Author’s POV

“Where are you going?” The man asked again, slightly annoyed.

Chen blinked and took a notice of his surroundings. He was inside a taxi that was parked at the side of the street. It’s probably late since his jacket is not even enough to do the trick to keep him warm from the cold breeze. He pursed his lips and started to think. When he got nothing from his brain, he looked at the man sheepishly through the rear view mirror sheepishly.

“I…” Chen opened his mouth hesitantly. “I forgot.”

The driver wrinkled his forehead. “What? You said 30 minutes ago that we’re heading to a street in Myeondeong. We arrived here 10 minutes ago and we’ve been strolling around. Are you saying that you forgot where you’re actually going?” It’s a good thing that the driver didn’t lose his patience. Chen looks like a lost cat.

“I’m sorry.” Chen bowed his head and played with his fingers. His breathing was unusual; his complexion was pale; and he looks like he’s really scared.

“What’s your name?” the driver tried to help him.

Chen’s eyes widened. The beating of his heart became rapid. And he is more scared this time than he was 2 minutes ago. He tried digging up his brain, trying to get a name from it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get a thing. He doesn’t remember his name.

“I… I forgot.” His eyes became teary. He buried his face between his palms and continued to think. The driver sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t remember—I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I—Why? I’m sorry—“ he stammered like a lost child that lost his way.

“Can you give me your I.D?”

Chen immediately handed him his wallet without any hesitation. He’s too scared to trust someone right now but he can’t trust himself because he doesn’t even remember his own name. And the driver really seems nice.

“Your name is Kim Jongdae.” The driver told him. Chen’s façade changed. He suddenly knew the name.

“Yes.” He gasped in relief. He smiled at himself and his face was hopeful.  “I remember. I’m Jongdae. I am Kim Jongdae. And… Kris—“ Chen stopped.

Kris? Who is Kris?

He frowned at the name. His brain just thought of the name but he couldn’t remember who Kris is.

“Kris?” the driver asked, confused. “Is this Kris?” he asked as he handed him the wallet with the Polaroid of a man with strong features and blonde strings of hair. Chen’s eyes started to become wet again. He shook his head, “I’m not really sure—“

“Let me borrow your phone.” The driver cut him off. Chen just did as told. The driver scanned at the list of names in his phonebook and after a minute or two of scanning, the phone was already against the driver’s ear. The driver went out of the cab as he waited for Kris to pick up his phone.

Chen, on the other hand, hugs himself inside the cab and silently cries because he feels that he’s alone. The way he sees things, to him, it was all foreign. It’s as if everything is new and he couldn’t remember a thing. He was lucky enough to remember his own name but he’s really unfortunate to remember nothing but that.

“What is wrong with me?”

All he could remember is this isn’t the first time that it happened. Things like these started happening just recently. It all started when he forgot his mother’s birthday. It was really unusual because he has never forgotten that special day. And things started happening one by one. He forgets how to deal with his work. He forgets special gathering. He forgets the date, sometimes, even the year. And his head would be awfully painful after he remembers what he has forgotten. He just took a simple medication by taking migraine medicine. He suffers from migraine a lot so he thinks it’s just a normal thing.

“What the hell is wrong with me? This isn’t normal anymore. Something is ed up inside my brain that made me forget everything that I have to remember.”

Chen continued to dig through his brain. He continued to think. Unfortunately, he got nothing but only his name, only Kim Jongdae. He doesn’t remember where he came from. He doesn’t remember where he’s going. He doesn’t remember his purpose. The feeling is like being alone in a foreign world. Chen cannot trust anybody, even himself.

Knock Knock

Chen was startled and immediately fixed his eyes on the glass window of the cab. He saw a face of a man with a dash of worried expression written all over his face. Chen blinked once or twice and noticed that his heart has calmed down, his fears are suddenly dispersing, and a name flashed like a lightning through his brain.

Kris.

“Kris…” he absent-mindedly whispered under his breath. And at the sound of his voice, that muttered the certain name, memories started rushing back. He’s gone back to his senses and immediately opened the car door for the worried man. “Kris Hyung!” he suddenly burst into tears and hugged the tall blonde man.

