Story Title : Lock On
Author : GreenGardenPop
Chapters : 3 [On-Going]
Reviewer : OnceUponATaem

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  Title (3/5) 

The title is good; it’s attractive and sort of mysterious in a way that a reader who is skimming through a tag might be intrigued to click on your fic because your title makes them curious as to what the plot could be about. I couldn’t give full marks because after reading the three chapters you posted, I still didn’t get a clear understanding of the pertinence of the title? Or rather how it linked to the story, but I’m sure once you update more, the meaning will become clearer.

  Foreword (2/5) 

I kind of didn’t like how brief the foreword was though. It was nice that it was a bit of a cliffhanger but it didn’t give any insight to the story; just a few words that gave an idea of some sort of love story but didn’t really make it unique.

  Aesthetics (Poster, Background, Format, Font, etc) (3/5) 

I like how the artist of your poster tried to go for a darker hues to give the foreword some edge of mystery and I also appreciated the animation in the poster. One thing that I was unsure about was how faded the characters’ faces were; to some extent I guess it fit the concept but then again, I personally like it better when I can clearly see the faces. I also felt like it was missing something that would give it a fantasy touch. However, that’s not a huge issue anyways. The poster on the second chapter wasn’t as good as the one you used for the foreword; there was too much happening in terms of colour and the blending wasn’t done properly.

The shades of colour used in the background are a bit dull I find. I would suggest getting a new background (something darker and more elusive) to really grab the attention of potential readers. Besides that, I really liked the fonts you chose for the story along with the formatting you used.

  Writing Styles (7/10) 

Your writing was good in general. However, in terms of writing style, I couldn’t give full marks because I felt the style wasn’t very fresh nor was it helpful to the concept of the story. Since the plot seemed more mysterious, I feel like first person would’ve been more effective in conveying some sort of immediacy and suspense. There was a good balance between dialogue and description, though I suggest adding more details in terms of the setting and the little things that make the story more vivid.

  Plot (10/20) 

This part was hard to judge because you only have three chapters that just serve as a sort of preface. There seems to be no problem yet and we’re just dwelling in the initial situation at the moment, getting insight on some of the characters and the fantasy aspect with her hearing a voice, but nothing substantial enough that can be called a plot.

I wasn’t sure if I should disclude this section from the review or not but I decided to keep it. I don’t really have a clear idea of where this story is going, which is a good thing because predictable stories are the worst. However, the idea of a tutor is sort of overplayed and it’s hard to comment on whether the rest of the fic will be unique or not due to the lack of chapters. I gave it a ten, just because I’m making a projection of what the story’s plot could be like, and right now it could go either way from being really good or really cliché, so I left it at a fifty/fifty standpoint.

I think that if you want a clearer idea of how good your plot is, you should update a bit more before asking for another review.

  Characterization (8/15) 

Again, the story is too early on its life for me to really judge this. I think I kind of got a handle of Suzy’s attitude, however there needs to be more in depth description about the other characters, especially the ones that you can’t attribute idol faces to.

I also took off some points because I found that Suzy and Krystal’s characters were a bit too stereotypical of what I’ve read in previous fanfictions, and it would be really nice to read a fresher twist on their personalities.

  Story Flow (5/5) 

The flow is really good! I like the short chapters because they help the story’s concept. I think you should keep with the short chapters especially if there will be suspense later on in the fic because it will really help keep your readers on edge and wanting more. Also, at the moment the story is flowing kind of slowly which is quite normal for the initial situation, but I hope you pick up the pace a little after Suzy meets Taemin and we get into the conflicts.

  Mechanics (Grammer,Vocabulary,Spelling,Punctuatuin,etc) (10/15) 

Your spelling is quite good. There were a few mistakes and typos here and there but I won’t point them out because they aren’t anything serious nor do they harm the flow of the story. I took off points because your vocabulary is very standard and plain. Remember that the thesaurus is your best friend when it comes to writing and that you should always try to find more colourful words that illustrate the story better. There were also some grammar and punctuation errors that sort of make sentences choppy and awkward. Rereading your work before posting it, or getting a beta to reread it for you are easy fixes to this problem.

  Origanility/Creativity (6/10) 

Again, the originality of this fic would depend on where you take it in the future, so I was going to leave it at a fifty/fifty standpoint once more because it could either be really great or cliché. I

hope though that you do give it a more interesting twist and it turns out to be a creative story. I added a bonus point here because the idea of Suzy/Chunji is new to me so I found that unique. I was also quite curious about the voice she was hearing and about how you were going to implement the fantasy aspect later on in the fic.

  Enjoyment (6/10) 

I think the enjoyment of the reader is probably the most important part of the story and this fic has potential to be something that people will enjoy depending on how you mould it. I like the mystery aspect and the idea of it being fantasy. Because it was only the beginning, I did find it kind of dull but the voices Suzy was hearing and the impending meeting with Taemin did add some suspense which made it enjoyable.

(60/100)