From an eight year old Dara…

I loved our house! We lived in a beach house, isn’t that amazing?

Daddy and Mommy moved here the year after they got married. Daddy told me that Mommy’s favorite place in the house was the sunroom that faces the beach. I think Mommy and I had the same taste because that was my favorite room too!

The room was very pretty and comfy and bright because of the windows. Daddy said Mommy loved decorating that room. There were two couches but because of the throw pillows and blankets on the floor, Daddy and I would always be spread out on the floor instead.

Mommy took a lot of pictures of her and Daddy so she displayed those all over the wall. When Daddy wasn’t home, and I had nothing to do, or just because I missed them, I would just walk around the room and look at their pictures.

Daddy was so handsome especially when he smiles.

Mommy was so beautiful. Daddy said I looked like Mommy a lot so, yay!

When I was 3 years old, I started to call the sunroom “Naperoo” because I couldn’t say nap room at that time.

It was my nap room because every afternoon that Daddy wasn’t working, he would always play his guitar and sing me to sleep there.

It was my favorite past-time with Daddy.

If Mommy was just here… everything would be perfect.

I would wake up from my nap and Daddy would still be singing quietly, just like what he was doing now.

Sometimes, I would keep my eyes close because I knew Daddy would stop singing if he found out I was already awake. So most of the time, I would only peek through one eye from time to time.

I loved watching Daddy sing.

Daddy said that singing was his way of talking to Mommy in heaven.

Every time he sang, there would always be a smile on his face. But when I peeked at him today, I saw that he was crying.

I immediately got up and crawled the rest of my way to him.

“Daddy, why are you crying?!” I wailed, shaking him through my hug as I stomped my right foot on the floor. I wasn’t sure why, but I started crying too.

Daddy turned his head to see me but he still kept strumming his guitar. Even though he gave me a smile, I still saw tears falling.

He whispered his answer, “I just miss your Mommy, princess.”

“I miss Mommy too! I wish I met Mommy! I wish Mommy was here!” I was yelling now.

Daddy put his guitar down and completely turned to me. He carefully pulled me so I was cradled in his lap.

Daddy wiped my tears and I did the same to his.

“Princess, Mommy’s here.”

“She… is?” I sniffed between my hiccups.

“Yes. She’s always here and because she saw us crying, she cried with us too.”

“How did you know she’s crying too?”

“Because it’s raining,” Daddy pointed his finger towards the beach. I looked out and realized that it really was raining outside. Daddy kept on talking so I looked back at him, “If it’s raining, that means someone in heaven is crying. If it’s sunny, that means someone in heaven is happy.”

“But, Daddy, sometimes, it’s raining even though the sun is out.”

“That’s tears of happiness from heaven, princess.”

“What are tears of happiness, Daddy?”

Daddy looked outside and I did the same, “That’s when your heart is so full of happiness; you start to cry with a smile on your face.”

“I don’t understand, Daddy. Why would someone cry if they’re happy?”

“You will get it in the future, princess.”

Daddy placed me on the floor, making me face the ocean. I leaned my back to him as he wrapped his arms around me. He placed his face on my shoulder that let me feel Daddy’s warm breath against my cheek.

“You know, I used to hold your Mommy like this all the time.”

“Really?” I turned my face to him and smiled. I loved it when Daddy held me like this.

“Yes. We would stay like this for a long time, not talking, just watching the sun and listening to the waves of the ocean. Letting our warmth speaks what our hearts desire to say. Do you want to do that right now?”

“But there’s no sun, Daddy.”

“Yes, there is. Look over there,” Daddy pointed to the sky above the ocean.

I looked so hard until I saw it. When I did, my smile got even wider.

The sun was starting to peek out even though there was still rain.

“Daddy, do you think that’s Mommy’s tears of happiness from heaven right now?”

Daddy didn’t answer me so it was quiet for a while. I was about to check if he fell asleep on me when he whispered, “Yes, princess.”

His voice was so low, I almost didn’t hear him but because he was so close, I heard it.

Daddy was still crying.

I stared at the sky, where the sun was starting to come out. I kept on staring and staring. I stared for a long time because maybe, if I look long enough, I would see a glimpse of heaven and see Mommy.

Letting our warmth speaks what our hearts desire to say.