Changmin is bored. Yunho is not at home. He had a schedule at a Radio Show. Its 11.00 am in the morning. He wanted to sleep more today but his eyes is not that sleepy no matter how he tried to close his eyes. What a wasteful day.  Kyuhyun is in China for promotion, Minho is doing a new drama and other friends are not around too. Judging from the pace of time right now, he’ll definitely die with boredom in two hours.

Suddenly something jolts into his mind. Yunho’s study room. He rarely enters the room. Since they move in into this apartment he only be in that room for 2 times. One is when they first move in and another when he found out Yunho making a bad mess by piling papers, books and magazines in there. He decides not to clean it up no matter what happens. Serves him right, Changmin thinks.

The door swung open. The room is surprisingly clean and everything is in order. One of these days must be Yunho’s rare cleaning day. He walks in and notices that he had put an antique green velvet wing chair at the corner. Yunho really had a good taste for furniture. He draws the curtains open. The room became bright and lively.

He sits down and looks around. Some fan letters are on the desk. Yunho will keep some fan’s letters especially from small kids, terminally ill fans or random unique letters he found to his likings. A small blue book sat just below the letters. Had he not meticulously look around he’ll surely miss it.

It’s an old note book and still in a good shape. However it has the musty smell and faded color that interest Changmin. Hyung rarely reads although he said he does in interviews. He opens up the book.

2003 Jung Yun Ho Diary.

I decide to keep a memory of mine each time it counts as memorable. After this I am a new man. One day when I grew old and forgetful and lonely, this will remind myself that I had lived once, love and laugh and that I am happy man. Whatever people call me I am still Jung Yun Ho inside.

Changmin close the book. Its a diary. Yunho's diary. A sudden guilt peeking into his chest. But curiosity screams louder. He wants to know. Yunho is everything to him. He pick it up. Take a deep breath. He know he might read something he will not like. 

Evening, Thursday, Raining, Apartment

My heart aches completely, every hour, every day, and only when I'm with you does the pain go away. ~ Ewan McGregor

He’s not home. I miss him already. I hope he had fun. I miss him so much I end up ordering his favourite pizza pineapple chicken. I like pepperoni better.  And having it all by myself including the crust although I didn’t like it. It’s not the same when he is not around. Missing someone is . My arms longing to hug him. Looking after what he likes and make sure others don’t bully him down. Make sure he gets away with everything. He’s not here. I am not complete. It’s raining outside. The weather is not helping my mood. I’ll sleep on his bed tonight. 

Hyung miss you maknae-yah.

Changmin close the diary and put it on his chest. Yunho is talking about him. He loves him a long time more than he said he does. Or does he? Stupid man. There is no date or year to confirm when this entry was written. Typical Yunho. 

Beach House, Sunday

A man falls in love through his eyes ~ Woodrow Wyatt

I don’t want to wake him up. Please let him sleep longer so I can look at him forever. He let me snuggle at his back. How peaceful he looks when he sleeps. Like a baby, like a child. It’s not like I don’t like to be Jae’s roommate. But I love my time alone with you. The one that I long for.

But again. You’ll never knew how i really feel for you. Its better that way. 

This is when they went for a holiday. Yes, it is. Changmin had a rough time to sleep because Yunho make phone call to his friends whenever he’s on the bed. How annoying is that time. Yunho the chatterbox. Just because he temporarily mad with his regular roommate, he asked Yunho if he can share his room. He laugh a little. Knowing that how little he knows back then, he almost regret sharing the room.

Monday, Rainbow Bridge Tokyo

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever. - Alfred Tennyson

God make his eyes so beautiful, it’s mismatched whenever he smiles the honest smile. I know he’s having fun tonight. I see a girl taking a shot at asking him out. She better treat him right. Be happy maknae-yah.

Changmin close his eyes. Try to remember when possibly this happen. But then, he flips the diary again. The entry is so random, he'll probably stuck in the same page dechipering the dates alone.

June. Night.2 a.m

I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once. -  John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

You drink a lot tonight. Can’t blame you. Breaking up is hard. I’ve been there and done that. Be strong. Hyung can carry you every day on my shoulder if you got drunk. If only hyung can share the burden of your heart too. Stupid girl. She will regret and ask you to come back one day. God, if only you can let him forget everything when he open his eyes again.. You can take my life for it.

