*Sign Language*

‘Text message or typing on Ipad/phone’

“Speaking Out loud”

Your POV

It’s been a few weeks since I started to help Kikwang with sign language and he’s doing a pretty good job.

He even shows up at the hospital well I’m teaching the kids most days

. They all have kept their mouth shut for having someone famous come see them every day mostly because they want him to keep coming without worry of him leaving early.

My phone goes off telling me I have a text message so I check to see that it’s Mina.

I smile and check to see what she wants.

‘Hey just wanted to see if you’re coming to guy’s dorm tonight for movie night?’

‘What they have a movie night? Why wasn’t I told this before?’

‘Kikwang was the one that should have told you… You know what just come to the dorm for movie night.’

I look at my phone a little hurt that he didn’t tell me…

Maybe I shouldn’t come…

Maybe he doesn’t want to see me for some reason…

‘I don’t know where their dorm is.’

I know excuses won’t work with her, but I can at least try can’t I.

‘If that’s so I can just take you from the apartment. Where are you?’

I can’t lie to her that I’m away from the day when I’m really home for the day.

I smile to myself as I pull myself up and decide that I’ll go to the hospital today…

What is today?

I look at the calendar to see that today is the 4 year mark since my accident.

4 years since my sister and her boyfriend Kibum had died.

‘Sorry I can’t come today. It’s the anniversary of my sister’s and Kibum’s death.’

I stare at the message trying to decide that I’m going to send this to Mina, but I accidently send it to her after I decide to delete it.

‘I know that why do you think I asked if you wanted to come to movie night. It’ll be better than sitting home alone.’

‘I know that but I can’t go out in any kind of vehicle tonight that makes my fear of crashing even worse.’

‘Then I’ll see if the guys will come over to your place. Look I don’t’ want you to be alone.’

I know no matter what I say to her she’ll still come over and have a movie night no matter what so I might as well agree to have it here.

‘Fine, but can we have it at your apartment?’

‘What? Why? Your place is bigger than mine.’

‘Fine we can have it at my place, but they have to bring the food and drinks. Okay?’

I know she’ll agree without asking them so I wait for her to answer me.

Soon my phone is ringing again and it shows she’s calling me on Facetime.

I answer and wave to her.

She waves back and starts talking, “Alright so Junhyung are you alright with bringing food for movie night at ___’s apartment?”

Junhyung pops his head into view and waves to me, “Yeah I’ll call the guys and ask them to pick up some snacks and meet up at your place in an hour? Is that alright with you?”

I nod my head, *Yeah it’s okay. Just knock on my door and I’ll unlock it for you.*

They nod their head, but before Mina hangs up Junhyung asks me, “Umm… Is there any kind of snack that’s your favorite?”

*Ask Mina,* I see him point to Mina and I nod my head.

“Alright, I'll let Mina hang up now.”

I nod my head and wave good-bye to them and set my phone down when it goes blank telling me Mina hung up.

I look around my apartment and sigh realizing that I have to clean my apartment now.

So much for a lazy day.

I turn to my CD player since I lost my speakers for my phone.

I pull out my 24K CD and place it in skipping to 빨리와 the radio edit version. I start dancing around my apartment cleaning it up a lot faster than I thought I would. I smile as the song starts all over again as I just keep jumping around no longer dancing to it.

After a good half-an-hour dancing to the song, I decide to go back, and play Secret Love.

I slowly start a dance for the song since it’s my song of the week since I just bought the CD kind of late.  

Well more than kind of late, but hey I didn’t even know of the band until like last week.

I came upon their song Secret Love and they became my band of the week. I know I thought you were more of a classical music girl but since I met BEAST I’ve been listening to all kinds of music and I have to say I have been missing out.

I don’t realize I’ve been dancing to this song for a good half-an-hour until I stop when the song stops and is about to play again when there’s clapping that wasn’t there before.

I turn to see BEAST standing there with Mina who holds up her spare key to my apartment.

*Oh I forgot that you had a spare key. I guess it was a good thing you did, huh?*

She nods her head and pushes everyone all the way in my apartment.

She starts giving orders and I simply sit on the couch and watch. I sit there and smile as the orders are thrown at each member until his name is said. I stiffen. I force myself to relax back into my couch.

I hear my name called so I look up to see Kikwang nervously scratching the back of his neck, “Can I sit by you?”

I move my hand over telling him he can sit by me all he wants.

“Umm.. You must like that song. You were so enveloped in the dance and music you didn’t hear us knocking. Mina was freaking out about hearing the song play over two times that she had Junhyung run to her apartment to get your spare apartment key.”

I nod my head and finally give up and start flipping out about today’s date and Kikwang ends up being the one that gets all my frustration and anger.

*Why the hell are you bothering with me? Do you have feelings for me or something? Why am I even alive? I should have died. I mean I was the one driving that night. Why did my sister and Kibum have to die? They just got married and everything they needed someone to drive for them so I volunteered I mean they did so much for me, but I ended up getting them killed. I should have been more careful I should have been paying attention instead of chatting with Kibum and my sister. All of this is my fault. My guilt is so bad that I can't’ even speak anymore.*

I start crying and Kikwang pulls me into his arms and starts hushing me, “Myunghee, you’re a very special person to everyone here. So I want you to never say that you should be dead, alright? I know you feel guilt over what happened, but you have to realize that it was a drunk driver that drove through a red light that’s at fault and not you. I know that you guys were pushed off the bridge and everything but to tell you now it wasn’t’ your fault. It wasn’t’ even close to that. You have had enough suffering for this so I want you to remember it but as a memory that has passed and there’s nothing that you can do about it. Take it as a lesson that you can learn from and not something that you let rule your life.”

To think that today I just wanted to be alone where I have such a great friend like Kikwang who seems to read me like a book.

“So if you feel like releasing some of your anger and frustration don’t’ be afraid to take it out on me, because I’m always here for you.”