I sat alone at the bench…in the middle of night, with only stars encircled me…

I didn’t want to think anymore….

‘What did i’ve done?’

I knew i supposed not to act like that, but….it’s just to sudden…

All of the things, i just couldn’t beer with it. Although i love him so much, i’m still a human. It was so difficult to think that my first love….will end this way, the way that i never thought before…

Just back then, i could think that i’ll spend a lot of happy times with Eunhyuk, and he’ll always beside me, made my life worth every day. We even didn’t have time to share about everything yet, and it has to end just like this?

Just think about it, made me very frustrated. I was the one who started it all, and i was the one who ended it too? I felt like the most terrible person in the world…

I raise my head and looked to the stars in the cold night.

“Is this have to end like this? i….don’t want it to be like this….please….help me.”

I talked to them, but got no answer. I knew they won’t answer me, it’s just….i need someone, who could give the solution, the best way i should do…

Then i closed my eyes, and flashback came to me, showed me the little cheerful Lee Donghae.

--flashback—

“Grandpa, is grandma become a star in the sky now?”

“Yes Donghae, your grandma is shining as a star in the sky now…”

“Then which one is grandma? There are a lot of stars there…”, i pointed to the night sky.

“Well…you see the one that has a very bright light? That’s your grandma…”, grandpa said and pointed one of the stars.

“Where is it? I can’t see it…they all look the same…”, i started to confused, but grandpa just gave me a smile.

“Donghae….you’ll see it…if you feel grandma inside here…”, he held my chest. “Because she never left us…she just rest inside our heart, and always life there, as long as we keep her sincerely, she’ll shine for us, and give us her light….”

“Really? But grandpa…don’t you miss her? I never see you cry when we came to visit her grave…don’t you love her anymore?”

“Haha…”, he chuckled.”Donghae…of course i miss her so much…and my love for her, .just as big as this universe…but, it doesn’t mean that i have to cry and feel sad everyday…we won’t make your grandma worry about us by shed tears everyday right?”

“Then…what do we have to do?”

“Well….like i said, grandma will always be with us….so, we don’t have to feel lonely even if we can’t see her, because she’ll always watch us from the sky…so i have nothing to sad about…i’m glad to met your grandma, and i’m happy because i can always save her in my heart….maybe it’ll hurt a bit, but remember this when you have someone precious for you, you’ll share happy, hurts, and a lot of moments together. Therefore, treasure it as good as you can, so you don’t have to regretting it later…..”

“But grandpa, how can you be happy if grandma isn’t here with you?”

“Of course i do, you will understand it when the time comes…..sometimes you’ll feel very happy…and sometimes…it will hurts like hell….and that’s why Donghae…we call it….LOVE.”

--End of flashback—

Slowly, i opened my eyes, tried to register what i just remembered.

I remembered many meaningful moments with my grandpa and my grandma when i was a child. Then they disappeared one by one…first was my grandma, then my grandpa…and soon after that, i realized that i had no one beside me anymore…even my parents left me for their jobs…and from that, i started to act like a bad stubborn kid, forgot about all the trusts that my grandpa said.

“Grandpa…..”, i called him. “Are you happy with grandma now? are you two becoming a star now? i know you’ll always be here for me….”, i raise a smile from my lips, like all my anxiety had disappeared.

i think for a while, and then chuckled to my self, and stared at the sky once again. “Grandpa…do you know that i’m in love with a guy? Well, i didn’t expect it to be like this, but this guy is really really different…and i think my first love didn’t go as smooth as i want…but grandpa….”, i paused, took a deep breath and smiled as if my grandpa was there in the sky, watched me.

“Thank you….for awaking me from my stupidness…”, i smiled happily to the sky, saw my grandpa’s and my grandma’s figure. Then i took a small note and pen from my pocket, and start writing.

---0---

I stood up in front of Eunhyuk’s room, but still didn’t have courage to got in.

“Omo, oppa! What are you doing outside? Why don’t you come in?”, i was about to knocked the door when suddenly the door opened and little EunHe exit from Eunhyuk’s room.

“Oh, Eun-EunHe…wh-what are you doing this early? It’s still 5 a.m…”, i shocked by her, and spoke stuttered.