Now Changmin realize who is the girl Yunho wrote about. He stops a while to recall it clearly. He doesn’t remember anything particular about how Yunho thinks when he’s going out with a girl. He is always the one who is cool and supportive about him seeing a girl. He almost never make fun of him at all. Funny. 

Saturday Night, Apartment

Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow complete you. - Sarah Dessen, This Lullaby

God, please punish me if I ever hurt this man in any way. I cannot handle his tears. It is breaking me inside. Let him nag, yell, hate me for anything. Just don’t let me see his tears of sadness. Changmin-ah, let hyung have your entire burden. Just don’t cry. We will go through this phase together.. When no one stays, I will never leave you behind. I’m sorry if I let you down. I am imperfect. I need you to be beside me to be stronger.

Yunho is having a hard time then. He wants to take all the blame and punish himself too much. Changmin hates to remember how they recover from being down and beaten. He cries a lot to Yunho. Almost everytime he sees him, he'll become sad and angry it'll turn into tears. Yunho didn't cry. He swallows in everything inside. The path is difficult at that time. Now, it’s a brand new journey. He flips for other entries. Some entries are so weird and incomprehensible, he didn’t bother to read completely at all.

Weekend, Concert Night London. 3 am

You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together. ― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Tonight we stand on the stage together as two. I’m glad you are here. I really do.

Yes hyung. We’re together. Taking a new spirit for a new adventure together. I’ll never forget this. Changmin smiles as he remember how nervous he is to step on the stage again. He knows the stage is short of three people but he never feels empty. He remember he held Yunho's hand so hard it turns almost blue. As long as Changmin remember they never hugged each other so long like they did after the concert. Yes, he cries a happy tears. Yunho lend his shoulder as always.

Morning. After breakfast with pancake. Apartment.

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth. - Jess C. Scott, The Intern

He hates it when I go random. Calling him as much nicknames as possible. Hyung knows it annoys you. You don’t like me to treat you as a kid, fine. You don’t want to be lovey-dovey in front of others, fine too.But Changminnie, Changdol, Chami, Bambi, Minnie, Baby... I want you to not forget me. I want know to know that I am yours. Yours alone. No matter how people judge the love we have, we always have each other.

Yunho can be an annoying but lovable puppy. This entry is after he confesses to Changmin what he really feels for Changmin. Changmin remember how he reacts when he says he loves him as much as the man feels about him. He’s jumping with joy and showers him with endless kisses.

Our room. Our bed.

He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ― Emily Brontë

Last night is our first night together. After a year, giving himself time to feel comfortable. It’s worth every minute of waiting. Your voice, your body, your face and your lips. Perfect.  It’s beautiful. So beautiful I feel like crying. You are mine as much as I am yours. 

What the hell is he thinking? Cry after ? You are too sappy hyung. Changmin cant hide his blushing cheeks. The day he decide to give himself to Yunho. He doesn’t feel nervous at all. He even looks forward to it. He never regrets it. It was great. Still as great till today. He loves the man body more and more every day. He is gentle and fun on bed. Hyung is one energizer bunny. 

Japan. Beautiful hotel room. Rehearsal day. 

Two people in love, alone, isolated from the world, that's beautiful. -  Milan Kundera

I have you every day in my bed. Would it selfish if I ask this to last for a 100 years?i just want to see you when I open my eyes every morning. And I want you to be the last person I see before I close my eyes every night. Everyone in love will pray like that right?.

But if.. if I only have one day.. one precious day is all I have..  one day that God gives to me to breathe..  I will definitely going to spend it with you together. I will be most thankful for that. I’ll die in my smile.

I love you Changminnie

Changmin flips some pages and sees no entry after that. The one he reads just now is quite recent judging from the country he wrote down. He recall the morning Yunho wakes up and started to kiss him. They made love that morning. He cant help but feel a little choked up inside. He put the diary on his chest. Yunho is definitely a guy to be discovered for a life time. He’s glad he read all that. How romantic of him to put those beautiful quote here and there. A helpless romantic. Stupid man. He can’t help but smile softly as he think how he would react when he sees him tonight. He should treat him a good dinner. Tonight will be so special. His eyes getting heavier. The green wing chair is so cosy and warm. As he adjusts himself on the velvet cushion a bit, Changmin started close his eyes and fall into slumber. Yunho’s diary still on his chest. Safe and sound.