I had an appointment with her.

At our usual place and time.

There was this cafe, that we found not long ago.

___-ah liked it, because it had many books and was not crowded.

It was working all night, so sometimes we would spend all night there.

When we had time from schedule to schedule, we would come here.

We would talk, relax.

I enjoyed watching her read.

Her peaceful expression was filling my heart with happiness.

Happiness, because I was there with her.

For a year of being friends, I enjoyed every single day with her.

Today was not one of those days.

I sensed something was up, just by looking in her eyes.

She looked happy. Too much happy.

At first I felt glad.

She was feeling pretty down, lately.

Her schedule was awfully tight.

She couldn't even go home just to take a shower.

She used the dorm of YG's new trainee group.

She had to be close to her new filming set.

Shooting a 24 episodes drama is hard, if the time limit are just 2 and a half months.

She sat next to me on the sofa and hugged me.

She looked around and took off her sunglasses.

"Oppa!" She smiled brightly.

"How come you are so happy today?" I chuckled.

"You won't believe what happened!" She covered her cheeks.

I chuckled again at her childish behavior and ruffled her hair.

"I'm listening. By the way, I have to leave soon. The "One of a kind" is done so I have to sign some contracts." She smiled.

"I have to be at the agency as well. My drama's finished and I have to meet uncle. Can you give me a ride?"

I smiled at her and nodded.

"Anyway... Do you know what I found at my doorstep today? I finally managed to come home and there was fan mail everywhere! One fan sent me this!"

She looked in her bag and took out a sleeping mask with the form of a panda.

"I wonder, who got me this..." She chuckled and looked at me.

I was caught.

"Well, do you like it?" I chuckled.

She nodded and hugged me.

"You know me so well!

 How did you find the time to go to my apartment, to drop it off?"

"I know you wanted it for a long time."

I smiled, looking at the mask.

"Did you see the card?"

She nodded and took the card out.

"For the cutest panda of all. Your biggest fan."

She read out loud and giggled.

"It's awesome, oppa! Comowo!" She hugged me again.

I smiled at her cuteness.

I waited for her to finish her coffee.

"Come on, oppa." She put on her sunglasses and took her bag.

We walked towards the car, which was parked just a few blocks away.

No one recognized us, so the walk was a pleasant one.

We talked about random stuff.

She told me she was flattered by her fan's commitment.

She told me she was lucky, that we were friends.

She told me many things.

She always speaks.

She never closes .

That's one of the things I love so much about her.

We sat in the car and a sudden silence replaced her cheerfulness.

I looked at her.

She was quiet, staring at the things in front of the car.

There was something bothering her.

"Panda, what's wrong?" I put a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She blinked a couple of times and gulped.

"You are my friend, right?"

What was wrong?

"Why the sudden question? Of course."

She turned her gaze towards me.

She didn't look at me straight in the eyes.

"Taeyang confessed to me today."

Say what?

I stared at her.

"Wha...What?"

And goodbye to my voice, once again.

 She looked at me.

"Oppa, ottoke?"

She whispered.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"I like him too, but I think we shouldn't tell uncle."

"What did you tell him?" I whispered, staring at the wheel.

"I said that I liked him too."

This was too much for me.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.

The pressure was awful.

"___-ah, I'm sorry. I forgot, I had to go to another place before YG.

Take the car. I'll catch a cab."

I stormed out of the car, before she could react.

It was hard.

My heart was beating fast, and breathing was impossible.

I called YG, that I was not feeling well and I would come to the office tomorrow.

I didn't want to see anyone.

I went to the nearby hotel and reserved a room for the night.

I didn't sleep that night.

I couldn't.

The only good thing was, that inspiration came to me.

I composed a new song.

A perfect song.

I couldn't bring myself to see her in the near future.

I wasn't that much of a masochist.

I couldn't do that to myself.

I gave up early in the morning and fell asleep.

The song was ready.

It was perfect.

I would record it after I got some sleep.

The next days were the hardest.

I  didn't answer any of __-ah's calls.

I locked myself in the band's recording studio.

I composed the music for the minimal of time and started recording the next day.

I didn't come out.

I slept there.

When I had to change or take a shower, I snuck out, when no one was around,

go to the wardrobe or use the bathroom in the hotel room I rented.

I decided to keep it for a week or two.

I didn't want to go to the dorm.

She would be there, as always, hanging with the boys.

She would be with Taeyang.

I felt sick, even from thinking about it.

I haven't seen them in a week now.

No one, even TOP.

He was around the first days, standing in front of the room, watching trough the windows.

I think, he understood, that I don't want visitors.

The only person I have talked to was the person who helped me record the song.

And now, a week later, I'm sitting on the bed, in the hotel room,

staring trough the window.

I felt awful.

I felt weak.

Nothing was interesting to me.

I didn't want to hear her voice.

Because if I did, I wouldn't control myself.

I decided to go for a walk.

Without disguise, just me.

I wanted to go somewhere and have a drink or something.

I needed to get over it.

TOP called me, just in time.

He told me, that he was going to the club nearby, so if I wanted to, I could come with him.

I went back to the dorm, to get clothes and get ready.

As soon as I opened the door, guess who I saw.

As usual, she was here.

Snuggling in Daesung, watching TV.

Taeyang was next to her. They were holding hands.

As soon as they heard the door, they looked over to my direction.

 She smiled brightly as always and ran to me.

She hugged me tight, I tried to stay calm.

"Oppa! Where were you? Are you staying? I missed you!"

She pouted.

I looked away.

"I'm in a hurry. Sorry."

I got out from her grip and shut my room's door behind me.

I knew that this wasn't right at all.

But, what could I do?