Contains Chapters 10-12 of 

Until You're Mine

'When I look at you' 'Conversations with my little old self' and 'The Confession' 

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            “So soft.” I whisper, being hypnotized by the softness of his hair.

           I suddenly felt DongHae react to the way I touched his hair. I didn’t pay attention if the reaction was positive or negative.

            “Sorry! Did I wake you up?”

            He covered his mouth for some reason and he slowly shakes his head, “N- No you didn’t…” His voice trailed off so I wasn’t sure if he was lying or not.

            “We should get going…it’s getting dark.” I wasn’t sure if I should apologize, so it was best to just ignore this. I tried to stand, but DongHae quickly stands and helps me; he wraps his good arm around me and we start heading towards the tent.

            “What happened to Hyuk Jae?!” The teacher asks, she looked really concerned. Did I look that bad? 

            “Fought a bear.” I joke. DongHae laughs and for some reason that made me smile. The teacher rolls her eyes, clearly not amused by my humor.

            “Well we are being delayed, we can’t leave until tomorrow.” She purses her lips and shrugs. “I was planning on all of us sitting around the campfire and-”

            “Sing the campfire song!!” DongHae quickly says and starts jumping up and down like an excited child; I stare at him and smile to myself at how amusing it was to be around him. He quickly stops jumping-probably because he was still holding onto me.

            “NOOOO!!!!!!” Kyu yells from a couple feet away; he was with HeeChul and they were lighting a campfire.

            DongHae giggles and grins at KyuHyun.

            “You two can stay in the tent though…since your hurt.” She looks at my sprained ankle and we nod. I felt a bit guilty since DongHae wont attend the campfire. 

            “Thanks.” I smile at her and we get in the tent, he helps me get into the sleeping bag and since it was so uncomfortable I end up groaning. “This is uncomfortable.” I stares at my bandages and force a pout, I stare at him with my sad eyes.

            He pouts, “I’m sorry…” He seemed to brighten up. “Maybe I can give you a massage!” He nods and approaches me.

            What! A massage?! Is he out of his mind?? “No its ok.” I tried to move my leg away from him but he quickly sets it on his lap.

            “Don’t be silly, this will definitely help you.” He nods confidently. He walks off and comes back with an ice pack then he places my foot on his lap and he pats the ice pack on my ankle. “Does it feel better when I do this?” He asks sweetly. I nod a bit, feeling suddenly comfortable.

            “Just lay down and go to sleep, dream of SooYoung.” He suggests with a sweet smile. “I’m sure that when you see her, she’ll make you feel a lot better.” He nods slowly. Why does he sound so sad when he suggested that? Maybe I’m just tired…

            I smile at him and nod, I lay down comfortably and close my eyes; a slight exhale escapes my lips.

            “Sweet dreams.” He whispers while he rests the ice pack on my knee. It stung a bit but then he suddenly begins to rub my ankle softly. It was sooo comfortable that I ended up falling asleep peacefully. I should remember to thank him in the morning…

            That night I dreamt about DongHae…again. Only this time it was just us two by the waterfall. He was leaning on me for some reason, and for some reason I had no reason to push him away. I held him close and smiles to myself. DongHae had the sweetest smile on his face, it nearly melted my heart. I whisper, “Dong-Hae…” because my dream was beginning to fade; I panicked and tried to hold onto him.

            The next day we went back to our suites and DongHae was first to shower. I just sat in the bed, lost in thought about the dream…why did I dream about DongHae…and why was I holding onto him like that? I frown. DongHae walks out of the bathroom and I smile sweetly at him, “My turn.” I stand and limp over to the bathroom. “OH and by the way…my ankle feels so much better.” He grin. “Thank you.” I ruffle his soft brown locks with my fingers before walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

            I dressed myself in tight black jeans, a simple t-shirt with my leather jacket on. I walk out of the bathroom and make my way to my luggage. DongHae stared at me while I put on my sunglasses.

            “We should go.” I say and grab my luggage.