 Kris doesn’t know what is exactly happening but he still comforted Chen by hugging him back, hushing him, and locking him around his arms so that Chen could feel safe. Chen continued to cry as he tightened the hug of Kris’ body. Kris could already feel that his shirt is already wet with Chen’s tears. He rubbed Chen’s back and hummed a calm tune. The driver just took the initiative to leave.

“What happened?” Kris finally asked when Chen stopped crying. But they are still in each others’ arms. No response was heard from Chen’s mouth. Kris sighed. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Kris continued to pat Chen’s back. “I’m here. You don’t have to be scared. I’m here, I’m here.”  Chen stayed in his jpg state and continued to break Kris between his short arms. His eyes have stopped crying. They are dry but still scared.

~

“There is no guarantee,” the doctor started. It was difficult for him to say those words, too. Chen has been a good nephew to him. Chen is just so precious. Everyone loves him. “The operation might result to his death. It’s 60 to 40; 40% possibility that he might not make it and 60% possibility that he might survive.” He told Chen’s parents.

Mrs. Kim continued to cry. His precious Chen Chen, he doesn’t deserve to suffer this kind of misfortune. He’s too young. He’s just a fragile child who makes their world bright. He’s just a young kid who wears the sweetest smile that could light up the whole town. He’s just a 20 year old guy who hasn’t lived, yet; who hasn’t lived his life to the fullest, yet. He’s a mere 20 year old guy whose sun is about to set in not time. They are scared. Every one of them is.

“If he doesn’t undergo the operation as soon as possible, he might just have just 7 months to live.”

“What?!” Mrs. Kim cried his heart out. Her arms were held by his husband. “He’s just 20 years old! Are you telling me that he’s going to die next summer?! Save him!” she cried. “Save him. Save him. Save him.” She continued to beg. She continued to please.

There, behind the door of the doctor, Chen was eavesdropping. He smiles at himself bitterly. He closes his eyes and let his tears fall. He wasn’t expecting a 7 month prediction.

“He must be operated. You must save him.”

“He will lose his memory.”

“I would rather let him lose his memories, than losing the actually him. Save my son. Save my Chen Chen… please.”

Chen continued to cry. I would rather die than lose my memories. Losing my memories is equal to dying. I won’t lose Kris. He opened the door and entered the doctor’s room. “I won’t undergo with that stupid operation.” He justified before he left.

~

“I don’t want to forget him.” Chen cried at the corner of his room. His hair was in a mess as it was placed between his abusing fingers, trying to hurt himself by pulling out his hair strands.

 A loud roar of knocking came through. It sounded so violent but the impression left when he heard the voice of his mother.

“Chen Chen.” She called out. Chen suddenly stopped from crying and stared blankly at the door. “Chen, please.”

“No.” he absent-mindedly muttered and shook his head. “I won’t erase him.” He continued to cry and buried his face on his knees. One minute or two have passed and a creak sound was heard from Chen’s door. He lifted up his head and saw his mother, crying. For one second, he felt guilty. He felt so selfish. Everyone says that the world isn’t just about him and Kris. But Chen’s stupid brain thinks otherwise.

A life without Kris is a life not worth living. A life without a memory of Kris is a life of Chen’s alive corpse. A world without Kris is a world without Chen.

“Kris is not the only one who loves you.” His mom started walking towards him. Chen’s tears came falling again. His mom’s right. A life without Chen is his parent’s biggest fear. They love Chen so much that they will do everything just to cure him. “We love you, too. And we don’t want to lose you.”

“There is no guarantee.” Chen shook his head as his tears continued to fall. “After the operation, it’s either I will be born as a new person, who remembers nothing even his own name, or I will die. Either of the two, I will still die. I don’t want to live a life without a memory of him—“

Chen’s cheeks turned red. His hand reached for his left cheek. He felt a little sting on it. His mother has just slapped him. “We don’t want to lose you as much as you don’t want to lose him. We love you as much as you love him. Chen, please, don’t be selfish.”

Chen still shook his head. “No.” 

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a/n: I know that it's kinda rush and all. And I am very sorry for that. By the way. This is what happened two years ago :) Any violent reactions? Teehee, I'm going to sleep now. Good night everyone! I hope you leave some comments. And look! We already have a poster! Thanks to
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