“I was having a nightmare and awake from my sleep, so i think i’ll just go here to visit Eunhyuk oppa…”, she stopped after said Eunhyuk’s name and i saw a sad expression across her face.”Oppa….i’m so sad…”, her eyes showed sadness.

Then i bend down, looked at her face to face, and then i held her shoulder and drag her into a hug.”EunHe…why are you sad? Is something happen?”, i asked her and released her.

“I saw Eunhyuk’s oppa expression inside there….and he looks so sad….even i saw him crying…he said that it was nothing, but i’m still worried about him…”, she said honestly.

I just could stared at her, couldn’t said anything. Because i knew….all the sadness that EunHe saw from Eunhyuk, and all the tears that dropped from his face….all of it was because of me…i became so selfish to left him alone like that, and now i feel guilt and hurt filled my heart again.

“I know what will make Eunhyuk oppa happy again!”, EunHe spoke suddenly again, made me shocked for the second time. “Come on oppa…why don’t you come in and amusing Eunhyuk oppa! I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you!”, she dragged me to stood up without even wait me for permission. Then she opened the door and pushed me inside.

I couldn’t control my body because of her sudden pushed, and for the result, i fell with my upper body on Eunhyuk’s bed.

“I’ll leave you two alone oppa! Have a good time! Bye bye….”, i heard EunHe spoke cheerfully beside the door then closed it.

And now…i’m all alone….

Just Eunhyuk…and me…

I need a couple times before i could fully woke up with the situation, and i think Eunhyuk did too…because he just could goggled his eyes when he saw me and i saw him back…

“Ehm…”, i fixed my throat, and stood away from his bed. I felt my breath became faster and heavier, as i saw Eunhyuk right in his eyes.

We just stayed like that for a while, and suddenly he looked away, made me awoke from my muse.

“Why-why are you here?”, he asked, and i could heard sadness in his voice, and i could saw he tried to wiped tears that fell from his eyes.

“Hyukkie….i’m-i’m sorry…i was acting like a loser last night….b-but i didn’t mean to…i love you so much, and i want you to-“

“It’s okay…i know it’s hard for both of us… Knowing that we’re both guys and we fell in love with each other are already hard….and it’s getting harder, knowing that maybe…i’ll die soon…”, he let his tears fell, didn’t bother to wiped it. And watched him like that, i felt like i’ll cry too…

“Knowing…that i’ll die soon….it’s so hard for you right? I’m-i’m s-sorry…for being so selfish, just let my feeling control me and didn’t care about your feeling later….i’m sorry Donghae…i-i-”, he grabbed his pillow and squeeze it tighter, engulfing his sadness and his face in it, and cried in silent, couldn’t finished his sentence.

I couldn’t stand to watched him like that….although i just could stood still. But suddenly, i felt warm water wet my face, and my tears was just streamed like that…

I didn’t know how do i have this courage….but i walked slowly to him…and took him in my embrace, and i poured my feelings towards it….

“It’s okay Hyukkie….i’m the one who have to say sorry….i won’t leave you like that anymore…..”, i said.

And as shocked as before, he suddenly pulled out from my embrace and asked with confused face. “But…Donghae…you’ll suffer if you keep beside me…”.

I just gave my smiled listen to his sentences, and held his hands. “Hyukkie….i don’t care about it anymore…wether i’ll suffer or happy…..as long as i’m with you….that’s enough. I’ll experience everyday with you as best as i can, and so i don’t have any regrets in the future….”, i squeezed his hand, and pecked his forehead.

“But…Hae…are you sure you want to keep with-“

I stopped him and covered his lips with my index finger. “I’ll kiss you if you say such things again…”, i joked.

He just looked at me, but i could saw light in his eyes now. He smiled happily. His true self had came back….and that’s what i missed so much….to saw him smiled sincerely like that.

Slowly, i made my face closer to his, and our lips was just an inch away….

“Hatchi!”, suddenly i sneezed right in front of his face, when i was about to crashed my lips with his. Gaah!! i think it’s because i’ve stayed too long at the park last night….

“Oh, Hyukkie! I’m sorry i’m sorry..i didn’t mean to…”, i panicked, knew that i did something stupid in the wrong time when we were about to had our romantic moment. Geez…i’ve ruined it!