            Somehow I was able to walk properly on my way to the buses; I shoved my luggage into the side of the bus then Donghae and I make our way into the bus. We sit in our same spot; I took my time getting comfortable but then suddenly Donghae turns and stares at me. “So…uhm…did you dream last night…?” He purses his thin lips and stares at me with huge interested dreams. I suddenly felt a bit odd by the sudden question…it was like he knew I dreamt about him! My eyes went wide in shock, but luckily he couldn’t see because I was wearing my sunglasses.

            He stares at me, obviously waiting for me to say something but I took my time and thought about my answer. Should I just tell him…? No, he might think I’m weird for dreaming about him. As I thought about all my possible answers I only frown and manage to say “I dreamt something weird…” I only shrug and stare out the window so I couldn’t see his adorable face anymore.

            “Can I know?” He seemed a bit nervous for some reason as he intertwined his fingers; they were placed on his laps and his eyes stayed glued to me.

            I smile slightly by how cute his voice sounded. Why does it seem that everything about him is just filled with cuteness? Maybe I’m just crazy. “You were in my dream.” I said it calmly but on the inside I cursed myself for saying that out loud.

            I am not sure why but he seemed a little excited from my words. He perks up and asks “Really…?” he looks around. “And what was I doing in your dream?”

            I frown, “I don’t remember.” Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Please God, make him keep his mouth shut and not be persistent about knowing my dream.

            He suddenly pouts and stares in front of him. Why is he sulking? “Oh…” he frowns and I suddenly felt upset with myself for making him feel this way.

            “You ok?”

            He only nods, but it didn’t seem sincere.

            I smile a bit when I notice KyuHyun sleeping from t he corner of my eye. I lean in close to DongHae and his eyes widen a bit; my smile turned into a huge grin as a point at Kyuhyun, “Look.” He follows where my finger was pointing.

            “What?” DongHae looks around in confusion. It was amusing how someone who was my age looked and acted so much younger. (in a good way of course)

            I whisper near his ear so no one else around us would hear “KyuHyun is drooling.” I silently laugh in amusement; my best friend looked hilarious as he slept. Hae shivered a bit, closes his eyes and covers his face with his palm. I frown to myself. Is he cold…? Or do I bother him? I turn and stare out the window, thinking he just wanted some space. Maybe I’ve been clinging onto him too much…just because I hurt myself doesn’t mean I have to stay glued to his side. I smile a bit; for some reason I suddenly thought about DongHae pouting. It really is too cute for words.   

           It took hours for us to finally arrive back to our school; the bus ride was oddly quiet. DongHae fell asleep on my shoulder, but I didn’t mine. He actually smelled really nice. Once he woke up, he didn’t seem to notice how he was asleep on me, so I decided not to tell him. He seemed really happy once we were back home because he skipped out of the bus and ran to his luggage. I limped my way out and smiled to myself when I saw the dark night sky glittering with stars.

            I slowly made my way forward while Heechul and KyuHyun stood near Donghae; I heard Kyu whisper, “He is so weird.

            Donghae turns and looks at them with the sweetest smile, “Hi Hyungs!” he skips closer to them and slightly laughs, “Wasn’t that trip so much fun?!” he sounded so excited-I smiled sincerely as I grab my luggage and approached them slowly.

            “I guess” Heechul answers simply; he and Kyu both shrug.

            I stood beside them with a small smile, “Ready to go?” Heechul asked KyuHyun and me once he saw me.

            “Ready” KyuHyun says and was ready to dash towards Heechul’s truck but I stare at DongHae and ask, “How are you getting home?” I didn’t see any of his sibling here for him. Or his parents. Not even t he bus is available for him at this time.

            “Like usual” he smiles sweetly and didn’t see any problem with this scenario while I nearly had a heart attack; just the thought of someone as kind as him…walking home all alone made me feel uneasy. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school!” he waves happily and was ready to just leave, so without thinking twice about it I grab onto his shirt to stop him from leaving. I wouldn’t be able to chase him down with this ankle.

            “You’re not walking alone at this time” I said it strictly. How could he even think I would allow him to walk home alone? Does he not know of the dangers?

            He suddenly pouts and I felt my insides turn, “Why not?” he asks as he stared at me with his sweet eyes.

            I force myself to turn away; I stare at Heechul and ask, “Can you give him a ride?”

