Author's POV

Kris sits casually on the chair, casually eats his cookies, and casually lives his life after Chen left him. This should be the first time that his face is filled with gentleness, and the grouchiness is barely seen in his calm face. He’s decided to live… again. Because whether he cries or smiles, Chen is not coming back. Whether he lives or dies, Chen is still not coming back. Because if Chen really cared, he wouldn’t have left in the first place.

It didn’t take a second, no, a millisecond for Kris to recognize the owner of the blank back of the person paying on the counter. He’s been trying to forget, forcefully forget him for two years. He tried. And his attempt to try failed him. He couldn’t. And that back view of Chen he sees right now, he perfectly remembers how he would glue his chest to his back as he hugs him from behind. He perfectly remembers how he would write his name on it using his forefinger and make Chen guess it, and of course, Chen always manages to guess it. And he perfectly remembers how that back view of Chen fades in slow motion when he decided to leave him, leaving him alone inside the concrete walls of his apartment.

Kris wanted to stay where he is. He wanted to look away. He doesn’t want to hurt himself anymore. He really did look away and continued to ponder his cookies. Memories start crashing inside his mind and an awful flashback follows. He feels it again, the pain. It’s as if the wound from two years ago suddenly opened again, making his bones and flesh drown in the pain. Kris looked at the counter again. He bit his lip and sighed. The sight of Chen, being dandy and all happy, adds up to his pain. Tears started forming in his eyes.

“Remember that day, Chen Chen?” he whispered to himself. “Even today, I live each day with tears.”

“Forget me, Kris Hyung. We’re over.” Chen said. He’s trying hard not to cry. He’s trying his best not break  his voice.

Mianhae, Kris Hyung. Jeonmal mianhae. I will really regret this moment for hurting you so badly. I really wanted to make some happy memories with you, only you. Our love shouldn’t go to waste. But hyung, I can’t. I will just hurt you. Mianhae. I would rather let you go now than hurt you in the end. I love you Kris hyung. I’m a bad guy, hyung. Go find a good guy.

Kris reached for Chen’s shoulders and locked him inside his arms. Tear marks are sure visible in his cheeks. And he looks so… scared.

“Chen are you kidding me?!” he couldn’t help but to raise his voice.

“Mianhae.” Chen whispered in a flat tone. His face shows how much he didn’t mean his apology. “It won’t work. This won’t work.”

“No!” Kris tears fell completely. He let go of Chen and distanced himself. He sat at the footage of his bed and buried his face on his palms. “What are you talking about? We are happy. We are perfect. You love me. I love you. What is it that won’t work?!”

Chen just simply shook his head. He made his way to the door. He faced the door and let his tears fall so that Kris wouldn’t be able to see his tears. He can’t get back. He must leave Kris. He must. He silently sniffed. “Just live, smile, and love… again. It’s okay for you to curse me. That way your heart would easily open for someone else.”

“Damn it, Kim Jongdae!” Kris growled. “Are you kidding me?! Are you ing kidding me?! How would I ing live without you by my ing side?! You ing know it. Without you, I can’t live my ing life!”

Kris hyung, curse me all you want. But please… don’t hate me.

“Mianhae, Wu Fan-sshi.” Chen said and he immediately trailed out of Kris’ flat, out of Kris’ life. Kris wanted to run after him but his legs feel numb. He couldn’t move. His legs can’t take his weight anymore so he fell on the ground. Seconds after, he just found himself hugging his knees in the dark. A kind of comfort Chen had told him before. That if you’re scared, just hug yourself. It’s a baby’s position in the stomach of a mother so you’ll be able to feel secured.

Chen didn’t come back. Kris went to his house and found out that Chen is gone. He left for States. And they said that he’s not coming back. Kris’ world shattered. He’s alone now. Chen left him. Kris can’t even eat well. He’s learned to drink alcohol now. He can’t drink without tears. No matter how many bottles are empty, he still can’t erase you. How many times in a day he misses him. He feels like dying. He even thought of committing suicide. Killing himself would be the only way to erase the pain, and to erase Chen. But he can’t do it. He can’t even bear to die because he still thinks at the back of his mind that he will come back. What if he’s back? What if he wants Kris again? What if he looks for Kris? He can’t do anything.

Kris’ legs betrayed him. His two feet led him to where Chen is. It’s been… a while. It’s been two years. His hand reached for Chen’s arm and he couldn’t help but grip it tight. He felt his heart beating again. His heart feels like it’s going to burst.

Chen was startled by the man’s act. He looked at him with curiosity and with a dash of exasperation. He tried to pull his arm but the anonymous man held a tight grip of it.

“Hey, you’re hurting me.” Chen managed to say and tried to pull his arm with much force. When he got his arm back, he softly massaged it. Kris stepped closer to him and he consciously stepped back. Kris locked Chen’s shoulder between his rough hands. Chen looked at the guy blankly while the anonymous man looked at him with a surprised face and he looks so happy. Their visions were locked and they are, too, locked in their own world.

“Chen Chen.” A voice called. Chen found Luhan. He immediately escaped from Kris’ hold and walked towards his friend.

“Who’s that?” Luhan asked.

Chen shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. He seems weird. Let’s go. Xiumin Hyung is waiting for us.” And then he left. Kris just stood up there, dumbfounded. Before Chen and Luhan exited the store, Chen turned around to glance at the man. Kris was looking at him intently. Chen tilted his head and pursed his lips. He just sighed and immediately followed Luhan out of the store.

Kris still stares through the transparent glass. “Chen have totally forgotten me. Life is unfair. It’s so ing unfair.” He muttered under his breath.

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A/N: So this is the first chapter. So this is somewhat a SHORT chaptered story. I really love ANGST but ANGST hates me. I can't seem write a proper angst scene, I'm sorry for that. Any violent reaction? Snide comments? Drop your comments? Thank you for reading :)