement nervously, his grip tightening on the bed sheets. Then Kai looked at him, and the expression on his face made him want to cry.

“I killed her.” The voice Kai had was dead, lifeless. “It’s my fault.”

“No,” Kyungsoo whispered, horrified. “It’s not your fault–“

“Kyungsoo,” Kai said desperately, his tone begging. “What am I supposed to do now? They know where we are; we can’t go back to our hideout anymore. Will they–“ he swallowed, “­–what if they kill you too?”

They won’t, Kyungsoo thought, but he got up and gently tugged on Kai’s arm, pulling him in for an embrace.

“I’m still here,” he whispered, patting Kai’s head gently. “Sehun’s here. Luhan’s here. Tao’s here. I’ll always be here.”

Kai’s arms s around his waist, pulling him closer, their bodies pressed against each other. Kyungsoo was surprised when a few seconds later, warm tears started to seep into his shoulder, wetting his shirt.

“I’ve lost a lot of allies before­–” Kai said, closing his eyes, “–but whenever I would feel depressed, Charles would be there, cheering me up and saying stuff like ‘I won’t die easily!’ and then she would smile.”

Kyungsoo listened in silence, then slowly detached himself from Kai’s embrace, reaching out to wipe away the tear stains from his cheek. The younger gazed at him quietly, the emotion in his eyes unmistakable. He leaned in, this time hesitantly, and rested his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“Can I just.... stay like this for a while?”

Kyungsoo didn’t reply, only reached out and pulled Kai closer to him.

~+~

They held a vigil for Charles that night, outside their little cabin.

Her body was no longer recognizable after the blast. The funeral was rushed, and the whole process was badly coordinated, but still, they went through with it. Luhan had tears in his eyes while Sehun patted his back awkwardly. Tao stayed silent. Kai was frozen most of the time, his eyes empty and staring at nothing. Kyungsoo stood next to him, trying hard not to think of the last time he had to attend a funeral.

You will have to kill people, Victoria had warned him when he decided to join the military. It may be wrong, it may be unjust, but that’s how it works. They also have families and friends who love them.

Does that make me a murderer too? Kyungsoo wondered, staring at the cackling fire in front of him. He had killed countless people before, but that was just his job. He had sworn loyalty to the Republic. In a sense, he was no better than the killer himself. He turned his gaze onto Kai, who had closed his eyes. They were so similar, both fighting for their own country, both having to lose someone they loved.

After casting a sad glance at Kai, Luhan stood up and quietly left with Sehun. Kyungsoo noticed how they didn’t hesitate anymore, and that they walked with each other closely as possible. They don’t want to lose each other, Kyungsoo realized. After a few more minutes, Tao nodded at him and made way back into the cabin.

It was only Kai and Kyungsoo left.

Kai raised his head and blinked twice at the scenery. “Where did everyone go?”

“They left,” Kyungsoo said softly. “You should go and get some rest too.”

Kai sat up straight and tried to smile at Kyungsoo. “Thanks for sitting with me.”

“Mhmm,” Kyungsoo murmured, standing up and brushing his pants. “I think I’ll go now.” He wiggled his way past Kai, trying to escape. The younger reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Kyungsoo, are you okay?” Kai’s tone was gentle, understanding. Kyungsoo felt like crying, but he desperately held back his tears.

“I’m fine. It’s just–Charles, she reminded me of my sister.” Kyungsoo looked down on the floor, not sure why he was sharing this with Kai. He felt that Kai could understand him somehow.

“You sister?” Kai echoed curiously. Kyungsoo sighed and sat down again.

“The reason I came here was because my sister–she was killed.”

Kai in a breath, his hand slipping down from Kyungsoo’s wrist. “You’re looking for revenge.”

Kyungsoo’s throat felt dry. “Yes.”

“No wonder,” Kai said, looking back at the fire. “I kind of guessed it would be something like that.”

“How did you know?”

“Your eyes–they have this look in them. I know, because I’ve seen too many.” The way Kai spoke his words made Kyungsoo shiver. Just how much death had the younger seen? He opened his mouth, but Kai beat him to it.

“Will revenge make you feel any better?”

Kyungsoo was startled for a while. “I...”

“If revenge does make you feel better, then should I go and kill the man who murdered Charles?” Kai murmured softly. “Would that be any help to us? Would that make Charles rest in peace?”

For the first time in his life, Kyungsoo didn’t know how to reply. Instead, he just sat and gazed blankly at Kai, who closed his eyes and stood up.

“You’re going to leave us once you find him, right?” His voice was soft. One look in his eyes had Kyungsoo doubting his motives again, but he quickly pulled himself together.

“I-I guess.” He looked away. He didn’t want to see Kai’s expression.

“I see.” Kai didn’t say anything more, just walked away back into the cabin. Kyungsoo felt himself staring after Kai as he slammed the door behind him. With a start, he realized that his feelings for the younger boy were slowly going out of control.

“I’ll always be here.” That’s what he had said to Kai earlier, but now he was breaking his promise. Kyungsoo bit his lip, tears starting to fall down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Kai,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Author's Note

I'm going overseas this Saturday, so I'll have to update slower since I won't have access to wi-fi all the time :( Urghh I hate it!