            HeeChul purses his lips as he thought about it for a bit, “He doesn’t fit…I brought the truck and it only has three seats.” Aish, of course I would have this kind of luck when I’m hurt.

            “Then I guess I’m walking.” I said simply; I didn’t think twice about it. I was even getting ready to leave but Donghae’s eyes suddenly snap open as he shakes his hands frantically in front of him.

           “No no no you’re still not fully healed! Just go with your friends, I’ll be fine really.” He nodded and smiled. Don’t even try to convince me with that face of yours, Lee Donghae!

            “Later.” I turn and told Heechul and KyuHyun before I moved forward, grabbed Donghae by his wrist and dragged him forward; I didn’t want to hear him protest anymore.

            He pouts as we walked forward, “You’re not supposed to walk on your sprained ankle…” He stares at the ground while we walked.

            I scoff. “I’ll be fine.” I say simply as I let go of his hand; he grabs his luggage with both hands. I am not sure why but I stared at him through the corner of my eye with such interest; I completely forgot to be careful and stepped over some stupid scattered twigs.

            I wince at the pain it inflicted on my ankle and nearly fell but luckily DongHae holds onto me, “Aish, I told you!’ He scolded me and I glared at him-but was really fighting the laughter that boiled in me. He is so overprotective sometimes…He wraps his arms around me and we walked slowly this time.

            I tried so hard to focus on my surrounding, but I felt so tired. I seriously can’t wait until I get home…but home came so suddenly. That was such a short walk…

            I bite my lower lip as we made our way towards my house; DongHae helped me as I limped up the steps to my front door. I unlock the door and mutter a, “Thank you.” I wanted to say more, but again I didn’t know what to say. 

            He nods slowly, “Thanks for accompanying me.” he smiles sweetly. “Sweet dreams.” He says in his usual sweet, pleasant voice.

I smile at him and whisper, “Sweet dreams.” I slowly walk into my house and shut the door; quickly locking it before I limp my way up the stairs. Aish…why do we have stairs in this house?!?! “SUNGMIN!!!” I call out loudly while he quickly runs down the stairs.

            “You’re back!!!” He exclaims happily but suddenly stares at me up and down, “What happened?!”

            “Just help me up please” I plead tiredly while he nods, wraps my arm around him and slowly helps me up the stairs.

            “You gonna tell me what happened?” he asks when we finally made it into my room. He stares at me while I quickly lay on my bed and release a sigh of relief.

            “It was an accident…” I smile at him and stare at the floor as I remember everything that happened.

            SungMin frowns, “You seem oddly happy about this accident…”

            I snap out of my trance and stare at him “I do..?” I frown as he slowly nods, “Well…I have no reason to be” I shrug and he only laughs and sits beside me.

            “So I’ve been finishing the plans about the musical…I have all the notes, do you want to see them?”

            I stare at my ankle with a small smile, “Erm…maybe tomorrow SungMin. I just want to sleep” I look at him and smile at him.

            He nods and stands, “I’ll leave you to rest then. Night Hyukjae” He grins and walks off to his room.

            I smile to myself as I lay on my bed and close my eyes; I sigh happily as I turn and stare at the ceiling. Why am I so happy today? How peculiar…

            The next day was hell. Heechul had to drive me to school because I didn’t want to risk screwing it up even more. It didn’t hurt as much though.

            I dragged myself to class, sat in my seat and just stared at my notes without actually seeing them. My mind was elsewhere. I should really do something for DongHae…he does so much for me…and I never seem to give him anything in return. I sigh a bit and thought about it for a while.

            I was lost in my thoughts when Sooyoung walked into class with her revealing short blue shorts and pink low cut shirt; she had a huge smirk on her face as she sat on my lap and pressed her palms on my shoulders. I stared at her and managed a smile. She leans in and says, “Baby *twirls her finger on my collar* I think we should go on vacation together” her voice was a bit higher than usual. It was her way of being cute, and it really was cute-well to me anyway.

      I smile sweetly at her and lightly brush my finger tips on her cheek, “Soon” I leans close and pecked her nose while I stared at her. SooYoung meant everything to me, but I’m not so sure if I see her the way I should see her. To me, she will always be my best friend-I’m not sure if it’ll ever get deeper than that.