“puahahaha….we’re always like this right? I think we’ll get use to it…hahahaha!!”, he didn’t get angry at me, but the opposite, he laughed out loud, like nothing bad had happened….and i knew, his laugh was true…and i was glad to see it…and i laughed together with him.

“Oh, Hyukkie…i forgot about something….”, i stopped my laughed and spoke to him, tried to got his attention as i grabbed and took something in my pocket, and brought a paper.

“What is it Hae?”, he asked me.

“Um….last night…i’ve wrote a song for you….”, i said shyly.

“Wae? You can write a song too? But i don’t know about that….”, he said curiously.

“Well…there are a lot of things you still don’t know about me…”< i smirked at him. “But…i don’t know if you will like it or not….”

“Sing it for me….i’m sure it’s a great song…since you wrote it for me…”, he spoke in a luring voice and chuckled, made me more nervous, as if i’ll sing in front of thousands people.

“Ehm…okay then…prepare your ear…because it’s a beautiful song….”, i said excitedly.

“Nunmuri da marugi jone…”

(Before my tears try)

“tto hullyoya hessotdon gu nare “

(They had to spill that day)

“odum sogeso ne sonul jabajwoso”

(You held my hand in the dark)

“amu marobshi jikhyo bwajwoso”

(Without a word, you watched over me)

“gomawoyo….”

(Thank you)

“Naboda do himdurossultende”

(You must have had a harder time than I did)

“naboda do gogjonghessultende”

(You must have worried more than I did)

“gudega isso irosol su issokgo”

(Because of you I was able to stand)

“nul gomaum maumdul ppunijyo”

(It’s a thankful heart)

“na jugo shiphun gon”

(There was so much you wanted to give me)

“nomuna manhi innunde”

(You struggled with the fact that you couldn’t)

“halsu obnun hyonshire himdurotjyo”

(Trust me, grab my hand)

“narul midoyo sonul jabayo”

(If with you I feel like anything can be done, forever)

“gudewa hamkkemyon”

(Before my tears try)

“gu otton ilduldo”

(They had to spill that day)

“halsu issul god gatha yongwonhi....”
(You held my hand in the dark)

And so….the song was just came to my mind…showing all my feelings towards Eunhyuk….

A/N : sorry for bothering, :p

for you guys who don't know, This song title is 'Thank you'...originally sing by Super Junior in their second album...it's not really wrote by Donghae actually, but i just made it like that in this story, only for storyline purpose of course :D

And here is the link in case you want to listen the full song..... CLICK HERE
 

it's a great song i think...^^

---0---

“You know…you have a great talent in it…it’s really a beautiful song…do you ever wrote any before it?”, Eunhyuk asked me. We’re both lying on his bed now, stared at the ceiling. He just couldn’t stopped talking and praised me after i’ve finished the song. He kept spoke about it excitedly and commented that i ‘ve could be a success person in music industry.

“Hyukkie….let’s not talk about this okay….it’s just a usual thing…i’m so sleepy, and why don’t we enjoy couple hours to sleep before the sun comes….”, i answered lazily, and snuggled to him.

“Hae…don’t you know that this is very important? You have a great talent and just wasting it? Why do you act like this? i knew that you really love this thing just by heard you sang it once just now…and you just assumed it as a ‘usual thing’?? i don’t understand…”

I really wanted to avoid this conversation to went more far, but after seeing him, i just couldn’t ignore him more.“Well…sometimes…there are things that can’t explain…”, i answered sufficiently.

“Then….explain it to me…”, he stared at me, and blink his eyes. “Hae…you promise that we’ll share many things together….”, he said like he begged to me with his deadly puppy eyes which was i couldn’t stand but to obeyed.

Why did he had to acted like that? I really didn’t want to talked about it…of course because of some privacy things….

But it looks like he really wanted to shared with me, and i had to respond it positively, otherwise he’ll surely going to assuming that i just playing with him again….

The i decided to told him about everything, and took a deep breath before opened my mouth to spoke.

“Well…Hyukkie…the reason why i don’t want to talk about it….”, i looked at him for a while, tried to registered his expression first. And it didn’t look so good…he looked like a cat who ready to claw his opponents in other they had made him mad…

Well…i think it’s now or never….

As usual, i'm sorry for the late update...i have a tight week doing my test task X(, and still does now *.*

how's the chapter by the way? can't wait to read your comments ^^