This is a bit of a filler, sorry guizzz

Byung felt like he would be putting a downer on his whole life by telling him the truth, he went over it again and again in his head. They would stand in their small apartment, maybe on the balcony. Byung would turn to him and say ‘I’m sick Chan...’ Chan would turn to him with wide eyes and in his breath and reply ‘W-What?’ Byung would feel tears fill in his eye and he’d reply ‘I fainted once when I was out with Changhyun and he took me to the doctors... I have genetic heart disorder, apparently that’s how everyone on my mother’s side of the family ever died. The symptoms have been there this whole time but I always assumed it was my aspergers. The doctor also told me I... May die unexpectedly in my thirties, he didn’t give a specific date but he estimated around august when I'm thirty five. I’m so sorry Chan but we still have so much time, don't worry.’ That was what he wanted to say to him every day but how could he?

How could he say all that to Chan, who has been through enough in his life. “No, I can’t...” Byung said assertively while he sat alone in the house, Chan had gone out for a mean with his mother and brother. Most likely so Chan’s mother can express how much she doesn’t agree with their marriage. She was extremely homophobic but pretended to support them for Chan’s sake, certainly not for Byungs, she couldn’t stand Byung at all; thought he was tainted. That wasn’t it though. Chan came back and tried to quietly open the door, he looked broken, like a little boy that had wandered in not knowing where he was. He didn’t have his usual smirk playing around his mouth, no twinkle in his eyes, just a dull shell fo Chan.

Byung pretended not to notice his sadness and shot him a beaming smile, Chan glanced over and then at the ground. He let himself fall to the floor against the door. Bursting into tears like Byung had never ever seen him do in the history of their relationship, he had no idea how to react, this was a complete role change for him. ‘What do I say, what do I do?’ Byung asked himself as he stared at him with wide eyes. When Chan began to wail quietly Byung instantly ran over and sat by his side, flung his arm around him and said nothing. His jumper was covered in tear stains, this was all that he had been storing inside while he was keeping strong for everyone. Byung wiped them away as if they didn’t mean a thing and just stayed by his side. “Byung-ah...” Chan whispered through a raspy broken voice, he looked up at him, his eyes swimming in tears.

“I don’t even know how to say it... I- I’m adopted Byung-ah...” Chan continued, breaking down again. The poor guy was in complete disbelief “Chanhee. I am so sorry.” Byung tried to console him, he sniffed and started again “Apparently, I already found out the day of my crash but I either blocked it out or forgot... You know what hurts the most?” Byung shook his head. “I met my father that day as well and... And I can’t even remember what he looks like, what he sounded like, I have no idea.” Chan admitted and started sniffing in his tears and Byung rubbed his back. “They lied to me, eomma, Daniel, they all lied to me for so long, can you believe that?” Chan’s tone grew dangerously angry he almost spat out the words, like some stranger, enraged. “Chanhee, I’m sure they have their reason, even though you don’t understand right now, one day you will.” Byung tried to console him but Chan just stood up. “I’m going, I’ll be back late, don’t wait up.” Chan spat as he slammed the door and thumped down the hall.

Byung flung the door open and shouted “Where are you going?” in a desperate tone, even though he was thinking of Chanhee, he didn’t want to be alone right now either. “Just out.” Chan growled as if all the hatred in his heart boiled into that one sentence. “Please don’t go.” Byung pleaded, Chan stopped in his tracks and turned “Come with me.” he shrugged. Byung was confused at his sudden change of heart but nodded and ran to get his coat. When he got back to the door, Chan had left Byung and not even taken the car keys or his phone.

“You fool...” Byung muttered into the hall. He shut the door and sat back in the coach, with his knees tucked under his chin “I will wait up.” Byung declared, feeling pretty heartbroken at that moment. So he did, he waited and waited, not like he slept a lot anyway but with Chan’s rage clouding his judgement he wouldn’t have thought of that. The hours and minutes dragged on like days, Byung was worried and restless, he tried to watch T.V or read a book but it was no use.

So he stumbled in at 3am, drunk as a sailor and he stunk of liquor and sweat. Almost breaking the door with his force. Byung shuffled around and stared at him. Still in the same position as when he sat down, he just stared at Chan.

Since he felt like the whole thing was his fault anyway, he didn’t want to muddy the waters any more. Chan saw him and his eyes were red and puffy, full with tears and regret. He sat on the couch beside Byung and quickly fell asleep on his shoulder, he didn’t bother asking where he was and why he was gone for so long. He just let him fall asleep full of sadness.

The next morning they awoke side by side and since Byung’s doctor had told him to take this medication and also to check his blood pressure every day, he gently moved Chan off his shoulder to do so. While he was doing all this Chan blinked his eyes open and looked over to his left, where Byung stood with a Sphygmomanometer around his arm, facing the window. At first Chan didn’t understand what was going on, he asked “Byung-ah, what are you doing?” and Byung stopped completely.

He turned around to Chan with tears in his eyes. Even now when it was the opportune moment Byung couldn’t muster the words he practiced and practiced. “Are you sick Byunghun? Have you been lying to me as well...” Chan sighed, Byung was still tongue tied “I- I was- You... I-” he tried and tried but it was to no avail, Chan just left again. Left Byung alone. Again.