            She leans in close and we shared a small kiss. I felt disappointed…simply because I never felt anything spectacular when we kissed. Not the way I should anyway.

            “SooYoung!” Taeyeon says through her teeth; we turn and stare at her-she looked pissed! “Go to class, or else you’re not cheering tonight.” She threatens.

            Sooyoung pouts in and says in a whiney voice “See how mean she is to me?” She frowns and kisses me which made me smile a bit; I kissed her back-hoping fireworks would set off around us but like always I end up with nothing. I felt empty.

            “Love you.” She winks at me as she gets off my lap.

            “I love you too.” I say sweetly and waved at her as she waved at me. I really do love you Sooyoung, but not in the way that I should. I stare at my notebook and was lost in my thoughts; why do I suddenly feel guilty? When Sooyoung and I started dating, we both knew we were just experimenting our friendship; we wanted to see how far we could go with it.      

              Time passed by so fast when you’re trying to put together a perfect production-with the perfect cast, music, lights, workers and etc etc etc.

            “Come on Min LETS GO!” Aish this kid is so lazy in the morning. I was grabbing my stuff when I heard a knock on the front door. I slowly open it and smile when I see Donghae was there. “Good morning, DongHae.” I say sweetly. I really liked seeing him for some reason. I’m not really sure why.

            DongHae flashes his childish grin, “Morning, HyukJae!” He sounded so happy, and for some reason seeing him like this made me really happy as well. He hands me his sealed plate and I smile with a slight confused expression. He usually says ‘enjoy’ or something, but all he says was “Gotta go, See you at school!” he waves and runs off before I could even thank him.

            I stare at him and smile when I hear him yelling, “SURPRISE!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER!!!!” he stood in front of a car and I smile to myself as I walk inside the house.

            “Min! Are you hungry?” I smile and open the container which revealed delicious looking pancakes.

            “Aren’t you ever scared he’s gonna poison you?” he frowns while I just smile and shake my head.

            “I trust him”

            “Why?” he frowns.

            “Why not?” I countered.

            “I don’t like him” he says rudely.

            “I know…but you have to be nice to him because he’s my friend-”

            “He annoys me.”

            “SungMin” I stare at him with a strict face and he just stared at me with his sweet face; I quickly lost the stare-down as I shake my head and looks away.

            On my way to school I was stopped suddenly by SooYoung, “I’m gonna be in the talent show” she smiles sweetly while I grin.

            “That’s great!-” I felt excited to see her ‘talent’ I was so sure it was going to be interesting but she only shakes her head and frowns.

            “It’s a ty dance” she blurts out and my eyes widen. “Enjoy the show!” She says sweetly and tries to run off, but I grab her arm and pull her back, “Hyukjae *sigh* don’t start, please…”

            “SooYoung, you cant go out there and dance like a and expect me to be ok with it.” I gently release her hand and she just glares at me.

            “I can do whatever I want. At least I gave you a heads up…” she shrugs.

            “If you do it…we’re gonna have problems” I say simply. I honestly didn’t want anyone to see her dance in a provocative way, but not because I would be jealous. My anger was leaning more towards a worried/protective friend who didn’t want her to make a fool out of herself.

            She shrugs, “Oh well” she walks off and just leaves me standing there. I shake my head and dreaded to go watch the talent show, but I needed to find more cast members anyway.

            I was one of the first to arrive at the talent show. Luckily, SooYoung and her friends would go last so I can always just walk away for that performance.     

            Most students did have talent, but not the kind I was aiming for. The last performance was out and I quickly get out of there before I see anything. I honestly didn’t want to hear everyone’s response either.

            I just leave.

            Not really sure where I was going.

            The rest of the night was worse than hell. I didn’t hear the end of it. All I could hear were people’s -crazed reactions over her dancing. They called her y, able, and asked me when they could have a try. They were lucky the comments weren’t face to face or else I’d knock them down for disrespecting her that way…even though she disrespected herself.

            SungMin tried to calm me down, but it didn’t work. I was so pissed off. SooYoung came over, “I told you I would do it…” she begins.

            “Why?” I stare at her, nearly glaring, “Why would you do that?”

            She shrugs, “I’m talented that way…” she sounded a bit bitter, but I only shook my head and ignored it.

