Minho knew it was a huge sin to lay a finger on Taemin again, but he was out of control. The urge to make love with him was overwhelming and he might probably have waited for it all these years. He had not done it with his fiancée yet, partly because she was a , wishing that he could take away her chastity on their wedding night and also out of respect. But this didn’t mean that he treated Taemin like a toy. He was just different and being intimate with him physically and emotionally was a form of comfort.

They kissed passionately and were unafraid to let out pleasurable moans, knowing that no one was going to hear them. Straddling beneath Minho, Taemin began removing his clothes with so much impatience. Within seconds, he lay stark under his lover, fondling with his hair affectionately. Minho had not seen him in this manner for years and he definitely changed from a young teenager to an adult. His arms were muscular and he no longer looked as frail looking as he used to be.

There was nothing else they could think of at that moment they were connected, except the fact that they still loved each other. Minho and Taemin hugged one another tightly through the night, trying their best to keep the hefty moans going because the silence was frightening.

It was dawn when they finally quietened down out of exhaustion. They came back to reality when the shaft of sunlight shone through the windows onto their bodies. What have we done? They thought in horror, buried in so much guilt for the things they felt were right. Was this the life they wanted? Taemin was sure but Minho wasn’t. The fear of hurting Taemin or his fiancée was painful.

He sat up and smoothen his hair, rubbing Taemin’s cheeks gently. Kissing all the bruises and hickeys that he left through the night, Minho reached out for his boxers just beside him.

“Taemin.”

“Good morning.”

“I…I need to go. I will send you back to your parents’ house.”

“Where are you going? Can’t you stay?”

It did not struck Taemin that he was getting married in ten days. It was wrong that they made love. It was a sin.

“I’m sorry but…”

“You’re going back to her?” Minho did not say anything.

“I thought you…we….”

“I know, Taemin. I love you. But I’m getting married Taemin, to someone I love too.”

He was greedy and he couldn’t choose.

“Oh… so because you left me once and you think it’s fine hurting me again?”

Minho dressed himself up and cleaned away all the white stains they left on the wooden floor.

“Stop stuffing words into my mouth, would you?” He hissed back at Taemin.

“Or is it because of you self denial that you are gay and just want to lead a normal life with her?”

“No. No. No!”

“Then what is it?” Taemin pushed him across the room and screamed, “What do you want?!”

“I don’t know! If I leave, you will get hurt. But if I stay, she gets hurt.”

Taemin buried his face in his palms.  He was too confused to think rationally anymore; Minho, the man standing right in front of him will be getting married and it would be unfair for him to let her go. Instead, Taemin opened the door and slammed it behind him.

He ran towards Amelie, patted the horse for a few times and led her towards the pathway.

“Come on Amelie, let’s go.”

“Taemin?” Minho ran out of the house after him, “Where are you going?”

“Home. Before I become insane and set your house on fire.” He hopped onto its back and took a glimpse of Minho, “I will not attend your wedding. I am not as generous and forgiving as I thought I would be.”

Taemin left and Minho did not try chasing him back. Instead, he got on his car and drove off, back to his fiancée who had been waiting for him. He pondered a lot on his way back home and realized he was all messed up. There was no way he could look at her ever again without feeling any guilt, nor can he give up on everything and return to Taemin.

But Minho needed to be honest with his fiancée that he was confused.

“Hey hon, I am back.” Minho hugged her gently and sat down on the couch.

“How’s the trip?”

“I… I need to tell you something.”

“Yea?”

…. …. ….

Taemin brought Amelie back to the horse stable and fed her some hay. He just drove Minho away and even wished that he could forget about him.

“I will try to forget about you too, Minho.” Taemin said to himself and started to tear. He tear at the sight of the hay and at Amelie. When he looked through the window and spotted the beach where Minho first confessed to him, Taemin finally broke down. He collapsed on the floor, sobbing like there was no tomorrow. All those happy memories made his heart ached to a point where he wished he was dead to escape from the pain.

Off you go, Choi Minho.

“Taemin?” He heard his mother calling out for him by the door.

“U…Umma…” Taemin couldn’t bring himself to put on a strong front anymore. Burying into his mother’s arms, he wept even more and muttered, “I…I still like him. I still like Minho. What should I do?”

“Shhh…” She patted his head gently, “It’s okay. I understand.”

Mrs Lee cried like Taemin for that guy who blown her off her feet when she was 18. She knew how much it hurts, but it was impossible to bring up the fact that she brought the pain along with her all this time.

“He’s getting married…..He’s getting married….” Taemin could not stop his tears from falling. Just for today…and tomorrow he would be fine.

… …. …..

Minho tapped his feet and continued,

“I… about my past… I….”

“Yes, Minho?”

“Taemin is my first love. I was 18 then and he was 16.”

Her world came crashing down right after that. She gasped and turned away from Minho feeling cheated.

“You…you’re gay?”

“I….I don’t know. I only had feelings for him. I am drawn to girls too and I love you.”

“Then why must you tell me now?” She sobbed and backed away, “Why can’t you just let me live on with that lie since you said you love me? Why?”

“Because…I think I still like him. I think I need time to reconsider our marriage. I want to be fair to you.”