"I love you,

to the moon and back."

Things had been shaky, as expected, the two of them were struggling to keep a happy momentum. Like ying and yang, they coexisted, as oppose to the peaceful harmonic flow of their life just two years ago. “Good morning.” Chan greeted Byung flatly- another thing- Byung had been going back and forth to the doctors, and the hospital, every other day so when Chan woke up Byung had just got back from his appointment. Byung gave a half hearted smile and walked straight past him “You should let me drive you- you know?” Chan said, his fingers wrapped around Byung’s thin, bony wrist (he’d lost his old self: flat, colourless hair; lifeless, absent eyes and a frail body) Chan’s eyes watered and his heart twisted every time he looked at the shell of his husband. “You weren’t awake. You never are.” Byung muttered, coldly. “That’s rich from you. You never speak to me, you haven’t told me why you’ve been going to the doctors, even when I’ve begged you. What’s wrong with you Byung-ah! Because I’m not going to stand here and watch you die!” Chan panted after his loud rant. Byung turned to him, Chan couldn’t place any emotion in his eyes, it made him feel invisible, worthless. “What are you gonna do, what’s your miracle cure, huh?” Byung mocked as he looked right through Chan, who wasn’t giving into the sharp attack “You know what, I don’t care what’s wrong with you, I don’t care if I can’t find this ‘miracle cure’ I’ll make sure we live out our lives and die naturally, now tell me Lee Byunghun!”

For some reason, somehow, Chan had broken through Byung’s thick, emotional barrier and he saw tears begin to fill in his eyes. What he said was genuine “Don’t leave me Chan-ah...” Byung fell to his knees in front of him and Chan's anger slowly melted and his frozen face warmed as he got down beside him. “Talk to me Byunghun...” Chan pleaded as he crossed his legs, Byung didn’t meet his eyes but his lip trembled and his voice cracked as he whispered “I’m... I- I’m dying Chan-ah” tears began to stream from his eyes. Though he looked like he should be screaming and whining, he did neither, he just cried quietly and let snot dribble down from his nose like he was a little boy again, the boy Chan had first met and fell in love with. “No you’re not...” Chan mumbled through his own tears, Byung wiped his nose then and scanned Chan’s face carefully, he looked a combination of angry and confused, his eyes darting from each corner of the room and his eyelids shiny with the moisture of tears. Chan looked like he was a delicate sculpture, ready to crumble, but still staying strong. He shattered and fell into Byung’s arms, crying and whining like a child. Byung tried to settle him but he kept on hitting the wooden floor with his bare fists, growling a deep, animalistic rumble came from within. ‘What do I do?’ Byung asked himself.

When Chan finally fell asleep with tears all over his face and blood all over his fist Byung started to get up and clean him up when he felt this empowering grip around his frail wrists- pulling on him- Byung looked back to Chan, who pulled him closer. Byung surrendered and just stayed with him, nurturing him like a child. “Don’t leave me Byung-ah...” he muttered as he snuggled into Byung’s embrace.

~ ~ ~

All it took was one long, hard year and he was gone from Chan’s life, from everyone’s life. Chan had been a completely different person since, he didn’t speak to anyone unless it was necessary, he barely left the house, barely took care of himself. Nothing he did or tried to do filled the gap that Byung had made when he left this world and passed on to the next. Four months had passed since Byung’s death, with every month the pain got harder and harder. Tonight, on the 23rd of November, it would have been Byunghun’s 25th birthday, to celebrate Chan went out to their spot. Where he had held Byung’s funeral service and where his gravestone stood above the grass. He brought some food with him. When he got there he sat down by the stone and, like he did everyday, held back the tears that he was dying to let free. “Hey, you. How’s it going up there? You know what... I thought it was kinda cool that you’re with the stars now, you know? After all that looking and you finally went to the moon.” Chan chuckled and continued “Well Byunghun, it’s been four months and... Nothing helps... I just sit around and wait for a sign or whatever... Aish, nevermind that, happy twenty fifth birthday Byung-ah! I hope they got you a cake and stuff. What am I saying? Do angels even eat cake? I’m sure you would, you’d be the saint of cakes. Ok, Chanhee shush. Urgh.” Chan sighed to himself and continued with his nonsense “Sorry, I get carried away these days... Well, let’s eat to your birthday. Happy Birthday, I wish we could celebrate it together.” Chan went quiet and held his food up to the sky before taking a bite.

“You know, I probably would’ve died by now if I didn’t know how annoyed you would be. How much you would hate me if I took my own life but how am I supposed to live on?” Chan continued muttering up to the sky until he drifted off to sleep. “Chan-ah, what are you doing it’s cold.” A gentle voice hummed, Chan shot around and stared with wide eyes at the love of his life “Byung-ah!” he ran towards him with glee and threw his arms around him only to fall flat on his face in the dirt. Chan sat up and rubbed his head, wearily looking back at him “Can I know what just happened?” Byung rolled his eyes and sighed “I’m sorry, mr. stupid, I’m not really here but I’m happy to see you healthy... maybe not happy but healthy at least and I wanted to apologise. For everything-”, Chan intervened “You have nothing to-”, “Let me finish.” Byung whispered gentle as he continued. That was the thing, Byung looked one hundred times healthier and a million times more enchanting than ever, like he had some sort of inner light ‘is he an angel?’ Chan thought. “I do have a lot of things to apologise for. Number one: causing you so much pain... Losing bits of your memory and losing your family... Number two: making you stick with my through thick and thin, I felt selfish but I never even did anything for you and you did everything for me. Number three: making you sad... too many times have you cried because of me and for all that I’m so sorry.” Byung’s expression didn’t change while Chan slowly got up and got closer to him. “Now I want you to know that you don’t have to care for me any more Chan-ah, I know you’ll love me forever and I will love you too. But you can live on now, I hope that every time you look up at that big, beautiful moon- who shined over us through the hardest of times- I hope you think of us, how happy we were and not how sad we once were. If you can do me these two things Chan-ah, I’ll be in your debt forever.” Chan reached out to touch his cheek and rested his hand over the shimmering transparency that was his skin.

“I promise I will always take care of myself and think of us whenever I see the moon. Will you promise me something Byunghun?” Chan asked graciously, Byung nodded his pale head and Chan took a deep breath in. “Will you promise me that when I die, we will stay right in this spot forever?” Chan muttered under raspy breath, holding back his tears as Byung’s image began to fade and he whispered “I promise.” then he was gone. Although Chan felt a stab of loss, he felt a gentle solace knowing that one day he and Byung would be able to live under the stars forever. Forever under the moon. Forever reliving the precious moments they shared. Forever, they would spend it together.

To The Moon, 

By Abi Jones

Thanks for reading :)

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Author's Notes:

Sorry for this awful ending :<

But thank you everyone that has read and subbed to this story

It means a lot and I hope you all enjoyed it

~ Oh, by the way there's a full moon tonight...

/CRIES /EMOTIONS /WAH

THANKS BYE :DDDDDD