            It ended badly.

            We ended up arguing, and she left pissed off.

            This couldn’t get any worse, but I was dead wrong.  

       The next day I went to SooYoung’s house early but no one answered the door. I didn’t understand where she could be, but when I made it to school Taeyeon was first to tell me the news. Sooyoung had ran away.

            And apparently I was last to know this.

            I felt terrible. Guilty, even. Somehow this ended up being my fault. I wont deny that I was still undeniably pissed to the point where I hoped she’d learn her lesson. I dragged myself into the theatre room until I reached the stage and sat on my piano. I sighed and stared at the keys for the longest time. I slowly start pressing down the keys and a sad tune begins to sing into the theatre.

            I didn’t heart the door open as I continued to play. But in the corner of my eye I see DongHae making his way across the stage as he slowly makes his way towards me and stands behind me “You ok?”

            I slowly shake my head and in an instant he sits beside me on the small bench; he stares at my fingers as I played the depressing piece. “Are you upset?” his tone was careful, he obviously knew I was hurt and for some reason that made me crack a smile.

            He leans his head on my shoulder and mutters softly, “Don’t be…please, I don’t like to see you upset.” It sounded like he was pleading and that made me feel worse. I stare at him and he lifts his head and looks at me.

            “You watched SooYoung’s performance?”

            He slowly nods.

            “I told her not to perform” I mutter; unable to hide the bitterness in my voice. “Now the whole school keeps talking about her s, her , her everything!” I glared at the piano as I slammed my fingers down in utter frustration. I didn’t know what the hell to do anymore.

            DongHae’s expression saddened, “She…didn’t say sorry?”

            I shake my head in breathed in deeply; attempting to calm down my anger. I shouldn’t be so afraid in front of Donghae…it isn’t his fault, so he shouldn’t see me this way.

            He chews on his lower lip and whispers, “I care about how you feel.” That made me feel a thousand times better than before. How odd; simple words had such an affect on me.

            I smile warmly and shake my head, “Donghae, you are one in a million.”

            He grins at the compliment, “thanks!....but about SooYoung…I think you should talk to her.” He pauses, “I mean, you do love her right? So then you shouldn’t hold once mistake against her.” He nods confidently while I frown. He really doesn’t understand my relationship with her. But wait…hasn’t he heard she isn’t here?

            I stared at him, “You haven’t heard?”

            “Heard what?”

            “She ran off….” I shake my head a bit, waiting for something to click in his brain. But…nothing. Guess the gossip didn’t reach his ears.

            “Ran off?” he frowns. “What does that mean?”

            “Means I don’t know where she went or where she could be.” I roll my eyes. Aish this girl is becoming too much lately. “She didn’t want to talk to me so she ran off without saying where she was going.”

            He stared at my hands which were placed on the piano as he seemed lost in thought, “You don’t know…where she is?”

            I shake my head “No and I am worried…but more pissed off.” How could she just leave like this?

            He stares at me with a hint of determination behind his eyes, “I’ll find her for you.”

            My eyes widened as I stared at him. How will you find her if I have no idea where she is? Where could she go beside her house, my house or school? “And how are you going to find her when her own boyfriend has no idea where she can be?”

            He  half shrugs, “Just trust me;” he leans close to me and pokes my shoulder, “You’ll see, I’ll bring her back to you and you can be happy again.”

            I can be happy again?

            “I wish it were that simple…” I smile sweetly at him while I thought about his words. “I appreciate your help though…even though I doubt you’ll find her” I teased.

            “Watch me.” He stands and walks off, “You’ll see her later tonight!” he sounded so determined, I actually believed him for a while there. How in the world are you going to find her? I smile a bit and watch him leave with a slight confused expression.

            I spent the rest of my day in the theathre, trying to finish the music, but then Heechul and KyuHyun come barging in, “Ayyy, Hyukjae!” Heechul says in a loud voice, “Take a break, will you?”

            KyuHyun laughs and I smile at stare at them, “Your eyes will fall off!”

            They laugh and I shake my head “Yah, fine. I’m done  now anyway” I shrug and we walk out the theatre and off towards the woods. I sigh and smile to myself as I scanned the dark night.

