Dear Diary,

I did something I knew that I shouldn't have. I was on the internet and I look at some fancams, some older, and some new ones. Then, I read the comments. There weren't many, but a couple of people said that it looked as though I had gained weight. I know that I shouldn't let it get to me, but all I see is "fat". It bothered me. It doesn't help that some of my old clothes are too tight now. 

I've always been self concious for a while. It didn't help when Key or Taemin compared my weight before to what it is now. They would say that I got bigger, and I would always smile and laugh it off, but my heart would always feel a pang. I haven't cried about it, but I do get sad. I have tried working out, but I'm not the type to lose a bunch of fat. I should go on a diet, I'll ask one of the noonas to help me. Maybe I need to stop eating fried chicken. How does Park Bom stay so thin eating all that corn? Then again, maybe she's just lucky?

Why am I so squishy?

Lee Jinki