After that day it became more difficult to be around Jonghyun.

Every time I saw him my heart throbbed a little faster. And when I was with him I could suddenly become really warm or feeling really nervous or feeling sad when he had to go.

Have I really fallen for Jonghyun? I though one time we had separated and I was heading to my office. But I didn't let those thoughts go any further. You're just going to get hurt, the voice that often had talked to me during my teenage years said. He said he doesn't like you and he mean it. You're just getting yourself hurt your stupid horse, it said, and I agreed with it.

But it was more difficult than that. I was engaged. Me and Dongmin were going to get married. Even though I didn't love Dongmin I couldn't marry him loving someone else. That was just wrong.

So I did the only thing I could come up with to do. I started to distance me from him.

“Hanbyul-ah, let's take on the next note in the book.”

“Sorry, I don't have time today.”

“Hanbyul-ah, do you want to eat lunch with me and Onew?”

“Sorry, I have a lunch appointment today.”

“Hanbyul, you should watch our danceperformace today again.”

“No, I really need to stick with Hee Young today; she needs me by her side.”

So we started not seeing each other that much. If he called I just answered sometimes and if I saw him I tried to go the other direction to not meet him. I don't know if he cared and I didn't want to know about it either.

The only good thing was that Shinee were preparing for a new comeback so they (he) were always busy, so I didn't need to come up with that many excuses because Jonghyun frankly didn't have time that often.

Someone who had time was Yonghwa. CN blue was in the opposite state of Shinee, they were in the middle of writing songs and preparing for a new album which wasn't due before the next year. So we had lots of time hanging out with each other, for the biggest part just watching a movie in the afternoon or playing some guitar but we even started to take small walks or go out and eat.

A month quickly passed by. Shinee was mostly in other countries I my thoughts started calming down. I was proud of myself, being that grown up to not fall for every boy I met and actually stick with a committed relationship like mine and Dongmins.

When Shinee came back I was a bit scared. Jonghyun called me more often and also went to my office to look for me but I managed to sneak away.

But the bottom line was that we were working for the same company and I was working for him. When I and Hee Young got the mission as make up artists at a Shinee broadcast I couldn't just say no.

I was frankly scared as hell as me and the crew went away to Lotte World were we was going to be filming.

“We're gonna dress and make up the ladies today,” Hee young suddenly told me. I stared at the colorful girl.

“Seriously?” I said feeling all the stress leaving my body.

“Yes. Are you alright? You look tired?”

“Oh, I just had a smaller heart attack before but it's over now. Thank you.”