Customer: kyungstal124

Order: D.O and Krystal, with Krystal - Because of Me

[A/N] The italic words are flashback

I am here, in our memorable road we used to walk on every day since our childhood time. It’s been a year you’re not beside me anymore. It’s been a year I walk on this road alone. This place is totally changed. The road has been paved, no stones on it anymore. Some of trees in both sides grow higher. New trees were planted. This road becomes greener.

Most of different from this road is no you who always walked on it next to me. No you who always made a silly joke and made me laughed happily. No you who sometimes held my hand awkwardly or took the leave away from my head. Everything’s changed except one thing, my love for you.

“Soojung…..mmmm you know that I love you don’t you? So mmmm would you be my girlfriend?”

Kyungsoo said to me coyly one time in our way home from extra lesson in high school on this road. I was speechless that time. I was happy finally I heard the word love from Kyungsoo’s lips, though I felt for so long about his love for me and I was totally sure he could feel my love for him too, well it’s obvious for everyone to notice our both feelings. But in the other hand, the word love from Kyungsoo made me afraid because I knew no matter how much we love each other, it’s not right for us or not right for Kyungsoo exactly.

“Soojung?” Kyungsoo waved his hand in front of my face to make me back to my senses.

“Yes?” I asked back stupidly.

 “Ehm…I’m waiting for your answer.” Kyungsoo smiled sheepishly.

God, I really didn’t know how to answer him. I swear I wanted to say a big yes but….it’s not right.

“Kyungsoo, I’m sure you already know that I love you too. But..can our relationship just like we used to be all of this time? I mean we’re still too young and I’m a bit scary it will be awkward for us.”

My answer was a lil bit long. But maybe it’s the best than I said yes or no.

Kyungsoo looked at me unbelievingly. I knew he wanted me to say yes. But then the kindhearted Kyungsoo gave me a warm smile while scratching his hair.

“Just for you know I was thinking it will be awkward too. And yes I know you love me.”

We stared each other for a moment while giggling . Then we walked home hand in hand.

We’re friends who love each other but without any commitment, therefore many boys teased me and approached me because for them I was a single lady. Kyungsoo must’ve been tired of me. I still remember his sad and jealous eyes when one of boys in school asked me to go out in front of him. He was like he wanted to say to the boys that I belonged to him, but he couldn’t because the fact was I was not his girlfriend. He didn’t say something about that to me even when we’re walking on this road. I’m sorry Kyungsoo, you must’ve been hurt like a fool because of me.

After we graduated from high school and attended different universities, we rarely met. Not only because we had different schedules but also because I tried to avoid him.

Until one day, we spent afternoon time together on this road after almost one month we only talked on the phone.

“Soojung, you know I’ll go to Beijing tomorrow?”

“Yes, how many times you say about it?”

“Hmmm it means we won’t meet for so long!”

“You have said it for many times too.”

Kyungsoo laughed. His laughter seemed bitter. “I’ll be missing you.”

His face looked so gloomy when he looked at me. I was about to cry too but I didn’t want to make him go to study to Shanghai harder.

“I’ll be missing you too. But we still can communicate every day, right?” I tried to smile though I swear it’s hard to do it.

“Soojung……please wait for me!”

Soojung please wait for me.

I feel like those words keeps repeating on my mind every single day. Those words, which I only answered with a smile.

I stop in the middle of this road. My legs seem heavy to walk.

Kyungsoo, I miss you. Are you okay there? I’m sorry I never replied your calls and messages. I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. You have to forget me. You have to get a girl whose better ten millions times than me. A girl who loves you as much as I do or more. A girl who will always be with you for the rest of your life. A girl who doesn’t have a deadly disease.

Yes, I was diagnosed infected by HIV virus. I got this scary illness after I got an accident and needed blood transfusion. I don’t know what I’ve done in my past life until God punished me. Amongst many bloods why that ing blood transfusion picked my body? My parents was about to sue the hospital then they knew it will never change my condition. They stopped to sue the hospital because they don’t want other people know about it. It becomes a big secret between my family and hospital. No other who knows including Kyungsoo. As an exchange, hospital promises to treat me forever. But I know I have no forever. Even now, this disease becomes worse more and more.

I fall on the ground. This disease makes me hopeless. Because of it, maybe I will never see Kyungsoo again.

Tears roll down on my cheek. Kyungsoo, I’m really sorry. You have to forget everything about me but please remember my love from you wherever you are. Forget this stupid Soojung, so you won’t hurt anymore. I’m sorry Kyungsoo, because of me we can’t be together.

I cry more when the thoughts that maybe I will never meet Kyungsoo appears on my mind again.

“Kyungsoo… I love you… I love you….”