            “Why so happy Hyukjae? Hmmm? Should you be upset your lover is missing?” Heeechul teases while I ignored him.

            My mind was elsewhere. I thought about what Donghae said to me today. “I wonder whey Donghae is so kind…” I smile a bit as I thought about his words, “He is seriously special.” All he seems to care about is pleasing others.

            Heechul and KyuHyun exchanged glances then stare at me with ‘are you stupid?’ expressions. “You’re so blind…” Heechul murmurs.

            I stare at them with a confused expression, “Why?” I frown a bit.

            “Cant you see…THE FISH IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!” KyuHyun yelled at me; he was obviously trying to get the words into my head so I’d take it in quicker.

            I quickly frown at the thought, “Wh-What?! No…” I shake my head, “That’s crazy…what makes you say that?” There is NO way Donghae would see me that way. We’re just friends! Just because he’s super sweet and kind…and does things for me…doesn’t mean he likes me! It just means he’s just a kind person.

            HeeChul rolls his eyes, “Aish, seriously? He does so much for you and you are STILL clueless!”

            It was evident my best friends saw something I didn’t, but I continued to deny what they were saying. I stared at the ground and frown a bit; I couldn’t stop shaking my head. There is no way, no ing way Donghae like me…no. No. No. No…NOOOOO. It isn’t possible.

            Heechul and KyuHyun are just messing with me…

         I stare at the ground and frown a bit; I slowly shook my head.

            By the time we made it back to my place Sooyoung and Donghae were already there-it was shocking. He really did find her…

DongHae smiles at us, “Well, I should go now. Night.” He waves, turned but before he could leave I roughly grab his arm and pull him to the side. He pouts and rubs his arm once I let it go.

            He stares at me, “What was that for?”

            “I need to talk to you.” I mutter; feeling stupid for believing Heechul and KyuHyun. They were still here, too-watching us.

            DongHae’s eyes widen. I wonder what was going on  through his head…

            “Go inside, Soo.” I tell her and she nods and walks off towards my house.

            “Well goodnight.” KyuHyun and HeeChul say simply as they walk off towards their own place.

            Donghae stares at me “What’s wrong?” he asked, but I didn’t look at him. I stared at the ground while I thought these things through. Donghae was always there, but maybe he liked someone else that was always nearby. He does help SooYoung a lot…with her disorder and her running away. Could he like her?  “Did I do something wrong?”  He asked in a soft voice; he sounded a bit afraid. He suddenly pouts but I force myself not to react to it.

            I stare at him and slowly exhale, “How did you find SooYoung?”

           He only half shrugs as he says innocently, “Driving around…I found her randomly.”

            I an eyebrow, “And why do you help me again…is it because you like her?” Please, tell me it’s because you like HER. I think I may be able to take that news easier…a lot easier…

            He seemed suddenly upset as he quickly shakes his head and says with such a sweet voice “No no, I don’t like her that way.”

            “Then?” I challenge.

            “Then what?” He frowns; his expression seemed confused.

            “Why do you always do things for me? Everywhere I go, you’re there. Every morning you bring me breakfast and most nights you yell out your window a goodnight to me. You….you do so many things for me and I don’t understand why.” I was so worked up that I ended up blurting everything out. I really needed to understand DongHae, but I feared what I heard was true.

            DongHae stayed quiet, but he seemed really nervous for some reason. No….God, please don’t tell me he does like me.

            “Tell me why.” I was being persistent; I needed to know what was going on in his head. Why do you do so much for me, DongHae?

            He looks down at the ground and chews on his lower lip. Why wont you look me in the eyes? “DongHae…look at me.” My tone was careful, I didn’t want him to know what I was thinking. I didn’t want him to know how worried I was becoming.

            He looks up and stares into my eyes, “What are you asking?” his voice was small and for some reason-in a split second, I actually felt guilty.

            “Why do you give me so much attention?”

            He inhales deeply then exhales slowly as he stares at me and says with such confidence; I nearly died a little, “Because I’m in love with you.” How odd how a simple phrase felt like a thousand pounds of bricks landed on me. I was in complete shock; I froze in place.

