I watched you die

I heard you cry

Every night in your sleep

I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

❄

Hyejae cringed at a pain she felt jab at her chest, where her heart was.

She put her hand over it and rubbed it.

She looked out the window and heard the clock tick loudly yet softly in the living room.

That was the only noise that could be heard besides the kitchen tap dripping, the rain hitting against her window pane and, her own super loud heart beat.

Hyejae wanted to cry.

More than anything, she wanted to cry. She wanted to let out her agony that she had been keeping within her for the past year and a half.

But no matter how hard she tried, nothing would come out of her eyes.

Nothing.

Since the day she caught him cheating, she had cried endless amounts of tears and since that day, no more would come.

“Have I cried too much…?” Hyejae whispered to herself and touched the bottom of her eyes that was as dry as a desert.

“Why won’t I cry…”

Another sharp jab of her heart made her wince again.

“I want to cry…”
 

❄

The crying sound next to Hyejae woke her up from her deep and dreamless sleep, making her wince at her sleeping position.

She turned around sleepy and saw the back of her true love shudder ever few seconds.

She sighed.

It had been 4 months since the two of them learnt that their best friend and family had died in a car crash and out of the two of them, Doojoon took it the worst.

He had stopped going to work, even when he was pressured by his manager that they would stop his contract as an idol.

He had stopped smiling and whenever his friends of his group called, Hyejae would pick up.

They would ask her if they could talk to their leader and she would always answer that he wasn’t feeling too well and if there was anything they wanted to tell him they could tell her and she would tell him the message.

But then, like ritual they would ask him what was wrong.

I knew what was wrong.

But, no one else did.

He didn’t tell why. He didn’t tell his manager nor his friends as to why he had become like this so that was why, the others were so inconsiderate of him.

Hyejae knew that if he didn’t want to tell, he had his own reasons and so, she would act like she didn’t and doesn’t know anything when she knows the world.

Days passed, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and finally, he began to pick up.

He began to wake up earlier, he began to smile from time to time and finally, he began to go to work. It began with once a week but then soon became twice a week, thrice a week until every day of the week, he was working and he was back at his normal routine.

He was working.

Hyejae should’ve been happy.

She wasn’t.

Suddenly, all the worries that Doojoon had had before when he was suffering, were transferred to Hyejae and Hyejae, being only 25, 4 years younger than Doojoon, felt like the world was crushing her heart.

She couldn’t take it.

It was too much to bear, too much of a burden on her shoulders.

Days passed and Doojoon became his normal self but Hyejae became less like herself.

“I want to cry…”