            I slowly exhale as I shake my head; I stared at the ground and tried to convince myself that this wasn’t real. No ing way Donghae actually loved me-or even liked me that way. “I had no idea.” I say softly. I was afraid my voice would give out on me. “So you did all those things…” I stare at him and shake my head, “Were you waiting for something in return?!” I ask harshly. I knew I shouldn’t have asked this, but I was trying to swerve my way around the ‘love’ confession-which I still didn’t believe.

            DongHae looked like a broken child as he quickly shakes his head, “No I wouldn’t do that to you. I just wanted you to be happy.” I should have believed him right then since his voice sounded so wary; he sounded so sincere and that made my heart twist.

            I frown, “Happy? You just brought back my runaway girlfriend and you’re telling me you did it because you want me to be happy?” There’s no way someone could be so kind. This isn’t really…DongHae can’t be serious. I stared at him with wide eyes and shook my head in confusion.

            He nods confidently, “Everything I do for you, is so you can be happy.” He nods once, “That’s all I want.” He sounded so honest…how could I keep doubting him? But I had to. DongHae can’t love me.

            I scratched the back of my head and frown to myself. How long have I been so blind? “How long has it been since this crush of yours started?

            He suddenly pouts and my heart dropped at how hurt he seems, “Remember when we were six…and I saved you from drowning?”

            Oh god just remembering made me feel like hell; I didn’t want to discuss that day though so I should just pretend I don’t remember that day. Why is DongHae bringing it up though?

            I slightly tilt my head and pretend to think about it; I end up shaking me head slowly. “No.”

            Donghae frowns, “Well since I was six.”

            WHAT.THE.!?THATWAS12YEARSAGO!!!

            My eyes widen in shock, “Holy !” I covered my mouth as soon as I cussed. I should of apologized, but I was in such shock. I paced around the grass, unsure of what to say anymore. No. No… NOOOO DongHae cant be serious. How could he have liked me for twelve years!?

            “It’s not a crush.” He mutters as he crosses his arms.

            This isn’t happening… “DongHae…I never once thought you would feel this way…and I’m sorry if I ever gave you any…hope.”

            Donghae stares at me with confusion behind his eyes.

            I exhale and felt a bit afraid to hurt his feelings, but I needed to get through to him. “I’m straight, DongHae, I could never be with you.”

            He places his hand on his shirt and slightly clutches on it. He sniffles and nods, “I know…I never once thought you would, I just- I want to be close to you…as friends is fine by me,” He nods slowly and I could have sworn he was on the verge of tears. That only made me feel worse. I didn’t want to  hurt him, but I shouldn’t lie to him either. I am straight.

            “I’m not sure that would be a good idea.” I respond softly; trying to be careful with my words.

            He bites his lower lip and closes his eyes slowly. Oh god, is he going to cry?! I felt tempted to hug him, but I didn’t want him to think too much of it. “Whatever makes you happy.” He says in a small, weak voice.           

            I’m sorry DongHae…so sorry….

            “Goodnight.” My voice drifts off and I just left before he could say anything. When I went inside the house Sooyoung stood near the door. She didn’t say anything as she walked past me and out the door. I didn’t care. I needed time  to myself. I make my way up my room and head towards the window.

I wasn’t planning on spying, but I could hear them perfectly since they stood right below my window.

            “All this time…I thought you did all this because you were into me. “I didn’t know you were gay.” I heard Sooyoung say.

            “I’m not.” DongHae replies. He sounded so broken…I chew on my lower lip and peek out the window. Was he really crying because of me?

            I could see Sooyoung’s face “But you just said you’re in love with Hyuk Jae.”

            By the way Donghae moved his shoulders I knew he had just sniffled. He was breathing heavily at first, but it was slowing down. “I don’t know why you all make a big deal about love and s. I didn’t fall in love with him because of what he has; I fell in love with him as a person, so I could care less what he was born with.” He exhales slowly while my heart drops. Is…is he serious? I stared at him in disbelief. “I don’t consider myself homoual. I don’t consider myself heteroual…I consider myself nothing.”

            She stared at him and a small smile slowly appeared on her face, “So what you’re saying is…if he was born a girl…you’d still-”

            “I’d still love him.” He finished.

            Oh, God…why are these words getting to me? I felt like crying myself…. Is Donghae’s love that pure? I close my eyes and shake my head.

            She stays quiet and smiles at him sweetly, “I’m sorry…”

            Tears slowly escaped his eyes but he still smiled at her as he nods. “It’s ok…I saw this coming.” He half shrugs and smiled through his tears.  “Goodnight, SooYoung. Sweet dreams.” He walks off and Sooyoung turns and stares at me through the window. I walk back into my room slowly, trying to take in everything he said. I couldn’t deny that his words really had an affect on me. His tears weren’t helping either…I didn’t mean to make him cry.

I sat on my bed and felt like complete as SooYoung walked inside and closed the door behind her.

            I walked off to get more blankets since I figured she’d be staying over. She lays on my bed and remains quiet as I make a bed on the floor with other blankets. She stared at me, and I wasn’t sure what she was thinking about exactly.

            “Don’t think I’m forgiving you.” I mutter.

            She only shrugs, “Did you hear what he said.”

            I stay quiet. I really don’t want to talk about Donghae now…or ever. I’m so confused; my head is spinning and yet my heart feels…odd.

            “You did, didn’t you?”

            I exhale, “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” I mutter, turn off the lights and slip into my blanket bed. I get myself comfortable since I knew Sooyoung wouldn’t drop the subject. I know her too well.

            She stayed quiet for a while, but then she says, “Even I would fall in love with DongHae…and you know how I feel about love.” She says softly. “I say ‘I love you’ like I say ‘Hello’ but when he says it….he sounds pretty honest.” Yea…even I believe him.

            “Where are you going with this?” Please, Sooyoung don’t confuse me anymore. I’m confused enough about this.

            She half shrugs, “I have no idea.” She responds “I think we should break up.”

            I sit up and stare at her, “Because of DongHae?” I didn’t necessarily mind breaking up, but the reason couldn’t be because of DongHae. That would leave a mark on me.

            She stares at me, slowly slips off herbed and sits beside me, “The guilt is eating me alive, Hyuk Jae…I cant stay with you anymore because I don’t love you, I could never love you or anyone, really. But when I saw DongHae…when I heard what he said to you and to me…how is that fair that you love the one that DOESN’T love you and he loves the one that DOESN’T love him.” She crosses her arms.

            I stay quiet, but I knew she had a point. We never really loved each other in the way we were supposed to.

            “Plus he made a good point about love…if I was born with a …would you still be dating me?”

            I shake my head in disbelief. Is she really asking me this right now? “What are you trying to say SooYoung? That I should be with DongHae because I pity him? I would never use his feelings that way…if I ever felt something for him then fine I’d do something, but I don’t.” I Don’t Like DongHae That Way Damnit! Stupid Heart pull yourself together. I just feel pity for him…that’s it and NOTHING more.

            “Yet.” She challenges.

            I glare at her, “Stop.”

“He’s cute, sweet and loves you for WHO you are and NOT because of the monster in your pants or the number of bills in your wallet.”

            I exhale deeply, “Stop, SooYoung.” I’m already having enough trouble with this and I don’t need your help.

            “Why? Tired of hearing the truth? Face it, no one will ever love you the way he does. His love is pure Hyuk Jae…and I bet you anything he is crying himself to sleep now. I think I made my point too…uhm…I can’t be with you anymore.” She says softly.

            “I figured…” I smile sadly. Guess Donghae really did break us up…even though he never intended to. How odd. “Where will you be staying?”       

            “I’ll ask Taeyeon tomorrow if I can stay at her place.”

            “So….why are you not going home again?” I think she said something about this?

            “I told you…daddy is out of town and I feel lonely.” She nods.

           I stared at the ceiling and nod. We ended up laying in my blanket bed. We were lost in our thoughts and I knew they both had to do with one person; DongHae.

“I don’t know why you all make a big deal about love and s. I didn’t fall in love with him because of what he has; I fell in love with him as a person, so I could care less what he was born with. I don’t consider myself homoual. I don’t consider myself heteroual…I consider myself nothing.”

            I couldn’t get his words out of my mind. They were sure to haunt me for the rest of my life.

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Thanks for the motivation comments. They really did help x)